The most painful experience of your life

TLDR WARNING

I contracted Appendicitis about 9 years ago, when I was 14. It began with a tube of M&M's minis. After eating them, I felt like I was constipated and had terrible gas that I couldn't expel, and it continued for 2 days. So my folks take me to my doctor, he says that there shouldn't be anything wrong, take some ex lax and things will be fine.

My parents wanted a second opinion, so they took me to the hospital the same night. Things go from bad to worse in the waiting room. Finally they lay me down in the ER, sweating and moaning. The pain becomes sharp and pronounced, less like gas and more like something stabbing me right through the gut. I'm there under a hot lamp for 2 hours while some dipshit student doctors lay on the guesswork. They don't know what's up. My dad starts arguing with them, he "knows" it's appendicitis. Before they could argue any more, my appendix explodes and the pain is so intense that I pass out. It's like having a grenade go off inside you. I wake up what must have been hours later and I'm still on the bed, they haven't started operating yet. IN fact, they're waiting on a specialist to determine that my appendix did in fact rupture. I'm pumped so full of painkillers than I can barely feel anything, let alone speak. The specialist shows up almost an hour later and they put me under.

I wake up in the OR after the operation, thirstier than I've ever been in my entire life. They tell me it's a side effect of the knockout gas. Bad news is, I can't drink or eat anything for 2 weeks. All they could do was wet my lips with a sponge. It was so frustrating, but before I knew it I was out cold again. I didn't wake up until the early hours of the morning. While asleep the doctors inserted a plastic tube into my nose, meant to vacuum up the poison and gunk that made its way into my stomach from the exploded appendix. I unconsciously tore the tube out in my sleep. Unfortunately for me, I didn't sleep through them attempting to re-insert it. It was truly terrifying, barely knowing what's going on, waking up to 4-5 hands in your face, trying to shove something in your nose and down your throat. I screamed so loud that the floor nurses thought there was a fire or something.

Anyway, the next 2 weeks were miserable. I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I was bedridden because of a needle in my cock collecting urine right from my bladder, and I had an incision in my abdomen that would leak like you wouldn't believe. They had to change the dressing twice a day. It hurt to talk due to the tubing in my face. Oh, and the veins in my wrists are notoriously hard to pinpoint, leading to an incident where the sugar water being pumped into my veins was being misdirected into my hand and lower arm, causing it to swell painfully for 2-3 hours before they thought to remove the excess fluids.

It happened like 3 days before Christmas too, where we planned to go to Texas to visit our grandmother who was then thought to be dying of cancer. So in addition to the daily physical pain, I was on the phone with relatives in Texas waiting to hear news about her. More than that though, today all I can remember is the sheer pain that first night, I've never felt any pain remotely close to it since then.

There's a big scar too, and today it's actually hurting quite a bit. I think I told this story here once, I can't remember for sure. Dole, never take your kids to Winthrop is all I can say.

Damn, your story takes the cake.
Pretty gnarly!

I've never really experienced extreme physical pain. Never broke anything, no major injuries or illnesses.

I had a piece of broken headlight glass jammed into my wrist once, but it didn't hurt, probably because I was so shocked. I went to the hospital, they shot up my wrist with novocain, and before they stitched me up the doctor put on a rubber glove and stuck his finger in the hole and felt around for glass shards. It was like that scene in The Terminator when Arnold's operating on his wrist. Freaky.

I was actually very lucky- the glass totally missed my artery and any tendons. Aside from the cut, no damage.

Trial, that sucks man. Mine aren't as bad.

1) I was walking on a steel beam and slipped and straddled it, smashing my nuts. I dimly remember being curled up on the ground pleading with God to kill me.

2) I was playing a game of pickup soccer and a guy missed the ball and kicked me in the shin, which broke in a few places. I can't really remember how much it hurt, as my brain must have deleted the memory on purpose, but I do remember having a sore throat for a few days from screaming.

I do remember now, when I was a kid I was playing softball and someone hit a line drive straight into my shin. That kinda hurt a lot.

• I think I told this story here once. I woke up in the middle of surgery. I went to a specialist to take out all four of my wisdom teeth. They said it was because they were growing in wrong and forcing my teeth to grow irregularly. They put me under with laughing gas; told me to count to ten. 1..2..3..4..5......I was out. It felt like I was still counting and when I reached ten. I woke up. So here I am drowsy and mubbling, but I was still counting. I could hear crunching sounds and banging. When my eyes cleared I saw a metal pick in my mouth and someone with a hammer. I will never forget her shock as she realized I woke up too early. They could not put me under again. But she said to be calm. Yeah okay. They had two more teeth to go. After the painkillers subsided and yeah took forever for the scripts to show up ... I was in pain like you would not believe. Not as bad as exploding appendix, but just swallowing water or the movement of the tongue ... was a horrible feeling and painful. You don't know how much your tongue moves around in your mouth. Then, they told me to everyday garggle salt water in my mouth to clean the wounds and any debris in the holes left from the missing teeth. WORST feeling.
• 10 years old. Playing RoughHouse Freeze Tag. I tagged some dude on the back. As he tags someone he comes running at me and pushes me down hard. I fall face first and crack my mouth on a sidewalk. Broke my front tooth in half ... and I don't mean horizontal. Yeah vertical. The nerve was exposed and it was so painful I could barely walk. I was taken to a dentist and they put a cap on. But when they had to clean the wound and they tried to clip the nerve ... yeah. They didn't but everytime they had to clean inside the tooth ... they would grab the nerve and hold it with some tweezers. It was horrible.

Ahh fuck, I hate mouth related injury/pain. Dreams where I lose my teeth are shitty enough.

