Cheebs gets bored and writes a hot movie script
Football team is really bad, loses a bunch of games by a lot.
Oh no, if we lose one more game we won't make the playoffs.
Mystery coach shows up.
I'll be your new coach. Use my secret strategy and you'll win.
Secret strategy is to eat secret oatmeal or something.
First game with new coach.
The game is close the whole time.
Final play of the game.
Team is down by two points.
Field goal kicker comes out for a 60 yard field goal attempt to seal first win of the year.
The kick soars through the uprights, continues on to the top of the stadium, and smashes into the score board.
Score board explodes with a spectacular CGI explosion that takes 2/5ths of the movie's entire budget to render.
Team swarms out onto the field jumping and cheering as sparks fall down.
Fade into "team wins a whole bunch of games" montage with rockin' guitar music.
Team wins a bunch of games.
Makes the playoffs
Walking out of tunnel to the field for championship game.
Watch out coach. You're getting too close to the tackling drill
Coach gets tackled in slow-mo
Coach dies
Oh no. Now we can't eat oatmeal or something. We'll lose for sure
Team starts losing. Down 89-0 at halftime
Guys. Don't you see what coach was saying all this time? It wasn't the oatmeal or something. It was us.
You're right.
Team comes out for 3rd quarter and seems unstoppable now.
Down by 6 pts with 10 seconds left.
4th down
Enemy coach: fools. You can't win without your coach.
Quarterback: He's right.
Gets sacked. Gets injured. Slow-mo shot of his arm being crushed.
Enemy coach: Bwaaaahahahaha
charismatic linebacker: No. The enemy coach is not right. We can do this.
Team: You heard the enemy coach. We can't
charismatic linebacker: C'mon. What would coach say?
Team: You're right. Let's do this.
Enemy team gets ready to kneel down for final play.
Ninja safety leaps in and intercepts the ball from enemy center before it reaches the enemy QB's hands.
Yea.
Calls final timeout.
Injured QB (struggling to speak): I'm...going...back...in.
Team doctor: No you're not. You tore your interior biceps stabilizer nerve. If you ever throw a football again you will die.
Injured QB: Sorry...Doc........Team...needs...me...on...this...one.
QB throws off oxygen mask and rises off of stretcher.
Limps to the line of scrimmage.
Barks out cadence with defiant authority.
Takes snap. Fades back. Throws huge bomb. Caught at the five yard line and knocked out of bounds.
Clock stops.
1 second left.
QB clutches arm and falls to his knees.
Sways back and forth. Eyes roll back into head. Falls over.
Paramedics swarm field.
QB's girlfriend looks on from stands with worried look.
Tension builds as the paramedics work on QB.
Finally the QB opens his eyes and gives weak "thumbs up".
Crowd roars.
QB catches girlfriend's eye.
She gives him a look that says "you did it".
QB gives her a look that says "it's over. Now I can go home with you to our farm in Kansas and finally settle down and be responsible"
Team gets ready for final play...
But our QB is injured and the nerdy backup with the clipboard hasn't played all season.
Wily veteran tight end: I have an idea
Nerdy backup QB takes the snap. Scrambles around in disarray.
Final second ticks off clock.
Defenders close in from all sides.
Offensive linemen make brutal blocks to save nerdy backup QB.
Nerdy backup QB panics, looks around.
Sees wide receiver in end zone.
Wily veteran tight end hung the nerdy backup QB's clipboard around the receiver’s neck.
Camera zooms way in to show clipboard close up.
Nerdy backup QB's eyes light up.
Throws ball.
Hits receiver right in the clipboard.
Team wins.
yea.
This one's for coach.
end.
