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Jesus seemed like a pretty alright guy, but why are his followers so vehemently opposed to anything cool, no matter how "Christian" it might seem? I see many a Bible banger vilify the likes of Doom or Castlevania as "dark sided", but what could be more Christian than taking on Satan's minions with holy water and crosses, or traveling to the depths of hell to take on the hoofed son of a bitch himself? No, for some reason, whenever the Christians put their seal of approval on something, you generally know it's going to be bland, unambitious and inoffensive. With Left Behind: Eternal Forces, they finally escaped one of those three pitfalls.
That's right, Left Behind might be one of the most offensive games I've ever played. For a game so centered on evangelism, the practice of spreading the good word, Eternal Forces with a straight face and no sense of irony shows a complete lack of understanding for those it might hope to reach. Its story takes place a year after the Rapture, in which all faithful Christians are instantly teleported up to heaven. Immediately the shadowy conspiracy known as "science" (you might know them as the same people that forge and bury fake bones to purport a belief in "evolution" for the express purpose of tempting people away from the Christ's loving arms) constructs a wacky explanation about a magnetic pulse causing all these disappearances. The higher minds of the remaining faithful see through this, but some dumbasses will believe in science no matter what the Bible says.
The game is terribly campy, and I'd be lying if I didn't get some very hardy laughs from its dialogue and scenarios, but its lack of self consciousness or irony is really a bit disturbing.
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The "everyone out to get us" mentality probably isn't going to go over very well with free thinkers out there who know it not to be the case. No one likes being told they're making things up to help the devil, or stubbornly afraid to "see the light," so this title is preaching strictly to the converted, and only the most judgmental and intolerant segment thereof. It's an odd sort of masturbatory exercise; a spiritual ego stroking, so to speak. The intro even goes as far as to say that there are only three types of people in the world: Those who understand Christ, those who choose not to believe, and those who follow Satan. There's no acknowledgement that there are any sincere truth seekers out there that might have gone another way. Like, for example, Jews such as myself.
So yeah, it's based on series of horrendous Christian pulp novels. You probably knew that coming into this. So, you might be wondering how this translates to an actual game. To its credit, it manages to say consistently terrible in all regards. This is a basic real-time strategy game, with some light adventure elements, not entirely unlike Syndicate. The idea is to use your godly forces to bring more followers to God's side using prayer and sermon. Of course, you'll have to watch out, as the streets are littered with forces that will drain your holy spirit. These include the likes of evil rock stars and rappers who use their music to tempt you away from God. Yes, really.
The game is terribly campy, and I'd be lying if I didn't get some very hardy laughs from its dialogue and scenarios, but its lack of self consciousness or irony is really a bit disturbing. And, at the end of the day, the camp value is negated when the reality sinks in that you have to suffer through a muddy, mediocre game to experience it.
New York City is an interesting enough setting for the story, but I could hardly think of a worse location as far as map design goes. There's only so much time you can spend navigating a uniform grid. The graphics are dull, smattered with out of place logos and in-game advertising, repetition, and dull, blurry textures. It will hardly spark your imagination. What's worse is that the indistinct graphics, repetitive levels, and units that all look the same really make the action difficult to keep track of.
It also seems to fall victim to nearly every flaw of all the bad no-name RTS games on the market. That means the AI for both players and enemies are horrible, and the path finding is really problematic, which is really odd, since all the levels are flat grids of wide open streets. Your units are scarcely able to do anything on their own, either, and will routinely stand in place while they're beaten to death.
The basic mechanic of conversion is a fairly interesting idea, at least. The object is not to kill your opposition but to bring them to your side. Units that have a neutral alignment can go either way and it's up to you to proselytize to them. Unfortunately, newly converted units are more or less useless until they're sent to the nearest base and trained, so the turnaround is slow and cumbersome.
It's worrying to think about who this game could actually appeal to. The dopey writing and paranoid world view are going to put off most non-believers, and those happy to indulge in their faith based anxieties will be rewarded with a terrible game. Whoever they are, I'm fairly confident that, should they be raptured up to heaven without us, we'd all be better off.
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