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My Grandmother passed away today. I don't know what to do.
I don't know why I'm posting this here and not signing up for a livejournal account or something, but you guys are my friends and I feel like saying something.
I don't know. This is hard... how do you deal with something like this? I've lost friends, and one ex-girlfriend but this seems to hurt more. Alcohol isn't helping either.
I just don't know what to do.
Sucks man. Most of my family is gone now, and it really doesn't get easier. Nothing can replace a grandma.
Shit, I'm really not helping.
You and your family have my condolences.
JM
Total suckage.
One of my best friends died this year, it was a fucking sucker punch times a thousand.
Try to keep your head up, nigga.
All you can really do is be around other people, IMO. You won't exactly forget, but it'll take your mind off of it.
its never easy, remember the good times you spent together and know that you were lucky to have someone like her in your life. beyond that, theres nothing you can do, its going to suck, it does because you cared for her, eventualy it will get better but for now, nothing really is going to help. if you gotta talk about it, we are here, and are basicly your family too.
She will live on in your heart and memories. Treasure them. It is best to have loved than not at all. I never get to know one of my grandma, and the other I don't know at all (and she is too old now, she does not even recognize me since she has no short term memory). So consider yourself very lucky!
May her R.I.P.
http://img131.imageshack.us/img131/4223/cocainewk8.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by frostwolf ex
Shit man, I'm sorry to hear that. I went through the same thing when I was in middle school with my mother's mother. I won't go into the details as such won't help you feel better.
I don't know what you can do in the short term, or if there is anything that can me done. It's that beyond words kind of shit. As for the long term just remember her and try to let the qualities you loved most about her come out in yourself.
I don't know if that helps any, but hang in there and give it time.
I second this. My condolences.Quote:
Originally Posted by Joust Williams
My condolances, Josh. I had a grandparent die last year, during a trip to Florida no less. Couldn't go to the funeral, the wake, couldn't even see him on his deathbed. It was also the same day my girlfriend's uncle died unexpectedly. The only thing I can say is that the shock is so powerful, it's not uncommon to feel helpless like you described. Keep your wits about you, pay your respects, and in time all will be well.
Hell no.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
This is the smartest thing I have ever seen you type.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttcheeks
Thank you.
Grandmas around the world do NOT approve!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
:(
I never really knew either of my grandmothers. My maternal died while my mom was in college, and my paternal had Parkinson's disease by the time I was old enough to have memories. Try to focus on the good memories you have of her, rather than the thought of her being gone, since she really isn't.
Ahh shit,sorry to hear about that Josh.
Losing family is never an easy thing to get over. Like everyone here says that kind of wound definitely only heals with time. It helps to talk with people who knew that family member and go over how you feel with them. Always a little easier when you know you arent the only one suffering.
And I really fucking hate admitting this, because its not something I do very often (4 years ago when a best friend/girl friend died by a stupid freak accident) and makes me look like a wussy, but a good cry can be relieving. Just do it when no ones watching. It helped for me to punch shit and work out a lot too. I didnt turn to alcohol on that one.
I lost mine last september. She pratically raised me from birth to 16 while my parents worked. We knew she was on her way out, and I got to say goodbye to her, but it didn't help any when she finally did pass. Sorry, Josh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tain
Everyone cries. The ones who can't admit it are the real pussies.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jetman
I'm really sorry to hear this man. I've never personally had anyone in my family pass away, so I don't really know what you're going through. But like people said before me, just keep your head up and stay positive, I'm sure your grandmother was a great woman, and deserves to be remembered as so.
My Grandma died right before my ex left me. Trust me, I know the feeling. Your going to be doing alot of thinking.
You're at the age for it. Get ready, it blows total ass.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brand X
Sucks to hear, man. Both of mine are approaching the time now where it's on my mind a lot. My paternal grandma has problems with short-term memory and even though my maternal grandma seems okay and is active and whatnot, she does have diabetes. I'm close to both of them so it'll be a big blow.
If someone we know dies, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. (OMG gay quote from The Crow.)
