Church Soliciters!

I was out doing some morning exercises with my newly-acquired-at-a-thrift-store wheelchair in the middle of the street (really I was just doing wheelies and stopping traffic). Some church people were going door-to-door selling their religion, and, just as I expected, they came to pick on the guy in the wheelchair (they need salvation the most!). So this middle-aged bearded guy comes over and asks how long I've been in the wheelchair. I tell him not long (:D), and he starts in on trying to sell Jesus to me. I let this go on for a while, answering his questions as I see fit, until my brother comes outside and calls for me. The guy turns his head for a split second, and as soon as his attention is diverted, I wheel off full speed up a driveway, cackling and doing wheelies all the way. I also managed to drop his pamphlet in front of me and run it over.

Door-to-door church people give me that uki-uki waku-waku feeling.

I would've asked him to bless me and then get up real slow and start walking slowly going, "Ohhhh Jesus! I have been saved!" and then trip and act like I broke my ankle. :D

Ichabod, that was some funny shit man.

It's even better if you imagine him as being about 2 feet away from the bottom of the driveway, and just staring blankly the whole time. Because I forgot to add those details :D

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Gongos
Did you bother saying politely thank you but no thank you? or did it just strike you as something funny to disrespect him there after wasting his time? This sounds harsh, but i get them quite often, and on nights i dont feel like having a discussion with them, i just say i am busy right now i have never had a problem with them. Respect, it is a cool new fad my man.

---

Actually, I did try to defer him and he persisted. But that would make the story less funny :)

Hahaha, funny story.
And nice reference in that last line. =)

I wish I could find a wheelchair to cruise around in.

Quote:

---

So this middle-aged bearded guy comes over and asks how long I've been in the wheelchair. I tell him not long

---

hahaha. that's mighty good stuff right there.

Cheers Ichabod. :)

No such soliciter has ever come to my door. Lucky for them. They would not have been warmly received.

Tell him you're a Frisbetarian.

ºTracer

pushing religion. Bad.

pushing 'social values.' Good.

I think I'll go have an aneurism in the corner.

(tho that wheelchair thing sounds quite comical)

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Hero
pushing religion. Bad.

pushing 'social values.' Good.

I think I'll go have an aneurism in the corner.

(tho that wheelchair thing sounds quite comical)

---

I have no respect for door-to-door pushers of any kind. The same thing would've happened had anyone approached me with a solicitation (unless it was for block watch or something :)).

i hate those door to door people who try to sell you coupon books to mexican restuarants.

you try to tell them you hate mexican food, they go well maybe someone else you know could use these, you know, as a I gift. You tell them you know no one who eats mexican food....he goes on and on and doesn't get the drift that I don't wanna shell out 25 bucks for some coupon book that i had never intended to buy that day - its almost like he's knows he's purposefully bugging me so he can wear me out and have me pay for it just so he'd get out of my face. This is why I hate answering doorbells without sneaking a look somewhere to see who it is.

ah, okay...door-to-door. Bad.

I agree with that. Or telemarketers.

*shakes fist*

I don't want a knife set, thankyouverymuch.

A friend of mine worked at a Stop n' Shop and was ringing up some guy in a wheel chair, as soon as he finished ringing the guy up and gave him his change the guy says "and now I have something for you," and gives him some Jesus comic book. I told him next time that happens to say "and now I have something for you too" then give him the finger.

A friend of mine was approaced by some damn mormons once while high, so he let them in to "preach the word of the lord" while his friend went arround the house to steal their bikes. I wish I could've seen their faces.

Yes its disrespectful and all but its still funny to some extent, although I would've eventualy gave the bikes back, my friend didn't.

Quote:

---

Tell him you're a Frisbetarian.

---

:lol:

Or, invite them to a game of Pong.

I wonder how many people have actually accepted god and jesus and whatever after someone came by their house with a pamplet. Its nice do so if you beleive in those superstitions, I guess, but do they seriously think by only bothering people and handing out pamplets that people will make a life altering decision? Its insulting.

At Otakon this past summer my group of six friends was bothered by a group of evangalists (One of them was preaching in the square).