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Originally Posted by Advocate

• 10 years old. Playing RoughHouse Freeze Tag. I tagged some dude on the back. As he tags someone he comes running at me and pushes me down hard. I fall face first and crack my mouth on a sidewalk. Broke my front tooth in half ... and I don't mean horizontal. Yeah vertical. The nerve was exposed and it was so painful I could barely walk. I was taken to a dentist and they put a cap on. But when they had to clean the wound and they tried to clip the nerve ... yeah. They didn't but everytime they had to clean inside the tooth ... they would grab the nerve and hold it with some tweezers. It was horrible.

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This gives me an erection like you would not believe!

I was a supervisor at a mental health home. My underlings didn't arrive until 9:00, but I had to be there at 7:00. I'd go into the office, lean back in the chair, and throw my feet on the desk. After a few weeks I started getting pain in my lower back. I ignored it and after a few days it hurt to sit. Then it hurt to walk. I finally go to emergency where a young doc in training tells me I have an abscess on my tail bone. Apparently the pressure from me reclining the way I did fucked me up. I have to drop trough and he proceeds to make incisions to drain away the puss. He didn't anesthetize or anything, just started cutting. After a few minutes of me screaming bloody murder, he popped a bandage on and gave me the number to a specialist.
I saw the specialist the next day. He looks at my ass and says it's good I didn't wait any longer. The emergency doc cut deep emough to open the pocket, but not deep enough to get all the puss out; meaning the shit could have gotten into my bloodstream. He shoots me up with a local, but not nearly enough. He then used an instrument that looked like what they use for liposuction and started digging away. I've never felt such pain in my life. I feel him rubbing it against my tail bone and stabbing the shit out of my lower back. I was screaming, crying, the whole nine. He said, "I guess I should have used more anesthetic."
The good news was he got all the pus out. The bad news was that he would have to go back in later to cut out all the dead meat, and I would have to be off my feet for two to three weeks after the operation.
Well, I never went back for the operation (at the time I couldn't afford either the operation, or the time off of work). So now if I sleep or sit wrong, I can feel pressure building on my tail bone, but it goes away in a day or two.

When I was 19 or 20 I went drunken pool hopping with a couple buddies and we came across the condo complex that my buddy's ex-g/f lived in. We decided to throw all the deck furniture into the pool and a glass table shattered loudly. Panicked and drunk, we just ran. I forgot my flip flops, which meant I ran across 30ft of concrete covered with shards of glass barefoot Die Hard-style. I got to the car and realized there was blood squirting out of my feet and shards of glass sticking out everywhere. I wrapped beach towels around my feet so the blood wouldn't gush all over the car and we sped to a friend's house. My buddies carried me inside, poured some whiskey in my mouth (I was real freaked out at this point and needed to be more drunk for what was to come). Next they poured whiskey all over my feet (which hurt like a motherfucker) and slowly pulled out all the shards. I passed out from either the pain, blood loss, or shock (or all three) as they finished and woke up on the couch with 18 blood-soaked ace bandages wrapped around my feet.

I can't decide if that's a cause or an effect, but it's definitely a correlation.

I cracked my skull as a kid, probably the most blood I've ever let out of my body.

1) Playing baseball when I was in 4th grade. I was the idiot climbing on the fence and jumping off. One of the times I jumped off I got caught on a rusty part of the fence. I thought it was my shirt....I was wrong. I was hanging from the fence by my right wrist. The rusty part sticking off the fence punctured and ripped my hand open. When I finally got down I could see a flap of skin on my hand pulled up and I was looking directly at the clean white bone in my hand. To this day I still have a huge badass scar on my right hand.

2) Another jumping over shit story. When I was 8 I was jumping off my bed over the foot of my bed onto the ground. There was a bar on the foot of my bed that had a gap underneath it. I jumped, slipped, my leg went inside the gap of the foot of the bed, and instead of bending down like it should have, right above my knee my leg snapped and bend upwards cracking my entire leg.

3) When I was even younger, around 6 or 7, my family was on vacation in Aruba. I was getting out of the shower on the last day there, and whoops, slipped and fell directly on my head. Cracked the front of my head clean open .

4) When I was 13 I was rollerblading down a huge hill near my house. I tried to get going as fast as I could, ended up hitting a rock and hitting the ground with my wrist and head taking the brunt of the fall. I ended up getting knocked out from the head impact, and when I got up off the ground there was a shooting pain my my wrist, and I noticed that my hand was about 3 inches underneath where it normally should have been. I shattered my wrist in 6 places right on the growth plate.

i got spinal menengitis my junior year of uni. had to get a spinal tap. worst.....pain.....ever.

Was a dumb kid playing around the garden at my grandparents house. Tried to open this rusted gate and I reached over the top of the gate to unlatch the door from the other side. Next thing I know my left arm is impaled on one of the spikes at the top of the gate. I was too afraid to move and all I could see was this gaping tear gushing blood all over me. I was in such shock that it didn't hurt at first--it just felt like the warmth was leaving my body. The pain soon hit me and I started screaming my head off until one of my relatives found me and we rushed to the nearest hospital. I have an awesome scar to remember that day.

soundwave and I have matching scars. Cute.

I broke my toe playing kickball while at a summer camp.

Two days afterwards, we all went whitewater rafting, which involved a fair amount of walking through water on various wobbly rocks.

Now imagine yourself, with a very much broken toe, walking through water on wobbly rocks, wearing only teva-sandals.

That shit hurt. A lot. Rafting still kicked ass though.

When Frodo went to the Elf land

I hate to admit it, but that made me chuckle.

Three incidents:

1. 19 Years Old, developed this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_arthritis

After getting food poisoning and shitting my brains out for a week. Got bad arthritis (could not walk) and all the symptoms of the clap without it being the clap. I could have gotten pink eye too, lucked out on that one. They stuck me in the kid's lounge where everytime they moved me, I began cursing loudly so much that they almost kicked me out, lol. Ruined my first college summer though.

