Post your most prized terrible gaming possessions

What totally awful games (or game-related objects) are you totally in love with…simply because of how awful they are? Maybe I’m alone here in deriving perverse pleasure from utter garbage, but I have a hunch that at least a few of you are into a little postmodern crap metagaming just for the sake of being obscenely bad.

Here are mine…(Note, I paid less than $10 for each of these, I swear!)

Fight for Life, Atari Jaguar.
To think that someone at Atari thought this was actually better than Virtua Fighter is shocking. Worth owning for the vocally-enhanced opening theme song alone…
http://pages.sbcglobal.net/shanecale...life_title.jpg

Shadow: War of Succession, 3DO
Actually the worst fighting game ever made, as far as I can tell. Also, seemingly produced in some tertiary fashion by Robert DeNiro. No, really.
http://pages.sbcglobal.net/shanecale/_images/shadow.jpg

Twin Goddesses, PlayStation
OK, no, maybe this is the worst Fighting Game ever made. Chunky digitized Japanese girls battle Hanna-Barbera rejects while insane polkas play in the background. A must.
http://pages.sbcglobal.net/shanecale...es/twingod.jpg

Ballz for the SNES. AWFUL game, without a doubt, but I'd never part with it.

I have a Sarge figure from Army Men.

I pretty much collect games based on how awful and cheesy they are. Shaq Fu is damn awesome.

I think the most terrible game related thing is something I mentioned a long time before, it's this piece of swag from Dragon's Lair 3-D, and no one can figure out what it is. This metal band with a pewter dragon attached to it, and it has no useful pupose. It kind of reminds me of a bolo tie, but it's not a bolo tie. It's disturbing and I hate the fact I have 3 of them that have no purpose but to sit there and confuse me.

/edit I also have a really small Master Chief figure. He's about the size of my thumb. I hate him.....yet he's so small and loveable I can't hate him too badly.

Yeah those freebie Master Chiefs were pathetically small. I have 4 of them!

HA! Let's make an army! I'd like to see how they fare against my Nintendo McDonald's toys! KABOOOM!

I also have a few of those promotional Tron figures put out for Tron 2. They're like MC... just bigger and thier knees and elbows aren't jointed but they DO have whiteish wenis rods! Those together with the Mr. T legoman from Celebrity Deathmatch shall make an unstoppable cheaply manufactured promotional army! And all pensils and empty cardboard boxes quailed at thier coming.*

I used to make action figures fight against pensils in cardboard box forts. I used pensils because it's ok to break them =/.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Satsuki

I pretty much collect games based on how awful and cheesy they are. Shaq Fu is damn awesome.

I think the most terrible game related thing is something I mentioned a long time before, it's this piece of swag from Dragon's Lair 3-D, and no one can figure out what it is. This metal band with a pewter dragon attached to it, and it has no useful pupose. It kind of reminds me of a bolo tie, but it's not a bolo tie. It's disturbing and I hate the fact I have 3 of them that have no purpose but to sit there and confuse me.

---

But do you have the Shaq Fu Rap CD that came bundled with the game? That would be even more awesomely awful. I have neither, so you have me beat on the Shaq front anyway.

I, too, had one of those wretched Dragons Lair boloish thing. It lingered around my desk for like 6 months despite my hating it with a passion. I think I may have finally destroyed it...

MC, Tron Guy and Mr. T on a Spy Hunter 2 Motorcycle admire Tron Guys wenis. Together.

[IMG]http://www.******.org/images/image021.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://www.******.org/images/image022.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://www.******.org/images/image023.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://www.******.org/images/image024.jpg[/IMG]

I paid full price for Ballz back in the day on Snes. I thought it was so cool to move around in the 3D, and the pulsing ball people were very charming. Heck, I enjoyed it for a long time before getting tired of it. I have 4 tiny Street Fighter figures with a Brazillian looking Ryu, and a Ken that looks like a woman with red lipstick. At Babbages a clerk handed me a Lego guy for some reason. It's a king on his throne. I put him on top of my modem, and now he is King of the Modem!

Agro Soar (GB): Rarest (and also crappiest) licenced GameBoy game!

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...achmentid=1842

After recieving this I proceeded to wear it to every SF tournament that I could.

" Also, seemingly produced in some tertiary fashion by Robert DeNiro."

