Weirdest moments with the opposite sex

Some things are just inexplicable and remain scarred in memory forever.

One of my moments, during my twenty-somethings, went something like this:

I met this chick (very cute, excellent body, had her own place) through a friend and through the usual round of bullshitting got her phone number and set up a date a few days down the road. I might've talked to her once in between and prior to leaving to pick her up. So, I take her out to dinner (nothing fancy) and we ride around and bullshit a bit. Go to drop her off at her house and she invites me in. We hang out on the couch for a bit and make out, blah blah blah. After a while, it was getting late and I had to leave because I had to be up at six A.M. and I tell her I had a nice night and I'd give her a call.

All of a sudden, she's a raging fucking lunatic and starts yelling at me about why I didn't try to take her clothes off. I mean, she's really REALLY upset about this and I'm like "it's late, I have to go. I think you're pretty and everything, but I usually like to get to know people for a bit... blah blah blah". Which is the truth (we're talking late 80's here, and condoms were just coming into light as being a prevent defense against AIDS/VD's) and, besides, when was the last time a chick you just met is complaining about you not trying to nail her shit on a first date?

So, the anger then becomes lunatic fringe depression and she starts crying about this whole thing as if I just treated her like a leper. Keep in mind that everything was cool until I got to the front door. So, I consoled her for a few minutes and rapidly made my exit.

She called me a few times after that, but I got her off the phone quickly. If she's that fucking psychotic on a first date, I'm out.

I've had a girl throw up on my dick. I'm infamous for it.

I bet she'd done ass to mouth

Haoh has the best stories with the opposite sex, while Razor got the best stories with the same sex.

I'll bet Haoh's woman would've been awesome in bed. No joke.

[edit] I'll add a story here:

About a year or so out of high school I was in the middle of having sex with the girl I was dating at the time, when for some reason she got jealous of the poster on my wall which had some anime chick on it. And by jealous, I mean she started crying. I stopped what I was doing, stared at her for a moment, and then got up and put my pants on. I said something to the effect of, "You're jealous of a drawing of a cartoon?! Fuck that, I'm not dealing with this shit," and walked out of the room. It was at the apartment I was living in so I had to wait for her to get dressed and leave. Such an awkward moment with a girl that was apparently much more insecure than I thought she was.

In between bouts of tears, self loathing, guilt, and anger. Maybe.

Crazy girls fuck so good. So many men can verify this.

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

Crazy girls fuck so good. So many men can verify this.

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ICVTN

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Originally Posted by MechDeus

About a year or so out of high school I was in the middle of having sex with the girl I was dating at the time, when for some reason she got jealous of the poster on my wall which had some anime chick on it. And by jealous, I mean she started crying.

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I'm wondering, was she really jealous of a poster, or is that the explanation you came up with to justify that fact that you fuck so badly that you made a bitch cry.

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Originally Posted by Some Stupid Japanese Name

I'm wondering, was she really jealous of a poster, or is that the explanation you came up with to justify that fact that you fuck so badly that you made a bitch cry.

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http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/a...1&d=1194479753

posted this one in another thread, but it probably fits better in this one:

Beginning of sophomore year of college, big party at a friends place, I hang out with a bunch of girls in the dorms, we make hats for the theme party, and I know that one has a thing for me.

We go to the party, get quite drunk. The cops come to the house, everyone leaves, and the party continues out in the field in front of our school. long story short, girl from before is cold so she starts feeling me up to warm up her hands. This obviously leads to making out, and we head back to her dorm room.

We start going at it, which eventually leads to straight up fucking, which eventually leads to me being drunk, exhausted and in her bed for the rest of the night. But at some point, the girl gets up, I half wake up and hear a noise that vaguely sounds like piss. I think nothing of it, until the girl comes back to bed without her pajama bottoms on. At this point I think to myself "... what?" but am too drunk to make anything of it and I fall back asleep.

but when she woke up in the morning, went to put her pants on, and was like "why is it all wet over here?" I slowly realized what had taken place. She had woken up, walked over to her dresser in the corner of the room, removed her pants and pissed all over the floor.

needless to say, I immediately left.

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

Crazy girls fuck so good. So many men can verify this.

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Truth, and if you can find a crazy latino, you'll be in for a solid workout.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

Truth, and if you can find a crazy latino, you'll be in for a solid workout.

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...I hope you meant latina.

He meant what he said.

Yeah don't put words in his mouth.

Penises belong in that mouth.

Biff-Chan reveals his secret lust for A-Rod.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

Truth, and if you can find a crazy latino, you'll be in for a solid workout.

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Ain't no dumbells in here, just my balls.

