The 1st TNL Epic The Search for TeamGO Part 3: East Coast Hijinx and more Roadtripin'
NOTE! This part of the Epic is SO long I've had to split it in two. Second part is on first post of this thread :)
Well, guys, I know its been a long hiatus since the last part but I've been busy with work and finals. I really wanted to get this thing out before E3, and the creative juices were flowing tonight, so I was able to put it together. Hope you enjoy. And, yes, STILL not too late to make a cameo in this epic. :) Links below, message too big.
Post here if ya still wanna make an appearance!
Also, if you've missed them or forgotten the storyline, here are the first two parts of the Epic:
Part 1
Part 2
And now, on to the Epic, be warned, its a doozy! :D
(And so, back on the rode after retrieving the until-recently in a vegetative-state Wildcat, the intrepid group of adventurers known as Team TNL make their way towards Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love. There, at the Alpha Beta Ceta frathouse, we find Matt and Brand engaged in...err...mating rituals.)
Matt Van Stone: Wow, Brand, when I said "Lick me!" I didn't mean it in the literal sense, and certainly didn't expect you to actually do it...
Brand: Tee-hee!
MVS: Now lemme just put on some Barry White...
Barry White on Radio: My darling I...can't get enough of your love babe...Go for it Matt!
MVS: Huh?!
BW on R: ...oh I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why...can't get enough of your love...babe...
MVS: Hmmm...must be my imagination.
(Just then Klonoa bursts through the dorm room door with a desperate look on his face.)
Klonoa: MATT, Master just called me, we gotta.......AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
MVS: *standing their in his boxers, his kibbles 'n bits standing at attention* What?
Klonoa: *furiously rubbing eyes* Oh, sweet zombie Jebus...why God why? What did I do to deserve that?...
Brand: Honey, Mr. Rogers is out on his porch...
MVS: Oh, heh heh, sorry 'bout that Klo... *tuck*
Klonoa: Is it safe?
MVS: As safe as its gonna be.
Klonoa: *opens eyes* Whew...anyway, Master called and....ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
MVS: What? What is it now?!
Brand: You forgot about the twins, honey...
MVS: Oh...shit, my bad bro. *tuck* You OK?
Klonoa: My eyes...I will claw out my eyes...
Brand: Oh, quit being so dramatic Kloey. Just spit it out...
MVS: Spit? He spits?
Brand: SHUT UP, will you?! Hee-hee...
Klonoa: I'll get you for this Matt, if its the last thing I do...
MVS: Meheheheh...
Klonoa: Ugh, anyway, we gotta get ready, they'll be here to pick us up any minute, so get dressed. Ugh, now where's the door. *stumbles blindly towards door*
MVS: Ummm, Klo, that's the...
(Loud crashing and banging is heard behind the door.)
MVS: ...closet. *sigh* Better get changed. *undresses*
Klonoa: *stumbles out of closet* FUCKING HELL, MATT, WHY IS THERE A BOWLING BALL ON THE TOP SHELF OF YOUR CLOSET?! This isn't a fucking Looney Tunes Cartoo....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MVS: Klo, will you stop looking at my exposed genitals you perv!
(Several minutes later, at the front steps of the frathouse, the TNL group pulls in the driveway.)
Master: Ahh, here they come now.
Brand: Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy guys! *waves* Whatsup?
Aurora: Brandey-muffit!
Brand: Aurora-beebee!
Aurora: What's up, guhlfrahnd?!
Brand: Oh, the usual, Matt prancing around without his clothes on, trying to impress me and Klonoa.
MVS: Oh, be quiet.
Brand: Hee-hee...
Master: Speaking of Klonoa, whatsup man? You look kinda pale...
Klonoa: So cold...so very, very cold...
Master: That thousand-mile stare he has in his eyes, he looks like my Dad did after he came back from the jungles of 'Nam, having seen the types of horrors no man should have to bear witness to...
Silent Klonoa: ......
EThugg: Oh, where should I start here, lessee...first of all, Master, you were born 7 years AFTER the Vietnam War ended, secondly your Dad didn't serve, he ran a dry cleaning place in...
Master: Ah, shaddup Thugg. Why do you take such pleasure in discrediting me like that?
EThugg: Its what I do, baby, its what I do...
