I seriously need some advice right now.

Schedules and me don't mix. I can never keep them up for more than a day and that is if I can keep it up for a day.

And gyms are the creepiest places I have ever been to. Everyone there looks like complete zombies like the ones in RE4 when they sit on those machines, watch those tv's and work out. It's like their brains are completely missing or something.

Though that is just me and my warped view of how i see things.


Anyway, I am going out for a while and get lost for a couple of hours, same diff right as long as I keep moving?

I don't exactly know what your surrounding area looks like, but if you have a nearby nature trail, or park, get out and observe the surroundings. A walk in the woods can be very relaxing and brings a sence of peace.


It sounds like you've had more than your fair share of letdowns in life. I have a feeling that you feel anything you do, will lead to another letdown. The chalkboard is a fine example. You keep cleaning it, because you think that no matter how much work you put into it, that it won't be good enough. Just remember that no person or object is completely perfect. We are all flawed and those that point out your flaws, are doing so to make themselves feel better about the flaws they posses.

Damian my offer still stands, feel free to Email or PM any
time you want.

Here's the thing I've done with myself that has changed me more than anything: I started reading. Not just a little bit, Imean a fucking LOT. I've found that through literature you can learn a great deal about the world around you (regardless what genre, SciFi can teach you things). One of the most impotant things to do is to keep your mind active. Fuck your body, the most important thing is your brain. You can lose some pounds or whatever down the road if you start eating too much junk food (Shit I don't know what you look like, you could be big as a whale or skinny as a pole, it doesn't matter.)

Something else to think about: You may not ever get better. This sounds awfuly depressing, but it's not. It's realistic. You hope to get better, but you have to know that you may not. This keeps you from getting crushed if you don't and you were expecting to. At this point from what I can tell, you need to learn to live with your disease. How to make it through the day even when you're down. I can't tell you how to do this, other than try to live as normal a life as you can. I get looks every day because I don't work, and can't do some other things, but I live my life to the fullest extent I can. After some time you learn to deal with things on a cognitive level. You'll feel yourself sliding, and you can register that. Even if there's nothing you can do about it now, or for some time, just try to recognise when you start sliding down. Once you can do that you can learn to have a sort of 'internal dialogue' with yourself:
"Brain, I don't like what you're doing to me right now."
"I don't really care that you don't like it"
"well, it's afecting me in a way I'd rather it not."
"What are you gonna' do about it?"
"I think I'll shut you off for now..."
"But then I'... you.... me."
"Are you still goign to be a bastard about things?"
"No, I'll behave"
"Good brain, good."

Eventually you can do that sort of thing. It takes a little longer than that, (more like 10-20 minutes) but you can do it.

Anyhow, back to the reading thing. Once you find some authors you like read everything you can find they've written. Try mixing up some things you wouldn't normally read. If it sucks then don't read any more. If it's good, you've found a new author. It's sort of like living vicariously through words. If you can't go out and do all these fantastic things, then transport yourself there by reading about them.

Some authors I've found to be of particular interest:
Arthur Nersessian
Dave Eggers
Alex Garland (read The Beach regardless of how you felt about the movie)
Stephen King's Dark Tower Series
Koji Suzuki (The Ring)

If you want me to give some more, then PM me for fuller/better descriptions.

Oh yeah, when you do read something, go out of the house. Find a coffee shop and bring a writing tablet some pens and a book in a bag. You'll spend the whole day there if the book's good/long enough. :)

Give it a try, it did wonders for me. And for fuck sake man, take your meds...

I disagree with icarusfall. Books aren't THE cure, they are something that you can use to _help_ enrich your life, but they aren't the only thing.

The most important thing you have to understand, is that everyone is different, the main way you can make your life better is to give it individual context and meaning. Some might do this by reading, some might do this by going to a certain nightclub, some might do it by FHUTA. You have to just search for something (or lots of things) that you might like to do with your life, and then do them.

Not facing your problems is suicide by attritition.

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Originally Posted by AstroBlue

Not facing your problems is suicide by attritition.

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That is the problem. I don't know where exactly the depression comes from. Sometimes I just sit there and start crying for no reason.

That going outside stuff did help. Randomly getting lost, oddly enough works for me. :/

<-- Freak.

If you're not going to care about yourself then at least think of those around you, because it sounds like you're both an emotional and financial drain on them. Stop playing the victim already and do something with yourself, it's not going to get any better until you choose to make it better. Do you want to be a human sponge the rest of your life or contribute to the world around you? Drop all the bullshit excuses and get a move on, you're only given one shot at the game and it'd be a shame to give up before it even started.

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That going outside stuff did help. Randomly getting lost, oddly enough works for me. :/

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Great, you found your stepping stone. Make a habit of taking a walk every day and move on from there.

http://www.bol.ucla.edu/~sletcher/pictures/SvCintro.jpg

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Originally Posted by Damian79

Do you guys suggest getting a musical instrument in my situation?

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I suggest getting a musical instrument in any situtation.

[QUOTE=AstroBlue]I disagree with icarusfall. Books aren't THE cure, they are something that you can use to _help_ enrich your life, but they aren't the only thing.

The most important thing you have to understand, is that everyone is different, the main way you can make your life better is to give it individual context and meaning. Some might do this by reading, some might do this by going to a certain nightclub, some might do it by FHUTA.[QUOTE] what is this? fucking hamsters up the ass? anyhow damien, i see a problem here, a lot of people have given you advice,and in response you have given a lot of excuses. Now heres the thing, you came asking for help, andit has been offered, once you decide you are willing to make the effort to change, talk to us, but right now all i see are excuses, and some are pretty lame. When you decide to change, it will be a major thing, for your life, and you will find yourself doing many things you previously didnt enjoy, and you might find your reactions changing, but until you are ready to make that change, you are just wasting your time. the "source" of your depression is not what is holding you back here, hell, it may have no source, it will likely turn out to just be some damaged seratonin re-uptake cells, but thats all mechanics. its how you are dealing with it that matters, call us when you are serious.