What does that mean?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sl1p

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...achmentid=1842

After recieving this I proceeded to wear it to every SF tournament that I could.

---

Why does Ryu look like a chimp?

Pit Fighter, definitely. Worst game I've ever played, yet so bad that it must be played by everyone just to see what the bottom of the barrel really looks like.

Ultra Vortex on Jaguar.

Nothing could ever prepare you for Tattoo Assassins on Mame. It was never released commercially, but a digitized fighter based on special powers coming from tattoos is a must!

BC3000AD

There's no love here however, this was purchased solely as a nod for the (literally) years of entertainment Derek Smart has so kindly provided for me on usenet

Sonic R.

EDIT: Wait, I don't prize it at all.

Better one: Athena (SNK) on the NES. That game is AWFUL but I like it =X

I have chase the chuck wagon for the 2600.


Worst. game. Evar.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by conrooks

Nothing could ever prepare you for Tattoo Assassins on Mame. It was never released commercially, but a digitized fighter based on special powers coming from tattoos is a must!

---

I cast my vote for this one, as well. These guys were obviously out to compete with MK (complete with horrible motion capture), but thank god it never saw the light of day.

Time Killers for the Genesis. Gold.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kingoffighters

Time Killers for the Genesis. Gold.

---

More like brown.

I think the worst thing I have is Street Fighter The Movie for Saturn. I also have all of the G.I. Joe Street Fighter II figures, but I REALLY like them alot.

Street Fighter the movie WASNT THAAAAT bad. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tracer

Yeah those freebie Master Chiefs were pathetically small. I have 4 of them!

---

I have six. Three green and three blue.

I have a MK frisbee I won years back in a MK3 SNES tourney. I woulda taken first but Kabal is broken like an ugly womans mirror. :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by thray-walsh

Fight for Life, Atari Jaguar.

---

I know one person who insists this is a great game.

Did that person ever happen to work for Atari?

I don't consider it bad, but I have a promo Virtual Boy baseball cap. My favorite piece, though, has to be these SF2 Turbo promotional video with a guy who can't say "opposition" right. That was quality stuff. If I had proper capture equipment I'd like to make it available for download. It's hilarious, and as a saving grace, it has two completely fucked up live-action SF2T commercials from Japan.

I have JP Rez+Trance Vibrator. I don't like the game much, and the vibrator isn't as orgsmic as the gamegirladvance article would have you believe, but I keep both anyway just so I can be hardcore like the rest of you.

Any Ranma fighting game. Despite how broken they all seem to be, I continue to play the SNES and PSX Ranma games to this day. Somebody help me.

I know this has probably been posted already - and if not why? I mean, it comes up every time someone talks about games they're ashamed to like - but Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ShineAqua

I know this has probably been posted already - and if not why? I mean, it comes up every time someone talks about games they're ashamed to like - but Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest.

---

Hey man,I liked it too. And I played it a year ago. Sure, it's ridiculously easy, but it's the perfect thing to get your feet wet if you're new to the genre, and I personally loved the soundtrack.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by thray-walsh

But do you have the Shaq Fu Rap CD that came bundled with the game? That would be even more awesomely awful.

---

ok, that would be pretty cool. i need to get my hands on this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by conrooks

Nothing could ever prepare you for Tattoo Assassins

---

that's such a good game.

anyways, i have Total Recall on NES.

I own & love Army Men Air Attack 2. Most everyone seems to think I'm loopy for liking it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MVS

" Also, seemingly produced in some tertiary fashion by Robert DeNiro."

What does that mean?

---

It was by Tribeca Interactive, which was Robert Deniro's interactive media company back in the day. I don't know of any other games they might have done. I think one was enough.

thray, what about battle monsters. i know you heart it.

and i really like my project x slinky (that's nuon before it was nuon, from i dunno how many E3s ago.)

I still have a U-Force tucked away in a closet somewhere.

JJ & Jeff for TG-16. Found out a few years ago that everyone apparently hates this little gem.

Lesse...
My Amarant Coral keychain that I got from Otakon 2 years ago. Whereas all the rest of the keychains I've had, from Cloud on a chocobo to GonGon from Super Monkey Ball to Lupin himself, this one is the only one that didn't detatch itself from the hole-peg on which the key ring is attatched. He's lost an arm and a leg so far and has severe discoloration. I call him the One-Armarant.
I also OWN Turok: Evolution for the X-Box. Quite possibly one of the worst games ever made, it's also one of the most unintentionally funny games ever made. Being blinded by the turret you shoot from in multiplayer mode, stupid AI, the compy dance, everything exploding into a cloud of blood and meat, Turok's all-powerful stick... this game has something for everyone!

