Time for some more of that good ol' TNL advice

It's also not really applicable for her to be completely removed from my life because of my relationship with her family and my friendship with her brother. We'll just have to be comfortable being around one another from time to time. I've had a few (much less serious relationships) that ended and still had to be around the person so we'd just let go of everything and be cool around one another.

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Originally Posted by Gohron

I'm pretty sure she wasn't as the marriage was already over at that point, not officially but she rarely dealt with her husband and had told him it was over almost a year before we dated. She shared way too much of her heart with me too just to be using me for such a simple purpose. Our relationship didn't make the official end of her marriage easier either, it only created a bunch of strife and stress for her. We'd always had a tiny something between us but when we first met the age differance was too fucked up to get into anything.

Rebound relationship maybe, yeah, people do fucked up things there, so like I said I'm not mad at her about any of this though. She said something along the lines that she still wanted to be with me but she just needed to be alone for awhile to sort her life out and I'd felt a lot of shit going through her heart so I had known something was up before she brought any of it up. Maybe I'll come to be angry in the future but I'm not know. I was thinking another girl in my life would help but I barely know any anymore and the thought of being with somebody else hurts right now, I think I just need to focus on my shit for the time being without somebody else involved in my life.

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Be mad. That's the best advice. Go spend some time alone, deal with your shit, and accept that you will never be with her. You'll be better off for it.

I guess I'm just going to have to try and deal with things as best as possible, obviously my mind probably isn't very clear right now but so far being mad has only made things harder on me. I'm a little excited because I have a shot at pursuing baseball again and even though I'm a mess right now this relationship really helped me learn about myself and all so I'm grateful for all of that, regardless of the outcome. Some parts of me are saying "Well, assuming you don't end up back with her (like I said I didn't want to hear about, but I'm not planning on it) then you can be with a girl who doesn't have kids and the two of you can be completely devoted to eachother" but then I'm thinking about what I put into this, what she put into this and how much time I spent preparing myself for all the negative aspects that would come along with it (mostly the kids and occassionally dealing with one of her past relationships, which I completely came to terms with and was comfortable with).

And like I said, maybe I hurt now because I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have a lot of friends anymore and the ones I do have are busy with work/school or away so I'm kind've stuck alone right now even know I don't want to be.

Drop her now, before she yanks your leesh again. This woman is playing you for a fool, why don't you see it?

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Originally Posted by g0zen

Drop her now, before she yanks your leesh again. This woman is playing you for a fool, why don't you see it?

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Because she popped his cherry.

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Originally Posted by g0zen

Drop her now, before she yanks your leesh again. This woman is playing you for a fool, why don't you see it?

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I wouldn't let her do this again and like I said, I've already started making plans with what to do now so it's not like I'm hanging on to everything and expecting everything to come back and be rosy and peachy again.

I'm sure a lot of you don't quite get the whole situation either, she's not good right now and this hasn't weighed very well on her either. I'm probably wasting my time trying to defend anything and I probably should've just let it be and not opened this thread up again but I don't know, wanted to let more shit out I guess.

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Originally Posted by Gohron

I'm pretty sure she wasn't as the marriage was already over at that point, not officially but she rarely dealt with her husband and had told him it was over almost a year before we dated. She shared way too much of her heart with me too just to be using me for such a simple purpose. Our relationship didn't make the official end of her marriage easier either, it only created a bunch of strife and stress for her. We'd always had a tiny something between us but when we first met the age differance was too fucked up to get into anything.

Rebound relationship maybe, yeah, people do fucked up things there, so like I said I'm not mad at her about any of this though. She said something along the lines that she still wanted to be with me but she just needed to be alone for awhile to sort her life out and I'd felt a lot of shit going through her heart so I had known something was up before she brought any of it up. Maybe I'll come to be angry in the future but I'm not know. I was thinking another girl in my life would help but I barely know any anymore and the thought of being with somebody else hurts right now, I think I just need to focus on my shit for the time being without somebody else involved in my life.

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Thats exactly what I meant you were an emotional crutch like it or not.

A crutch is something you use until you are feeling better and when you are done you dont really need it anymore. Sometimes you keep them around just in case you need them again.


Recovery just takes TIME and thats it, in the meantime deal with it and let it all out on your own but whatever you do

Run away....


BTW, here is a good chart for your feelings, pretty standard stuff:

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)


Applies to loss/death/anything dealing with grief


Heres a second look at the series of steps:

Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)

Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)

Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

It seems pointless to assign ulterior motives to this woman we've never met when the situation is perfectly logical at face value. Yeah, women can be and frequently are pure, remoreseless evil with tits, but who's to say that's the case here? And the advice remains the same either way: go on with your business, cry an ocean of tears, and don't try to restart the relationship unilaterally.

Gohron, do you think she was just scared of making a committment?

Well I really don't think she made the time to really recover from her previous relationship, as close as we were to each other I could really feel what was going on with her and I knew that something was up before this. It wasn't like we just had a "fuck and chill" relationship, we knew how to read one another, would deal with each other's bullshit, etc. I really don't think she wanted things to turn up this way but she had some shit to deal with that she needed to deal with alone and I can understand that. Otherwise she was just as willing for commitment to everything as I was but I think once it got to a certain point maybe it really brought shit out for her. She's pretty angry at herself for a lot of her past I guess and to be quite honest she reminds me a lot of my goddamn mom, who has enough of her own problems.

Check your PM's Nick (in a second or two).

IMO it doesn't matter who this girl is or what could happen. She is drama and should be left post haste. Women are not snowflakes. There is another one out there that is just as good if not better. If you aren't a super stud, move to a city so you have better odds.

Oh, and don't talk about this relationship to any future girls. Girls lie about all their bad relationships, and assume you do too. They will take whatever you say and spin it in their heads untill you are the bad guy.