Asian restaurants in Buttf**k, Egypt

So I just got back yesterday from a trip down to Missouri for family things. One of our stops was was Poplar Bluff, Missouri. I realized that the best way I could explain the experience of being in a podunk little town is this true scenario that took place while I was stuck in their Wal-Mart:

Step 1: See a relatively young (late teens - early 20's) girl. Think she is cute. Then notice she has a kid.
Step 2: Repeat step one for EVERY girl you see.

Anyhow, I'm getting off of my point. The one thing you notice when going through all of these back-ass little towns is that, almost without fail, there is a Chinese restaurant. The above town, in fact, had two.

Now, I never really thought about it before this trip. I mean, I'm used to seeing Chinese restaurants all of the time, because you can go ten blocks in damn near any direction and find one where I live. But on this trip, something dawned on me.

Taking out the few that are actually owned by round-eyes, my question is simply this: what the hell are Asians doing in these backwater towns?!? I'm not talking Southern or "rurar" towns that actually provide some incentive to living there. I'm talking these shithole, hillbilly towns where the only people who logically should be living there are the white trash families that can't afford gas money to drag their trailer homes to a different location.

I can understand the draw of a Chinese restaurant in towns like this. When your life consists mostly of shooting squirrels from your front porch and watching Hee-Haw reruns, going to a Chinese restaurant is probably an "exotic" and magical experience. But what in God's name would convince an Asian person to go live in that town and set up shop? I don't care if your little restaurant could run the market for the "other" genre of a town's restaurant menu, there can't possibly be any other attractive quality to living in that kind of place. It just utterly boggles my mind.

As another example, we stopped at this run down little gas station to get cold drinks, and there was a woman from Taiwan running the place. I wanted to honestly, seriously ask her what in God's name she was doing there.

Its part of their master plan to take over America.

Also, I saw two middle-eastern dudes wearing turbans driving an 18-wheeler. Wtf? Have they graduated from taxis?

Shidoshi, the next time you get a bug up your ass our you start getting sand in your vagina about this, you should probably take two seconds out of your busy tour of Shithole County USA and ASK THEM WHY!

Doing this would save us all a lot of time, (and precious bandwith omfg!!11!1)

I've always wondered this too. There is always one mexican, and one chinese restaurant in every hick city, without fail.

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Originally Posted by shidoshi

I mean, I'm used to seeing Chinese restaurants all of the time, because you can go ten blocks in damn near any direction and find one where I live.
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I can understand the draw of a Chinese restaurant in towns like this. When your life consists mostly of shooting squirrels from your front porch and watching Hee-Haw reruns, going to a Chinese restaurant is probably an "exotic" and magical experience.

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I think you already answered your own question in that above statement. If you're the only Chinese restaurant in town then you have a good thing going, as compared to being one of 100 other chinese restaurants in the city. They probably make a killing.

damn I should:
(1) find a small town that doesn't have a chinese restauraunt...
(2) ???
(3) $$$!

To be fair, who else would you expect to see shopping at Wal-Mart? It may be hickville, but I swear there's a rule that requires a Chinese restaurant in every town run by someone from a random Oriental country. And it's not like they have to live in the restaurant!

:p You talking fast food Chinese, or "we don't have anything that sounds English on the menu" Chinese? Everyone likes fried batter on chicken and/or pork. Tallassee, Alabama has a Chinese restaurant.

Maybe they're chinese hillbillies?
Or maybe they figure that it's easier to feed rat and coon meat to hicks than city folk?

And why does this thread mention Egypt in the title, when I can't find anything Egyptian in the contents?

In Savannah, GA, there's this little place on Martin Luther King Jr. $2.99, all you can eat Chinese buffet and wings. Is that place still there, YellerDog, Rezo?

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Originally Posted by Dunlap

And why does this thread mention Egypt in the title, when I can't find anything Egyptian in the contents?

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Mouth. Stabbing.

>_> you people are so mean to normal people that don't live in cities.

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Originally Posted by IronPlant

>_> you people are so mean to normal people that don't live in cities.

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That's enough out of you Small Town America!

I'm not small town America. I’m the son of a doctor, who also was the son of a doctor. I exist outside of the bell curve.

I have my own disdain for "hicks" but my feelings are based on how each "hick" acts as a individual, and NOT because of some sort of superficial concept of cultural superiority that some of you city assholes seem to have in such abundance.

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Originally Posted by IronPlant

I'm not small town America. I’m the son of a doctor, who also was the son of a doctor. I exist outside of bell curve.

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That's enough out of you Son of a Doctor That Does Not Live in a City!

The only thing i don't miss about living in not nyc is the lack of awesome food. Otherwise, there's only love for the country-side. :p Well... Cheap living-space is nice.

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Originally Posted by IronPlant

I have my own disdain for "hicks" but my feelings are based on how each "hick" acts as a individual, and NOT because of some sort of superficial concept of cultural superiority that some of you city assholes seem to have in such abundance.