Losing people you love is the worst. Nothing can really replace the space that they filled in your life, but the memories are yours forever, and nothing can take that much away from you.
That quote up there from IP is good shit.
All my grandparents are gone now, and though I wish it wasn't this way, I can still remember everything. It's best not to think of all things that won't happen in the future, but of all the good things that did. It's hard to look back and feel grateful for all that when you're faced with something traumatic right now, but in time, it'll definitely help.
By the way, I was really expecting Joust to post a link to LiveJournal.
My deepest condolences man, losing a loved one is never easy no matter how many times you go through it.
The only real advice I can give that I don't think has been said allready though it might have been is to be with your family, be a support for them and they will be for you. I've always found it to help to be around people who knew them as well and to tell stories and laugh about the good times, those are the memories you want to keep strongest in you. As long as you have those memories in your heart, then she's never really gone. Good luck man my prayers and deepest condolences are with you and your family.
Don't drink are drug yourself into a stupor, all you will end up is sick and feeling like shit the next morning, and still feel depressed.
Just try to remember the good parts and how lucky you were to have known her. Some never get the chance.
And dont be alone, thats the worst thing you can do when you feel like this.
No. Anyone who posts anything like that in this thread gets an instant and permanent ban.Quote:
Originally Posted by Calliander
I would hope that in any "serious" thread something like that wouldn't happen.
We're all a bunch of trolls, and assholes, but we're also human beings. At least I'd never do it to any of you... and I talk more shit than anyone.
I'm sorry, Josh. My grandmother died a few years ago, and it sucks. I hate to say it, but it never really goes away, but you do kind of learn to live with it and accept it I guess, and after a while some of the edge comes off.
What helped a lot then (and anytime shit is bad, really) is just keeping myself busy all of the time so I don't have time to twist on it mentally. Even it's as simple as sweeping the floor or something, anything to occupy me and keep me from just brooding on it.
I know we have not hit it off well, but that is a bad idea at this point in time. Trust me, dropping some bucks on a ball isn't going to make this go away.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
I'm so sorry, Josh.
My granny is one of the shining aspects of my life, so I know how much you must be hurting. When I've had loved ones pass away, it somehow gave me much comfort to look at pictures of them for hours.
When my granny dies, I think I am gonna go stay a week at her house. Is that weird? I dunno, I just think it would help me.
Take care.
as you just said about alcahol in your first post, that wont. its a synthetic place to bury your head and not feel, this is a time to feel genuinely for someone who you loved and loved you, i dont see this as something that would honor her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Ugh, fuck, I know what this feels like.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
I lost both my granparents within 6 months of each other. My granddaddy went first and grandma followed him shortly after. They'd been married some 60 years and when you've been with someone that long your souls become intertwined. Everyone in the family knew she wasn't long for the world after grandaddy passed, but no one would say it til after the fact.
No amount of alchohol in the world is gonna drown out this pain man, trust me. You've got to ride it out and walk straight into the pain instead of away from it. That means hanging around your family more than you normally would and talking about what you're going through. Trying to pretend like life just goes on is the absolute WORST thing you can do right now.
If your family is no help, then try to find someone older that you respect and trust and talk to them about what's going on inside. You'll probably get emotional and wanna burst into tears, so let it happen. Holding this shit inside does you no good. Fuck all the "I'm a man" noise. Men hurt too, we just have less outlets for dealing with the pain.
Find yourself a quiet place and just cry till your eyes swell shut.
That sucks man! I don't have any really good advice because I never knew my grandmother...so, all I can do is post a funny pic in hopes of cheering you up.
I know you're hurting man, but please honor your grandma's memory and say no to this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Temporary fixes to long term problems are no solutions at all.
What was your grandma like?
I missed my opportunity to say all the things I should have said to my only Grandma before she died. In a way, I was kind of blowing her off. I'll never get over that shit completely, even though it happened so suddenly there was no way I could have known what was going to happen.
Yeah, anyway, my condolences Josh. Try to remember the good times.
