The Weirdest, Dumbest Shit People Have Said To You (or others you know)

"This beer will help your sex life".
My Dad, eating dinner with my mom and myself.

"(Going into the forest with your guy friends too much means) you will catch the gay".
My Dad.

"I'm confused: You're a black guy; exactly why do you hang out with us?" Some guy with braids in his hair.

"Can I price match this to the American price?"
Some customer.

"I don't mean to alarm you, but there's a negro fella with a backpack in your store". A customer to a white co-worker of mine.

"Do black people comb their hair?" An ex-friend of mine.

There's more but I can't remember them right now.

Wow, being black in Canada must suck (or something).

EDIT: 5000th post! Go me!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Frogacuda

Wow, being black in Canada must suck (or something).

---

I grew up with a group of predominantly white dumbasses. I still hang out with white people, they're just less stupid.

Also, keep in mind that this list of quotes is pretty unrepresentative of the jackassery I've encountered. This is the shit that came to mind first.

Regarding race relations, there's no other country in the world I'd want to live in other than Canada.

Me and my friends were sitting in front of a store once eating and some guy came up to us with long hair and a hippie sort of attitude to him and said "You can't congregate here man, I've been there, done that before, you should go to the park, you can't congregate here man." After that he walked in the store and walked by us like a normal person would on the way out of the store.

Fuck it, wrong thread.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Brisco Bold

Regarding race relations, there's no other country in the world I'd want to live in other than Canada.

---

Same. As for dumb shit people tell me...

"I like watching Newlyweds" pretty much sums up human stupidity.

No as much dumb as bad English but my moms says "You. Shut your mouth!" when she is pissed at me.

A friend and I were leaving a Dennys one night when some hobo guy walks up to my friend who's about drive off. I forgot what he went on about, but my friend gave him a dollar (to make a phone call I think) and then the guy thanked us, saying, "it's like they say in the Bible, you eat what you sow".
Some old creep walks into the baitstore I work at with his friend who has to hold something to his neck to talk. We sell knives, and he grabs one and unsheathes it and says, "heh, aught to take this to the titty bar tonight".
Some guy comes in and mumbles, "cll nin I com si". I'm like, what? "cll th cps I'm gnn cmm id". Sorry, I don't know what you're saying. He then holds up his bloody wrists. "Call the cops, please, I'm gonna commit suicide."
"I know there's monks out there who can jump twenty feet straight up", my friend on martial arts abilities.
Oh, here's a good race one. My mom, to my dad (I was in 9th grade): so what if Cole comes home with a black girl? Dad: huh, he better not. Rock on, dad.

Dude, there's no black people in Canada. Stop spreading lies.

A friend of mine who was my roommate at the time was reading a handout from one of his classes. Part of it said he had to make a handout for the class as part of the project. He looks up and says to me-

"What's a handout?"

He was completely serious. It was about the funniest thing ever. Nice guy, but a bit slow on the draw sometimes.

I was at Wal-Mart the other day, and the lines were huge, and there was a black lady getting her stuff rung up, an old guy ahead of me, and then me.

The black lady told the cashier that something didn't ring up right, so the cashier went with the black lady to go double check, leaving the line for a minute.

This old guy, not even knowing what's going on, starts bitching about how the line is being held up because "that nigga's welfare checks won't go through, let's ship them back to africa!!!" and then "let me ring up my stuff now, I should have gone ahead of the negro anyways!!!".

The best part is, when the black lady got back, this old guy shut up. She paid for the rest of her stuff and left, then the old guy looks at the cashier and says "I'll never shop here again, you would have NEVER have double checked the price for a WHITE PERSON, you're store is racist, they all belong in the back of the bus!!!!" and storms out of the store.

It was like a flashback to 1930.

That is funny and tragic.

Hilarious.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MVS

Dude, there's no black people in Canada. Stop spreading lies.

---

mouahahihi funny ya.