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I come from a small town, and every time I go back it becomes more obvious that the vast majority of people my age that stayed there are idiots and failures. Of course there are those who stayed and did well, but not many.
Of course you have to look at people as individuals, but if you were to assume that any given person there is an ignorant redneck, you'd be right most of the time.

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Originally Posted by kedawa

I come from a small town, and every time I go back it becomes more obvious that the vast majority of people my age that stayed there are idiots and failures. Of course there are those who stayed and did well, but not many.
Of course you have to look at people as individuals, but if you were to assume that any given person there is an ignorant redneck, you'd be right most of the time.

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Yes, yes, but cities are full of just as many "idiots and failures." In a city, who cleans, drives the buses, runs gas stations, works in stores, works on the roads, builds the buildings, and bums for money?

You see, in a city, you don't notice all the "idiots and falures" because you live in your own little world full of the people you work with, friends, and family. You forget that the world around you is full of people not like you. You only notice these people when you go back home becuase you are out of your group of people like you.

:p Dude. You just called me an idiot and a failure and i live in NYC. That hurt my feelings. I sure as hell notice everyone who isn't a doctor. Don't hate! No person is trash and so on.

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Originally Posted by IronPlant

Yes, yes, but cities are full of just as many "idiots and failures." In a city, who cleans, drives the buses, runs gas stations, works in stores, works on the roads, builds the buildings, and bums for money?

You see, in a city, you don't notice all the "idiots and falures" because you live in your own little world full of the people you work with, friends, and family. You forget that the world around you is full of people not like you. You only notice these people when you go back home becuase you are out of your group of people like you.

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Oh, I know the cities are full of retards, too. We get both extremes, but as you said you can find a group of people to associate with and just ignore the rest.
And once you've established yourself in a good neighbourhood, city life offers a much better community than a small town.

Living in a metropolitan area gives you opportunities to learn and grow as a person that you just can't get living in some isolated hicktown.
A lot of the people who grow up in cities squander those opportunities, of course, and wind up being ignorant pricks too.

I spent most my life in Montgomery"black or white", Alabama, and moved smack into a low-class umm... room-rental place in ethnic diversity capital of the world Queens, NY. It's a little better now. I teach lower and middle-class college students and make coffee for rich people in Manhassett. After all of it, there are only fuckers i hate and people i like. It kills me when people quit trying, but i hate it worse when people are hateful and disrespectful because they think they're better somehow.

Poplar Bluff is a metropolis compared to other towns in Missouri.
It seriously is.

Everyone should read this, its hilarious shit: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3255

An excerpt:

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The dishwashers get along great with the cooks. They're always bullshitting with each other even though they dont speak the same language. Half of the cooks were chinese, the other mexican. All the dishwashers were mexican. Illegal immigrant mexicans. The few mexicans who spoke limited english would make a crack about the chinese cooking dogs, then the chinese cooks would snap back at them about calling INS. Motherfucker this, motherfucker that. It was fun for the whole family.

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My family is from the Northern tip of Maine. Not the touristy part of Maine, the depresed potato farmer part of Maine, Madawaska to be exact.

And even there, where the largest store for like 100 miles is a old school K-Mart thats barely open, there is a chinese resturant.

Worst chinese food I have ever had, but its there.

Crappy Chinese restaurants are amazing.

Well they probably settled in that rural town and decided to open up shop due to the sparse availability of Chinese food in their region. You act as if a lot of Chinese folk are just as backwards and "hee haw" as a lot of the white folks they serve with their delicacies. Entirely not the case.

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Originally Posted by Andrew

Well they probably settled in that rural town and decided to open up shop due to the sparse availability of Chinese food in their region. You act as if a lot of Chinese folk are just as backwards and "hee haw" as a lot of the white folks they serve with their delicacies. Entirely not the case.

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Frog uterus > than anything hicks eat

(and i swear, when you ask someone if they ever thought of eating dog and then serve them something that's A) smuggled B) not identified... it was tasty)

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Originally Posted by Andrew

Well they probably settled in that rural town and decided to open up shop due to the sparse availability of Chinese food in their region. You act as if a lot of Chinese folk are just as backwards and "hee haw" as a lot of the white folks they serve with their delicacies. Entirely not the case.

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Somebody is confused here, either me or you.

What I'm saying is that typically, the Asian people I see running these places AREN'T the backwater type, so I can't figure out why they would decide to settle in a backwater town. I don't care if you are the only joing in town, that isn't a trade I'd be willing to make, especially if every other person in the town is of a different race than I am.*



* exception is made if it is roundeye me surrounded by Asians, because then the population of local Asian girls would be high, and Asian girls are hot.

Maybe they're really shitty cooks, and know that they'd never make it if they had competition, or maybe they only plan on being there temporarily.
Who knows?
If I could make a good living selling poutine in backwater china, I'd seriously consider doing it.