The POST Halloween TNL Epic: The Shambling Zombie Saga Pt 2: Escape From New York
OK, guys, first an explanation, I was actually planning on having this 4-part epic FINISHED on Halloween, and not just be on Part 2 the day afterwars. But mid-terms, working 8 days straight, and Vice City & Kingdom Hearts conspired to make that un-possible. Err...impossible.
Anyways, here's part 2, if you wanna go back and review the first part, you can view it here:
Part 1
And now, on to the epic! Lemme know if you guys like the somewhat darker style of this one, I enjoy experimenting with these things ;)
(As we last left you, MechDeus was seated next to an uncscious Nick flooring it back to NYC while frantically trying to get ahold of the Massachusettes State Police. Meanwhile, back at the TNL offices...)
Reno: OK, innova, it's time we started doing the taste test for your article "Purina vs. Kibbles 'n Bits: Dog Food Match of the Millenium" for the site. Ready?
innova: Arf!
Reno: Don't take that tone of voice with me, young pup. Now EAT!
innova: Ruff! *eats Purina and happily wags tail*
Reno: Cool...he likes the Purina.
Chux: Unngh...*carrying 50 pound bag of dog food* Where you want the Kibbles, Reno?
Reno: Just pour 'em in that black bowl over there.
Chux: Uhh, that's not a bowl, man, that's Kaneda's chili-bowl haircut wig...
Reno: Eh, we'll run it through the wash later, he'll never know the difference. OK, innova, ready to eat?
innova: Bark! *eats Kibbles, growls, squats, and shits on them*
Reno: I guess that means he didn't like 'em...
Chux: Dude, he shit on my Kibbles 'n Bits!
Bahn: Well, at least he didn't piss in your Chux.
Chux: Grrr...
Reno: We really gotta get him back to normal. Man, what a mess.
ShadowedStar: I'll take care of it. He's always making messes like this since he changed, but I still love the furry little bastard.
Reno: Don't you miss the old innova?
ShadowedStar: Well, I'll admit, I had more stimulating conversations with that version. But I have to say, at least this one knows what to do with his tongue, so it kind of breaks even in the end.
Silent Reno: .....
Chux: Remind me never to let him lick my face again.
(Just then, the phone rings.)
Bahn: Hello, welcome to The Next Level online video game site, where the hardest of the hardcore come to play. This is Editor-in-Chief Bahn speaking, how might I assist you today?
Chux: Wow...
Reno: Yeah, tell me about it, he plugs the site better that bbobb does with VGD.
bbobb: *rappels down on window washing platform* Visit Video Game Depot for all your import and domestic gaming needs today! *rappels back up*
Chux: The hell was that?
Reno: A really quick cameo. Can't let anyone outdo him on site plugs, now can he?
Bahn: *on phone* Who's this? Burgundy?
Werewolf: No, it's Woflie, I'm on I84 right now on the way to meet you guys.
Bahn: Well, hell, man, if I'd known you were on your way down I would've prepared some fresh, nubile young virgin woman's blood for ya.
Werewolf: You're thinking of vampires, bro, but I appreciate the sentiment. Haven't you guys been watching television?
Bahn: Nah, had to move the office TV to the games room when Hero got hooked on "As the World Turns" and complained about not being able to watch his stories while he worked.
Hero: *SOB* I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT!!! I still don't know what happened to Jeffrey after he found out Susan was having menage a trois behind his back...
Werewolf: Well, bring it back in and turn it to NBC, the shit has hit the fan in a major way.
Bahn: OK, fine. Chux, get the TV!
(Chux fetches the television and they turn it on to the news.)
Regis: THE LIVING DEAD ARE UPON US!!!
Bahn: Oh, Regis finally went senile? Is that all you wanted to tell us?
Regis: We go now live to the Brooklyn Bridge where the undead hordes continue their march. Katie?
Zombie Katie: Yes...Regis....you must come down to bridge...and bring down big brain of yours so we can eat it!
Phil the Cameraman: LUCIO FULCI WAS RIGHT! ARRRRRRRGH!!! *static fills the television*
Reno: Holy motherfuckin' canneloni...
Bahn: Great, so the seventh gate of hell opened, and just when half the staff is out of town. Reno, get ahold of Burg, Nick, and Mech, tell 'em to get their asses back here. I'll contact Kaneda and whoever else I can...
Werewolf: I'll be up there soon, there's a shitload of traffic out here I have to gallop around.
Bahn: Gallop? Wait...you're not in you're car? Your in lupine form?
Werewolf: Yeah, well, I can sprint over 60 MPH for several hours without tiring, man. And besides, the cops are so busy with the undead they really don't notice a werewolf running down the interstate. I'll be there soon.
Bahn: OK, better pick up some firearms while your at it.
Werewolf: Firearms? In Connecticut? Shit, man, I can't even fucking find an Oshman's out here! You guys live in NYC, I'm sure getting ahold of some guns WON'T be a problem.
Bahn: Well, got a point there...
(And so while Reno and Bahn get in touch with the other local members of TNL they can, Chux, innova, Hero and ShadowedStar go out to track down some weaponry.)
Kaneda: *pulls up on red Yamaha cycle* OK, guys, I'm here. And I brought the laser like you asked, B.
Bahn: Excellent, we're gonna need it.
Gongos: Hey guys, what's going on.
88mph: What the fuck did you pull me away from Animal Crossing for?
Rich: Aflac!
Bahn: Here *tosses them weaponry*. I also rented us a chopper which'll be arriving shortly. It's time we made our Last Escape...
