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For those more familiar with the Wii, imagine this: Take the controls of Sonic and the Secret Rings (without any upgrades – ever), heighten their sensitivity, put them in a world where you're supposed to have 360 degrees of movement, and smoosh it all into a racing engine built by a programmer who hates games. Excited?
In other ways, Zero Gravity copies Secret Rings, and never to its benefit. One example is the abundance of missions, but they're not mandatory. That aside, Rings had nice graphics and stylish presentation, and that's something Gravity didn't copy; every track looks exactly like the one before, except with a few different colors, and maybe some rain. This extreme monotony and the repetitive music make an already boring racer even worse, and the unnecessary storyline adds deep insult to excruciating injury.
The actor's bland delivery (in Japanese or English) highlights its wretchedness. Forgive my ruthless spoilers, but Sonic rushes to the top of a control tower of rampaging robots early on and finds Eggman there, listens to a few sentences of crappy denial the grand Dr. Robotnik spouts, and says he'll trust him.
Yes, Sonic finds Eggman at the heart of a robot-related catastrophe, and decides Eggman probably doesn't have anything to do with it. If you know anything about the hedgehog, you know that's ridiculous. It gets much worse (and Jet needs to die in a fire), but let's not waste time on it, since both halves of story mode can be beaten in under an hour. Not only that, but the final boss isn't nearly as cool as the first Riders' last foe; it's a robot-orb that spouts the most fake roar any intern has ever growled.
For enduring the whole painful story mode, your rewards are a bunch of Sonic characters (surprise!) and two completely unexpected stages. Called "'80's Avenue" and "'90's Avenue", they're not competitive tracks; they're covered in references to classic games from the respective eras. Opa-Opa makes an appearance beneath a tremendous Fantasy Zone banner, there are signs for Alex Kidd and Phantasy Star, and it's a really fun set of tracks to trek through, until you realize something.
Outside of inserting hideous North American art in place of Japanese originals, various billboards bear the taint of advertising, showcasing very mediocre titles Sega re-released on the Virtual Console and elsewhere. Some things shown in "'90's Avenue" aren't even from the era, but these two unlockable tracks are still the best things in the entire game. In fact, any longtime SEGA fan should know that their initially uplifting existence only saddens in the end.
While cruising through those stages and looking out for every game you fondly remember, it eventually dawns on you that you're only having fun because those games were great, and this one is not. Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity is yet another black mark on Sega's formerly meaningful name, and easily one of the most disappointing Sonic games ever made.
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