How do I bounce back from this?

So one of the worst things to ever happen to me in my 28 years of life happened to me tonight.

I walked in on my girlfriend getting fucked by another guy.

I dont think any man or any human being for that matter should ever have to see, yet alone deal with this situation.

We've been having some rough times, (in our 3 months of relationship[dated for a bit longer]- not long I know, but we had some good memories together), but basically she said two days ago that I was perfect in every way ( nice guy, great sense of humor, fun,smart person to talk to,best sex she's ever had [swear to God she said this, multiple times], except for the little things. IE : I didnt gush over her, spend every waking minute texting her, telling how much I love her etc.< ( I repeat 3 months - not 3 years 3 months - any woman who ever hears me use that "L" word has something going for her, I'm pretty guarded like that because of situations like these) Anyway, we were going out to a bar/club downtown called Market Street to meet and hang out with some of my friends. So, I call her prior to getting off of work and eating, she agrees to come out, says to pick her up in a bit. I get to her apartment, ring the doorbell. Nothing. Ring it again. Nothing. I have her apartment key, but I always feel it the courteous thing to do to call her in case she's on the shitter or whatever, you know like, "Hey, I'm outside your front door,Im coming in, yada yada," its why she gave me the key in the first place. I walk in and see some dude naked on her couch. Another second later I notice someone underneath him. At first, I think, "Oh, shit I just walked in on her roommate, and her boyfriend banging on the couch, so I'm like "Oh, shit Eric, my bad man." Guy doesnt answer. I get a closer look. Not Eric. I say, "Lexi. I hope that isnt you." She answers.

I think about bum rushing the guy but walk out instead. I think for the next, oh, what times is it now? 5 hours, I had a deer in the headlights shocked look about me. I've had girlfriends before, I've had breakups before, I've NEVER in all my years of life had another woman sleep around on me and have me actually walk in on it. Breakups for me have always been, due to me or the other girl leaving the state,country (like me joining the AF), or her just getting a different set of freinds (different interests), NEVER like this.

The whole night I wonder if I did the wrong thing by being a puss and walking out without letting this guy feel my fist on his face. Then I talk to freinds and they theorize that that is what she wanted for me to do,walk in, kill this guy, ruin my life, and end up in prison. She KNEW I was coming over so all of this was forethought on her part. Which just completely dumbfounds me, as that is the most cruel and evil thing a person could wish on the other. To completely ruin their life plans, and fuck up their life in such a way.
Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I'm about the nicest guy ever, and would never wish harm or ill upon anyone, even ex's.

So, I'm in this is a weird state of mind the likes of which ive never been in. I've drunk enough drinks to toppple an elephant and yet Im still awake, sober, and full of rage.I'm shaking as I type this and have to get it off my chest somehow.

PLease anyone here at TNL, if you've ever been through anything like this how did you come through this? The only place I see salvation in is through a pile of drugs and alcohol, and I havent done too much drugs or alcohol since pre - Air Force days.

Did I do the right thing? Should I have caved this guy's face in? I know where the guy works, should I still?What would any of you had done? The whole night I did nothing but ask friends if they'd ever been in a situation like this. Called my best friend and poured myslef out to anyone willing to listen. It was really lame, but Im lost as fuck. I've only seen the likes of this on Cheaters TV or whatever, never dreamed it would happen to me (ill never watch that show again btw).

I dont know if I am ever going to be able to fully trust any woman ever again. and I want to, How do I bounce back from that?

I admire your restraint. Attacking him would have felt good at the time, and it certainly would have been warranted, but I don't think anything good would come of it after the fact. Would he learn his lesson? Probably not. If she wants to fuck around with him, she's probably going to, whether or not you permanently cripple him. If the cops got involved, it wouldn't be good for you, either. I'm amazed you could do that. I probably would have snapped.

I don't really have any advice for you, nor would you necessarily want advice from a 21 year old about this, but I think it's good that you were able to say something here. I know when things get rough sometimes it helps to get the word to as many people you know as possible and hope someone has something to say or suggest that'll help, and there's a definite difference between "mom and dad grounded me and I don't have any money for weed" livejournal threads and legitimate problems. This would fall firmly into the latter. It's horrible, and I can't imagine how bad it feels. Getting dumped out of nowhere, for seemingly no reason, is bad enough as it is. Being cheated on when you don't see it is worse yet. But this? Disgusting, hideous behavior. I wish I knew what to tell you about trusting people again, but I haven't really managed that part again myself.

I do think it's okay to resort to drugs, drinking, etc if you can keep it under control. Taking the full blow of something like this without anything to help numb it could make you crazy. Just don't get overly dependent, I guess, is the key. Easier said than done, of course. I will say that after having been medicated for depression for a while, weed still does the job better than anything else in the world. Nothing wrong with that, even when nothing is particularly wrong!

At the very least, though, it seems positive that you're as angry as you should be, if that makes any sense. I know a lot of people who've taken back someone who's pulled some similar shit, only to get hurt again and again and never learn. I don't think you need anyone to tell you not to let her talk her way out of this.

Try not to kill anybody (or yourself) over this and get some sleep if/when at all possible. If you can't on your own and have no means to get prescription sleep aids, diphenhydramine (Unisom gelcaps, Benadryl) is a good call. It's not going to make anything go away, no, but doing without rest is just going to make you feel worse. When things got shitty for me (nowhere near this shitty, but bad enough) I couldn't sleep for days at a time and all it did was make me even crazier. Try to avoid that.

