Motion Sickness

As a full grown man I was thinking about how there was no way I could watch this thing by myself. People would think I was some weird pervert that likes sniffing every seat around him to get his willies out. Luck would have it that one of my ladyfriends from work called me up telling me she wanted to see and I was apparently obligated to treat her to it. Fine.

She was caught me at a good time because I hadn't watched a Hollywood movie since Inglorious Basterds last year. I was just finding it really hard to put down $11.75 (plus an extra 5 dollars for 3D (times two)) plus snacks (an extra 10 dollars; I think we're up to 100 dollars now.) to watch a movie I didn't even get a chance to choose in the first place. I figured the Pixar track record so far had been pretty amazing since the Incredibles. This was going to be one of the select few Summer blockbusters I had to catch. Ladyfriend calling me reminded me of times when the planets align, flowers blossom and the sun winks down at you and you wink back at it just as you stop by the pharmacy to pick up some "stuff".

I'll never deny that 3D movies always amazed me as a kid and this movie was a good excuse to re-experience it. 3D was supposed to be something like a virtual reality movie where things fly at your face from everywhere and you're flailing your body all around trying to pay attention to the story. The movie's not pulling any punches now; it will totally fuck you up and throw a bunch of bubbles in your face like it's nobody's business. 30 minutes into the movie though and I get a little dismayed with how these plastic glasses on my face are working. It feels like I'm watching the movie through a View-Master. Nothing's flying out at me in this movie. How did they let that happen? This movie's about toys right? Throw one at me.

Fine enough, I came for the story and the characters anyway. I was once a kid and had these "toys" they spoke of. I knew of this "play time" that some of my peers participated in. Sure, I thought it was cool that my toys had a life behind my back. No problem. The first Toy Story was written by somebody who knew exactly what playing was all about. I'm sure he took a lot of bubble baths in his youth.

When Toy Story 2 was released however I felt like they were just wasting their time. Why did it the original need a sequel? Why not just re-release it again? After finally watching it all I could remember was how it was some oversimplified morality tale about the evils of greed. Ironic, I know, but who can blame you when you realize that it was always a children's movie. These movies (and the associated merchandising) are made to print money.

It killed me when my friends and family began confessing to me how they actually liked the sequel a lot more than the original. I couldn't believe it. I really wanted to see what their DVD collections were like.

I could already feel that these were the same people about to tell me Toy Story 3 was the Holy Ghost of the Toy Story trinity. This is what I get for avoiding movie reviews.

It turns out the critical world loves Toy Story 3. I'm in the lonely minority of 1%. Why wasn't I responding the same way? Was I broken?

A literal deus ex machina wraps the movie up while the bad guy gets a public spanking and all the kiddies in the theater giggle as Buzz Lightyear plays up the Latin lover stereotypes that the mom and dads seemed to enjoy as well.

It just felt empty to me. Again it failed to say anything more than "Hey we can keep making these forever."

Ladyfriend didn't feel the same way. She groaned on about how foreign films had ruined my taste and inflated my movie ego. Before the credits finished rolling we had already snuck into the new Twilight movie. A few minutes later we crept back out and decided to call it a night. There's hope for her after all.

At the subway station entrance she denies me a cigarette so I start saying my good byes. As I pull up my bed covers later that night I wonder if I missed the boat twice that evening. I guess I'll have to wait till Toy Story 4 to be completely sure.