Hi TNL I was in jail

Well TNL, yes Biff had to serve a night in jail (I would not wish this on any of you, not even Kano) because some fucktard stole my identity and ran up debts all over the United States. So here is what happened, I went to a gas station to fill up in Solon and after I get gas a gaggle of police cars corners me in, scary enough eh? Well they come out with guns drawn telling me to exit the car "Holy shit" I'm thinking about every time I ever had a ticket and if I paid it. Well, after they basically toss me into the car, take me to their PD and then send me to jail in fucking BFE Ohio (3 hour trip) I am told that I have accumulated over 35,000 dollars in charges on somebody else's card and he's pressing charges.

I am a little bit preturbed here and I call my lawyer, who comes in and says WTF prove it. I'm not here for this meeting, I'm in a cell with a 59 year old cocaine cowboy btw. Well it turns out that some 19 year old fucktard asshole in Dublin Ohio stole my identity from the internet, started ordering all kinds of porn, bongs, illegal packages from Mexico, etc, then figured he'd try to IMPLICATE ME for the purchases. This kid ran up 30k in a 6 hour period and my Bank decided, well I guess he's within his limit and never called or alerted me to this. The idiocy of Ohio's government procedures befuddles even the biggest morons on the planet.

Well, obviously this isn't going to work out well for him, but I still had to stay overnight in the Country Jail from hell outside of Columbus because the judges didn't get in to write my release until 8am today. While I sat in my little cell with no TV, no computer, no radio, and 5 very old Time magazines, I had time to think about myself and my life, and I have decided that I no longer desire to be a douchebag, and If I offended any of you, I'm sorry.

holy crap.

so do they have who stole your identity yet? theyre not letting him run off now right? Where and how did he steal it?

Haha, it makes such perfect sense since it's Ohio.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

While I sat in my little cell with no TV, no computer, no radio, and 5 very old Time magazines, I had time to think about myself and my life, and I have decided that I no longer desire to be a douchebag, and If I offended any of you, I'm sorry.

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No. This is wrong. Don't let some dickfaced 19 year old crook take anything from you, including your right to be an asshole to anybody for any reason. If that's who you are, and it is because that's who you were without provocation previously, then be that. Fuck that asshole. Also, apology accepted pussy.

I was invited to a comedy club in Columbus, Ohio once. I never went. How did he get your credit card info?

Karma's a bitch.

If you had just done a fucking barrel roll you could have gotten out of it.

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Originally Posted by PBMax

Karma's a bitch.

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I blv.

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Originally Posted by B-Ri

holy crap.

so do they have who stole your identity yet? theyre not letting him run off now right? Where and how did he steal it?

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I don't have all the details and can't go over them anyway, let's just say some people are VERY good at what they do, This person worked for a company that I did business with.

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Originally Posted by UrielSynthesis

If you had just done a fucking barrel roll you could have gotten out of it.

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lol, nice.

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Originally Posted by UrielSynthesis

If you had just done a fucking barrel roll you could have gotten out of it.

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I tried the barrel roll, but the Saturn Sky just doesn't produce enough drag, gotta buy me some new fucking afterburners.

I think this is your first good story.

Did you talk to the coke cowboy? I bet he had some good stories too.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

While I sat in my little cell with no TV, no computer, no radio, and 5 very old Time magazines, I had time to think about myself and my life, and I have decided that I no longer desire to be a douchebag, and If I offended any of you, I'm sorry.

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Did Cowboy give you a little man love? It'll be okay.

Seriously, I've had my identity stolen about 8 years ago. Some ass got a gas card, in my name, with a $350 credit limit. This guy pulled a fast one and paid $1,000 on the card and upped the limit to $1,350. The check had bounced and he had managed to rack up the $1,350, before the gas company wised up. I didn't find out until I got a statement in the mail.

I was able to clear all of that up and later discovered that the guy had opened up a bank account in Atlanta, with a balance of around $15,000. I turned it into the authorities and notified the credit bureau to flag my account with any future credit activity.

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Originally Posted by Drewbacca

Also, apology accepted pussy.

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Haha

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Originally Posted by Rumpy

I think this is your first good story.