My brother, sister and I had the house to ourselves a few weekends back, so my bitchy sis had her friends over for the night. It was bad enough that she'd bitched her way into taking my huge room for her little party, but she also took my comp and blasted music all night. The other bedrooms are directly below mine, and she's blasting music full-volume at 4:30 in the morning.

In the morning, at around 11, I confront her about it, telling her that she was being completely inconsiderate of the others below, because the music was SO FUCKING LOUD and nobody could sleep. She, in an audaciously stupid moment, told me

"Yeah, well, I heard it too! You don't hear me complaining!"

I really wish I had a bat with me at the time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Frogacuda

Wow, being black in Canada must suck (or something).

---

Very much the opposite from what I gather. Black guys are pretty much worshipped in Vancouver, or at least it seems that way to me.

I once went to the 'Pacific Mall' which is outside of Toronto (Brisco might know it). In this mall is primarily chinese folk since its in the heart or near the heart of chinatown. Anywho, in this mall one can get modchips and burned games galore, right over the counter. I dunno how it happens but still.

So we started going to one of the game stores in there pretty regularly and the owner(Edward) came up to us one day and goes:

Edward: 'Do you guys like bowling?'
Us: 'No, not really.'
Edward: 'Me neither.'
Then he walked away like nothing even happened.

I swear we either broke the poor mans heart or bowling is code word for some kinda cult in China.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Green

Some guy comes in and mumbles, "cll nin I com si". I'm like, what? "cll th cps I'm gnn cmm id". Sorry, I don't know what you're saying. He then holds up his bloody wrists. "Call the cops, please, I'm gonna commit suicide."
"I know there's monks out there who can jump twenty feet straight up",

---

i read this with out the line: He then holds up his bloody wrists. "Call the cops, please, I'm gonna commit suicide."

i must of skiped a line cause i read this :Some guy comes in and mumbles, "cll nin I com si". I'm like, what? "cll th cps I'm gnn cmm id". Sorry, I don't know what you're saying.
"I know there's monks out there who can jump twenty feet straight up",

Burn's post.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MVS

Dude, there's no black people in Canada. Stop spreading lies.

---

Uh, where the hell else did American black slaves run to back in the day? :lol: Mexico? :lol:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Bastard

Uh, where the hell else did American black slaves run to back in the day? :lol: Mexico? :lol:

---

Yes in those tiny little bicycles.

Did you think that The Simpsons pulled the line "Damn...they're very slowly getting away!" from, you stupid, stupid man.




...yeah.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Brisco Bold

I grew up with a group of predominantly white dumbasses. I still hang out with white people, they're just less stupid.

---

Cool, you're like the Wayne Brady of Canada.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Bastard

Uh, where the hell else did American black slaves run to back in the day? :lol: Mexico? :lol:

---

no, paraguay, those guys move fast. :chunobi:

People saying you speak good English for a Asian. Funny how
people assume what asians want when they eat at a Eatery,
they say "do you want the hot sauce?" the funny part is I
do!

"Satan put the dinosaur bones here to trick us into losing our faith."

"Satan was the one who struck the guy from The Passion. He's trying to bring us down"

"the governer of California, the Schwarzenager guy..yeah he's from Canada..isn't he?"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dolemite

Cool, you're like the Wayne Brady of Canada.

---

You'd think.

This quote is actually quite good:
"I never had a good time in a club if I didn't beat someone up and steal his girlfriend."

My Grandpa regalling me with stories about his youth spent in England and Jamaica.

my sister just said "whats an id card?"

I was at work one day, and as I was walking past this one guy's office, I could hear him bitching about somebody. As I pass by the door, I hear the guy say, about the person he is bitching about:

"It's like he's coming down from the moon with a football stuck in his ear or something?"

I pretty much spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what in the holy hell that was supposed to mean. It reminded me of Lewis Black's "If it weren't for my horse" bit.

This happened at least seven years ago...

I was at the Water Tower Place on Michigan Ave. (downtown Chicago), just walking around between stores. It was early, like 9 am or so, so there's not too many people inside. I wander away from my Mom and sister and make my way to some other store for a minute.