My roommate's girlfriend broke up with him, invited another boy to stay with her in her dorm room, introduced the other guy to everyone my roomie knew, slept and spooned with the guy, and then got back together with my roommate. That was a serious wtf moment for me.

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Originally Posted by Grey's Anatomy

My roommate's girlfriend broke up with him, invited another boy to stay with her in her dorm room, introduced the other guy to everyone my roomie knew, slept and spooned with the guy, and then got back together with my roommate. That was a serious wtf moment for me.

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Your roomate needs to search himself and figure out where his balls went.

Yeah, word I remember I met this one bitch cause you know me I don't see how I'm the nasty motherfucker I just thought I thought I'd do anything in the world I meets this one bitch, I comes up in the spot, or whatever. The bitch got the candles lit or whatever, so she tells me whatever she wanna get her freak on whatever so I'm like WHASSUP whatchu wanna do ya know what I'm saying? I'm ready to wear it out or whatever. The bitch told me she wanted me to shit on her! Ya know shit I was like whatchu mean shit? I mean I might shit on you after I hit it, I won't call you no more, shit on you like that. She talkin about no she want me to cock over her and shit, on her stomach! I said bitch what the, what the fuck?? What the fuck I'm supposed to do after I after I shit on her, I'm supposed to hit that after that? She's just wilding out so after I shits on the bitch right ya know I shit, after I shits on the bitch the bitch, ya know, washed that shit off or whatever.

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Originally Posted by haohmaru

Your roomate needs to search himself and figure out where his balls went.

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No fucking joke. The crazy thing is, they look like they could be siblings.
Also, lol Gooch.

I posted this a while back. It still holds true as my weirdest experience with the opposite sex, so I looked it up (the search function actually worked!) and just cut and pasted it here. It was a girl I went out on a date once soon after the breakup of a 5 year relationship. I really didn't need to be hit with this shit right when I was getting back out on the dating scene...


Went out with a girl I met in a bookstore once. Seemed pertty cool at first, was cute and smart, with some nice boobies. I went to her apartment to pick her up for our first and only date. We got something to eat, and she babbled on endlessly about herself. Anyway, while we were driving back to her place, she mentions that she's a virgin (she's 26). Odd thing to offer up out of nowhere, but whatever.

So, we get back to her apartment, and she starts showing me her anime collection, some drawings she made, her Samurai sword, and some stuff on her computer. Okay, nice, whatever. We talk for a bit. Things are cool, though for some reason, I wasn't really that into her. Something seemed a bit odd, I didn't know what. She keeps talking about how she likes me and all, but that her parents never showed her any affection, so she really doesn't like it either. Um, okay. I start wanting to leave, so I excuse myself.

She walks me to the door, and while we're saying goodnight, her cat starts edging to the open door. "N-n-no, my cat, he's gonna get out...!!" she cries, and before I can do anything, the fucking cat runs out the door. Now she freaks. "OHMIGOD!! He's out! OHMIGOD!! OH NO NO NO! WE GOTTA FIND HIM!! NOOO!" I'm totally serious here.

So we're chasing this goddamn cat around the backyard in the middle of the night. The cat jumps up on the fence. "Oh, no! He-he's on the fence! No, please don't let him jump over, oh, please god, no!" And with that, the fucker jumps over. Then she goes crazy and starts bawling her eyes out. I mean, she was crying like she had just forced to watch her whole family get run over by a steamroller driven by Hitler. I, being the tool that I am, decide to jump the fence and look in the neighbor's yard. So I'm creeping around, hoping that her neighbor doesn't blow my head off with a shotgun, when I suddenly see the cat by a hole in the neighbor's fence leading to yet another yard. I try to grab the thing but it darts away through the hole.

I get back to her and tell her the news, and she totally breaks down. She runs around to the front of the house and wakes up her landlady (it's 2AM). the landlady comes out with a flashlight and hugs my date, who's still still crying and almost hyperventilating at this point, trying to calm her down. We then proceed to walk around her block, shining the flashlight into each house's backyard, looking for this fuckhead cat. Landlady goes back to bed, and I walk this deranged bitch into her apartment and sit her down on the bed. At this point I know she's a complete psycho, but I'm also feeling sorry for the kook. I think, I'll take one last look in the yard, maybe the cat wandered back. Hell, I've had cats that got outside and they always come back. I go look, nothing. I come back in the apartment, and I hear...singing. In Itailan or something. I figure she turned on the TV. I go into her room, and it's her singing...just staring blankly at the wall, miserable look on her face, singing. I stand there for a minute, and she takes no notice of me- she just keeps singing, her eyes red and her face stained with tears. The bitch is shellshocked over her cat running away. Her mind is broken, gone. So, I get her attention, and say that I'm going home, good luck in the future.

