Morning Wood

Also called HOFNAR or NARWOOD. Is it because your mind is wandering? Is it an involuntary function to prevent you from pissing the bed? Is it your body telling you "THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY EVER"?

HOFNAR can be the cause of much embarrassment at work or in social situations. For instance, I can't walk from the dining room to the front dest right now because of my HOFNAR. I just don't think it would be appropriate for children to see. It's not like I asked for it. The time is so inopportune. Then again if it isn't my fault, why shouldn't I let it be there for all to see?

strap it into your waistband, noob.

I bear mine proud. Girls are often seen staring at my huge penis, which is pretty hot.

I call it inspiration.

You just gotta flow with it. I mean, as long as you're not dancing around pointing the pop-tent at people it shouldn't be a problem.

Morning wood is a natural and involuntary preservation measure; without healthy bloodflow the tissue in the penis starts to die from oxygen deprivation. Morning wood ensures that, even if nothing ever arouses you, your penis will still get enough oxygen daily to survive and spread your seed.

I always assumed it was from me touching myself in my sleep.

I'm told it's why we can't have nice things. :(

I only had a wet dream 1 time in my life (I was unable to jerk off for a 24 hour period). It was the coolest experience ever. Until I woke up.

http://www.hofnar.com/hofnarnarnarnar-.gif

A mountain of cocks imo.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SpoDaddy

Morning wood is a natural and involuntary preservation measure; without healthy bloodflow the tissue in the penis starts to die from oxygen deprivation. Morning wood ensures that, even if nothing ever arouses you, your penis will still get enough oxygen daily to survive and spread your seed.

---

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...1&d=1188803244

In my first wet dream I was Batman and I was having sex with some chick in a Hills changing room. No costume, I just knew I was Batman and I was going to fuck this chick.

Nocturnal penile tumescence

man there's a scientific term for everything.

Quote:

---

such an erection is colloquially referred to as morning wood in North America, and as morning glory in the United Kingdom

---

Indeed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by g0zen

In my first wet dream I was Batman and I was having sex with some chick in a Hills changing room. No costume, I just knew I was Batman and I was going to fuck this chick.

---

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...2&d=1188838730

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...3&d=1188838730

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by g0zen

In my first wet dream I was Batman and I was having sex with some chick in a Hills changing room. No costume, I just knew I was Batman and I was going to fuck this chick.

---

This is so, so awesome.

The worst part about morning wood is that it makes it a bit cumbersome to take the ol' early morning pee right when I wake up.

I've probably had a little over a dozen wet dreams in my (brief) lifetime. It sucks how they always end as soon as the ejaculation goes off; I guess they're a lot like the real thing, in that regard. like I know from experience lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wEEman33

The worst part about morning wood is that it makes it a bit cumbersome to take the ol' early morning pee right when I wake up.

---

Just bend it.

Wet dreams were awesome. Now I always wake up from my good dreams before completion, which is lame.

Morning wood's best when there's someone there to share it with.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by torgo

Just bend it.

---

Superman imo.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hubbitron

I only had a wet dream 1 time in my life (I was unable to jerk off for a 24 hour period). It was the coolest experience ever. Until I woke up.

---

I've only ever had one too. It was after I went four days or so without jerking it. Ever since then I make sure to do it at least once every couple of days (not that this is usually a problem; my girlfriend is a nympho).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dunlap

Morning wood's best when there's someone there to share it with.

---

I really don't like morning sex at all.

YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

Haven't had morning sex, but waking up to someone sucking on your dick is most certainly and enjoyable way to wake up.

duh

Cow says that's a good way to get over a break-up.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by red_war_machine

I really don't like morning sex at all.

---

Are you a woman? Morning sex is awesome. It's Grrrrrrrrrrreat!

It's dirty. Real dirty.

I like dirty.

I'm a lazy bastard, and when I wake up I like to get my snooze on for at least half an hour before dragging myself into the real world. Sex gets in the way of that.

http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/image...ORNINGWOOD.gif

Funny enough I was looking at shirts this street vendor had this morning and that was one of them.

Also, this is going into my office

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e2...ike/hofnar.jpg

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by stormy

Wet dreams were awesome. Now I always wake up from my good dreams before completion, which is lame.

---

I share this problem.

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...1&d=1188964792

I win this round, noob.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by red_war_machine

I'm a lazy bastard, and when I wake up I like to get my snooze on for at least half an hour before dragging myself into the real world. Sex gets in the way of that.

---

What the fuck, rail her out and go back to bed. Seriously, if you're up and able to fuck, that means you're able to go back to bed.

http://theresnohopeforme.ytmnd.com/

Hub, Is that picture in the link from that Kids in the Hall movie "Brain Candy" or something?