I've never been close with my grandparents. My maternal grandpa died when my mom was 2, and my nana is a little crazy and lives so far away I only met her once. Phone calls once a month don't really build a relationship. Paternal grandparents are alive and healthy, but they just don't like me. I'm quiet and they take it as being a bitch, and they're so super-religious they won't let me in... Still, I can't imagine ever losing them. My great-grandmother is the closest extended family member that I have and she turned 93 this year and is in really bad shape :( I know it's not worth it for her to be around since she doesn't know anyone and thinks her husband is still alive (I was too little when he died, but I have some good memories of him) and all that....
Shit, just mad condolences. I haven't been through it so I can't help much. Stay away from substances.
Grandparents passing is difficult. I had a hard time justifying everything I did after my grandfather died; I wanted to do things he would be proud of. A little too much boozing made the crying uncontrolable and things harder to deal with.
These things take time to work through. Deal with it the best way you know how and use your friends for support.
I must be the only person here to agree with the drugs.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
That's terrible news. I can't really relate (both pairs of my grandparents are still alive) so I won't pretend to know how you feel. I'll just give you my sympathy and tell you to surround yourself with family (who are probably having just as hard a time) so you're not alone in it.
My condolences as well.
I lost my grandfather to leukemia when I was in high school (about 16 years ago) and I still miss him a lot and tear up whenever any talking about him happens.
My family doesn't get along well with my grandma (his wife), but after avoiding her for years, I decided to drop in on her the other day, kind of just in case she were to die, I could at least have seen her and told her I love her once more.
While I was there I looked around my grandfather's den and welled up pretty bad since it's still set up the same way it has been my whole life. I told my son, who was with me, some stories about him and the house and me there when I was a kid and whatnot.
It's difficult to lose a grandparent. But know she lived a full life and loved you and try to live up to her vision of what you could be. Try to respect her memory in how you are, and do what you can in the future to keep your memories of her alive.
I lost my maternal grandfather a few years ago, and it had hit me especially hard for about a week right after. I had never really gotten to know my paternal grandparents, since I was not even a year old when they had passed away - at least I did get to see some pictures that my dad had taken though.
The only grandparent I have left is my maternal grandmother. When I lose her, it will hurt badly. She is now in her 80s and it's hard to not think about this occasionally. :(
My condolences, Josh.
I'm sorry man. I hope you can come to accept it in some way, and feel better.
I never really knew my grandparents. My mother's father died in WWII and my father's father died two years before I was born. My fathers mother died when he was 7 years old. The only grandparent that I knew was my mother's mother who lived in Germany. I saw her only a few times through my first twenty years and she, also, passed away.
For what it's worth, cherish it if you had time with them at all. I know I didn't.
My condolences. I lost my maternal grandfather in November, and the thing that helped me most was being around the rest of my family.
Damn Josh, I'm sorry to hear about this. Losing people is the worst thing that can happen, and getting through it is a bitch. About the only advice I can give is just keep your head down and keep going, avoid the drugs because they'll just make it worse, and surround yourself with as many friends and family as possible.
James
Was this Yia Yia?
(tipsy post)
Josh, that sucks.
My grandma passed a few months back. I wasn't super close, but the news hit me unexpectedly hard. I'm not sure why. I had plans the night I heard about it, and I couldn't get out of them. I was at a club, and at approximately 1pm, the shit-feeling hit. I thought about when my grandma and I read the bible together. When she gave me allegery medicine. I yearned for the blanket she knitted for me. I've never felt so low in my life. I'm glad my close buddy was with me to talk it through.
All I can say is the feeling will go away eventually. Just soldier through it.
p.s. Don't talk to assholes when you feel like this. You'll lash out at them, and not be able to tolerate their overall assholiness. I speak from experience.
Friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
My condolences as well.
My maternal grandma died about a year ago it was tough since she raised me. But I'm at ease now though I wish she was still around. I think about it now but it's like she knew she didn't have long to live (she was about 66) the last time I saw her she gave me some advice expressed how much she loved me (kinda saying her goodbye) etc.. which I thought was a little weird, she passed about 3 weeks later.
