Originally Posted by The Huddle
Misery Index
(Special expanded edition to account for the over abundance of misery this week)
12) Bengals: Any team that gives up 51 points to the Browns deserves a spot in the Misery Index. Fortunately for those of us in the fantasy football business, the Bengals can be relied on to score - and allow a multitude of fantasy points. The Bengals have allowed 71 points in two games, against two teams that figure to be among the most offensively challenged in the league. They made Jamal Lewis ‘07 look like Jamal Lewis ‘03. The really tragic part is that they conned some fantasy players to buy in to the defense after their surprising week one performance, and those fantasy players that inserted the Bengals D into their lineup were rewarded with minus points depending on their league’s scoring system. Gotcha!
11) Bears: If you look at the standings, you will see the Bears at the bottom of their division. I’m not so sure that will change any time soon. They have scored one touchdown on offense, 23 points total in two games, and Grossman has thrown 1 TD vs. 3 interceptions. Take Devin Hester out of the equation, and a pathetic week 2 opponent, and Bears fans would be suicidal about now. The Bears have games coming up against the high powered Cowboys and Lions, and might be staring down the barrel of a 1-3 start to the season. The Cowboys brought in Tank Johnson for a look this week, and in between his workouts, one would imagine the coaching staff pumped him for information that might be useful this Sunday. And one would imagine Tank obliged.
10) Eagles: A couple of years ago, Donovan McNabb would have carved up the Redskins at home. But that was then. McNabb left the carving up to his field goal kicker Monday night, and the Eagles find themselves in an 0-2 hole. The Eagles have scored one touchdown in 22 possessions this season. McNabb has lost 6 of his last 7 starts. Meanwhile down in Tampa, the Bucs are 2-0 behind Garcia. Eagles fans feel like the guy that had an affair with his hot secretary while he was separated from his wife, but when push came to shove, took his wife back and let his hot secretary go to another firm.
9) Giants: Coughlin is known as one of the toughest disciplinarians in the league, yet when you watch them play, the Giants are clearly one of, if not the most undisciplined teams in the league. They have allowed more points than any team after two games. I imagine Strahan feels like the guy that jumped onto the Titanic at the last second before they cut her loose.
8) Saints: We all wondered if they were a one year wonder, and that certainly appears to be the case. Off to a horrible 0-2 start, these guys seem to have lost whatever magic they had last season. The road loss to the Colts could be written off, but the horrible game they played at Tampa last week looked a lot like the same old sorry ass Saints we knew and pitied before last year. Deuce McAllister has had 10 rushing attempts in each of the Saints first two games. He had 10 attempts or less in only two games all of last season, and yes, those were two of the Saints three losses. Cause or effect? Not sure. But I do know this, Payton the boy genius needs to make some adjustments… and fast. The defense is getting torched like a hookah at a NORML convention, and the offense scores about as much as the typical attendee at a Star Trek convention.
7) Rams: Bulger is getting pounded. Steven Jackson has been grounded. The defense is confounded. And the week 3 trip to Tampa not shaping up to be not nearly as fun as it sounded.
6) Dolphins: Trent Green has been good news for Chris Chambers and his fantasy owners. Unfortunately that is where the good news ends. Green threw 9 completions to Chambers on Sunday and 4 to the Cowboys.
5) Jets: Pennington sat out the game against the Ravens. Funny thing is, that is the third game in a row against the Ravens that Chad has sat out due to injury. Coincidence? Probably. But given Clemens game effort in the 4th quarter that nearly brought the Jets back from the dead, what appeared to be the team throwing him to the wolves only stoked the quarterback controversy fires. On Monday, Mangini felt compelled to stress that Pennington was the starter unless injured. But as the Jets keep piling up the right side of the win/loss column, the more appealing a quarterback that can throw over 15 yards will become. And Pennington getting injured is not an “if” but a “when” proposition.
4) Bills: The optimism that was running rampant through Bills nation just a few weeks ago has been replaced with brutal reality. This team has scored a whopping 17 points, which is only slightly less than Lee Evans yardage total for the season. Fingers are being pointed at Losman. Losman is pointing fingers at the play calling. And I am giving myself the finger for drafting Evans and getting caught up in this disaster.
3) Falcons: And here is a team that makes the Bills look like an offensive juggernaut. Sending 180 lb. Warrick Dunn crashing into 8 man fronts, and asking statue-like Harrington to find an open receiver with the .5 seconds he has before the hordes of defenders set up camp in the Falcons backfield after each snap, is probably not going to win Petrino any “Coach of the Year” votes. They have one real potential playmaker on the team, named Jerious Norwood. Petrino claimed last week that he was going to find a way to get him involved, but every time I found myself bored enough to turn to that game, Norwood was nowhere to be seen. Worse yet, the Falcons may be thinking Harrington is the problem and Leftwich may be the solution. If you think Leftwich is a solution, you have probably misdiagnosed the problem.
2) Chiefs: So far this season the Chiefs major accomplishment was to screw me out of a nice parlay payoff, covering the spread by 2 points against the Bears. I can’t root for them. Hell, I can barely watch them. They are as dreadful as they are boring. And now I can’t even win money betting against them? Somebody wake me when the Carl Peterson/Herm Edwards era is over. This team has gone from terminal mediocrity to just plain terminal.
1) Raiders: I would like to say that I felt bad for Ginikowski and the Raiders when the Rat pulled victory from the jaws of defeat with that perfectly timed freeze time-out. But I can’t say that. As a matter of fact I found the whole thing quite amusing. The Rat got over on Crazy Al once again. Both the Rat and Crazy Al probably had to change their underwear for different reasons after that one.
