Possible to be just friends with an Ex?

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Originally Posted by Andrew

Edit: After reading your initial post I'd say it's you. You get defensive and let your emotions be controlled by circumstances you no longer have any control over. Not a bad thing (I personally consider it a weakness), but I don't see how you could possibly be good friends with a girl when you jump on them for talking about guys. I also find it weird that girls talk openly about that stuff with you right there. Most guys who have that done to them are stuck permanently in the non-sexual threat / friendzone. That kiss comment sounded like a deliberate bait on their behalf. You should've used the kiss comment to spin it around on them and flirt with the other girl.

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It was a bait. Thats what pissed me off. Or she could have just gave a normal answer without trying to insult me. Like, "I had my first kiss at 14, tee-hee". Otherwise, I would have generally had no problem with her talking about him (But when she goes on and on about the dude it does make me nauseus - but women drone like that).And I dont mind being in friendzone with her.

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Originally Posted by Stibbons

You're being a jealous pussy. If one of your male friends fell in love with some girl after only a couple of months, would you similarly flip your bitch switch about how that's too soon?

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I will rip on ANY male friend who says he loves a woman after two months. Incessantly. Especially one that says over and over how much in love he is. I never use that "L" word lightly if ever.

The two year thing might be a good rule btw....

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Originally Posted by torgo

My girlfriend of 1.5 years dumped me right after Christmas. I'm friends with her, why not? Why let all that emotional crap run your life? It's just pointless. If you have a lot of expectations out of people you're just going to be perpetually disappointed. Accept that people are selfish by nature and everything's much easier, like being friends with an ex.

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Sorry about the break-up by the way.1 year has been my max on a relationship. Lame that she did it after Christmas. Hope you got an awesome gift before it happened.

Love isn't real. It's about time everyone realized it.

What the fuck, do you not have other friends? This girl is clearly an idiot if she's whining about being in love with some dude she just basically met, so the whole (flimsy at best) "I like her as a person" shit is out the window. Plus it's just fucking disrespectful for her to flaunt the shit in your face regardless of how OK you are with it, which frankly, you don't sound like you are.

Ditch her. Either she'll get all rattled and put out or she'll leave you alone. Preferably both.

And if you're tired of being single, date somebody. Hanging out with your ex isn't gonna get you anywhere. Even if you're not the bitch here, you sure look the part.

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Originally Posted by icarusfall

I'm friends with most of my ex's. You guys front horribly.

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I'm friendly with most of my exes. There's a huge difference.

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Originally Posted by MechDeus

If you can't handle them while single you still won't be able to when you're with someone, because instead of being regular bitter the remarks will likely instead become a battle of who can one-up the other. If you don't think you can be friends with them then don't even bother trying, just tell them you can't handle it and leave it at that. I've done that before and it worked a lot better then the times I've tried being friends.

I once had an ex who I tried to be friends with afterwards and she ended up hooking up with another guy a few weeks later. All she wanted to talk to me about was how awesome he was so I told her I didn't want to hear about him and this situation won't work. About a month later she called me just to tell me they broke up (I suspect she wanted attention from me), I told her I didn't care, haven't spoken to her since and it worked out great for me.

It's obviously going to vary from person to person and regarding the situation, so just take it as it comes.

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Ugh, feel like an ass. I really do want her to be happy. But not rub it in my face, you know?

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Originally Posted by Tones

I recommend being friendly with an ex, meaning, if you cross paths, you'll say hello or whatever, but I wouldn't go out of my way to be best friends with her. UF is bursting at the seams with attractive females, so I guess I just don't see a reason not to move on. And this isn't me just spouting off, my girlfriend and I broke up just earlier this week. We dated for almost 2 years. If I kept talking to her, it would just keep reminding me of the good times, etc., and that makes the recovery a lot more difficult.

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Truth. Gainesville has some babes. Sorry btw man. Two years is way longer than I've ever been hooked to someone.

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Originally Posted by Rumpy

I agree with tones. A good question is, why do you want to be friends with your ex? For me that situation was easy to avoid because a) at least one of us didn't want to be with the other and b)totally separate friend circles and hometowns. It's pretty clear you can't handle it (or at least this one) so why put yourself through that shit. Cut out the stress in your life whenever you can.

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You're right. And I was being friendly because she was, and figured I'd be mature about it and try to do the friend with an ex thing once in my life at least once and try to make it work.

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Originally Posted by burgundy

What the fuck, do you not have other friends? This girl is clearly an idiot if she's whining about being in love with some dude she just basically met, so the whole (flimsy at best) "I like her as a person" shit is out the window. Plus it's just fucking disrespectful for her to flaunt the shit in your face regardless of how OK you are with it, which frankly, you don't sound like you are.

Ditch her. Either she'll get all rattled and put out or she'll leave you alone. Preferably both.

And if you're tired of being single, date somebody. Hanging out with your ex isn't gonna get you anywhere. Even if you're not the bitch here, you sure look the part.

I'm friendly with most of my exes. There's a huge difference.

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haha, I knew if anyone could lay the deal down it was Burg. And thats what I am worried about is playing the part of bitch.

If her relationship is really bothering you it's just not worth it. If she starts jabbering about how in love she is, and you (justifiably) get pissed because she's stupid, not because you're jealous, you'll STILL be perceived as jealous, because her brain is going to interpret your behavior as evidence of your jealousy and NOT her stupidity. And if you're jealous, mission accomplished. No need to spread the legs.

The only way you win here is if you act like you don't give a fuck, and unless you're a budding DeNiro, the only way you're acting like you don't give a fuck is if you don't give a fuck.

My advice? Bang some chick before you head out to meet her.

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DISCLAIMER: I'm not fronting that I would always do exactly what I advise other guys (or girls, a lot of relationship advice is unisex)...and I absolutely have not always done this in the past. Nor am I saying this is always easy. (Although finding some random chick to bang is.) I'm just saying this is what you SHOULD do...and what people have told me in the past when I was being a blatant or even borderline pussy, and should I wind up in a vulnerable situation in the future, what I hope people would tell me again.

When I met Burg he was a pussy. Junior is all grown up now.

Thanks Burg. Sound advice and duly noted.

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Originally Posted by Josh

When I met Burg he was a pussy. Junior is all grown up now.

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Hey, I was stellar except for like three shitty days.

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Originally Posted by Jetman

Thanks Burg. Sound advice and duly noted.

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Beer is delicious but it's not that delicious.

Attention : girls :: sex : guys

If you give her the attention for free, she doesn't need to put out. Just like how sluts don't get boyfriends.

I mean, it's theoretically possible she's diabolical, but she'd probably be flirting with you and not gushing about him. She wants the attention. Not only is it not worth the effort, but effort is completely counterproductive. She needs to make the effort to get what she wants.