2. 19 Years Old: Got my finger stick in a door where I promptly ripped off the top of my middle finger. Lot of blood and they almost had to chop off the top half of the finger. Good amount of pain. My friends who were there saved my piece of finger and put it on ice, only for the EMT to throw it away and they used a maxipad to soak up the blood coming out of my finger. :)

3. 27 Years Old: Uvulopalatophargoplasty. Corrective, elective for obstructive sleep apnea. Whole lot of pain. But I don't snore anymore and I am sleeping better. Pain was pretty intense, was on morphine the first night where it made me itch pretty frequently.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

I've never really experienced extreme physical pain. Never broke anything, no major injuries or illnesses.

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Holy shit, I knew it. Dole is Superman.

• A couple of weeks ago I had to pinch out a mother of a turd. That thing kept playing peekaboo -- worse pain than childbirth IMO. Fairytale ending though.

• I broke my foot once. I didn't believe the doctor. To this day I still believe I was misdiagnosed. I went to the movie Little Nicky the night I broke it with a couple of friends. I always heard these sissies complaining about how much broken bones hurt so I didn't think the pain matched my preconceived notion of what a broken bone must feel like. I didn't even break stride.

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Originally Posted by Advocate

• I think I told this story here once. I woke up in the middle of surgery. I went to a specialist to take out all four of my wisdom teeth. They said it was because they were growing in wrong and forcing my teeth to grow irregularly. They put me under with laughing gas; told me to count to ten. 1..2..3..4..5......I was out. It felt like I was still counting and when I reached ten. I woke up. So here I am drowsy and mubbling, but I was still counting. I could hear crunching sounds and banging. When my eyes cleared I saw a metal pick in my mouth and someone with a hammer. I will never forget her shock as she realized I woke up too early. They could not put me under again. But she said to be calm. Yeah okay. They had two more teeth to go. After the painkillers subsided and yeah took forever for the scripts to show up ... I was in pain like you would not believe. Not as bad as exploding appendix, but just swallowing water or the movement of the tongue ... was a horrible feeling and painful. You don't know how much your tongue moves around in your mouth. Then, they told me to everyday garggle salt water in my mouth to clean the wounds and any debris in the holes left from the missing teeth. WORST feeling.
• 10 years old. Playing RoughHouse Freeze Tag. I tagged some dude on the back. As he tags someone he comes running at me and pushes me down hard. I fall face first and crack my mouth on a sidewalk. Broke my front tooth in half ... and I don't mean horizontal. Yeah vertical. The nerve was exposed and it was so painful I could barely walk. I was taken to a dentist and they put a cap on. But when they had to clean the wound and they tried to clip the nerve ... yeah. They didn't but everytime they had to clean inside the tooth ... they would grab the nerve and hold it with some tweezers. It was horrible.

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Bullet points? Who the hell do you think you are. I'm adding some to my story now. Classes things up a bit.

I have a story simliar to Brand X's (but no pain): I was a high school sophomore, I just got off of school, was too lazy to walk the long way around to get home and decided to take a shortcut over a rusty fence. I threw the backpack over and started to climb, when I got off balance and my right hand caught on one of the top spikes. It ripped my hand open, but no blood. I spent 4 hours (put cotton on my wound) without letting my mom know. When she found out, she went ballistic and rushed me to the E.R. Crazy scar to this day, too.
My real "most painful experience of my life" was when I was playing the Simpsons drinking game with my friend Dave at his house. We did shots of vodka every time Homer said, "D'oh." Oh, man....7 shots and then drunkenly making beer-basted chicken. After that, I was throwing up for three hours. I consider those the longest three hours of my life. And then I drove home to pass out.

I have yet to hear someone chime in here who was a skater or snowboarder...I have a long list of terribly painful injuries from skating, and even worse ones from snowboarding. I stopped doing both at about the age of 21, while I was still invincible. At that time, none of them put me out for more than a week, except for a vicious ankle dislocation that took me out for about a month. Actually, the worst I ever felt was when I bruised my spleen skating. Hospital, can't breathe, pain...etc...lame.

I'm in the same position as Dole.

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Originally Posted by Dyne

had to get a spinal tap. worst.....pain.....ever.

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Dude, I've heard that's some crazy painful shit.

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Originally Posted by BioMechanic

Holy shit, I knew it. Dole is Superman.

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Damn straight.

Even though i cant really remember the pain now i had an open heart surgery when i was 3.

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Originally Posted by Mykozo

I have yet to hear someone chime in here who was a skater

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I've fallen hard many times. Never broke anything though. I did slide about ten feet on my face once and passed out. That was a real bummer. I looked like Freddy Kruger for a while. I was riding an "Executioner" board at the time. It had rails and a tail guard and all that dumb 80's shit.

The tattoo on my wrist was fucking excruciating as well. It might have been the most upsetting 45 seconds of my life.

Actually no... the worst was getting cross checked in the back, which dislocated my shoulder. I then fell forward onto the ice, slamming my shoulder back into its socket and breaking one of the bones in there in the process. I was so, so, so upset. That was the injury that ended my hockey career.

I saw two fat people having sex once. With the lights on and I was sober.

I'm so sorry.

Kidney stones and the related renal calculus. I wasn't aware such pain was possible. My first stone was estimated to be 9mm-10mm, and jagged. It fell into my ureter, slicing the inside walls, and causing my urine to back up into my kidney. I went to the emergency room, had some cocky-ass doctor who thought I was after painkillers, released me. That night, I went back to the emergency room, they ran a CT-scan, and found SIX stones, three in one kidney, two in the other, and the stone in question. They immediately called a urologist and put me under heavy narcotics (Dilaudid, then a Fenatyl patch, both several hundred times more powerful than morphine).