As I'm leaving, she gets a bowl of cat food and sits by the open door of her apartment holding it and shaking it, I suppose to try and attract the cat by the noise or something. I didn't care at that point, I just wanted to go the fuck home. The next day she calls me. Turns out she sat there, at the door, ALL NIGHT until 7:30AM, when the cat finally showed up. She very much wanted to hang out again, acting like her bizarre behavior the night before never happened. "I'll call you sometime," I said, and hung the fuck up.

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Originally Posted by haohmaru

Biff-Chan reveals his secret lust for A-Rod.

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He wants a rod in his mouth, that's for sure.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

He want a rod in his mouth, that's for sure.

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I was about to lose faith that no one caught the double meaning...

I meant latina you perverts.

My oddest moment had to be my first BJ, sixteen years old with a brand new L's and a S-10 pickup truck (Alpine with a tapedeck btw, lol) well I pick up a chick from Magnificat (read catholic whores) and take her to a party. We have like 2 beers and go home. She chimes in with "Have you ever had a blow job?" Me "Hell yeah, like every day" the fronting was rampant pls blv. Well she starts to do the deed, and she had considerable skill. As a hurl down 480 in a snowstorm going 60 in a rear wheel drive truck. As the great moment came, literally, I accidentally mashed on the gas pedal and sent the truck off on a tripleaxle, 3 360's and managed to stay in my lane!

I Thought I pulled the move of a lifetime until I got pulled over by a sheriff. The first thing he says is "I didn't realize you had a ....female.....in the car with you I didn't see her when I was following you I thought you were palming a basketball." With this I swear to god he winks and says, drive carefully, drives off and so did I. Never saw that girl again.

I fucked a virgin once. That was weird, you know, the whole hymen ripping/blood everywhere thing.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

I meant latina you perverts.

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Of course you did.

WHERE IS JOSH HE HAS SOME FUCKING EPIC TALES.

Fucking virgins sucked, they'd get all emo and then assume you were going to marry them, pass I like my women experienced.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

I fucked a virgin once. That was weird, you know, the whole hymen ripping/blood everywhere thing.

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I just pretend I'm Pat Bateman, or Marcus Halberstram, when that shit happens. I mean "happened".

Like um young eh, buck rodgers?

BYU

:lol:
Gooch been listening to Biggie.

agreed

"Wrong hole"

Yeah, sure it was. Bitch.

Senior year of college, one of my rooomates' girlfriend (Kate)had a friend come visit (heather iirc). Really long story short, she was a fucking psychopath. And a recovering addict that was about a day away from relapse.

The two girls really weren't close friends for a long time because psycho decided drugs were her path in life. Heather gets out of rehab and she has no friends, her mom somehow convinced Kate to invite her over for the night. Except Kate always stayed over our place so she had to stay with us.

We had a party that night in this girl fucking ruined it. She hit on everything with a dick, outright telling people "I'd so fuck you! You want to?" She would do nothing but talk to someone until they ditched her or they outright ignored her. I made the mistake of listening to her and she went on talking for 45 minutes about what rehab was like and why she had gone (loved coke and was getting into H, was stealing shit from home, doing drugs in with parents of little kids in the room, robo tripping in rehab). Between horrific stories she'd hit on me (besides being crazy, she was chubby, had a very suspicious cold sore on her face. She was a proven slut, word was her snatch was like a war torn battlezone. We were told flat out by one of Kates' friends who knew heather to avoid any kind of physical contact with her).

A friend managed to bail me out of the conversation with her and she then starts asking people where she can get drugs. She said she'd take anything and found out we were going to get some grass and would not stop hounding us for it. I ended up sprinting out of my own apartment with a few friends to ditch her for the rest of the night. So while heather was stinking it up Kate was closed up in my roomates room bawling her eyes out because she invited a psycho that everyone hated.

I got back really late and saw her laying on our catch where she promptly called me an asshole. I didn't say anything and went into my room and made sure that the door was locked. When I got up in the morning she was gone.

Kate was a nut too, she had a basket full of trouble bubbling in her head.

How is a girl wanting to fuck a problem?

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

How is a girl wanting to fuck a problem?

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Maybe he's gay.

Anyway, my girlfriend is the non-blood related niece of my dad's younger sister's husband. That's a little weird.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

Truth, and if you can find a crazy latino, you'll be in for a solid workout.

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Originally Posted by Jeremy

...I hope you meant latina.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

He meant what he said.

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Originally Posted by youandwhosearmy

Yeah don't put words in his mouth.

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

Penises belong in that mouth.

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Best string of posts in a while.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

I meant latina you perverts.

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http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/1...ckpedalfd8.jpg

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Originally Posted by Hubbitron

WHERE IS JOSH HE HAS SOME FUCKING EPIC TALES.

