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So Ray Jay J. Johnson Jr. is walking down the street, and he drops his wallet. Someone picks it up and after checking the ID says, "excuse me, Mr. Johnson." Ray Jay stops and says
"Oh, you doesn't has to call me Mr. Johnson!
My name is Raymond J. Johnson, Jr.
Now you can call me Ray
Or you can call me Jay
Or you can call me Johnny
Or you can call me Sonny
Or you can call me Junie
Or you can call me Ray-Jay
Or you can call me R.J.
Or you can call me R.J.J.
Or you can call me R.J.J.Junior
But you doesn't has to call me Mr. Johnson!"
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What has nine arms and sucks?
Def Leppard :D
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Yes, and some times we say slippery dip instead of slide.
What did the raver say when the ecstacy wore off?
This music sucks.
A dislexic walks into a bra...
Whats cute, cuddley and really dangerous?
a koala with a machine gun
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here's another one...
Three explorers were on an adventure to climb the peak of Foo Bird Mt. They had heard about the terrible Foo Bird that kills explorers with it's large piles of falling dung but they felt confident that they would be fine. Not long after they started their climb they heard the call of the Foo Bird and before they knew it all three explorers were neck deep in shit, the first explorer quickly tries to free himself, slips on the crap and falls to his death. The second explorer, not to meet the same fate as the first, took his time freeing himself only to have the section of ledge unter his feet give way...he also fell to his death. The third explorer waited 3 days and to his suprise the dung had all dried out and began to crumble apart on it own, confident that he was ok he jumped out of the dried pile of crap only to twist his ankle and fall to his death.
The Moral: If the foo shits wear it:D
more to come...
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Dill Pickle
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home early. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you done already told her twice.
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hahaha
why weren't afghans allowed to watch TV?
The telly ban (terrible pun, sorry).
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Comedic great Louis C.K. at his best:
What do you call the female child of the woman who helps you while you're pregnant? Also the woman is from Boston and the child is sort of oddly tall shaped.
My doula's oblong daughtah.
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here's another one...
A young medical student, hoping to get a little extra studying done for his proctology exam, breaks into the medical lab late at night. He pulls out a few cadavers, and notices a right away that they each have corks stuck in their anuses. He removes the cork from one, and out of the orifice comes a voice singing, "On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again." He sticks the cork back in. When he uncorks another cadaver, the anus starts singing, "Mannas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys." He's shocked by his discovery. Certain he's stumbled onto an amazing medical find, he runs to the dean of the medicals school's home, and wakes him up.
"What is it?" the dean demands. "Sir, please come with me," the student says, "You're gonna have to see this for yourself." At the lab, the student says, "I know it was wrong to break in like this, but I only wanted to be more prepared for my exam. Just look at what I found!" With that, he pulls the corks out, and the voices come again, each singing their respective song. "Isn't that amazing?" the student asks. "What the hell's so amazing?" the dean says, annoyed.
"any asshole can sing country." :lol:
more to come...