A week later, pissing blood the entire while and experiencing pain (even with oxycontin) akin to being kicked repeatedly in the kidney, I was put into surgery and the urologist elected to give me a ureteroscopy, with stint. Essentially, the doctor sticks a long probe with a laser module on the end and goes in through the penis, all the way up to the proximal region of the ureter, and attempts to "blast" the stone apart.

The surgery failed. The stint, in me for a week, is a tube coiled in the kidney, stretched through the ureter, into the bladder, and out of the penis. There is literally a little string hanging out of the cock-hole--Why? Because the doctor has to pull it out, hand-over-hand, without putting me to sleep!

A month later, I found out that the failed surgery actually scarred my ureter and didn't get rid of ANY of the stone. I went in for lithotripsy, and that worked--FOR ONE of the SIX stones. The other five are sitting there, waiting.

Subjectively speaking, large kidney stones that pass into the ureter are said to be more painful than child birth, gun shots, and waking during stomach surgery. I don't know about all that, but I pray nightly for the other stones to miraculously evaporate.

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Originally Posted by BioMechanic

Holy shit, I knew it. Dole is Superman.

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http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d7...nbreakable.jpg

I had a nurse stick a q tip down my urthrea a few years ago.

I've been fingered in the anus before, seriously it's the
worse pain ever.

big man hands?

Bone marrow biopsy. Ugh. My first one I chose to stay awake and take no pain meds/vicodin beforehand. The doctor was reportedly "amazing" at them, so he didn't deem it necessary.

Well, according to him, I have some of the hardest bones he's ever worked with. He dug into my bones about 20 times, each in a different area (couldn't find a "tender" spot). Imagine ramming a shovel into a rock. Yeah. Each time I could hear the cracking of the bone, and the needle squishing into the fleshy part of it. He had to shimmy into it, putting all the pressure of his body to jam it in. Then crrrrraaaaaaaaaccccccck. Slurrrrrrrrrrrrpp. Little drips of his sweat twickled onto my back as he dug into me . If the option to die came up at the moment, I'd totally have gone for it.

Finally, after about 45min to an hour of trying to slurp up a marrow sample, he "gave up." Had to do it again in a week, but this time asleep.

And yes, I do realize how sexual this all sounded.

I do not recommend staying awake as needles crack into your backbones. It's really no fun.

Doing a stair set and having the board spin out from the rail. I hit my mouth on the rail and chipped 3 teeth.

I'm missing a big chunk of bone in my elbow from hitting a sand patch and going flying.

But the real answer is the star tattoos around my neck. You have no idea.

You talked me out of going to the neck area if I remember correctly.

Thank you.

This is why I was absent most of last year. It went on for months and was so bad I would have welcomed death with open arms.

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Originally Posted by Josh

big man hands?

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Yes I had to get my prostate examined. I felt raped.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

I've never really experienced extreme physical pain. Never broke anything, no major injuries or illnesses.

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I'm pretty much in a similar boat. For all the stupid shit I've done, no bone breaks or anything terrible. I mean, enough stitches, but I don't really consider that terribly serious. I'm overdue. I've never even had a cavity.

I did get my skull dented with a spade shovel, though. It bled a lot and was terribly upsetting but it really didn't hurt.

Bullants bit my dick tip and scrotum.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myrmecia

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Originally Posted by Drewbacca

• A couple of weeks ago I had to pinch out a mother of a turd. That thing kept playing peekaboo -- worse pain than childbirth IMO. Fairytale ending though.

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I hear that. After my surgery and not eating or drinking much for a week, I finally had to drop a turd. Good god. I was on the bowl for an hour and I had never done so much work to get out a turd the size of a golf ball. I was sweating so much I had to use my bathroom's hand towel to dry off and it was soaked when I finished. Imagine taking a piece of paper and poking a nickel sized hole in the paper. Then hold the paper up and take a brick up against the whole. Now imagine trying to squeeze that entire brick through that hole. That's what it felt like.

The worst part was I just couldn't squeeze out the last turd that night, so I went to bed and it felt like a had a rock lodged in my anus all night.

The worst were the next turds, after I started eating again. Was rock solid, clogged the bowl and giantly thick. I remember that night that it felt like my anus was so stretched that I was going to shit my pants any minute and I was going to have a stroke from all the straining and grunting.

The only 2 hour shit I ever dropped stayed in the bowl for an entire day's worth of flushes. It wouldn't even dissolve overnight. I had to break it up with a toilet brush.

edit: it might have been a coat hanger now that i think about it.

Urinary Tract/Bladder Infection. It's like you pee fire and the pain is with you for HOURS.

There was this time where I had a fucked-up 24-hour virus and was spewing stuff out at both ends at the same time. That pretty much sucked.

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Originally Posted by AstroBlue

Bullants bit my dick tip and scrotum.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myrmecia

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Australia is a fucked-up place.

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Originally Posted by Korian

Yes I had to get my prostate examined. I felt raped.

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That happened to me once too. It felt totally disgusting, but it wasnt actually painful. Did your doctor have John Madden sausage fingers and no lube?

I call shenanigans.

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The symptoms of the stings of the ants are similar to stings of the fire ants. The reaction is local; swelling, reddening and fever, followed by formation of a blister. The heart rate increases, and blood pressure falls rapidly. In individuals allergic to the venom (about 3% of cases), a sting sometimes causes anaphylactic shock. Although 3% may seem small, jack jumper ants cause more deaths in Tasmania than spiders, snakes, wasps, and sharks combined.

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The doc that gave me the finger up the butt was an attractive female doctor around my age. Made it easier to deal with.

To this day no man has ever put anything in my butt.

edit: perhaps a thermometer when I was younger.

A doctor pulled a train out of my ass once.