Oh yeah, and Deep Blue, too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ViciousJazz

Hey man,I liked it too. And I played it a year ago. Sure, it's ridiculously easy, but it's the perfect thing to get your feet wet if you're new to the genre, and I personally loved the soundtrack.

---

Amen. Although I've owned it since 1994, when I quickly snatched it off the shelf at Babbages after I noticed it was only $20. FFMQ always gets a yearly play-through from me. And yes, the soundtrack is indeed awesome. The boss theme happens to be one of my favorite tracks in all of game music.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by OmegaFlareX

The boss theme happens to be one of my favorite tracks in all of game music.

---

Damn skippy. I've been trying to remix it, but I guess I'd have to learn first. Definitely deserves it.

Extreme Paintbrawl. After it got something like a 5% from PC Gamer(A rareity at the time) I picked it up from EB for a nickel. Possibly the best game ever made... ;)


Does my SF2 Poster Maker Adventure for the PC count? That's a good one too...

Anyone who visits me (when I'm not homeless) is forced to look upon my copy of Bible Adventures for the NES.

I figure that if I can beat the game, then God might just let me into heaven...

Inindo, i love it because graphics, sound, and originality arent everything.

Bravoman.
Such a crappy game, but with so much charm I can not help but love it. Kicking the crap out of Alphaman was probably the most fun I had on the Turbo Grafx 16 back in the day.

Third World War (Mega CD version)
Not really a terrible game, but the cover has an artistic depiction of former Pres. Clinton shaking hands with former dictator, Sadam Hussein. Pretty funny.

I still have a unopened can of Sonic the Hedgehog canned pasta, and
yes I use to eat it back in the day.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 16-bit

Bravoman.
Such a crappy game, but with so much charm I can not help but love it. Kicking the crap out of Alphaman was probably the most fun I had on the Turbo Grafx 16 back in the day.

---

Ah, Bravoman. What a fine piece of shit that was. I picked it up because my friend told me it was "just like Bionic Commando". Needless to say, I was pissed, but proceeded to spend many hours with the game...out of spite.

Nothing in this world is "just like Bionic Commando".

And its really too bad...

God, there's some really wonderful garbage here. I was just reminded that I want Bravoman because he apparently screams a garbled "Bravo!" every time he attacks.

And to answer ferricide, yes, I adore Battle Monsters. But then again, so does Dave Halverson.

Oh, and I thought of something that isn't a godawful fighting game...

http://pages.sbcglobal.net/shanecale...atscramble.jpg

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sl1p

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...achmentid=1842

---

Very cool Weezer hat.

And I own an old "Captain America and the Avengers" cartridge pour le_Genesis. Think comic book superteam meets crappy-attempt-by-Marvel-to-cash-in-on-16-bit-Streets-of-Rage-...rage.

I bought it cuz it's Cap. I keep it for its over-reliance on exclamation points to express tension...!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is an obvious one: Last Alert

Most likely THE WORST voice acting and dialog in a video game to date. It actually motivated me to try to complete each level so that I could hear the crappy melodramatic exchange between Guy and the level boss.
Here is a link to some Mp3s:
http://www.audioatrocities.com/games...ert/index.html

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Brisco Bold

JJ & Jeff for TG-16. Found out a few years ago that everyone apparently hates this little gem.

---

I don't hate it. The control is a little fucked up, but the scatololgical humor is enough for me to look past that.

Oh, I also have Kasumi Ninja. God, that game eats asshole.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adol

I don't hate it. The control is a little fucked up, but the scatololgical humor is enough for me to look past that.

---

It's one of my favorite games of all times. Someone appreciates the humour too! :)

Meach, the scary thing is that was the best home port of the game made. Best voices too, which is REALLY scary.

I have to say the one item I like because of it's relation to Nights:Into the Dreams, is the Night's Pillowcase that came with the game. I can't think of anyone, that would actually put that pillowcase on thier bed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Meach

And I own an old "Captain America and the Avengers" cartridge pour le_Genesis. Think comic book superteam meets crappy-attempt-by-Marvel-to-cash-in-on-16-bit-Streets-of-Rage-...rage.