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With a lead in like that anything I say won't be any good. I'll try?

I had to jump out a 2nd story window once to avoid the wrath of an angry father who wouldn't be happy to find my sleazy twenty five year old ass absent mindedly stuffing things into his eighteen year old daughter while watching a VHS of Aliens. She didn't have dvd. The landing hurt. A lot. She was talented, and could do the fabled dick suck/ball lick combination. My underwear ripped down one of the side seams I hit the ground so hard. Ever gone for a brisk jog down a residential street with your dick out and your shoes in your hands at 5:30 in the evening? I kept my erection for half of the jog down the street. It sucked.

I can't think of anything else cool.

Oh wait lol. The I can't, I can't, I can't girl. She started crying during sex because she felt bad for cheating on her boyfriend or something, I didn't ask. I certainly wasn't interested in stopping (really... who doesn't love fucking girls while they cry?) and she started in with the "I can't I can't, unh, I can't, ooh" She was back the next night btw... so I guess she could. This was the same girl that a few years later I fucked in the parking lot of a church. That made me really happy. It made me really unhappy when I flat out told her "I'm using you to get over someone... ok?" and she fell in love with me anyway.
Protip: If I'm pouring a mixed drink on your asshole to lube it up because I'm too coked up to spit on it while covering your head with a pillow so your parents don't get woken up by your crazy bitch screaming then I don't love you, and why are you letting me do this anyway? Hey lets play the "can I stuff both my hands inside your pussy or maybe one in your ass if that doesn't work" game. Have some fucking self respect. I mean, whatever. I don't mind being a learning experience I guess.

Oh yeah... fucking a girl on a trampoline (more challenging than it sounds) while a group of fifteen and sixteen year old neighborhood kids watched. One of them was her sister. She thought I loved her too, but I was just fucking her on Wednesday nights because she lived a few miles away from my shrink, that I had an appointment with on Thursday mornings. Convenient.
Conversation with her mom: "So, where do you work?" "Nowhere. Got any food?" She didn't talk to me again.
Is banging a passed out girl that was making it well known to anyone that would listen that she was fucking me that night date rape? Or is it justice? I mean... its not like it was a date anyway.

Incest is the bestcest.

I have good stories. I'll post some later

You are a terrible person, josh, and I aspire to be you.

I don't want to be me anymore. Go for it.

hao always makes the best threads

I have some stories that I'd rather not even type.

After playing a show once, the band got back to the warehouse with a girl in tow. She wanted to do some coke and that was fine with us. After a while of drinking and making out with my singer, he tells her to suck the keyboardist's dick. She takes his cock out and starts to go to town. He pulls her pants down and starts fingering her asshole. I wasn't about to let this go to waste, so I took out my cock and put it in her hand. She's jacking me while sucking my keyboardist's dick and geting fucked in the ass by the singer. She finishes the key player and I move over to her mouth. Singer finishes and then drummer fucks her in the vag while she finishes me off. After he's done the singer told her to get dressed and gtfo. It was one of the strangest most horrifying experiences I've ever had.

Rock star.

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Originally Posted by buttcheeks

hao always makes the best threads

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Agreed. The past 2 threads about women have been priceless. I haven't laughed this hard in a long ass time.

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Originally Posted by Josh

Protip: If I'm pouring a mixed drink on your asshole to lube it up because I'm too coked up to spit on it while covering your head with a pillow so your parents don't get woken up by your crazy bitch screaming then I don't love you, and why are you letting me do this anyway? Hey lets play the "can I stuff both my hands inside your pussy or maybe one in your ass if that doesn't work" game. Have some fucking self respect. I mean, whatever. I don't mind being a learning experience I guess.

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I lolled so hard at that.

When I tried to break up with my crazy bitch girlfriend (leftover from highschool), she fucking stabbed me in the leg with a scalpel. I'm pretty sure it was arjue's scalpel he used for some model building shit or something. After that awesome turn of events, being the no-balls fuck that I was, I accompanied HER to the hospital to make sure SHE was alright, wtf. I hate young me.

At least I learned a valuable lesson that night.

I have more crazy situations than normal ones.

Anyways, this is a story from Bbobb land. When I was over there, I didn't lock my door, because its japan, and you don't really have to do that. Anyways, one night, I am bringing back a smoking hot chick from a nice club in tokyo, I walk into my room, and there is already a girl waiting for me in my bed. Confused, I sized up both girls for about 3 minutes, kicked the one out of my bed and out of my room. Fucked the hotter one, then sent her home in a cab, because I don't really like sleeping with other people on the same bed if its a twin sized bed. The next night the girl I kicked out was back. The moral of the story is, girls have no self esteem.

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Originally Posted by Destin

The moral of the story is, j-girls have no self esteem.