Back in high school I hit a guard rail on my bike trying to avoid a car that pulled right in front of me. Guard rail cut open my pants and I slid about 6 feet on my penis. Knee was all screwed up too but concrete burn on dick was the only thing I noticed. *-neo

OUCH!

getting nailed in the nuts with a frozen street hockey ball was probably it for me. I remember I was down for quite a bit. However I guess the most painful thing was either when I got Mono and my throat was completely infected...you could look in my mouth and see walls of throbbing pus up and down my throat. I spent a month spitting into a bucket because swallowing was so painful..or when I tore a bunch of muscles in my abdomen and couldn't stand up.

When I broke my hand I played xbox with it broken, so meh.
When I got bit in the face by a dog it didn't really hurt so much as bleed.

I burned my hand once, that sucked. Burns are terrible, the pain never goes away.

I recommend listening to country/folk music while reading this thread. It makes it all better.

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Originally Posted by Josh

The only 2 hour shit I ever dropped stayed in the bowl for an entire day's worth of flushes. It wouldn't even dissolve overnight. I had to break it up with a toilet brush.

edit: it might have been a coat hanger now that i think about it.

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LOL... this sounds similar to my "Subway Shit" I took back in high school.


I worked at Subway, so I obviously ate a lot of their food. You want to know the cure for diarrhea is? Answer - eat Subway's white bread for 3 days straight. That stuff will make you constipated in no time.

While closing out my shift, I went to the bathroom to relieve the anal pressure building up in my ass, in hopes of expelling this thing from my body. The next 45 minutes were spent trying to get the thing out, but with no success. This situation required some serious firepower, so I went home and enlisted the help of my dad to go to the grocery store and buy me a suppository (I was 15 at the time and I couldn't drive).

So, with gel capsule in-hand, I did one of the more disgusting things in my life and manually inserted the suppository to lube up my ass for the impending child birth I was about to give. After a few minutes of holding the "loaf" in, I was ready. The next 30 minutes of my life gave me a newfound appreciation for what women go through during child birth.

After making myself light-headed and causing the veins in my neck and head to burst during my "push", the "baby" came out.

Dimensions of my shit "baby": at least 10 inches long (maybe bigger) and the diameter of a medium-sized cup or can of soda. That turd must have wieghed at least 2-3 lbs. There was a little bit of blood due to my ass literally being torn during the process and I was forced to sleep on my side for the next 2 days.

Since then, I have limited my Subway consumption considerably.

I have other painful injuries (broken nose 5x, many concussions, broken fingers, torn miniscus, sprained ACL/MCL, etc.) but nothing as entertaining as my Subway Shit.

Ah so that's why you love the dick.

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Originally Posted by neoalphazero

Guard rail cut open my pants and I slid about 6 feet on my penis.

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:lol:

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Originally Posted by Type Ryan

The next 30 minutes of my life gave me a newfound appreciation for what women go through during child birth.

After making myself light-headed and causing the veins in my neck and head to burst during my "push", the "baby" came out.

Dimensions of my shit "baby": at least 10 inches long (maybe bigger) and the diameter of a medium-sized cup or can of soda.
Since then, I have limited my Subway consumption considerably.

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Does this explain your avatar?

Yes, that is the turd in said story.

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Originally Posted by neoalphazero

concrete burn on dick

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You win.

Some fucking cocksucker in New York bumped into my sister and sent her tumbling down the escalator at Penn Station yesterday. Didn't even stop to see if she was okay. She has a concussion and some cuts, that's all thank god.

I'm not there and there's nothing I can do about it.

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Originally Posted by Mykozo

I have yet to hear someone chime in here who was a skater or snowboarder...I have a long list of terribly painful injuries from skating, and even worse ones from snowboarding. I stopped doing both at about the age of 21, while I was still invincible. At that time, none of them put me out for more than a week, except for a vicious ankle dislocation that took me out for about a month. Actually, the worst I ever felt was when I bruised my spleen skating. Hospital, can't breathe, pain...etc...lame.

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ehem, I have a pretty good list of injuries, but a very high threshold for pain, so while most of my injuries may cause your typical pansy to cringe, they were mild discomforts to me.

scanning my memory banks for a good one...

• Ah-ha, just remembered my most painful injury: traded my snowboard equip with a skier friend for a few runs and his boots were a size too small. I squeezed into them and enjoyed a handful of runs bangin moguls and spinning helicoptors. My toes were sore but pretty much went numb I guess. So back in the lodge I pull the boots off and within a minute my left big toe is on fire. It was excruciating pain, and I had a friend drive my down to the ski patrol cabin. It was only a few minutes till we got there but by then my toenail was already being pushed off by the swelling purple blood-blister forming underneath the nail. The ski patrol guys sort of laughed in anquished nervous sympathy and that there was nothing they could do. One of them had personally experienced this and told me he had to take a small drill bit and slowly bore through the nail to then puncture the swollen toe with a needle and let the blood out (and he also said he passed out when the pressure was relieved). It took me hours to bare the pain and slowly scrape a hole in my toenail down to the skin. Trying to pucture the skin with a needle was unbearable and I ended up heating the needle red hot and burning through to relieve the pressure.
  
• Working with a neighbor reconstructing a stream bank: we were pivoting a large rock into place. The pivot point slipped out and pinched my finger between another rock. Screamed like a girl, saw stars, nauseous stomach, then passed out. Shatterd the bone in the tip of my middle finger and partially ripped the finger nail off.
  
• Climbing on a steep rockface, ascending through some dwarf evergreen trees on the slope. Looking down at my footing and then turning my head to look up at my next hand hold, a pine needle somehow gets behind my glasses and stabs me in the eye. My partners couldn't see anything in my eye, so I tried to convince myself it was going to be alright. This was also like 2 days before x-mas, after not sleeping and not being able to see straight I had to call my dad, sobbing from pain and exasperation, to come take me to the hospital. We spent most of x-mass eve in the ER waiting room, and turns out I had a scratched retina. Fucking most annoying injury ever!
  