88mph: I'm still pissed at you I didn't get to buy that carpet from Tom Nook's store and you're handing me a loaded gun, man?
Bahn: Believe me, if circumstance didn't dictate it, I wouldn't let you come within a hundred yards of a firearm, 88. But the zombie army is gonna be here soon. Let's all get upstairs.
(Upstairs the team prepares the evac, when a panicked MechDeus stumbles through the door carrying a still-unconscious Nick.)
MechDeus: GUYS! YAWA'S A ZOMBIE, HE ATE BURGUNDY'S BRAIN, AND THE UNDEAD HAVE TAKEN OVER MASSACHUSETTES!!! *GASP, PANT*
88mph: Tell us something we DON'T know... *cocks shotgun*
Gongos: Yeah, they've already overrun Connecticut, Rhode Island, Maryland, Delaware, New Hampshire, Maine, Maryland, and are making there way up into Canada!
Reno: NOT CANDADA!! *sniff* O Canada! Our home and native...
Bahn: This is no time to be brimming with nationalistic pride! We gotta get going! Ah...there's the chopper.
Gongos: Who's that with you, Mech?
MechDeus: An unconscious Nick, been trying to wake him up since we left YAWA's place, I try slapping him, slamming his head against the dashboard, shooting him up with heroin, nothing works.
Bahn: Well, load him up on the chopper then. And I think Gongos was referring to that OTHER guy with you.
MechDeus: Oh, this is Professor Von Hellsing from the Von Hellsing Institute in Munich, Germany. I found him at a truck stop and he seemed to know a lot of what's going on.
Von Hellsing: *in thick German accent* Good day, gentlemen...
Hero: Are you REALLY German?
Von Hellsing: You fool, uf course I am German! Vy else do you think I have this OUTRAGEOUS accent?!
Hero: OK, just making sure.
Reno: *whispers to Bahn* Sure we should take an outsider with us, Bahn?
Bahn: Yeah, and besides, if we ever need to distract a horde of encroaching undead, we can just throw him to them while we make our escape.
Reno: Do you always have some secretive, underhanded use for someone?
Bahn: Of course, why else do you think I keep YOU around?
Reno: HEY!
Cyco: Hey guys...don't leave me...behind...
Kaneda: Cyco, thank God you made it! *puts on and straightens wig* Hmmm...what's that smell?
Chux: Ummm...I let one go! Yeah, that's it! HOO BOY!!!
Silent Reno: .....
Kaneda: Wow, Cyco, you trying a new look? That pale skin...those sunken eyes...I really have to say the goth look doesn't suit you, girl.
Rich: Ummm...Kaneda, I don't think...
Cyco: Kaneda...come here...
Kaneda: OK... *walks up and is embraced by Cyco*
Chux: Woo-hoo! Free show! *pulls up chair*
Rich: *smacks Chux* Kaneda, I really think you should...AGH!
Kaneda: *shoves Rich away* Woah...baby, we, uhh, kind of have to get moving and all. We can make with the love later.
Cyco: *munch munch*
Kaneda: WOW! A hickie! Damn, girl, had no idea a zombie invasion turned you on like this.
Chux: Damn, the Harry Potter lookalikes have all the luck... *eats popcorn*
Bahn: OK, that's enough, you two can get a room later. The chopper's about to land, let's go folks!
Kaneda: *pushes Cyco away* We'll finish up later, girl. Damn, I think you bit a little deep...
88mph: Uhhh...'neda, you seem to be missing some skin on your neck.
Kaneda: Oh? Well, I guess she was a little rough...
88mph: I'll say, I can...err...see your exposed...jugular vein.
Kaneda: Wha...HOLY SHIT!!! I'M BLEEDING!!!
Chux: Yeah, but that blood running down your red jacket does match well with its color.
Zombie Cyco: Kaneda... *slurps torn skin* I wasn't quite...finished yet...
Kaneda: C...C...Cyco? *raises laser cannon*
MechDeus: She's a zombie, you idiot, what are you waiting for, BLAST HER!
Kaneda: I...I...
Zombie Cyco: Come on...baby. You found me beautiful...once.
88mph: Honey...you got REAL ugly.
Zombie Cyco: GRAAAAAAAAAAA!!! BRAINS!!! *lunges at Kaneda*
Kaneda: *dodges and blasts her in back of the head with the laser* Shit...Cyco...
ShadowedStar: You did what you had to do...come on, I'll bandage up that wound and we'll get out of here.
Von Hellsing: No, you fools, ve cannot take him vith us! He is infected. He vill turn very soon...then, ve vill be forced to put him down.
Bahn: He's right...we have to leave him here.
Reno: Bahn! He's a staff member!
Bahn: So were Burgundy and YAWA but that didn't stop YAWA from eating him out!
Silent Reno: ......
Chux: BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Bahn: I should rephrase that, but I'm too appalled that you can laugh at such a crude, unintentional joke when all this shit is going down, man.
Chux: Hey, I can't help it if death in all it's forms amuses me.
88mph: Don't make us leave you behind too.
Chux: *gulp* I'll be good...
Kaneda: No...take me with you guys. I'm fine...really...I'm....itchy...tasty...
MechDeus: Ah, crap...
Bahn: *raises and points revolver* Sorry about this, Kaneda... *BANG* Let's go...guys.
Rich: *picks up Kaneda's laser cannon* Should've heard me out man...
(And so, the TNLers board the chopper and makes their Last Escape from New York City, wondering what the future will hold...)
TO BE CONTINUED...