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Fixed, and I can confirm this is as well.

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Originally Posted by bbobb

Fixed, and I con confirm this is as well.

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One of the two was Thai. She had no self esteem, either.

Thai and Phillipino girls in Japan are great, because all they're really here to do is make money and fuck.

how is that different than most womenz

Most dont make money.

WHOAMG

This thread makes me glad I didn't date much before I got married.

Yeah but you're missing out on mad pussy.

As crazy as some bitches are, the ones that gave me the most problems are girlfriends. The first real long-term girlfriend I ever had was in college (Throughout high school, I was just with a lot of different girls. Girlfriends I had back then only lasted a few weeks if they were lucky.) and she was a nut. She wanted me home at 9 because she had to be home by that time. I couldn't drink, do drugs, talk to other women or wipe my ass without her prior knowledge.

After I dumped her I regained some self-esteem by fucking fat chicks. They were more than willing to partake in some no-strings-attached fucking. The girlfriend I had after that was over with ditched me in Nowhere, NJ, to hitchhike back home because I didn't want to stay at her house. I had plans to play video games with my old friends that I haven't seen in over a year, one was flying in from Los Angeles. she didn't care and refused to take me back when it was her fault I was out there in the first place. I left her immediately afterwards (Despite the threats from her uncles laffo) and became Don Juan of NY.

Now I have another g/f and she's not nuts...I hope. Only time will tell.

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

After I dumped her I regained some self-esteem by fucking fat chicks.

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This shit is truth. It works so well.

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

she's not nuts...I hope. Only time will tell.

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this is so true. so. fucking. true.

I for one, am curious to hear Buttcheek's adventures with the opposite sex.

I don't have any awesome stories that will make me sound cool. Just a lot of shitty drama that makes me as bad as Mzo for putting up with it.

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Originally Posted by icarusfall

After playing a show once, the band got back to the warehouse with a girl in tow. She wanted to do some coke and that was fine with us. After a while of drinking and making out with my singer, he tells her to suck the keyboardist's dick. She takes his cock out and starts to go to town. He pulls her pants down and starts fingering her asshole. I wasn't about to let this go to waste, so I took out my cock and put it in her hand. She's jacking me while sucking my keyboardist's dick and geting fucked in the ass by the singer. She finishes the key player and I move over to her mouth. Singer finishes and then drummer fucks her in the vag while she finishes me off. After he's done the singer told her to get dressed and gtfo. It was one of the strangest most horrifying experiences I've ever had.

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I couldn't get aroused with other naked dudes in the room, especially if they were all fucking the same chick. That shit's pretty gay to me.

If you think about it as a degradation contest its not that bad.

Story #2:

Me and my college roomate, James, knew this girl "Linda" who lived near New Brunswick, NJ and was a fellow student. We went to school at University of Delaware (approximately 100 miles from her house) and played in a band together. She had said that she was going home for the weekend and was having a few girlfriends get together at the house and wanted to know if we wanted to party and crash at her house. Sure, we thought, the two of us and a bunch of chicks hanging out in NJ getting trashed. We left on a Saturday afternoon and got to her house at about 7 PM.

Thing is, her parents said fuck no you can't have boys stay here or even be here and her father told the two of us to get the fuck out and don't come back. We had no car, no money, no means of transportation, and no way of getting back to school. Credit cards weren't LOL easy to get then for young adults, either, so we were completely fucked.

We hitchhiked the NJ Turnpike starting at 9PM and ended up near my ex-girlfriends house at ~6:30AM the next morning. Cold, tired, and fucking miserable. My ex gave us a ride home from the outskirts of Philly back to UofD.

Later that year, we had a party at the apartment and Linda got completely trashed and passed out on one of our couches. She woke up the next morning outside on the lawn, naked, and hungover.

Nice.

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Originally Posted by Josh

If you think about it as a degradation contest its not that bad.

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This. It wasn't about sex, it was about borderline abusing this girl.

I'm proud of you.

You monster. That girl was somebody's daughter.

If she didn't want to treated like a slut then she wouldn't have let herself been treated like a slut.

Nonsense. She just wanted to be held.

Right now that girl might be the love of someone's life. lol

Wierdest thing for me, well two occassions:

1.) Waking my parents up at 2 in the morning while I was having sex olympics with my girlfriend (at the time) and having my mother shout, "Ryan, come here, right now". Not only was her statement too ironic, but I was working my way to the "finish line". I guess, the apparent moans from my lady bothered my mom, so she wasn't too happy. My dad on the other hand, probably wanted to give me a high-five. Awkward moments proceeded after that night, especially during Thanksgiving dinner. I win.

2.) Making a girl squirt and then proceed to go into some type of full-body orgasm during sex. For a second, I thought she was having a seizure, but she wasn't. I was nervous for second, but when she proceeded to smile I knew that she was fine.

