Stage 1--Midnight, Crestview High School

Dropped off with my efficient luggage (one bag, foolio! BEHOLD THE MIGHT OF CONSERVATIVE TRAVEL!) and sidekick Pib (who's name has been changed to protect the innocent...and the guilty) I was confronted immediately with what could have been a fairly potent disaster--my glasses were missing. After a frantic search and a call home to find out the true whereabouts of my eyewear, they were unearthed from deep within my bag like some sort of deviously hidden ultra-weapon in the sci-fi first person shooter that is my life. Removing my luxury items from my bag (the new issue of Toyfare, my NGPC, a CD Player, and some CDs) I proceeded to be crammed into what could only be described as the single most legroom deprived vehicle of mass transportation that your beloved Otaking has ever had the misbegotten luck to be stuck with.

I mean, criminey, is it that much to ask that a brother's knees are NOT being compacted by the girth of the hefty, somewhat odious Magic the Gathering player in the seat in front of him? Regardless, this made it nigh-impossible to get any sleep on the 7 hour bus ride to Orlando, so instead I listened to my CD player and watched the better parts of Jurassic Park and the Lion King...needless to say, it was a fairly restless night.

Phase 2--The Road, Jack The next morning at around 6:30, we pulled into a Burger King to get our free complimentary breakfast. Realizing of course that seniors would soon swarm the small establishment like locusts, I lunged out of the bus (partially from claustrophobia) and sprinted inside to order my Bacon Cheese and Egg biscuit. Oh, the beautiful biscuit...is there ANY other food that is capable of your diversity AND delicious taste?

Having been cooped inside a bathtub on wheels with 20 other people for 7 hours did my bladder no favors, so I proceeded to navigate what can only be described as the single most Temple of Doom-like bathroom in the history of mankind! Even remembering it now causes me to shiver in fear. The ominous lightning, the strange wooden carvatures, the tight, danger-laden walkways...all it needed was a couple of contrived enemies and a hidden treasure (as opposed to a toilet) to be used as an excellent Tomb Raider level.

I then proceeded to board the bus and travel for about another 2 or 3 hours until eventually hitting Orlando. Where I was immediately subjugated to the terrors... OF BLIZZARD BEACH!!!

Stage 3--The Water Level

Blizzard Beach, as it turns out, was a water park themed section of Walt Disney World, consisting mostly out of a couple of giant pools, a waterslide or two, and a big river-esque canal that encircled the whole bloody deal, filled to the brim with people in inner tubes. Now, this may come to a surprise to you, but I HATE WATER. Not that I dislike drinking it, mind you (I've developed a particularly Triple H-ian fondness for bottled water as of late) or bathing in it (because regardless of what the rumors claim, OTAKU DO BATHE)...the mere idea of being submerged in the stuff to the point where I can drown in it is inherently not appealing (I have child drowning trauma after my sister damned near let me die once). That and I can't swim, and don't own a pair of swim trunks.

So, things being as they were (my sidekick was without his floaties, so he accompanied me on my sordid journey) I spent roughly 4 hours wandering around a water park, completely dry, wishing there was something to do. Although I intended to ogle the bathing suit clad ladies present, I came to a disturbing realization--after years of Maxim-ized photos of gorgeous supermodels on the internet, real life flesh and blood wet bathing suit chicks do not have even a modicum of the same appeal. *Shocked gasp of horror*. But in all honesty, I partially believe the fault is within the actual quality of the females in attendance at the park, and not so much my standards being raised through the miracle of high budget thinly designed girlie magazine. I say this only because later, at Universal Studios, I found the feminine variety to be no less than most appetizing. But more on that later. Back to my aqueous engagement with doom...

Desperate for sanctuary from screaming teenagers, fat sun-bathing housewives, and really really hairy fat old guys in speedos, Pib and I sought solace in a small grassy well shaded area where apparently the park stored all of it's out of use folding chairs.

Before I get further into this, let me pose just one questions--what in the name of all things that are holy compels these FAT, HAIRY, DISGUUUUSTING old men to go around wearing even less clothing than the average female pro wrestler? It's repulsive! And don't even begin the falsehood of claiming that it's for the ladies...never once have I heard a female exclaim "THANK GOD FOR THE SPEEDO!" (as opposed to the daily praise from males thanking God for lingerie, catholic schoolgirl uniforms, etc). But eventually I was freed from my watery prison, and transported to the hotel where I would be spending the night.

Save Point

Of the hotel...uh, well it was okay, I guess. A little cramped (I hate low ceilings) and it only had about 13 channels on the TV, but I wasn't there to enjoy myself, I was there to get ready for...

Stage 4 -- Murder Mystery We were then transported to Sleuth's Mystery Dinner theatre, where I was then subjected to the single most ludicrously over the top piece of dinner theatre that I've ever seen. It was literally so over the top that you had to hold on to the table for fear of being knocked over by some the bad (and yet ridiculously funny) jokes. In all honestly it felt entirely too much like a Kid's in the Hall sketch, between the cross-dressing and the poorly executed British accents...the only real difference was that this act actually had a female in it. The show was good, but food was horrible....but you can't have your cake, and eat it too, eh?

