......The Return......ALLEY FIGHTS! (read post 1 first)

UPDATE 4/29/2004: Well, I'm back after three or so months, where I didn't do jack shit, yet didn't update this either... this may be the only update you see. I really don't know...I'll just take it on a fight to fight basis...but I did finish up everyone who didn't get to fight last time. So yeah, hope you all enjoy it. And all the bitchers and whiners can go to hell.

I included a new little thing in these fights though...I drew (or tried) a picture of what I think the respective deaths should look like of that round...it's just drawn in MSPaint..so it's crappy, but It's fun, and it gives you an idea of what just went down. So yeah, just copy and past the link, when you see it.

Oh, you're all welcome to start posting new weapons, for new fights, if I'm so inclined to do more. But don't expect anything.

Alrighty, Thanks everyone. Now off to post #208 with ye.

Ok, I used to do this at Random Insanity (2-3 years ago) at GameFAQs before GF got super shitty (more so).

Here's how it works.

Just post, and include the ONE weapon you want to use in that post. And I'll put you in a fight with the poster above/below you.

they will be poorly writen, littered with misspellings, typos, bad grammar and the like. So live with it.

Also, I retain the right to stop doing this whenever the fuck I feel like it. As I only do a few a day (If that). And sometimes it would get backed up a few pages long. And it's first come, first serve. But I'd like to get everyone a chance, so If I've already written one that included you, I'll probably skip you if you post again, right away.

Anyway, post away.

Golf balls.

This sounds TEH GHEY, but...

Samba de Amigo Maraccas

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AstroBlue

This sounds TEH GHEY, but...

Samba de Amigo Maraccas

---

Yeah, it is pretty "ghey"... but it's a nice way for me to play favorites. So anyway, I'm doing one now.

I want to go at it with a Spiked Skullbat (capitalized...it's a special weapon for me)

UMMMMMM...

SUPER SCOPE!

Will Wright's decapitated head.

*posts*

I'm using: my bare hands

I choke people with rediculous amounts of money

EDIT: that I got from my parents

String Cheese... delicious string cheese.

Silver Shoes

A thick rubber band.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by napolm

I choke people with rediculous amounts of money

EDIT: that I got from my parents

---

Nice. I also would have accepted teh H2.

FIGHT 1!

Rich
Waepon: Golf Balls

Vs.

AstroBlue
Weapon: Samba de Amigo Maraccas


Both fighters are dropped into a small alley behind a "Porn 'N Tacos'" shop.

AstroBlue awakens and finds himself lying behind a Dumpster on the south end of the alley, 2 Samba de Amigo Maraccas in hand. Rich awakens on the north end, inside a dumpster. Covered in garbage water, he pulls himself out, and notices that he has 4 golf balls, 2 in each front pockets of his stanky, wet pants. Realizing that he needs to get himself together, and search out his enemy, he pulls out two golf balls, one from each pocket, and starts running down the alley to find AstroBlue.

Meanwhile, AstroBlue picks himself of the alley floor, and also starts to search out the enemy. He slowly walks up the alley and comes to a corner. Not knowing what's around it, he cautiously, walks around it, stunned and stupidfied, he see's a Golf Ball coming in his direction. It flys by nearly missing him. Still frozen, he see Rich hurl another one at him, this time with more accuracy. In the last second, AstroBlue puts up his Maracca to deflect the speeding golf ball.

The Golf Ball meets the maracca.....The Maracca shatters upon impact, because AstroBlue was too cheap, and didn't buy the better quality First Party Maraccas. AstroBlue stands there, not knowing what to say/think, and in his daze, Rich has thrown his 3rd golf ball at AstroBlue, hitting his head, dead on, knocking him out, and him falling to the ground.

Rich walks over to AstroBlues knocked out body, and with his last golf ball, opens up AstroBlue's mouth, and lodging it in his throat, cutting of his air, and slowly, killing him.

Winner: Rich.
Congradulations.

I don't know what that fuck that is, so until you let me know, or describe what it should be, if you made it up... I'm not goign to do you.

NEXT.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GohanX

I want to go at it with a Spiked Skullbat (capitalized...it's a special weapon for me)

---

I don't know what that fuck that is, so until you let me know, or describe what it should be, if you made it up... I'm not goign to do you.