Posts 13 to 18 make this thread.

also: waiting for MK

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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon

How is a girl wanting to fuck a problem?

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When they're ugly and have an STD. Good chance of being robbed too.

When I was 15, I had a girlfriend that I only saw on the weekends because I we lived in different cities. One saturday, I had a baseball game I was playing, and my girlfriend came to watch it. So after the game, my mom was driving her home and we sat in the second row of seats in my mom's minivan (the ones right behind the captains seats). Now being the horny 15 year olds that we were, we start making out while my mom has the radio on. Eventually I start to finger her, she has her hand down my pants (which was extremely uncomfortable because I still had my cup on). Eventually I end up taking my pants halfway off (her as well), and we do this awkward penis in vag maneuver which equated to me having sex with her sorta, with my mom literally 2 and a half feet away. At the time it seemed like we were being sneaky, and that there was no way in hell should knew what we were doing. But in retrospect, it was probably impossible for her not to know, so I give mad props to my mom for not stopping us. <3 mom.

Criticom wins. Fucking in front of mom.

Holy shit.

Backseat 15 year old makeout fingerbang while parents drove girlfriend home confirmed.

Never took my dick out though... Crit wins.

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Originally Posted by Josh

Backseat 15 year old makeout fingerbang while parents drove girlfriend home confirmed.

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Naturally.

it is actually kind of depressing that I may never live up the the greatness that icarus just bestowed upon this lowly board

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Originally Posted by Criticom

When I was 15, I had a girlfriend that I only saw on the weekends because I we lived in different cities. One saturday, I had a baseball game I was playing, and my girlfriend came to watch it. So after the game, my mom was driving her home and we sat in the second row of seats in my mom's minivan (the ones right behind the captains seats). Now being the horny 15 year olds that we were, we start making out while my mom has the radio on. Eventually I start to finger her, she has her hand down my pants (which was extremely uncomfortable because I still had my cup on). Eventually I end up taking my pants halfway off (her as well), and we do this awkward penis in vag maneuver which equated to me having sex with her sorta, with my mom literally 2 and a half feet away. At the time it seemed like we were being sneaky, and that there was no way in hell should knew what we were doing. But in retrospect, it was probably impossible for her not to know, so I give mad props to my mom for not stopping us. <3 mom.

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Damn. That sure as hell beats my story. In front of the mom?

*High Five*

http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/20...ebanon0109.jpg

This story isn't as great as it could have been, but it's all I got to share.

A few years ago some friends from work and I went out to club after work. A female coworker introduced us to her cousin. I had a mad crush on the coworker, but as the night went on, the cousin approached me and said, "I noticed you've been looking at me all night." She was wrong (i was eye fucking my coworker), but she wasn't a bad looking girl and I was pretty lit, so I just played it off. Many drinks later she asks me if I want to go back to the house with her. I said sure, so I drive her to where she said to go, and I realize we are actually going to my coworkers house. Coworker pulls in behind us, and they talk to each other for a minute. I'm invited in and the cousin and I go out on the enclosed front porch and proceed to fuck like crazy.
Wake up the next morning to find a mildly perturbed coworker sitting on the couch in the living room.
Turns out that she literally just met the cousin that night (wasn't a real cousin. Was the daughter of the guy that the coworkers mom was dating), didn't really know her that well, and was pissed that I brought the chick back to her house and defiled her porch with her. I told her it was the cousin who brought ME there, and if she had a problem with it, last night was the time to point it out.
I hightailed it out of there, pissed that if I ever had a chance in hell with the coworker I blew it (yes, that should have crossed my mind earlier, but I was drunk and horny).
To top it off the cousin proceeded to call me every other hour that weekend asking me to take her places or to borrow money.

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Originally Posted by Some Stupid Japanese Name

This story isn't as great as it could have been, but it's all I got to share.

A few years ago some friends from work and I went out to club after work. A female coworker introduced us to her cousin. I had a mad crush on the coworker, but as the night went on, the cousin approached me and said, "I noticed you've been looking at me all night." She was wrong (i was eye fucking my coworker), but she wasn't a bad looking girl and I was pretty lit, so I just played it off. Many drinks later she asks me if I want to go back to the house with her. I said sure, so I drive her to where she said to go, and I realize we are actually going to my coworkers house. Coworker pulls in behind us, and they talk to each other for a minute. I'm invited in and the cousin and I go out on the enclosed front porch and proceed to fuck like crazy.
Wake up the next morning to find a mildly perturbed coworker sitting on the couch in the living room.
Turns out that she literally just met the cousin that night (wasn't a real cousin. Was the daughter of the guy that the coworkers mom was dating), didn't really know her that well, and was pissed that I brought the chick back to her house and defiled her porch with her. I told her it was the cousin who brought ME there, and if she had a problem with it, last night was the time to point it out.
I hightailed it out of there, pissed that if I ever had a chance in hell with the coworker I blew it (yes, that should have crossed my mind earlier, but I was drunk and horny).
To top it off the cousin proceeded to call me every other hour that weekend asking me to take her places or to borrow money.