• Steet skating in Baltimore, riding by a bus terminal and saw some metal grates on the road where the busses idle. I particularly like the rythms and vibrations of skating on different natural terrain, and from my angle the grate looked like it would give a nice vrrrmmb sound. So pushed toward it full speed and approached in a wheelie (manual). I didn't know wtf happened, but I got worked! the grate was large holed and swallowed my wheels whole. The large holes also tore nasty holes in my skin. Ripped my palm open, tore my shirt and my shoulder open, and bruised the fuck out of my hip. Walking home, blood pouring from my hand, had to stop a few times and reorient as i was seeing stars and kept almost passing out. My stupidest and worst skating injury.
  
• Skating Owls Head Park in Brooklyn: went mach speed into the bowl corner into a 50-50 across the spine. My board blew out and droped me straight to my shin onto the metal spine. Shin was slit open down to the bone. The skin must have just splattered cause the ER doctor complained there was hardly enough left to pull together to stich-up. That one was more of a shock then pain. After passing out, falling over, and smacking the back of my head I came to full of adrenaline and didn't feel a thing.
  
• Generally bruises are more painful than cuts or breaks. Some favorites: repeatedly falling on the same elbow (swellbow) - to the point that I would lose feeling in my hand and fingers. And hipper - the old skateboarding classic: a black and blue hip is a painfull thing. Actually I had my worst hipper from falling on an ice boulder while snowboarding (could barely walk for a couple days).

And contrary to popular belief broken bones don't really hurt much (imo)

I have three memorable ones. In the second grade, playing on a wooden set during recess, a 2 inch long wooden chip from the handrail sliced into my hand between the thumb and index finger. It was removed by my father with tweezers, piece by piece, since it was the first day of school and they didn't have my medical card to authorize treatment otherwise.

2, I fell off a horse. Fucked my back up. It's still not so great.

3, dislocated my elbow snowboarding. A fat guy trying to ski crashed into me and my elbow landed under him. Ow.

Horses will own you if you're not careful.

Tad off-topic, but here's a "Would Have Probably Caused Death" experience.

One time, Josh and I had to rotate the screen in one of his arcade cabinets from a vertical position to a horizontal position. Well, the thing is, apparently this process requires certain tools and more people than what was required at the time, but we said, "Fuck it" anyway.

As we're about to engage in lifting this monstrosity of a screen, Josh tells me to be mindful of the red wire in the back of the screen. I asked why and he said that it would pretty much kill us due of the electrical charge built up.

Luckily, we were able to make the switch without frying ourselves, but that was one of the more stupid things I've done in my life.

Confirmation on kidney stones being horrific. Mine didn't hurt coming out, it was broken up really small. But before that? Holy shit. It's seriously the closest I'd imagine you can get to feeling an Alien bursting through your chest. Only lower and to the left or right.

I had knee and hip surgery around 14, I consider that the worst part of my life. Lots of pain (I think this is what kept me from seeing why people take pain killers for fun, I had a morphine drip during this and it only took the edge off. My brain associates extreme shittiness with it I guess). Rehab for knee surgery fucking BLOWS.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

Dude, I've heard that's some crazy painful shit.

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it's not something that somebody should ever want a 2nd time. unfortunately the girl in the room with me got the bad end. they "missed" twice so before they got to me i said "if you fuck up i WILL stab you with the needle".

imagine fetal position (which i hate like spreading toes. spread vertibrae just freaks me out). the needle feels like this real stupid and hard pressure at first and then a wicked pop, then the fires of hell enter the spot, then really bad sustained pain.

Yeah, never work with cabs unless you discharge the monitor first. The anode is deadly.

Kidney stones are my greatest fear in life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Type Ryan

we said, "Fuck it"

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I forgot we did that. lol that shit was dumb.

but we got street fighter 3 out of it...

3rd strike or bust imo

Quote:

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Originally Posted by portnoyd

Yeah, never work with cabs unless you discharge the monitor first. The anode is deadly.

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I rotate my astro city all the time. The monitor has a metal basket around it and all I do is grab the frame, lift, and rotate. No need to discharge all the time.

My second place story took place in a Bennigan's when I was 10 years old. I was there with my parents and my aunt and uncle visiting from Colombia. Around dessert time I tell them I have to go to the bathroom. Feeling that I'd be able to go unescorted, they let me go.

Now, when I say the bathroom doors there were big, I mean it in all possible ways. The doors were extremely thick, heavy and tall. 100+ pounds easily, and they were on a swinging double hinge. I go inside with some struggle and take a piss. On the way out I slip on the tile floors, as it had gotten a little wet from the sink, or mopping, or whatever. This is just as I manage to push the door open. I slip to my knees and spread my arms out to keep from falling on my face. What came next was a serious jolt of excrutiating, bone crusing pain.

In throwing my arms out, the middle finger of my right hand entered the swinging hinge of the monstrous bathroom door. In mere seconds the door swung back and literally crushed my finger, and happily started swinging inward again. My finger had been double hinge crushed, leaving the top of it literally dangling by a small strip of flesh. Screaming and wailing, I ran full speed toward my table. Before I could even make it there my father had perked up and met me halfway. Without saying anything he charged behind the bar serving customers and hijacked the sink. He washed off the already gushing blood and saw what I just described: a barely attached nail and dangling skin.

I made it to the hospital within 20 minutes, and was forced to witness my finger literally being sewn back together, franken-style. It was actually a miracle that they were able to re-construct it, and to this day it's a little longer than it should be, and the odd thing is if I feel pain near the top I don't feel it anywhere else. Some nerves were severed I guess. The pain, as awful as it was, still doesn't compare to the appendicitis, but it has that charm of being visibly grotesque as opposeed to fairly unseen.

EDIT: Thanks to this incident I came into a few thousand dollars as per the following settlement. I think it got me my college computer and some money towards tuition.

Wow, Doc Holiday made a reference (indirect or not) to Robobo in this thread. I am impressed.