I just remember the good times and the bad times and how much she did for myself and others. I think of her all the time. Just live everyday and keep your grandma in your thoughts, that way she is never really gone. Just my 2 cents.
I know how it feels. A friend of mine died 12 days ago for a completely stupid reason.
It's hard the first few days. Your crying straight for a while, then you can kinda mellow out. Lately I would just be walking or laying down and all of a sudden burst out laughing becuase I thought of a laugh we had. A really confusing time.
Just focus on the good days and try to make yourself a better person for her. That seems to be working for me. Also if you can try going to her grave alone. I know it sounds weird, but something about that one-on-one worked for me.
It's a normal kneejerk reaction to think of doing something you know is stupid. I had one too, though mine was more violent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Just surrond yourself with friends and crack some jokes.
Sorry to hear that. My dad died during Christmas and it was pretty weird. Anyway, sometimes the most typical advice is the best kind. You'll get through this in time. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Sorry about your grandmother passing.
I've been through the same experience in the last 7 years, with the loss of both my grandmothers and my grandfather.
My last grandparent (Grandmother Jorgenson) happened about 4 years ago. She was diagnosed with cancer and the doctor told her he couldn't do anything for her. I was lucky enough to spend the last Christmas with her in 2002 and tell her that I loved her. We always went to my grandparents house for Chistmas and it just wont be the same the next time I go home at that time of year.
Just think of the good times you had with your grandmother. I always think of the time when my cousin and I mooned my aunt and sister as they drove into the driveway. My grandmother embarassed both of us, by putting us on the spot and saying "You want to show your butts? Show everyone your butts!". I still laugh about it to myself, when I think of that moment.
that shit sucks man
Hopefully you have a lot of family members to be with.
I know how you feel, bro.
My grandma lived right down below my house, literally at the end of my driveway, and I walked down to see her almost every day when I was young and pretty much kept doing so over the years, if just a little less. I was closer to her than any other member of my family and I can't even express in written word what that woman meant to me. I'll always miss her and there will always be a part of me that just wants to walk down the road and hear some of her advice when something is going wrong.
Just try to remember the good times and be thankful for the time you did have with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Man, thats awful, I'm so sorry. Try and take comfort in the fact that she passed away knowing that she is surrounded by love and that there was absolutely nothing you could have done otherwise to make things better. I don't know death but I sure know what pain is like, and for that i can only hope you realise that you too are surrounded by people that care for you, whether it be family and friends, or seemingly meaningless posts on a videogame forum.
You know, this thread makes me see that even though we rag on each other, we are all friends on this forum. I know it is just the internet and all, but it still gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. :)
Shut up.Quote:
Originally Posted by animegirl
*hugs* I love you too!Quote:
Originally Posted by Diff-chan
Awwww
Re: Josh: :(
Can't say I know the feeling, as the closest family member to die was my grandmother's sister. I was fond of her, but not too close. The timing sucked, though, as I was on tour with my college choir, and I got the phone call a few hours right before the final performance. When I tell you that was the toughest performance I ever had to get through, I'm not lying. Especially as our encore was Danny Boy. Wow. I had a long walk and got most of the tears out of my system beforehand, but it wasn't enough.
I can only imagine what it'll be like with my maternal grandparents, who are 80 an 79 now.
I know that much advice has been given already, and I might be reiterating something that was already stated. But you have to keep yourself occupied. You can't dwell on it at all hours of the day. Yes, you should think about it, and a lot, at least in the short term. But when it comes to living your life, which I'm sure your grandma wants for you and your family, you must live it to the best of your abilities.
It also might help to do something in tribute to her. Have a getogether, besides the wake and funeral, where everyone just remembers the good times. Share stories; bring out old videos and watch with family; look at old picures. Hell, write a song and dedicate it to her; weren't you in a band? In general try not to remember the image of her post life, but while she was in her prime. If you do that, it should hopefully put a smile on your face, not a frown.