Ragnarok: OK, guys break it up, we gotta meet the rest of the northeasterners in NYC, I'm having the people from Maryland come down there and meet us at Bahn's place.
Master: Why?
Ragnarok: Because I'll be damned if I'm driving to some hick-infested, cousin-marrying, hog-worshipping, God-forsaken parts of Maryland to pick them up.
BooMsta: This coming from someone who lives in Texas?
Ragnarok: Grrrrrr...
Gongos: Hey guys! Looks like I got here just in time.
MVS: 'sup Gong, we're just about to leave for New Yawk.
Gongos: Oh good, I needed to go there tonight. I have to go to a meeting...
MVS: What kind of meeting?
Gongos: Well...the first rule is I'm not supposed to talk about it...
Rick: Why do I feel as though we're about to infringe on another copyright?
(And so we flash forward to the City That Never Sleeps, New York City, a massive metropolitan hubub of commerce and merriment. There, in a small, but very [in]famous arcade in Chinatown called Chinatown Faire, we find Bahn, fearless leader of Team TNL...)
Bahn: Its time. Shut her down.
Korly: Right. *over loudspeaker* OK, everyone out, arcade's closed!
Bahn: 88, get the door.
88mph: A please would be nice.
Bahn: What?!
88mph: A please. I just don't like people barking orders at me, even you Bahn.
Bahn: If I'm curt with you its because time is of the essence. I think fast, I talk fast. So pretty please, with sugar on top, SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR!
88mph: ...yes, sir. *shuts and locks door*
Bahn: That's better...
88mph: Right, and its about to be even more...umm, better! *picks up folding chair*
Bahn: If your planning on hitting me with that folding chair, you should probably get a metal one and not that cheap plastic knock-off.
88mph: Dammit! Where's the good stuff?
Bahn: Downstairs. Tonight, you and I will settle this down there, so don't plan on going at it with anyone else.
88mph: Oh, don't worry, its all about you 'n me tonight, baby.
Atariguy: The underlying sexual tension is so thick, I could cut it with a knife...
Bahn & 88mph: Oh shut up! Hey, don't repeat what I'm saying! Dammit!
Atariguy: Heeheehee!
88mph: Hey, B, after we finish up tonight, what say we tag-team on Atari afterwards?
Bahn: Sure.
Atariguy: ....I'll be good.
(The four head downstairs to the basement, and amidst a backdrop of old broken JAMMA boards and cabinets, a squared circle in the center of the room is cleared, with assorted tables, chairs, and other weapons scattered about.)
Korly: By the way Bahn, that Chun Li-style Chinese dress looks fabulous on you!
Bahn: Thanks, I especially love the way the stockings show off my legs. Oh, by the way Atariguy.
Atariguy: What?
Bahn: Your from the Ken-school of fighting are you not? If you don't get a red gi, blonde wig, and cocky attitude by next week, your outta the club! Gotta dress the part, you know...
Atariguy: Hey, its not MY fault the last wig I got was made of cheap straw and sprouted after I washed it.
Bahn: Well, that should teach you for buying products from Jersey. Everyone present and accounted for? Good. I now call to order this meeting of Street Fighter Club! Now, lets go over the rules, the first rule of Street Fighter Club is...
(Umm, excuse me?)
Bahn: What is it, narrator?
(The author asked me to deliver a message Bahn, we're gonna skip past the rules part, its derivative.)
Bahn: Derivative? Fuck that, Rags is just too damn lazy to type it.
(Well, yes, there's that, he's also afraid about incurring the wrath of David Fincher's lawyers.)
Bahn: Damn you Ragnarok and your fear of our judicial system. At least let me do the first one. Come on!
(...he says "Fine.")
Bahn: The first rule of Street Fighter Club is...YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT STREET FIGHTER CLUB!!!
(My, and with such forceful panache too.)
Bahn: Why thank you. OK, first match of the night...Mikhal versus Pitch!
Mikhal: 'bout time *draws Kusanagi Blade* En guarde, Pitch!
Pitch: You may think that
your hot stuff Mikhal.
But after I'm through with you
you'll be cyring for mommy.
Mikhal: Dammit, stop talking like that!
Pitch: To what way do you refer
that I talk like, and why
does it bother you?
Mikhal: Grrr...DIE!
(Suddenly, the basement door bursts open.)