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Originally Posted by Mykozo

I have yet to hear someone chime in here who was a skater or snowboarder...I have a long list of terribly painful injuries from skating, and even worse ones from snowboarding. I stopped doing both at about the age of 21, while I was still invincible. At that time, none of them put me out for more than a week, except for a vicious ankle dislocation that took me out for about a month. Actually, the worst I ever felt was when I bruised my spleen skating. Hospital, can't breathe, pain...etc...lame.

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I've never broken a bone, but some of my worst pain ever has been snowboard related.
There was one night at ski club *yay highschool!* when I had just acquired my very first board and was attempting to outdo myself. I did many more jumps that night than I ever had and attempted doing many more tricks than I was at all capable of. I ended up falling and crashing, a lot.
I'm on one of my last few runs of the night, and I've had a few stupid mistakes where I've fallen backwards and landed solely on my ass and wrists. At this point, my wrists are hurting like fucking hell from falling on them/pushing myself up all night.
So I'm superman (no, Dole is not the only man of steel), and decide to go for a really big jump that I'd avoided all night at a much faster speed than I'd ever been comfortable with.
Not so long story short I completely bail mid-air and come down 10 feet flat on both wrists. I felt a snap and began to writhe in the snow for about 10 minutes before I managed to push myself back into a standing postion and make my way carefully down the mountain (this happened right near the peak.) I honestly wasn't able to use my hands to do anything for the next 5 days, and never went to have it looked at.
I dunno if I broke or just sprained something, but that was some of the most intense pain I've ever felt.

Save that one time I sat on the 14 inch cock. Tore me right the fuck up.

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Originally Posted by neoalphazero

Back in high school I hit a guard rail on my bike trying to avoid a car that pulled right in front of me. Guard rail cut open my pants and I slid about 6 feet on my penis. Knee was all screwed up too but concrete burn on dick was the only thing I noticed. *-neo

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this, more than any other, makes me cringe.

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Originally Posted by SpoDaddy

When I was 19 or 20 I went drunken pool hopping with a couple buddies and we came across the condo complex that my buddy's ex-g/f lived in. We decided to throw all the deck furniture into the pool and a glass table shattered loudly. Panicked and drunk, we just ran. I forgot my flip flops, which meant I ran across 30ft of concrete covered with shards of glass barefoot Die Hard-style. I got to the car and realized there was blood squirting out of my feet and shards of glass sticking out everywhere. I wrapped beach towels around my feet so the blood wouldn't gush all over the car and we sped to a friend's house. My buddies carried me inside, poured some whiskey in my mouth (I was real freaked out at this point and needed to be more drunk for what was to come). Next they poured whiskey all over my feet (which hurt like a motherfucker) and slowly pulled out all the shards. I passed out from either the pain, blood loss, or shock (or all three) as they finished and woke up on the couch with 18 blood-soaked ace bandages wrapped around my feet.

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This was at The Commie's apartment complex, wasn't it? Arjun and I had to pick you up and carry you to the car. The whiskey was Aaron's idea, hehe. That was nuts, and Logan pulled out all the glass. You were babbling like a maniac the entire time you were passed out.

I don't have any extreme pain things, just like Dolemite. If I get strep throat, though, it feels like someone is cutting my throat every time I swallow. Pretty tame, compared to some of the stuff in this thread. I also had a really bad migraine once that got so bad that I woke up in the hospital three hours after it first hit me. Also tame.

EDIT: Oh, was just reminded by some other posts, I was working on one of those colorful iMacs to repair the CRT and thought I had discharged the anode with the discharge tool. But the tool only took some of the 35,000 volts or whatever the number/measurement is. Flung me backwards into a wooden shelf. I passed out before hitting the shelf, but right before that was pretty crazy pain.

While working as an army medic, I was ordered to take some toxic waste to a chemical dump. While using my whole body to carry the drum, the lid pops off and liquid starts spilling out onto my uniform. It quickly seeps through and soaks my private parts completely.

Panic time...

I ran. I scrubbed. I ached.

PS. Sadly, chemical spills don't work like in the Godzilla movies, so I didn't grow some super mutant cock.

We really need to find out more about this Dakidski person.

Seriously. Maybe now I can understand his almost freakish devotion to Paris Hilton.

How could this possibly be linked to my Paris worship?

Your penis reacts to mutants now.

That's your power.

I can live with that. She's HAWT.

There's a million girls hotter. And less retarded.

Also that picture has so much airbrushing it's sickening.

Let's not turn this into another Paris thread, however much I would like it to. But, be happy; you can have all your hot, smart girls to yourself.

Also, you are lying to your penis, if you claim you don't wanna lay this:

The body yes, the face and hair, no way in hell. Not to mention she's insane, godly high maintenance, forgive me god, you're not nearly as high maintenance she is.

She's trash, and I don't really care for blonde's that much.

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Originally Posted by Thief Silver

I don't really care for blonde's that much.

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I was a brunette snob for a while, then I realized girls come in different flavors and each have their own unique beauty, so I said "What the hell? I'll give these blondes a try" and I must say(IME) blondes (at least the ones I've been with) are less frisky than brunettes, just a heads up.

Red heads, brunettes, jet black hair, paler tones generally not a huge tan or latino person either honestly are more my time. I'm also a huge glasses man.

Redheads. Mm, redheads.

One day I read one of Jeremy's 1st Shen Mue impressions.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Thief Silver

Red heads, brunettes, jet black hair, paler tones generally not a huge tan or latino person either honestly are more my time. I'm also a huge glasses man.

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IAWTP

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BonusKun

One day I read one of Jeremy's 1st Shen Mue impressions.....

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/thread

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Originally Posted by Nomi

Redheads. Mm, redheads.

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:wtf:

Does getting married count?

I knew exactly what your post was gonna be -.-'

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Originally Posted by haohmaru

Does getting married count?