My condoleances, and may she rest in peace.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Josh.
My advice is to remember your grandma the way she would want you to remember her, and continue to live your life the way you would want her to remember you.
Like I said elsewhere, dude... my heart goes out to you. Yesterday sucked complete ass.
Sorry to hear that Josh. I've never been all that close to my grandparents because I barely know my dad's family, and my mom's family lives quite far away, but I've lost my parents, my godparents(who were like grandparents to me) and all of my grandparents except my mom's mom.
I never dealt with their deaths by talking about it with family because I'm honestly not that close to most of my relatives and I just don't feel comfortable talking about things of a serious personal nature with anybody, but I can tell you that quiet introspection and giving yourself some alone time doesn't necessarily hurt either, even if it's just as a break from all of the mourning friends and relatives.
Eat something, get as much rest as you can, and know that the day will come when you think of your grandma, and instead of remembering her death and feeling grief and loss, you'll remember the living person that loved you and enriched your life and you'll feel the type of love and reverence that are reserved only for those that are no longer with us.
And don't be afraid to take your mind off of the situation if you're feeling overwhelmed. Don't go nuts and do excessive amounts of drugs, obviously, but don't deny yourself the pleasures of life either. No reasonable person would fault you if you feel the need to smoke a joint and let go of some of the tension and stress that you must be enduring right now.
I don't know what to say to you, but I'm sorry you lost someone so special. You got to keep looking foward with life and just live well like she would've wanted you to, otherwise just sitting around killing yourself over it ain't gonna help one bit.
If you got family to talk to, I'd spend as much time with them as possible or you'll be affected by this in a pretty negative manner.
A few years ago my best friend died and six months later my grandmother died whom I was very close to. I don't know, I've been through a lot of shit in my life and I've had a few friends die before, mixed in with the fact that my dad is dying too so I wasn't all that upset when my grandmother died. I certainly wasn't happy but I kind've just saw it as she had lived a long life and had always been a real loving and caring person and (unfortunately) she had to die eventually so I was just glad I got to know her as long as I did and I was happy she'd had a happy life.
It'll hurt for awhile as I'm sure you know but you'll feel better in time, unfortunately that's all you can really hope for :( Sorry for your loss man.
Sorry to hear about your loss, man. Everyone else has everything pretty much sewn up as far as best ways to cope and such. I'm actually impressed with TNL. I'm in the process of watching my grandma slow down and stop myself right now. It is sad, but she is 85, so I'm bracing myself for it. It sucks.
My other grandma is dead but I was really close to her. I first heard Johnny Cash at her house and we would dance to the music together when I was 5yrs. old. Those were good times that I'll always cherish. The sadness will leave in time, but the good memories will stay with you forever.
Losing my grandma was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through.
It's fucking tough knowing that she isn't around anymore.
My sympathies are with you, man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Sorry man. My condolences.
To anyone who saw what was deleted from this thread:
We will not speak of the behavior in this thread anymore outside of FC, everyone clear? Not even one more post.
Just do the best job you can at remembering the good times, and try to write or draw out what you feel. Maybe compile a scrapbook of photos, or a journal of your memories with her. I did stuff like that when I my maternal grandmother passed away due to liver cancer, and it helped a lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
I lost my father on Christmas 6 years ago. It gets better, but when crap goes down. And that was the one person in the family you could talk to. It sucks. I lost my Grandfather two years ago and that sucks as well. All I have left in my family are ladies; they can't relate. But if you were close to your Grandmom .... the loss will never go away.
My condolences go out to you, Josh. I know how you feel.
To be real ... I hope its a close casket. If not you'll feel twenty times worse.
I'm sorry, man. I was close with my Grandma and she died a few years ago after a prolonged bout with cancer. It was pretty painful to watch her slowly deteriorate like that. At least she got to meet her newly born Great-Grandson (my nephew) before she passed, which seemed to make her very happy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Not much you can do, really. Keep busy and go on with your life. Spend time with friends and people you love. The pain will eventually go away. Yeah, you can booze it up but that's just a smokescreen. The pain's still gonna be there. Just remember the good things about her.