NEXT.

Actually this goes for everyone: If you're picking someobscure weapon, then describe it. Or else you'll be skipped.

Dental floss.

FIGHT 2!

Mzo
Weapon: Super Scope

Vs

g0zen
Weapon: Will Wright's Decapitated Head.


Both fighters are dropped into a small alley behind a "Tommy Chong's Bongs" store.


Mzo comes to. laying in the middle of the ally, and finds that he needs to get to cover... he see's his super scope lying beside him, so he grabs it, and runs behind a old broken down Chevy Cavalier. And takes a minute to gather himself.

Meanwhile, g0zen and his life partner, Will Wright's Decapitated Head, awaken , and go out to find Mzo. Walking along the alley floor, the see the front of the old car, and think nothing of it... so they keep on walking, not really paying attention. When all of a sudden, Mzo pops out from behind the car, on one knee, Aims the Super Scoper at them, and yells "Freeze Dirt Bags". Startled and scared, g0zen squeezes the head tight.

Mzo, feeling proud, and very near victory, aims the super scope for g0zen's head, and slowly pulls the trigger.........nothing.......he pulls it again.....nothing....again, and again and again.....still nothing. at this time, Mzo remembers that he stupidly, forgot to bring the Super Scope reciever with him. It's useless without it.

g0zen notices that Mzo's Super Scope in out of order, feeling a new life in him, he grabs the head by the hair, and starts swinging it around like a mace... charging Mzo, he lunges the head towards Mzo. Mzo ducks just in time, making the Head miss him barely. Getting a bright idea. Mzo takes the huge Super Scope by the barrel, and gets up, and goes to g0zen and swings the Super Scope at his Will Wright's Head, and knocks it to the ground. Taking another swing, Mzo connects to g0zens own head, and shatters his skull. Falling the the ground, blood flowing from his head. g0zen drifts away into the dark. Dying, and awakening to find himself with will wrights whole body. His version of heaven.

Winner: Mzo.
Congradulations.

Break time.

I have to urinate.

Hilary Duff.
lolz.

A half-eaten hamburger.
extra onions, no ketchup.

A plastic shopping bag.

Lobo's hook and chain.
http://www.comickaze.com/images/figures/83124.jpg

Bubbles the chimp.

Tonka trucks, lots of 'em

large destructive robot I control from inside its head. (it's big. Like city block big)

an x-box on a chain

:lol: Good shit man.

My next weapon---dozens upon dozens, probably hundreds of legos.

chrome-plated corkscrew penis that shoots lava

An extremely pointy stick.

The Terminators arm.

fuck, I'll do 2 or 3 more later tonight. So hold on till then everyone.

FIGHT 3!

FX-Ism
Weapon: Bare Hands

Vs

NApOLm321
Weapon: Fists full of money, which he got from his parents.


Both fighters are dropped into a small alley behind the local "Jugz N' Hugz Daycare".


FX-ism comes to, completely naked, giant black penis flopping all about. shivering, and full of goose bumps, he runs over to some cardboard boxes, and finds some old cloths, and puts them on. Armed with nothing but his fists, he goes and seeks out his prey.

NApOLm321 awakens in a giant H2 hummer, his parents left for him, Not used to opening the doors for himself... he stumbles for awhile, while trying to figure out how to unlock the doors. After a good 5 minutes, He gives up, and hits the OnStar Button above the dashboard. They ring in, and unlock the doors for him automatically. Finally out of the giagantic piece of plastic, he puts on his diamond encrusted tennis shoes, and goes to find someone to kill a guy for him.

Without any luck on finding a hitman, NApOLm321 is forced to go kill FX-ism all by him self. With nothing but fists full of cash, he goes and trys to find FX-ism.

NApOLm321, and FX-ism meet at the northern end of the alley, FX-ism, filled with rage are this little rich white boy, whome enslaved his ancestors many years ago, charges him, without fear.
NApOLm321, scared out of his fucking mind, sticks out his hand full of money, hoping that it will meet Fx-ism's mouth and choak him or something. But of course, that's stupid, and didn't happen. Instead, FX-ism, floatedl ike a butterfly and stung like a bee, and beath the shit out of NApOLm321.