Whenever I am in a dream about to hookup, I wake up right before I do, or completely ridiculous problems arise before I can seal the deal. Even when I am in control of my dream (As in, i realize its a dream, and am able to manipulate it), I will still without fail wakeup before I get to hookup.

I have only been able to hookup once in my dreams. It was glorious.

Whoa!! I was totally in Destin's spot when I was 12 - 17ish.

I made an effort every night to consciously become aware I was dreaming then literally run to find a woman to bang. I'd usually hook up with the willing participant, but it was like every time I was about to go where I hadn't gone IRL... I'd wake up. Dry.

The one time I did score, it was subconscious. And strangely enough, it felt like it did the first time, a year-and-a-half latter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Doc Holliday

Whoa!! I was totally in Destin's spot when I was 12 - 17ish.

I made an effort every night to consciously become aware I was dreaming then literally run to find a woman to bang. I'd usually hook up with the willing participant, but it was like every time I was about to go where I hadn't gone IRL... I'd wake up. Dry.

The one time I did score, it was subconscious. And strangely enough, it felt like it did the first time, a year-and-a-half latter.

---

OH yeah, it was way diffferent while I was still a virgin, because I had no idea what it would be like. Now I have hooked up with plenty of girls, but the dream girl still eludes me. I guess I have too high standards for myself.

Morning wood often pisses me off... I wish it didn't happen but I know I will miss it when it stops happening.

Yeah, that was worth bumping a 9 month old thread for.

I thought so.

Actually Bobbbbbb, I almost created a new Morning Wood thread until I noticed somebody else already did, so you would have been able to bitch about me making a duplicate instead of bumping it up. Either way, you win.

Everybody please grow up.

YOUR MOM GREW UP

My Mom can beat up your mom, so STFU.

in the morning my wood grows up.

Sometimes, when I just wake up and I have morning wood, I accidently bang my dick against the wall. I'm so sleepy and it's so large and cumbersome. Bad days tend to start like that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

in the morning my wood grows up.

---

Fail.

I just hate it because I gotta pee sitting crooked... no day should start like that, ever.

Actually, there are theories going around that whacking off 5 times a week can help to prevent certain types of cancers (many docs say this is bullshit though) but part of the theory was that morning wood is your body telling you that you need to release some jizz.

I'm willing to go along with this theory as it will make me feel I am doing good for my body. Folks who find this behavior immoral refuse to believe it though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Type Ryan

Fail.

---

because Type Ryan says so, I'm "SOLD".

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

because Type Ryan says so, I'm "SOLD".

---

You're turning into Biff after looking at your post count - and that's not a good thing.

Just saying.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Type Ryan

You're turning into Biff after looking at your post count - and that's not a good thing.

Just saying.

---

and who would be the user on here that uses up bandwidth to say "fail"? I guess you're turning into him? just saying.

Besides, Morning Wood is just as important as the latest brain cell killing game system out there... it's all about perspective.

I'm not posting 30 times a day trying to fit in and Biff got banned for being a spammer, so you can take that for what it's worth.

Real talk.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Type Ryan

I'm not posting 30 times a day trying to fit in and Biff got banned for being a spammer, so you can take that for what it's worth.

Real talk.

---

Nothing I am posting is irrelevant, this thread is about Morning Wood, where have I gone off track? There are too many ridiculous posts and threads on here to even try to start schooling me on Forum etiquette.

as far as me trying too hard, that's a matter of opinion. I can say everyone here is trying to fit in to some degree. If I'm not liked by some faceless stranger that has the high score in some game I never heard of, I'll live.

Can we get back to Morning Wood now?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Type Ryan

I'm not posting 30 times a day trying to fit in and Biff got banned for being a spammer, so you can take that for what it's worth.

Real talk.

---

This is truth.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shin Johnpv

This is truth.

---

Morning wood is a natural and involuntary preservation measure; without healthy bloodflow the tissue in the penis starts to die from oxygen deprivation. Morning wood ensures that, even if nothing ever arouses you, your penis will still get enough oxygen daily to survive and spread your seed.

how about this, do you think this is truth?

No.

how come?

I have a friend with a problem...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wEEman33

The worst part about morning wood is that it makes it a bit cumbersome to take the ol' early morning pee right when I wake up.

I've probably had a little over a dozen wet dreams in my (brief) lifetime. It sucks how they always end as soon as the ejaculation goes off; I guess they're a lot like the real thing, in that regard. like I know from experience lol

---

Don't act as if all the gothic fat chicks... and dudes that you have slept with after extreme metal shows aren't experience. How would that make them feel?

Im laughing at this entire thread. Im so glad Im a girl.

morning wood > menstration

pls blv!

Oh ok. You got me there.