Did you talk to the coke cowboy? I bet he had some good stories too.

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The Coke Cowboy was actually interesting, he was in and had a ONE MILLION DOLLAR bond he was going to post the next day. Now kids, that's 100K with property to equal the rest of the bail.

He was an old school runner from the 80's who finally got caught. He had warrants out in 6 states and 78 counties or something and had lived for 15+ years with them. Got popped because he hit a random safety checkpoint in PA. However, as Ohio had the biggest charges and the oldest, he was extradited to here to stand trial. He's fucked and he knows it, kinda sad.

Too bad criminals are poor or you could take this guy to court for damages.
/fucking poor criminals

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Originally Posted by MarsKitten

Too bad criminals are poor or you could take this guy to court for damages.
/fucking poor criminals

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Oh, I'm fucking him for the rest of his useless life, please believe every check he cashs from Mr. Hero or wherever he works will be 25% Biff's until the fucker dies or pays me back with damages.

Since you're rich and don't really need the money can I have it?

All you have to do is ask Josh. If I can ever be of assistance I will be. However, as I told Thief, you have two routes. I can give you money once and never again, or I can help you make a shitload of money you can call your own. It's your choice.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

All you have to do is ask Josh. If I can ever be of assistance I will be. However, as I told Thief, you have two routes. I can give you money once and never again, or I can help you make a shitload of money you can call your own. It's your choice.

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I take option 2 pls.

So when do I start and will you give me a place to crash?

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

All you have to do is ask Josh. If I can ever be of assistance I will be. However, as I told Thief, you have two routes. I can give you money once and never again, or I can help you make a shitload of money you can call your own. It's your choice.

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I loled.

Biff has grown wise from his time in the slammer.

You can start by going to England and getting some well earned time abroad.

If you want to crash in Manhattan, understand that you must like Koreans.

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Originally Posted by nocturne

I loled.

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That's why you don't get it.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

You can start by going to England and getting some well earned time abroad.

If you want to crash in Manhattan, understand that you must like Koreans.

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65 days yo. I toyed with the idea of taking an extra class at the London School of Economics too but it ain't worth the cash.

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Originally Posted by Rich

65 days yo. I toyed with the idea of taking an extra class at the London School of Economics too but it ain't worth the cash.

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How much is that going for these days? I considered taking some classes over there but they wanted like 4400 pounds or something stupid for 3 classes.

Aside from the crack head, what sucked so much about the jail time?

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

How much is that going for these days? I considered taking some classes over there but they wanted like 4400 pounds or something stupid for 3 classes.

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it was something like 3000 pounds for one class.

I mean, I know it's the LSofE but shit, I ain't paying 6 grand for a single class ANYWHERE.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

The Coke Cowboy was actually interesting, he was in and had a ONE MILLION DOLLAR bond he was going to post the next day. Now kids, that's 100K with property to equal the rest of the bail. He was an old school runner from the 80's who finally got caught.

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My uncle was an oceanic drug/gun smuggler through the 80's and the beginning of the 90's. He has the best stories I've ever heard anyone tell - and I've worked in 3 strip clubs on South Beach so take that into account.

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Originally Posted by nameless_one

Aside from the crack head, what sucked so much about the jail time?

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Picture if you will, a small cell and a small community area you share with someone else. No TV, No Books, No computer, No music, just the sounds of jail. Now add camera's everywhere in the cell, a crapper in the middle that everyone can see, and the feeling of complete being helpless to do anything like use the phone, etc. Now picture being there for 15 hours, it will drive you INSANE..

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

That's why you don't get it.

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No, your just comical.
I know wealth, just the fact you act as if you are some sophisticated, rich socialite is pretty funny. And your serious about it.:bang:

You are a whole batch of bad sterotypes bunched into one.

Thanks for derailing this thread into a piss poor attempt at a flame war. Nick can you ban nocturne from posting here?

nocturne sucks at trolling Biff.

so are you now completely responsible for the 30k or what? What have they told you you gotta do now?

No way he's responsible for that shit. Not unless he let some obvious sign of notice go by without reporting it. I seem to remember a case where the bank let the charges run, then hit the guy up for the bill knowing it was stolen. Needless to say the bank lost that and took punitive damages.