Then, some old man in a business suit walks up from behind me, places his hands on my shoulders, leans in next to me, and states:

"If it walks like a jag-off and talks like a jag-off, it must be a jag-off!"

and walks away.

I stood in place for five minutes before resuming my intended activities...

Oh, another vote of mine (from one of my sister's friends, nearly a decade ago):

"What's the point of music without words?"

I was talking on the bus with this guy I knew from economics class. I made some offhand remark about my girlfriend, and he responds, deadly serious, with: "I don't date girls because I have too many friends." I was too dumbstruck to even utter a "Whaaa~~?!"

"Why should we bother to save the animal species? God will just send us more!" -- Overheard in a college biology course. Sadly, this was the course for BIOLOGY MAJORS.

(This one guy at Hollywood Video had been hassling me and a friend about anime/Cowboy Bebop for more than 10 minutes, even though we had both made it clear we didn't want to talk with him. He starts ringing us up and he won't shut up about some blood-and-guts anime)
Friend: "I don't really watch that kind of stuff, I'm more into shoujo anime."
Nutball: "Shoujo anime?"
Friend: "Um, yeah, girl's anime."
Nutball: "Oh, you mean like anime porn?"
Sphere: *herniates himself in an attempt to supress laughter*
Friend: *face of mixed horror and incredulous disbelief* "Uh, no."
Nutball: "Oh, you mean stuff about lesbians?"
Sphere: *howls with laughter, thus ending the conversation*

my sister insists that "Jarded" is a word.

okay, one time my boyfriend and I were walking from the parking lot to class, and this girl screamed "SHUT UP YOU DAMN SOFTBALL PLAYER!!!"
I mean, its fairly obvious she was pissed at this softball player, but SOFTBALL? what the hell? it was just an odd thing to hear someone scream.

Does metal conduct heat?- friend's brother, before grabbing a hot pan.

This has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I was at some distant relation's house for a short visit during Christmas. Some mother was saying about her preteen daughter, "she likes listening to the black people, but I just don't like it when black people sing".

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MVS

Dude, there's no black people in Canada. Stop spreading lies.

---

HA! its funny...because its TRUE!

no wait, its neither true nor funny. :xx:


i was working as a lot attendant at a parking garage and a bum came up toe booth i was sitting in and said: "Tiptoe through the tulips, Tiny Tim" and walked away.

the other night i was watching something on TV (i forget what it was, but its not relevant to the comment) and some guy walked into the room and started watching. out of left field he commented about some character on the tube: "hmmm, he's like some sorta Night Cop." :lol:

i dunno wtf that was all about!

Today an coworker asked me if I was an "AIMish" I guess he was confused by my goatee...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Green

This has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I was at some distant relation's house for a short visit during Christmas. Some mother was saying about her preteen daughter, "she likes listening to the black people, but I just don't like it when black people sing".

---

:wtf: Damn, that sounds exactly like the family in the movie American History X.

"If it walks like a jag-off and talks like a jag-off, it must be a jag-off!"

You wouldn't happen to dress like a rapper would you? With like, the silly big pants and the underwear showing? Or the socks in the pants?

If you dress completely normal, then he was just a crazy man but if you have the rap thing going.. well then it could explain a lot about that. Think about it, old men want people to act proper.

Anyways, I don't know if you are or not, I'm just asking.

Oh, the stupidity I've borne witness to...

"Tekken was the first fighting game to become popular" -ex roomate

"What's the first amendment?" -ex roomate (same guy)

"Karate was invented after WWII, when Jujitsu fighters in Japan learned western boxing from American GI's stationed there." :wtf: -guy at my brother's school

"I want a nice guy who is sensitive and able to talk openly about his feelings" -several female friends...who always end up in abusive relationships. :lol: No sympathy is due them.

"I know that there are some styles that have techniques for dodging bullets. Do you know anything about them?" -a student at my brother's school

"Married women who wear thongs are all whores tryinig to cheat on their husbands" -some loser I work with

this one guy in my ipc class said "snakes dont have ears why do you think they smell with there tung.?