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I don't doubt that every word of this essay is a lie. JC has never had sex, his gf at the time immaculately concieved and produced several demon spawn who bring his game down. Also, he told me last night while spooning that he only has eyes for cock.

I have many, MANY awkward situations with the womens.
One of my favorites was the time I was rolling on E and had gone home with my then gf. At that time, she was housesitting for one of her more affeminete (sp?) male friends, and we decided to spend the night there. Granted, I had already been initiated in the sexual experiences at this point, but the girl I was dating *for the second time* had always had a strange power over me that completely debilitated me from doing anything manly. Lo and behold, after a night at her friend's club, we go back and get in bed together. I laid there wanting to fuck her brains out and yet, in my current mental state and knowing she had a few years experience on me, I laid there in the darkness waiting for something to happen and taking no action. I literally lay next to her, naked, for 3 hours... and NOTHING at all. She told me at one point that she could read what I was thinking, and I couldn't even bring myself to man up at that point. After 3 hours of laying next to her in a dark room (which is extended 10fold when you're rolling), I finally ended up going down on her, and not to my surprise, there was nothing. We then proceeded to pass out on opposite sides of the bed and wake up the next morning looking at each other like we had both done a different whore while in the same bed. Needless to say, THAT relationship didn't work out.

In retrospect it sucks, but still isn't the weirdest moment I've had with the ladies.

Christians suck.

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Originally Posted by Type Ryan

Wierdest thing for me, well two occassions:

2.) Making a girl squirt and then proceed to go into some type of full-body orgasm during sex. For a second, I thought she was having a siezure, but she wasn't. I was nervous for second, but when she proceeded to smile I knew that she was fine.

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I encountered this a little while back. I made this girl squirt repeatedly, (10-12 times or so), my bed was fucking soaked. It was fun.

My life is way tame compared to others, the weirdest thing to happen to me was when this girl was going to come over to fuck, I waited for her, and it was getting very, very late. Eventually she calls me and tells me that she is being held in the fucking drunk tank of a police station. They impounded her car because they thought she was drunk (she claimed she was on some prescription drug or something). Anyway, I had to go pick her up at the station, after I drove her back to my place she proceeded to vomit repeatedly until morning.

This whole thing started around midnight, and I didn't get to sleep until 10 am. We woke up around 4pm and proceeded to fuck. The end.

This thread is pure entertainment.

I wish I could share my one story but my wife would definitely yank my balls off if I told it. Just have to be content to read and not contribute. :\

Don't Bait Jetman.

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Originally Posted by Regus

I encountered this a little while back. I made this girl squirt repeatedly, (10-12 times or so), my bed was fucking soaked. It was fun.

My life is way tame compared to others, the weirdest thing to happen to me was when this girl was going to come over to fuck, I waited for her, and it was getting very, very late. Eventually she calls me and tells me that she is being held in the fucking drunk tank of a police station. They impounded her car because they thought she was drunk (she claimed it she was on some prescription drug or something). Anyway, I had to go pick her up at the station, afterI drove her back to my place, and she proceeded to vomit repeatedly until morning. This whole thing started around midnight, and I didn't get to sleep until 10 am. We woke up around 4pm and proceeded to fuck. The end.

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Wow... you are a man of conviction. Kudos.

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Originally Posted by portnoyd

This thread is pure entertainment.

I wish I could share my one story but my wife would definitely yank my balls off if I told it. Just have to be content to read and not contribute. :\

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I'm going to need a PM of the details after that statement ;)

I'll tell it for you.

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Originally Posted by portnoyd

I'm a game collecting nerd who met a girl on the internet who was also a game collecting nerd. We got married and have had sex, so I'm relatively sure she really is a chick.

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Stories don't get much more wierd than this imo.

btw, if you know your girl can squirt, or you are determined to make it happen, I suggest setting down some towels, because laying on a wet bed sucks.

This one time I went from dating a girl that was really, really hard to make orgasm (we had to do it in a certain position at a certain angle for a certain amount of time for her to get off- it got tedious after a while and I'd just try to blow my wad prematurely on purpose) to a girl who would cum practically the second I stuck my dick in her. That was pretty awesome.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

This one time I went from dating a girl that was really, really hard to make orgasm (we had to do it in a certain position at a certain angle for a certain amount of time for her to get off- it got tedious after a while and I'd just try to blow my wad prematurely on purpose) to a girl who would cum practically the second I stuck my dick in her. That was pretty awesome.