I want to clarify ...Quote:
Originally Posted by Advocate
My father was an open casket and I collapsed in grief. My grandfather(who i was also close with) was a closed casket. It was less painful. I was still grief stricken, but at least I didn't see him in the casket. Its weird to explain.
That's horrible, Advocate. I've always thought open caskets were really morbid. I don't want to see someone I love lying dead like that.
Especially not after reading a book called Stiff by Mary Roach about some of the things morticians do to get them ready for said open casket. For example, ever wonder how they get the deceased to keep their eyes closed?
Seriously.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
I don't think this is the thread for that, though. ;)
Did I ever say I was sorry, Josh? 'Cause I am. :(
Sorry to hear that, Josh. My last Grandma died last year. She pretty much raised me as much as my parrents did (we had her instead of day care) and it was horrible to see her go. Nothing helps but time.
I dunno Dole. My Grandma's was open-casket and it really helped to see her that one last time and say goodbye.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
We just had a memorial for my grandmother, we all said our goodbyes right before and after she passed away in the Hospice, and then let the doctors there do whatever they needed to do. I don't think I'd have been able to handle an open casket funeral for her, but being able to say goodbye right after she passed on helped.
Play lots and lots of games dude. Get your mind of it. Get out that old Nintendo and load it up.
Do stuff you enjoy doing and don't stop. Don't forget about her but think this way, she doesn't want you to be sad. Just remember she is still with you and even though you can't see her she is probably right near you.
Just do things you love to do (not drugs!) until you feel better but remember the great times you've had with her and in due time you will come to peace with it all.
Lots of kind words in this thread. Thanks a lot guys... I really appreciate it.
TNL = <3
My condolences, Josh. Don't spend time alone. It's not good for you.
I know what you feel like.
I was overseas in 2002 when I lost my aunt. I don't have many close relatives back home, and we were ALWAYS a close-knit family. I'm telling you, she was one of the best aunts EVER (her and her sister). I was TDY (overseas) when I recieved a phone call that my aunt had passed away. I felt EVERYTHING crash down on me, and I broke down on the spot.
Less than a year later, I'd recieved news that my grandmother had passed away. Another devastating blow. Our family was getting smaller and smaller. The one thing that helped is that I had lots and lots of family support during that time. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.
Usually, I'm a person that likes to handle things by myself (and it causes problems sometimes), but this is one thing that no one can go alone.
My grandmother just passed today... Dunno what to feel so I think I'm going to go to sleep for a bit.
:( sorry to hear that, following most the advice already in the thread may help :( hope you feel a bit better after sleep.
I'm not sure which is worse - having a grandma pass away, or knowing your grandma could pass away any day and just dreading the phone call.
My grandpa passed away several years ago, and my grandma has been on a downward slide ever since.
Hopefully these last few months have been easier on you, Josh. I still think about my grandpa every now and then - the pain never really goes away - but I'm very afraid for my grandma, who's had a couple strokes and is in a "home" now. It's only a matter of time.
Condolences also to Daitokuji.
Dai - My heart and prayers go out to you.
We just had a funeral with full military honors this past friday. It was amazing.
Josh, I'm so sorry :(
My condolences.
Its not so bad anymore... it was one hell of a send off. A full band, honor guard, horses pulling her casket, 21 gun salute. Fucking amazing.
Josh ~ what did she do in the military if I may ask?
She was a nurse in WWII.
That makes her a better human being than most of us ever will be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
She was pretty bad ass.
The funeral was in the middle of a fucking hurricane, so it made it a bit more wild that all the fanfare was going on.
I bet. Grandparents that were in the military during WWII are badass. My grandfather was, he was a naval soldier stationed on a refueling tanker. He was in the fleet that left Pearl Harbor 2 days before. His fleet was the last fleet to leave, by the time news reached their fleet they were already outside Midway. No lie. He had stories, I loved his stories. Damn I miss him.