The alley running in a river or red, FX-ism's hands black and blue, bruised from the beating he gave NApOLm321... Is too good to actually kill the poor sap. Instead, he calls one of his buddy at the IRS from NApOLm321's cell phone, and pulls a few strings, and get's NApOLm321's parents audited. Turns out, NApOLm321's parents were in some shadey buisness practices, and we arested for a number of charges. Them taking everything, NApOLm321, now severly deformed, was to go through the rest of his life alone, and broke.

Winner: FX-ism.
Congradulations.

That was great.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by diffusionx

That was great.

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I concur.

Fight 4!

bbobb
Weapon: String Cheese

Vs

Hot Like Wasabi
Weapon: Silver Shoes.


Both Fighters are dropped into a small alley behind the local "Wendy's" (gasp!).


bbobb, awakens, gets up, and notices he has a stick of string cheese. Stringing the cheese piece by piece, then eating some, he start to walk around....

At that time Hot Like Wasabi comes to, wearing silver shoes. He gets up, and try to take a step, and realizes that they're too heavy, and he can take a stop. He's helpless, and out in the open.

Still walking around, bbobb, comes accross Hot Like Wasabi, and notices, that he can't move. And could easily be his own little punching bag. Walking towards him, still stringing, and eating the cheese, he comes up to Hot Like Wasabi, and takes his last remaining piece of cheese, and eats it.

At that time, Hot Like Wasabi realizes that bbobb doesn't have a weapon anymore, so with all his might, he bends down a little, and picks up is leg with his hands, and stops his heavy silver shoes onto bbobbs foot, shattering it on impact. Screaching out in pain, bbobb falls to his knees. Hot Like Wasabi then picks up his other foot/leg, and swings it into bbobb's nose. busting it to pieces. bbobb, falling unconscious to the alley floor, starts loosing massives amounts of blood. Hot Like Wasabi, not extremly winded from all the energy it took to lift his feet, gathers all his strength, lifts up his left foot, and stomps it onto bbobbs skull. The weight of the Silver Shoes, busts it in two. killing him instantly.

Winner: Hot Like Wasabi.
Gongradulations.

The Japanese language.

Hmmmm.....A pair of metal folding fans.

You really need to make a cliffhanger ending if you're gonna use spoilers. So far, it's been all too obvious who the winner was.

A pair. Of binoculars.

Conrete filled lead pipe

These stories are awesome.

Paper (for paper cutting) with lemon juice.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Criticom

I don't know what that fuck that is, so until you let me know, or describe what it should be, if you made it up... I'm not goign to do you.

NEXT.

---

Well, it's a bat... like you'd use in baseball, except it's covered with spikes (cause it hurts more) and I have the tendency to bash people in the skull with it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GohanX

Well, it's a bat... like you'd use in baseball, except it's covered with spikes (cause it hurts more) and I have the tendency to bash people in the skull with it.

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Can I....ummm.....not attack him with my paper and lemon juice?

*acts all tough towards the guy weilding the half-eaten hamburger*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Criticom

NApOLm321, and FX-ism meet at the northern end of the alley, FX-ism, filled with rage are this little rich white boy, whome enslaved his ancestors many years ago, charges him, without fear.

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:lol: That's fucking hilarious.


Me? Look at my avatar. Shotgun, bitch.

Hmm...or maybe I'll use one of my hos. I do train them all in the very best of kung-fu...hard choice.

picking up one of em and swinging them around? Sounds like fun.

I was thinking about using the ho club-style, yes. If I get two and tie their hair together, I got a pair of nunchucks.

A steel chair.... or a sledgehammer, hell Trips hasn't lost yet with that.

:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

I was thinking about using the ho club-style, yes. If I get two and tie their hair together, I got a pair of nunchucks.

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Ho-chucks! Brilliant!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chux

A steel chair.... or a sledgehammer, hell Trips hasn't lost yet with that.

:)

---

In that case why not just say Stephanie McMahon?

Maybe I should use a folding chair like the 18 Brassmen of Shaolin Temple in God of Cookery.
Those golden bastards deserve to be famous. :lol:

I want in on the fight, with a pre-owned copy of Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 for N64. Cart only.

Quote:

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So far, it's been all too obvious who the winner was.