I bought it cuz it's Cap. I keep it for its over-reliance on exclamation points to express tension...!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

The arcade version was awesome... but I got the POS SNES port for my birthday ;_;

I returned it RIGHT AFTER playing it, so no one that came to my party that afternoon even knew I had it. I wonder what I traded it for...

THANK YOU, QUICKSILVER!

AMERICA... STILL NEEDS YOU HELP!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mzo

The arcade version was awesome... but I got the POS SNES port for my birthday ;_;


THANK YOU, QUICKSILVER!

AMERICA... STILL NEEDS YOU HELP!

---

I never get tired of hearing the quotes from this game. And Ironman is the best, "No!". Getting beat down using him is a whole world of fun in itself.


Also, I forgot to mention THQ's Vs. God damn that game sucks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jeremy

Did that person ever happen to work for Atari?

---

No, but he might as well have.

I've got a copy of CHOANIKI for PS1. Got it as a package-deal years ago with Hermie Hopperhead. Didn't know what to expect from it, but I don't think I've ever laughed so much at a game. It's so insanely over-the-top in it's WTF-ness. Over-all, I'd say it's the most awful/hilarious game I have in my collection.

...and yeah - those RANMA games were horrible, yet somehow enjoyable. Best part of the SNES game was getting to play as Happosai - and the coolest part of the PS1 game was when it would randomly rain for no reason and your character would change in their appropriate alter-ego.

If I remember right, there was a Ranma game that came out for SNES that was drastically changed when it was released over here to the point that it wasn't even a Ranma game anymore - but I can't think of the title now...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mzo

The arcade version was awesome... but I got the POS SNES port for my birthday ;_;

I returned it RIGHT AFTER playing it, so no one that came to my party that afternoon even knew I had it. I wonder what I traded it for...

THANK YOU, QUICKSILVER!

AMERICA... STILL NEEDS YOU HELP!

---

Yea, and that dialogue with the boss fights was awesome.

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE!!!!" "YOU WILL BE THE ONE ESCAPING!!!!"

"WHERE IS THE LASER?!?!?!?" "ASK THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then my favorite... "I CAN'T......MOOOOOOOVE...."

Time to fire up this badboy in Mame again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chojin

I never get tired of hearing the quotes from this game. And Ironman is the best, "No!". Getting beat down using him is a whole world of fun in itself.

---

"Iron Man!!!...No!!!!!!"

:lol:

I own two of the worst FPS games for the PC. These games make Daikatana look like fucking modern art.

NAM & WWII G.I.

As shitty as these games are, I sat down and beat both them. Repeatedly.

heartbeat scramble is amazing. the cover looks innocuous enough, but what you don't know is that it's got LIVE ACTION GIRLS. otherwise it's a rather typical grade-Z tokimeki ripoff.

and it has the BEST OPENING THEME MUSIC EVER. EVEREVEREVEREVEREVER. i need my own copy.

Let's see...

Zero Divide (PS1)- not a bad 3D fighting game at all, but it has the most homosexual announcer ever in a videogame. He lisps on the character select screen, all throughout the match, and even after you lose...what a fag.

Pokemon Psyduck jelly- I have this thing for Psyduck, so I bought several jars of his grape jelly. Yum.

The Divide: Enemies Within (PS1)- shit camera, shit textures, shit low-poly models and environments, shit framerate- visually, in every way, this game is shit. But the gameplay is awesome.

Evil Zone (PS1)- It's not a great game, every character plays exactly the same, the dubbing is horrible, the words don't even come close to matching the character's mouth movements, but the story mode is good cheesy fun.

Terminator: Dawn of Fate (PS2)- The controls/camera doom it, but once you figure out how to compensate for them, it's actually a cool game.

The Tick (SNES)- Possibly the most repetitive, glitchy side-scrolling brawler ever made, but it's the Tick, goddamnit.

Blade 1 (PS1) and Blade 2 (PS2)- Neither are great games, but I'm such a Blade whore that I can play these games and get actual enjoyment out of them somehow.

Several Morrigan figures- I feel somewhat perverted displaying these in my room, but it's Morrigan. I have to.

I own a sealed copy of Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation on PSone. And no, I didn't buy it. I've tried giving it away. No one wants it, and rightly so.

I'm probably doomed to carry it to the grave.

Nuff said!