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Yeah. I can see that. It's similar to how some girls need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, while other girls can't handle direct contact to the clit. Different Strokes for Different Folks, imo.

One girl I was with, her breasts never really reacted to anything, the next girl, just lightly run your finger over the nipple and BAM.

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Originally Posted by Thief Silver

One girl I was with, her breasts never really reacted to anything, the next girl, just lightly run your finger over the nipple and BAM.

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I bet they felt like bags of sand, too.

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

This one time I went from dating a girl that was really, really hard to make orgasm (we had to do it in a certain position at a certain angle for a certain amount of time for her to get off- it got tedious after a while and I'd just try to blow my wad prematurely on purpose) to a girl who would cum practically the second I stuck my dick in her. That was pretty awesome.

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this happened to me as well. first long term gf was like a fucking desert in her pussy. it was always "hurry up it hurts" blah blah. the next one i dated had to have gone to porn star school or something. first time we fucked i found out she had a vag like old faithful. put my hand down there and was freaked the fuck out cause she had this shag carpet thong on, so naturally i think it's a big hairy bush at first. luckily she was actually shaved. pulled those fuckers off, threw them againt the wall and they sounded like wet ham smacking the wall they were soaked so much.

then in the middle of a change up and i go to the back she says (without missing a beat) "do you want my head up or down in the pillow"? i still miss that one. :tu:

weirdest moment had to be the first time i experienced the pussy fart. going to town on the zombie like first gf, pull it out and hear this undeniably awesome "PPPPPPFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLBBBBT!" i couldn't help but laugh and every time she'd yell it farted again. good times.

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Originally Posted by Dyne

weirdest moment had to be the first time i experienced the pussy fart. going to town on the zombie like first gf, pull it out and hear this undeniably awesome "PPPPPPFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLBBBBT!" i couldn't help but laugh and every time she'd yell it farted again. good times.

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:lol::lol:. Queef imo. Guaranteed mood killer when that shit happens - you can't help but laugh.

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Originally Posted by portnoyd

I wish I could share my one story but my wife would definitely yank my balls off if I told it. Just have to be content to read and not contribute. :\

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Post it here, post it in FC, or don't tell us you have stories you can't tell. That's just teasing.

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Originally Posted by Kano on the Phone

I bet they felt like bags of sand, too.

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Pretty much.

Remembered another slightly awkward story after Type Ryan's post: Back when I was still living with my mom I was in the middle of sex when my mother decided to knock on the door and tell me she was leaving instead of just going out like she normally did. I know she knew what I was doing, and she proceeded to try and have an entire conversation with me about where she was going and how long she'd be gone and blah blah blah. I was trying to continue the sex while being quiet about it but her talking and carrying on made it really uncomfortable until she finally left.

Also, back in high school I once made a girl give me a handjob while I played Tekken. I gave her the incredibly lame excuse of how I needed to have a game on so that just in case my grandparents decided to come into the room it would look like we were doing something else, despite the fact that there was no way in hell I could've gotten my pants back on in time. I miss high school just for getting away with retarded shit.

I got head while posting here once. GUESS WHO FROM?!????

Razor.

don't do drugs.

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Originally Posted by icarusfall

I got head while posting here once. GUESS WHO FROM?!????

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Quote the post, pls. I want to pleasure myself to it.

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Originally Posted by MechDeus

Post it here, post it in FC, or don't tell us you have stories you can't tell. That's just teasing.

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Originally Posted by Doc Holliday

Don't Bait Jetman.

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EDIT: Fucking Danes

I don't have anything nearly as interesting as any of this other stuff, but a girl I had back in college always wanted me to watch her masturbate. She would also just randomly, even in the middle of a conversation, pat me on the shoulder and say, "Well, alright, soldier." She also talked about her older brother WAY too much. When I broke up with her, she came by my dorm every day for a month in an attempt try to convince me to get back together with her. I had to invent all kinds of ways to get out of there before she came by. Then, I found out that when she gave up on trying to convince me she talked a friend of mine into watching her masturbate, supposedly to make me jealous or something. It didn't work.

EDIT: Oh yeah, same girl gave me a handjob at a theater while watching Saving Private Ryan. Caught my stuff in her hand and then wiped it on her pants.

Unfortunately, nothing too depraved here.

With one of my first steady girlfriends, who I think was new to the whole boyfriend thing, I ended up making out with her in the front seat of her car. This goes on for a bit, and then she suddenly stops, looks startled, and says we need to go (where? back to her mom's house apparently).

I find out later she thought she had peed herself and needed to change; panties were pretty much soaked.