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If Napolm321 beat FX-Ism I wouldve said that Criticom should be banned.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by voltz

You really need to make a cliffhanger ending if you're gonna use spoilers. So far, it's been all too obvious who the winner was.

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I really only put that there, as I noticed, even when reading at the begining, if I happened to lose focus, I would see who the winner is, even at the begining.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by diffusionx

I want in on the fight, with a pre-owned copy of Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 for N64. Cart only.



If Napolm321 beat FX-Ism I wouldve said that Criticom should be banned.

---

He was just saying that I shouldn't use the Spoiler Tags, because it's not really a spoiler.

But like I said, I only put them there, because I don't want people to see who the winner is, before the fight is over.

Fight 5!

GohanX
Weapon: Spiked SkullBat

Vs

TaiMaiShu
Weapon: Thick Rubber Band


Both Fighters are dropped into a small alley behind the neighborhood "Guns for Toys".


GohanX, dropped into the alley, landing on his head, now, already in pain, picks himself up, grabs his Spiked Skullbat. And trys to find the enemy.

TaiMaiShu, awakens at the east end of the alley, searches for his weapon, and realizes all he brought was a thick rubber band. Down in spirits, he gets up, tryign to make the best with what he has, searches the enemy out.

Meeting in a long straight stretch of the alley. They see each other from the distance. Only making out each others slightly. Feeling confident, GohanX takes his Spiked Bat, and starts running towards TaiMaiShu.

TaiMaiShu, also feeling fairly confident, and hoping that GohanX forgot to bring anything good to fight with. TaiMaiShu Stands gaurd. Thick Rubber band in hand. GohanX's figure getting bigger and clearer, He then realizes, GohanX is quite large, and is weilding a large spikey bat thing. All confidence fleeting him, he waits for what's to come to him.

GohanX, sprinting, faster, and faster, is coming up on TaiMaiShu, as he is right up to him, he lifts his Bat, and gashes it into TaiMaiShu's left leg, taking it off completely. TaiMaiShu, screaming in pain, blood flowing from the bloody stump where his leg used to be. Crys for mercy. GohanX, circles back around sprinting towards TaiMaiShu once again, this time, from behind. TaiMaiShu standing on his one good leg... still in horrid pain. turns around, before GohanX reaches him again. Starting to feel light headed and dizzy from his massive blood loss, he takes his think rubber band, aims it like a sling shot off his thumb. and shoots it in GohanX's direction. It connects, and and his GohanX in the stomach................GohanX doesn't even know it happened.....GohanX, lifts his bat one more time, sprinting towards TaiMaiShu still, and as he comes up to him, swings his Spiked Bat, driving it into TaiMaiShu's face, piercing his skill, breaking his skull, and lodging into his brain.

Winner: GohanX
Congradulations

That was awesome. At least TaiMaiShu got his shot in. :)

That was completely unfair, I could've bought FX-ism or something... oh well, maybe Ill drive my hummer (which my parents bought for me) into the sunset...

:lol: I guess stupid weapons are used in a realistic manner. These work well because of the completely off the wall weapons most TNLers use.

Brass Knuckles. Oh yeah baby, bring it on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NApOLm321

That was completely unfair, I could've bought FX-ism or something... oh well, maybe Ill drive my hummer (which my parents bought for me) into the sunset...

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It was taken away by the state. Everything was. You are poor, and in fostercare, until you are 18, then you are thrown out into the real world with ntohing. and stay having nothign for the rest of your life. I thought that was clear in the fight.

Please pick only one weapon.

If people don't clearly state which one they want, I'm just going to use the first thing they said.

FIGHT 6!

Survival Kid
Weapon: Dental Floss

Vs

FPM
Weapon: Hilary Duff


Both fighters are dropped into a small alley behind a "I like food" heath center.

Survival Kid, after being dropped, comes to, finds what he brought with him, and goes to seek out FPM.

FPM also comes to at about the same time, looks for what he brought with him, but it's no where to be found. So he's forced to go at it unarmed for the time being....