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Originally Posted by Grave

I don't really have any advice for you, nor would you necessarily want advice from a 21 year old about this, but I think it's good that you were able to say something here. I know when things get rough sometimes it helps to get the word to as many people you know as possible and hope someone has something to say or suggest that'll help, and there's a definite difference between "mom and dad grounded me and I don't have any money for weed" livejournal threads and legitimate problems. This would fall firmly into the latter. It's horrible, and I can't imagine how bad it feels. Getting dumped out of nowhere, for seemingly no reason, is bad enough as it is. Being cheated on when you don't see it is worse yet. But this? Disgusting, hideous behavior. I wish I knew what to tell you about trusting people again, but I haven't really managed that part again myself.

I do think it's okay to resort to drugs, drinking, etc if you can keep it under control. Taking the full blow of something like this without anything to help numb it could make you crazy. Just don't get overly dependent, I guess, is the key. Easier said than done, of course. I will say that after having been medicated for depression for a while, weed still does the job better than anything else in the world. Nothing wrong with that, even when nothing is particularly wrong!

At the very least, though, it seems positive that you're as angry as you should be, if that makes any sense. I know a lot of people who've taken back someone who's pulled some similar shit, only to get hurt again and again and never learn. I don't think you need anyone to tell you not to let her talk her way out of this.

Try not to kill anybody (or yourself) over this and get some sleep if/when at all possible. If you can't on your own and have no means to get prescription sleep aids, diphenhydramine (Unisom gelcaps, Benadryl) is a good call. It's not going to make anything go away, no, but doing without rest is just going to make you feel worse. When things got shitty for me (nowhere near this shitty, but bad enough) I couldn't sleep for days at a time and all it did was make me even crazier. Try to avoid that.

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Sound advice, Grave. Thanks,man. I'll take whatever advice I can get, as long as I can use it, doesnt matter the age. If you've seen or been through this throw it on me. I have no experience in a predicament like this.

Everyone tells me that I did the right thing by leaving, but I think most of my friends would be in a cold cell right now.

And, I'm not handling it too well, I'm shaking, really pissed and think I'm just going to head in to work in a little bit ( dont really have to work until 5 but, Im sure the back room needs cleaning), "idle hands" ...and all of that. It's either that or hit this bottle of Jack in the corner of my kitchen, and I'd rather do that with friends when they get sober after last night. Who even knew focused rage was the best counter for a hangover, guess I learned something tonight.

I'm getting older and didnt think I'd ever hit the drugs again, but they sound like an excellent plan right now, and I know just the right person for it. Thanks again.

Shit I'm so sorry about that, that sucks so much.
I don't know what else to say, as I don't know anything about this kind of thing, but that's awful.
I'm sure you did the right thing by leaving it.

so she knew you were stopping to pick her up? Sound like a set up, best thing to do was walk away and forget about her. Maybe yelling a few choice words at her as you were leaving would have made you feel better.

You did the right thing. Things could be a lot worse than they are right now. I personally find cheating to be one of the most vile things a person can do to another, and the clear fact that this bitch wanted you to catch her is just brutal.

Just leave her ass. You have any of her shit? Throw it out. She wanted to break up and she did it in the worst way possible. I wouldn't be able to look at that slag again, so I say just cut off all ties. She did that shit on purpose from start to finish, there's no reason to hear any of her bullshit. Throw every god damn thing out of hers and throw away the key.

I totally understand the boozing, but I say stay away from the drugs, you don't want to fall into any bad habits. A bender feels right at the very start (belive me, I've been there) but I'd still say don't do anything you think you could fall back into and put you in a bigger hole than you already are in. I think going to work and keeping busy is the best thing. As for the trust issues...that's the hardest. Be thankful the whore only took 3 months of your life. Remember that there are more and clearly better women out there, it'll just take time. Keeping talking to your friends, don't cut yourself off from people. You need that positive interaction.

Damn,

I agree with the previous poster that it sounds like a setup, I mean you rung the doorbell twice and no answer? Not to mention she would have had plenty of time to at least get dressed during the ringing.

I’ve been in bad situations, but that’s the biggest of them. I think you did the right thing. Even if this guy knew she had a bf he obviously didn’t care, and bashing his face in would only let her control you, and your emotions. You dated for 3 months, well in my opinion if she really cared for you she wouldn’t have let you walk in , and see that so I say ride out into the sunset man, and get your mind off it as much as possible.

Sorry again.


When I went through some tough crap with my ex I think I posted on this website for a while. Little stuff like this helps. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/index.php

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Originally Posted by Zerohero

get your mind off it as much as possible.

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I haven't nor wish to never be in this situation so I'll try to bring some comedy.

I think he told you to go get some strange pussy.

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Originally Posted by Chux

I haven't nor wish to never be in this situation so I'll try to bring some comedy.

I think he told you to go get some strange pussy.

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Heh explore your options ;) Just don't go overboard. Best thing to do is work out, learn a new skill, work, hobbies, talk to other girls etc.

Oh, but if you need to let out your anger man by all means do it, dont get to destructive, but its better to let it out than to keep it boiled up in all the time.

Yeah, new pussy will cure what ailes ya too.