Korly: AHHHHHHHHH!!! Its the Five-O! Quick, everyone hide! *runs but is caught on back of collar*
Bahn: It ain't the NYPD, idiot, its just Chux.
Chux: "Just" Chux? I'm so flattered Bahn...
Bahn: Congrats Chux, you've just pushed me past my sarcasm tolerance for the night. SPINNING BIRD KICK! *thwack*
Chux: *now plastered into far wall* Sorry...B... *thud*
88mph: *picks Chux up* Why the rush man?
Chux: Oh...yeah, Team TNL's waiting outside...its an emergency...
Bahn: It must be if most of the team's already been assembled without informing me first. Lets go guys! Fill us in when we get to the car...
Chux: BTW, Bahn, why are you dressed in that...
Bahn: HADOKEN!
Chux: Waaaaahhhh!
(And so TeamTNL, now mostly assembled, cuts west from New York across the northern states, stopping first in Chicago, Illinois, where we find Seik in an arcade in search of someone...)
Seik: Now where is...ahh, there he is.
Shidoshi: *on DDR machine* He's a maniac, maaaaaaaaaaaaaniac...
Seik: Shidoshi...
Shidoshi: And he's dancing like he's never danced before...
Seik: Shidoshi!
Shidoshi: I'm your private dancer, dancing for money, do what you want me to do...
Seik: SHIDOSHI!
Shidoshi: Wha? Huh? Seik? Aww, damn man, and I was in a groove too. What is it?
Seik: I'll summarize, TeamGo's been kidnapped, Team TNL's been assembled to find them, the latter team is waiting for us outside. Lets go!
Shidoshi: Kidnapped you said? By whom?
Seik: Dunno. Save to say he was very strong...
Shidoshi: "He"? Not "they"? ONE person did this?
Seik: Yeah, like I said, he was very strong. A master of the Fatal Fury, Terry Bogard-style of fighting. They had no chance.
Shidoshi: Fatal Fury-style, Terry Bogard-variant. I wonder...could it be...
Seik: What?
Shidoshi: No...it couldn't be...forget I said anything. Lets go.
Seik: O....K....
(And from Illinois the growing caravan makes its next stop in the capitol of the Cheese-head state, Milwaukee, Wisconsin...)
Despair Jr.: I can't do it Dad, I'll never pass it, I should just give up...
Despair: No sir you won't! Son, you have to try HARDER than that, if you don't focus you'll never pass the final...
Bahn: Yo, Despair, ease up on the kid. I know finals are a pain, even for an elementary student, but you still shouldn't push him so hard.
Despair: School finals? What are you talking about, he finished up last week. I'm coaching him through the "final" level of Devil May Cry on Nightmare difficulty. Keep at it son!
andyrose: *groans* Figures...hey, I finally got a line!
Nash: And we're so very proud of you andy!
andyrose: Grrrr...
Bahn: What did I say about the sarcasm Nash? HEADSTOMP!
Nash: OWWW! Hey, not with the heels, not with the heels! OUCH!
andyrose: Heehee...
Despair: Anyways, whatsup guys?
Ragnarok: TeamGO's been kidnapped Despair, we're assembling Team TNL and we're just about done. So gather your sword and every gun you have, we just may need them...
Despair: Sure thing. Son, go get Daddy's sword, shotgun, and the twins.
Despair Jr.: OK, Dad! *runs off and returns with an arsenal of weaponry*
Master: Impressive...most impressive.
Despair: Thanks, I try. OK, son, lets load 'em up in the truck. Ready for an adventure?
Despair Jr.: Oh hell yeah! We gonna be doin' some asswhuppin' and beer guzzling?
Bahn: Good lord...quite the mouth for a ten year old.
Despair: Yeah, I'm having him watch WWF to learn how to talk smack. Its the first step of his development into a great warrior!
andyrose: Aren't you worried about any negative side effects?
Despair: Well, so far I've only had to deal with one...
Despair Jr.: What? What? What? What? What? What?
Bahn: Ouch...
Despair: He'll get over it. Anyways lets go guys. *everyone but Ragnarok files out of the room*
Ragnarok: Just a note to anyone reading this thing who didn't get the above joke, it's for wrasslin' fans only, so don't worry if it went over your head. Hey guys, wait up!
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