With males, the genitals are out, but the blood stays in, but with women, the genitals are in, but the blood flows out.

I think males win this battle.

Men always win... I'd rather be kicked in the balls 10 times a day for the next month then give birth to one baby in 9 months.

Are you sure? That's a lot of foot to ball action, there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Grey's Anatomy

Are you sure? That's a lot of foot to ball action, there.

---

no, I'm not... but I am sure glad I don't have to find out.

Trust nothing that bleeds for a week and lives.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

Men always win... I'd rather be kicked in the balls 10 times a day for the next month then give birth to one baby in 9 months.

---

You haven't been kicked in the balls yet, I see.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by haohmaru

You haven't been kicked in the balls yet, I see.

---

not true... I haven't been kicked there in a while (which may be why I am so bold as to say I would prefer it). Anyway, I take that statement back... I just feel bad for you women.

BTW... wouldn't one think if they had sex the night before there would be no morning wood to wake up to? its gotta be biological.

I take offense to that. I am not a women.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by haohmaru

I take offense to that. I am not a women.

---

"WOMEN" not YOU WOMAN!!! (stop helping my post count, Opaque will be upset)

I get it every morning regardless of the activities from the night before.

You are a retard who doesn't understand its purpose. How about you go fucking learn something and report back later?

Jason: You had better be a NY Rangers fan, living in Westchester and all, or we're NOT going to get along. ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Josh

I get it every morning regardless of the activities from the night before.

You are a retard who doesn't understand its purpose. How about you go fucking learn something and report back later?

---

I actually find that as time marches on, I'm more likely to get morning wood after having had sex the night before. Less likely if I didn't. Odd.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Josh

I get it every morning regardless of the activities from the night before.

You are a retard who doesn't understand its purpose. How about you go fucking learn something and report back later?

---

I come here to learn Josh and primarily from you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by haohmaru

Jason: You had better be a NY Rangers fan, living in Westchester and all, or we're NOT going to get along. ;)

---

ha... I'll add you to the list, not a Rangers fan nor am I hockey fan.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by haohmaru

I actually find that as time marches on, I'm more likely to get morning wood after having had sex the night before. Less likely if I didn't. Old.

---

Fixed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Josh

Fixed.

---

How do we fix you?

I'm perfect like I am, baby.

LOL

back on topic guys, please... no spamming.

Was your last post on topic? STFU.

No it was not... thank you for making me see that.

getting kicked in the balls doesn't hurt when they haven't dropped yet

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

I just hate it because I gotta pee sitting crooked... no day should start like that, ever.

---

am I the only one to notice that Jason just said that he sits while he takes a piss...... :lol:

No, I noticed it too. It just made me

http://bp3.blogger.com/_ZnVWFLNimT8/...acepalmbq8.jpg

Maybe he was having a BM at the same time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

I come here to learn Josh and primarily from you.

---

:td:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Elkino1

am I the only one to notice that Jason just said that he sits while he takes a piss...... :lol:

---

With morning wood you better believe I sit. You wanna clean the piss off my walls?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Korian

Maybe he was having a BM at the same time.

---

nah, it's the wood.

Sitting is acceptable in such a circumstance. This is especially true if you consider the fact that morning wood piss can be very erratic, and is not always confined to a single, solid stream.

Sitting to urinate is comfortable, as long as you're not touching water.

It also makes cleaning the toilet much easier, as you avoid excess piss-water splash.

Guys who can't confine their piss to the toilet must not care because I've let loose while tired, drunk, erect... I never make a mess.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Calliander

Guys who can't confine their piss to the toilet must not care because I've let loose while tired, drunk, erect... I never make a mess.

---

It's not so much an issue of outright missing. Rather, a particularly powerful stream can lead to undesirable backsplash.

Ya'll must not have good dick control then. Just saying.

Normally I do. But morning wood is a wild card. It is a force that must be respected.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Calliander

Ya'll must not have good dick control then. Just saying.

---

they're noobs at pissing :lol:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

With morning wood you better believe I sit. You wanna clean the piss off my walls?

---

I've never had morning wood I couldn't get rid of before I hit the can in the morning.

I only get morning wood on the weekends. I don't know why.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by squall_vb

Sitting is acceptable in such a circumstance. This is especially true if you consider the fact that morning wood piss can be very erratic, and is not always confined to a single, solid stream.

---

finally, somebody who understands.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dunlap

Sitting to urinate is comfortable, as long as you're not touching water.

---

I've touched water, I just get over it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Calliander

Guys who can't confine their piss to the toilet must not care because I've let loose while tired, drunk, erect... I never make a mess.

---

bullshit, you just go to bed and leave the mess for somebody else to clean later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Calliander

Ya'll must not have good dick control then. Just saying.

---

With Morning Wood the dick controls you.