TAO FENG III - THE SECRET ART OF THE MIDDLE FENGER
METROIDOMUS PRIME
-Samus accepts The Matrix and becomes leader of the Transformers
SUPER MARIO 12: SUPER MARIO NUNSHINE
-Mario must prevent Princess Toadstool from joining a convent
SERIOUS GRAM
-FPS starring a hardcore machine gun-wielding grandma
FATAL FLURRY
-Fight your way through the snow storm to a hot bowl of chicky soup
NINJA GAY-DEN
-Ryu must fight his way out of the closet
TEN-CHEW 4
-Use your ninja skills to simultaneously chew 10 pieces of ninja gum
SOUL CALIBURP
-Use the secret technique of "gastro-intestinal-to-oral-releases" to destroy your opponents
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA - THE MISSING LINK
-Use your sword and magic to recover the bones of our long lost ancestor
KING OF PERSIA: THE GERENTOLOGICAL RULER
- Use the X button to recall stories from your youth
- Use the Y button to say "Why if I was 20 years younger I would smite you myself, peasant"
- Use the B button to drag your fat-bellied gray-haired self to the nearest banquet hall to eat giant chicken legs and watch belly dancers
RAINBOW 6 84
-With no more places in the world to possibly deploy a secret military operative team, you make your way through a Star Trek convention, taking out as many Spock looking dudes and Klingon wannabes as possible
ONIMUSHY: The Kissing Warriors
FINAL FANTASY PART 14 WITH FLASHBACKS TO PART 7 AND FORESHADOWS OF FF 91 PT 3
*Only available with the Square/Enix 36 inch plasma flat/widescreen tv with built in DVD burner, satellite tv/digital cable combo with additional broadband receiver
SPLINTER CELLULITE
-Try to maneuver Janice, a 307 lb fat chick, through the mall food court without being laughed at
NINTENDO PS
-P.S. Nintendo is coming out with another handheld in 2 years which is way better than this one and is backwards compatible
BURNED-OUT
-Drive wildly from the office to your suburban home so you can complain about your dead-end job to your spouse
EYE-CO
-Guide a lost & frightened optometrist through a huge contact-lens factory
ERRRRR FIGHTERS
-Travel through fantastic lands in a struggle against native illiteracy
DEVIL MICE
-You are an altar boy who must set traps and put out cheese to free your church from a tiny satanic rodent menace
AU CONTRAIRE!: SHATTERED FOLDER
-Prove to your classmates that your Trapper Keeper is the baddest at the school
METROPOLIS MEAT RACER
-Race supercharged cuts of steak through dark city streets, avoiding an international collection of gourmet chefs
CRAZY TAX-FLEE
-As a wanted IRS fugitive, hide from society and piece together a new underground identity
FRED, RED INVOLVER
-You are Fred, rogue interior designer, whose destiny is to introduce the color red into as many homes as possible
THE SCUFFERING
-You must find people wearing new shoes and ruin their footwear as secretly as you can
STUPOR MONKEY HAUL
-Smuggle truckloads of extremely intoxicated apes across the border
DAY OF SEX: INVISIBLE WHORE
-As a homicide detective, you have only 24 hours to solve the grisly murders of members of competing brothels
MAXIM-HO
-You are the publisher of choice mag Maxim, and you must search the world for trashy new models to appear on your mag's cover
ANIMAL FLOSSING
-Break into zoos under cover of night and stealthily perform much-needed dental repairwork on the poor neglected beasts