The first one approached my friend Eric, whom is an evil, horrible person and said "Do you wish to have Jesus in your life?" Eric answered "I already have Jesus in my life, now fuck off."

The second approached my friend David and said "COME TO JESUS!" David promptly grabbed his crotch and moaned loudly...

The third approached me and asked if I have given any thought to religion, and I replyed in German/jibberish.

~Mr. K~

I came across this the other day, and it's somewhat related so I thought I'd pass it along. It's hilarious... http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0945/0945_01.asp

http://www.chick.com/tractimages62391/0945/0945_20.gif
My particular favorite.

Despite my current beliefs, whenever I read anything slightly religious (such as the above link)I get a little squeemish. I never could figure out why.

So when people harass me on the street about religion, I never quite have the balls to walk away and ignore them. Weird.

Chick Tracts: Spreading hate and ignorane the world over in whatever languaqge the heathens need to be "saved"

PLEASE don't let this degrade into another religion-bashing board like LUE at GameFaqs. PLEASE.

We're not bashing religeon, we're upset that people are trying to force it upon us.

Hey, nobody bashed the religion (or at least I didn't notice it), they're just bashing door-to-door people and Chick tracts, both of which are insane.

Chick is the source of all evil that lies within organised religeon

Enough with the religion stuff, someone else post antics.

HEY WITH THE NANY AN' THE WHOOO AN' THE HAAAA AN' THE HEEEEEEY!

Well, years ago a friend and his brother came by and this old guy left his weelchair next to the bait store while he went fishing. The last thing we did with it was getting my friend's brother in it, and pushing him all the way up the entrance ramp and letting him go. He went rocketing across 100 or more feet of gravel before almost launching into the water (the guy slowed down at the end :/).

there have been several incidents at the rhydant household involving door-to-door jesus-pimps over the years.

one time a man (about 50 years old) comes to the door and gives me a pamphlet and a little speech, but then i told him that my family goes to another church (of course this excludes me). then he goes on to say that we're going to hell because we dont belong to the church he was soliciting. needless to say i turned the sprinklers on his ass.

another time 2 bike-riding mormons came to the door. the day before i had just read a list of things to say to people such as these if they ever camea knocking and decided to try a one of these lines out. so i interupt him in the middle of his pitch and say "uh... sorry guys, this is a bad time. i'm hiding bodies in the backyard right now. can you come back later?" the two look at eachother, and when they look back at me, i thank them and close the door.

its was the greatest thing. EVAR.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=435

The Church of Scientology and Watchtower can both kiss my ass..

I once told an IHOP waitress that eating pancakes was against my religion because I was a Scientologist. And she promptly said "... yeeah, I've heard o dem! I'll fix you right up sugar."

I couldn't stop laughing

Well, coming from a Christian, I think its better off for someone to make that decision on their own. Like Green said, a life altering decision like that isn't going to happen over a pamphlet and a door-to-door visit. Heck, the way I see it, it took my whole life to believe in what I do right now, so I don't expect to force someone into the same belief over 20 minutes.

For some reason, Jehova's Witnesses seem to come by our service station every now and again, and will simply NOT FUCKING LEAVE unless we take at least ONE OF THEIR FLYERS/MAGAZINES and listen to their little speech. Unfortunately, being that it's our family business and we're supposed to be as friendly as possible to as many people as we can, I have to refrain from making any smartass comments. :confused:

What I'd really like to say to these people is "Thanks, but I'm a non-denominational Christian right now, and I'm not looking to join any particular sect at this moment in time. Thankyouverymuchhaveanicedaybyebye!"

Do you sell Pez at your gas staion?

ºTracer

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Mr-K
I once told an IHOP waitress that eating pancakes was against my religion because I was a Scientologist. And she promptly said "... yeeah, I've heard o dem! I'll fix you right up sugar."

I couldn't stop laughing

---

people calling me "sugah" has always disturbed me... its always pronounced "sugah" in that particular phrasing of the word - not "sugar". Not intending to say anything racial here but its seems to be a word that only big black women say.