Stage 6 -- Boss Battle: Riisuke vs. Tyrese

And then there was Grad Nite...

For those of you ignorant, Grad Nite is an excursion that consists of Disneyworld shutting its doors to everyone except high school seniors there for Senior Trip. They apparently think, however, that this in turn gives them the right to force us to dress up.

I don't bloody think so.

See, I've always had a bit of problem in lieu of dressing formally...mostly because I A) Don't have any formal clothes and B) Don't quite see the point in it. And much to my expectations, this whole grad nite fracas was much ado about nothing. But if Disney wants girls riding Splash Mountains in sheer white cocktail dresses, who am I to argue?

The rides were a bit lackluster. I had been to Disney 3 years ago so they were still fresh in my mind, so the second outgoing proved to be about as amusing as....well not very amusing at all, basically. On the plus side, there was a rather peculiar moment when I was riding Big Thunder mountain in which fireworks went off as we were careening about the skies of Disneyworld...really good timing on my part, I believe. It proved to be an inspiring visual that lasted all of five seconds before I was yanked from my serenity and forced to finish the rest of the roller coaster.

The non-ride entertainment was not much better. The cast of invited performers consisted of Tyrese, DJ Skribble, and some generic Destiny's Child-wannabe little girls. BLEAAAGH. It was indeed the evening of generic and bland hip/hop and R&B, apart from Skribble who kept chiming in with the most stuuuuupid mixes I have heard in my many days.

Also, what the hell is up with DJs talking to the audience? Why in my day, DJ's would just SHUT THE HELL UP and let their music speak for them, but now every other five minutes it's like "YEAAAH Y'ALL READY FOR THIS!?" To which I heartily replied "no". But I don't think he heard me.

Not all was lost, however, as Tomorrow Land in Disney held a delicious little (pseudo) secret...

Bonus Stage -- Expensive Ass Arcade

Wooooooo!!!! GAMES!!! I was quite enthused to enter Tomorrowland arcade (I had passed by before, but wasn't able to enter due to time constraints) and found it to be quite competent. Now when I say that, I'm not saying it to you "turbo fighting" game playing types of Bahn, or Mr. Whitey, or even Reno...I'm talking about to me, variety boy. And indeed, the place held a nice selection (albeit generally ALL overpriced). I saw my first F355 Ferrari machine (three monitors? It'll never work!), and got to see those ridiculous "Let's hook up like fifty Daytona machines and have people race each other!" dealies.

Those weren't my main concerns, however...this arcade also held a rich multitude of old school games that made my fingers tingle with nostalgia. Included were Virtua Fighter 2, the old X-Men beat em up by Konami, Dig Dug, Frogger, and the old Spiderman arcade game...it was pretty crescent fresh. I also got to play like five or so free rounds of 18 Wheeler:, because some poor soul had apparently poured well over 8 dollars into the overpriced Sega cabinet, only to walk away. Thank you, sucker...wherever you are!

Save Point

After grad nite I was tired. So I slept. Huhrm.

Bonus Stage -- Hard Rock Cafe

We left for brunch at Hard Rock at about 12, and MUCH to my surprised, the food was quite good there. My waiter also seemed to be a bit of an anime enthusiast, which was another good thing. But I can't help but wonder how much the meal actually *COST*, as such facts were kept hidden from me...

Final Stage -- Riisuke vs. The Spiderman Ride

And then we were at Islands of Adventure, and like someone playing Super Mario 3 with a P-Wing, I made no pretext of being concerned with anything else and headed straight for my goal--THE SPIDERMAN RIDE. To all of my TNL fans (all 3 of you) it should be no secret now that I harbor a love for the Spiderman character that makes my position on the rest of my fanboyosity look tame in comparison. So naturally my single and greatest concern after coming to Universal would be to get on the ride, non?

Fate, however, had other plans. After about 2 hours standing in line, the ride was CLOSED (right as I was about to get on it, as well) due to technical difficulties. In a state of numb shock, I headed into the merchandise shop at the ride's end to try and alleviate my catatonic stupor, to find the ride would be reopening at 4:45. So I spent a little time shopping around, and purchased a few comic books and a T-shirt, before getting back in line. And lo, I did ride the Spiderman ride, and it was good.

REALLY.

BLOODY.

GOOD.

But as a result of my enthusiasm for the ride, as a result my time at the park was cut short (well, not really cut short, more like completely occupied) and I soon found myself back on the bus to Crestview.

All in all the experience made for an...interesting, at least weekend. Not too fond of the sleep deprivation, though. I'm still not over it, and as a result I find myself falling asleep at the worst timsasdjzzzzfffffffffffffffffffff

(Editor's Note: Additional expression of fatique cut off due to space constraints) :p