Seaching around for his weapon, FPM comes around a corner to find Survival Kid, hitting on his weapon, Hilary Duff. FPM, shocked, runs over to Survival Kid and his weapon, to put a stop to this. Right when FPM reaches them, Survival Kid pulls out his 'Floss, and tells FPM to "back off", and "let me do my thing, or I'll floss you.....floss you good". Scared, and unsure as to what to do, FPM backs away slowly.... Minutes pass, Survival Kid still doing his thing to Hilary Duff, gets her to agree to go back to his place... as they start walking away, a police officer pulls up, and stops Survival Kid, and busts him for soliciting sex from a minor, and is put away for a couple years.

Winner: FPM (I guess).
Congradulations.

a 2 by4 with a little spyder monky naild to it

all of this is the same. you are a twat.

You're just bitter because you got owned.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NApOLm321

all of this is the same. you are a twat.

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Of course it's the same. What am I suppose to do with "fists full of money which I try to choke peopel with".

I mean come on, String Cheese? I just go with what I got buddy.

Quote:

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You're just bitter because you got owned.

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Yeah, that too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NApOLm321

you are a twat.

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You better be British. People who say twat that aren't British need help. It's like anybody but arjue saying crikey in real life. An element of confusion eminates from this individual.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by diffusionx

If Napolm321 beat FX-Ism I wouldve said that Criticom should be banned.

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Like some spoiled rich racist had a chance of beating me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NApOLm321

all of this is the same. you are a twat.

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Shut the fuck up. Crit's cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NApOLm321

all of this is the same. you are a twat.

---

Shut the fuck up. Crit's cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tones

A half-eaten hamburger.
extra onions, no ketchup.

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He's getting to you. He's going in order and hasn't even finished the first page yet. Just wait.

Tones - I know, I'm getting you. I think you're next, actually.

Just 2 more fights and I'm up with my tonka trucks, nothing can stop the raw awesomeness of 80's tonka trucks. :nod:

Wow, I just found the coolest tonka truck ever on eBay. I'll have it once again bwahahaha!

off topic as fuck :nod:

Actually.. it's only going to be 1 tonka truck... if you read my post... you can only have 1 weapon.

Damn, well make it that one.

Hey Xeno, he should do an MMA match between you and me. That would be kick-ass!

Well, this will probably piss a lot of people of, since it's slow goign to begin with, but I'm going away for the weekend, so I won't be able to do anymore fights until, most likely monday. Sorry.

Damn you. DAMN YOU!!!!

Hillary Duff is a piece of ass.

Gross. She is like 14.

15, but who's counting? :confused:

Crit, I don't care which one of my weaps you decide to use. Whichever makes it easier for ya.

Hmm...Shotgun or Ho-chucks? Which is it to be...

wepaon: A Deck of Cards

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Criticom

Actually.. it's only going to be 1 tonka truck... if you read my post... you can only have 1 weapon.

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Xeno's getting ripped! 4 golf balls? Cheese strings?
I think he may be fighting me in a giant robot, so I don't care.

p.s. Hilary Duff has the goofiest nick name. Makes me crave the rotty smell of a bar.

Depending on the draw, I'll either be fighting Chibi Nappa or Gymkata...whoever it is, they one dead muthafucka...

Make me fight Dolemite, Criticom. I want to fuck that guy up like Rocky did to Mr. T.

I'll fuck you up like in a car crash, bitch.

YES... Wesley lives!

Ahh...caught the reference. You rock.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Megatron

wepaon: A Deck of Cards

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You're not Gambit.

0/10.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Master

Gross. She is like 14.

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She is 16.

And a piece of ass.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

I'll fuck you up like in a car crash, bitch.

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I'll fuck you up like a man being attacked by a lion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Icepick

You're not Gambit.

0/10.

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He's got the outfit man. The only thing he's missing is the trench coat. So I that just leaves the tights.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

Depending on the draw, I'll either be fighting Chibi Nappa or Gymkata...whoever it is, they one dead muthafucka...

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Yeah. Hope for someone else...because you KNOW you didn't want to go again me. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by diffusionx

She is 16.

And a piece of ass.

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From where I am standing she is a child.

eh....jus gimme teh folding chair if you have seen God of Cookery. If not then go with the concrete filled lead pipe.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Master

From where I am standing she is a child.

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Not me.

Anyway, why isnt your weapon soccer balls that MVS kicked at you?

Oh, and it looks like Im fighting you with my copy of Army Men 2. Bring it on.