Spreading the Gospel...

BEHOLD THE POWER OF TEH SATAN:

I received my 'psychic powers' when I got into a heavy argument with my father many years ago. He was bullying me about my refusal to work outside where all the deerflies would rip me to shreds. He ridiculed me, but he would pay for that. I ran upstairs to the bathroom where I yelled and screamed into the mirror. I totally lost control. I told the Holy Spirit that He had no power and that I would serve satan from then on (BIG mistake!). I asked satan to attack my father with wasps. The very next day, my father came too close to a hornets' nest and got stung several times. He started to swell up from anaphylactic shock and my brother had to rush him to the hospital. That incident frightened me at first, but being an unsaved devil-worshipper, I didn't think much of it afterwards as I was too fascinated with my new-found ability to wreak havoc on people.

I liked his little rant about pot.

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One night I got into a nasty argument with my father. I got so upset that I put on my 'smoking jacket' (a brown leather trenchcoat I bought off a pusher) and walked down to the lake, where I smoked five bowlfuls of marijuana. I walked calmly down my street in the darkness to the highway. I was so stoned that it seemed to take forever to get there. I stumbled back to my house and I almost didn't make it up the hill because my legs were tired from all the walking. I was just about to go back in the house when the hallucinations started.

I listened to the owls. They were funny owls. Hoo hoo hoo HOO! I laughed at them, but then the hooting changed into a techno song. Paroxysms of laughter shook me, forced out of my wheezing, tar-laden lungs. Walking further down my street, I got a visual hallucination of a car's headlights behind me casting the shadows of five people walking behind me. Looking back, I saw nothing, but looking to the sides I kept seeing the lights and shadows. Then the shadows stood up beside me and walked with me down the rest of the road. I talked to the shadows. They didn't talk back.

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I want some of the shit he was smoking. :lol:

I liked this part Mzo posted

"Oh, and one other thing: Avoid haunted areas for going berserk in. Ghosts are very real and like their privacy."

WISDOM CONSERNING VAMPIRES:

Most normal humans detest vampires and will attack them.

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Originally Posted by CrazyGuy

My dislikes: People who refuse to get saved, people who persecute me for being a Christian, beer, lesbians, abortion clinics, deerflies, magick and satanism, heavy metal musicians that hate Jesus, the Roman Catholic Church, not getting answers to my e-mails, diaper commercials that show toddlers' butts, and the Teletubbies.

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Well. At least he doesn't dislike heavy metal musicians who LOVE THE LORD~!!!! But he hates Catholics, who are other Christians, which makes no sense, but what does to a person like this. :|

Satan has all the best bands.

Thank you so much - my mundane workday just turned into the greatest day ever.

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Originally Posted by Tracer

Satan has all the best bands.

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N*Sync?

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You get one shape-shift per successful prayer, so you'd better make this one count.

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THUS THE INTERNET GODS SEND ME TO A LIFETIME OF PURGATORY ;_;

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Originally Posted by Molatar

I no longer play roleplaying games. I don't need them. I have the Holy Spirit to give me miraculous powers. I have the Father to supply all my needs. I have Jesus to change me into a dragon and create neat lizard people to assist me in heaven. I don't need the fantasy because I have the reality.

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Sure you do darlin....glenboarne anyone???

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Originally Posted by Molatar

It may be painful to let go of your gay associates and hangouts an
entertainment, but you will be given the strength to succeed.

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This sounds like something you would hear in alcoholics anonymous or some other support group

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My dislikes: People who refuse to get saved, people who persecute me for being a Christian, beer, lesbians, abortion clinics, deerflies, magick and satanism, heavy metal musicians that hate Jesus, the Roman Catholic Church, not getting answers to my e-mails, diaper commercials that show toddlers' butts, and the Teletubbies.

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Gotta find the common ground, in the interest of unity.