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I guess you and Yoshi have something in common.

I'm smarter. Yoshi is still married. ;)

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Originally Posted by haohmaru

I'm smarter. Yoshi is still married. ;)

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:lol:

My most painful experience would have to be when I burned the shit out of my right wrist. I was working at a seafood counter, we had a huge sale on lobsters and we steamed them for any customers who wanted them. I had just gotten a painful burn on two of my fingers on my left hand so I remember trying to be more careful. When you first open the steamer door a bunch of steam comes out. So I waited for that to dissipate and then reached in with my left hand (gloved) to pull the things out. Well this big ole column of steam came out and hit my wrist. I didn't notice at first what had happened, I thought it was just a regular red burn. After I gave the customer her stuff, I was running it under cold water and I noticed the bubble developing. I waited for about 3-4 hours before I called a coworker over. Every time I stopped running it under water, and had just a bag of ice on it, it burned. And each time I had to put the bag down and help a customer, it felt like someone had a lighter to my wrist. I ended up going to the hospital and then getting a week off work, wearing a sling and a brace since they were worried that the burn might have healed badly because I'm keloid prone (I sometimes over develop scar tissue) and it was in an awkward place. The burn actually stretched from the first knuckle of my thumb down about 5-6 inches. The bubble was the worst part though. That was a tiny bit bigger than a silver dollar. And angry. Gauze pads and ointment. hard to sleep the first night. Didn't take the meds though.

Other than that I cant recall anything super painful. just annoying. I've broken bones, and worn shoes 2 sizes too small where it felt like someone was stabbing a needle into my foot after a day of walking, had all 4 wisdom teeth out but walked on my own out of the office, stayed upright bored and hungry, refused my pain meds, hit my head more times than I can count, broken many toes, had so many scrapes and scratches from falling down on cement, got the tip of my ring finger cut off, and a nasty case of mono with a bitten tongue and about 20 canker sores in my mouth at the same time, lasting a month. I couldn't eat anything, I just drank a shit load of water. Yogurt burned my mouth and throat. But that was just annoying. Pain is fairly easy to manage for me. Hence the back and belly tattoo.

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Originally Posted by M

had all 4 wisdom teeth out but walked on my own out of the office

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Me too. 3 of the 4 teeth were impacted and the oral surgeon pratically begged to knock me out, but I just had him shoot me up with novocane and yank 'em. One tooth wouldn't pop out and he had to drill it into seperate sections and remove it piece by piece. That sucked, but overall, it really wasn't that bad.

I had terrible terrible ear aches as a child. I can remember not being able to sleep because of the pain, it was something like having a screwdriver jammed into your ear over and over again, and there really wasn't anything to do but wait it out and see the doctor the next day. I ended up having some surgery done and they went away after that.

Other than that I can't remember anything worse than a really bad migraine.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Josh

The only 2 hour shit I ever dropped stayed in the bowl for an entire day's worth of flushes. It wouldn't even dissolve overnight. I had to break it up with a toilet brush.

edit: it might have been a coat hanger now that i think about it.

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I think I remember you telling us it was a coat hanger. As for myself, I'm in the same boat as Dolemite in that I never broke any bones, but have had an assload of stitches. Some of the most painful:

About 9 years old, as I'm leaving my brothers house, I plant myself to jump down the stairs with my hands behind me. My right pinky gets caught in the back part of the door near the hinges, without me noticing at first. I try to jump and it yanks my finger hard. WHen I realize it, I turn around and try to take my finger out because it hurts like hell. I'm yanking and screaming, and when someone finally opens the door, I start screaming even louder when I get a look at my finger. The top part of my pinky is pretty much dark purple, and is barely still hanging on by a smallish sliver of skin. To make matters worse? No one has a car, and the phone wasn't on, so we had to walk to the hospital. God, getting the stitches in my finger hurt like hell, as I can feel the sliding whatever it is the stitches are connected to through my finger for each individual one. Never again.


More recently, about two years ago, when I was in the shower, my towel slipped off the top part of the shower and was dangling by a string. Having finished, instead of just getting out of the shower and grabbing it, I reached around the corner of the shower to grab the towel. My body was contorted very oddly, and my left foot slipped on the wet floor, and bent inward at an almost complete 90 degree angle. I screamed and hopped a little bit before my knee almost gave out. I stood in the shower for a complete half hour on one foot, because I was too afraid to put weight on the other one. Building up the courage, I did it finally, and oh lord did it hurt. I imagine that was probably as close as it could posssibly go without breaking. And the kicker? I didnt have any health coverage at the time, and hell, I was barely able to pay my tuition monthly on time, so I didn't go to the hospital. To this day, every so often, my left knee will wobble for no reason.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

Me too. 3 of the 4 teeth were impacted and the oral surgeon pratically begged to knock me out, but I just had him shoot me up with novocane and yank 'em. One tooth wouldn't pop out and he had to drill it into seperate sections and remove it piece by piece. That sucked, but overall, it really wasn't that bad.

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Nah, they put me under, laughing gas and something they injected. I only note the difference because my sister had the same thing (all four out same time, went under) and she had to be practically carried out. Whereas I walked on my own out to the car. And she cried alot and vomited everything she tried to eat/drink. She was in a ton of pain.

So in contrast, I was sitting up, hungry, bored and refusing all pain meds. The nurse called the house and talked to my mom, I think she was concerned about me. They had to go in a break each tooth apart to get them out, drill or whatever and I have a jaw that dislocates when I open my mouth too wide, which I guarantee they did. and when she found out that I was sitting up, apparently lucid and not on pain meds, she was in a bit of a shock.

I just remember that I wanted a chicken breast sandwich very much and I was pissed that the prevalent taste in my mouth was blood.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nomi

Redheads. Mm, redheads.

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It's all about the fire crotch and freckles on the vagina!