If everything is on the up and up with the bank, Biff's damages should be limited to like $50-$100 at the most. Even then I'd get it from teh fuck's parents or something.

Goddamn identity theft sucks ass and it is really too easy to do that nowadays.

Hope all's well, this sucks and I hope that kid gets all he deserves.

you can search for it, but something like this happenned to me a few years back. Luckily I caught it while it was still just a couple $100.

Nothing I can really do about it cause the person doing it was in like taiwan.

yeah, when you first find out about it, you want to punch babies.

Awful. Thieves are fucking rotten people, but I'm glad to hear that the worst you suffered is a night in jail.

A good friend of mine went to jail for a week. He's a good guy straight-up and said you could tell which people belonged there and which didn't. He also said it was the single worst experience of his life. I don't wish that on anyone but scumbags (my friend is not a scumbag).

Sorry to hear you went through that. Good luck nailing the sumbitch.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

All you have to do is ask Josh. If I can ever be of assistance I will be. However, as I told Thief, you have two routes. I can give you money once and never again, or I can help you make a shitload of money you can call your own. It's your choice.

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Explain this to me in PM.

This happening to you make me like you more. Seriously.

I just can't help but feel sympathetic towards your experience and now I want to like you. So don't go fucking that up.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

Picture if you will, a small cell and a small community area you share with someone else. No TV, No Books, No computer, No music, just the sounds of jail. Now add camera's everywhere in the cell, a crapper in the middle that everyone can see, and the feeling of complete being helpless to do anything like use the phone, etc. Now picture being there for 15 hours, it will drive you INSANE..

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it's worse when there's bugs everywhere and you have to stay for longer, eating stale bread and governemnt cheese.

That sucks dude, sorry.

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Originally Posted by Gohron

Explain this to me in PM.

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Landing a sweet high paying job via Biff is my life's Plan B

Lol, I logged on to TNL only to find a thread called "Hi TNL I was in jail" with the last post by rich. I thought he got caught with drugs or some shit lol.

That sucks ass Biff, but atleast everything will work out for the better. I know a few other people who had their lives changed by a night in prison, i hope yours is for the better and permanent.

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Originally Posted by nocturne

No, your just comical.

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His just comical what?

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Originally Posted by nocturne

your serious about it

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His serious about it what?

You never fucking learn.

My gay what?

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Originally Posted by Nocturne

Maybe because I could give a fuck.

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nice.

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Originally Posted by nocturne

Maybe because I could give a fuck.
Proper English didn't get you anywhere in life obviously, so drop it.

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What could you possibly be basing this off?

Do you know even one thing about my life other than I post here and play video games?

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Originally Posted by arjue

Lol, I logged on to TNL only to find a thread called "Hi TNL I was in jail" with the last post by rich. I thought he got caught with drugs or some shit lol.

That sucks ass Biff, but atleast everything will work out for the better. I know a few other people who had their lives changed by a night in prison, i hope yours is for the better and permanent.

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Ever since a revelation through a shitty mushroom experience a few weeks back, I've lost the (not complete, but a large part of) desire to do drugs. :)

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Originally Posted by Opaque

What could you possibly be basing this off?

Do you know even one thing about my life other than I post here and play video games?

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I'm getting too personal.

I do need to improve my grammar.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

All you have to do is ask Josh. If I can ever be of assistance I will be. However, as I told Thief, you have two routes. I can give you money once and never again, or I can help you make a shitload of money you can call your own. It's your choice.

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I'm interested in Option 2 as well. Want to start a multinational business with me?

Why would it need to be multinational?

Do you live on some island somewhere or some shit?

Small Island in Malaysia.

Huh, I did not know that.

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Originally Posted by Opaque

Why would it need to be multinational?

Do you live on some island somewhere or some shit?

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No dude, he lives in Japan.

IDBTN.

nocturne ruins everything he touches.

Wow, no aren jokes. I'm proud TNL, very proud.

nobody really remembers you.

I'm in. (That multinational corporation thing with big-breasted whores running about)

Damn dude. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

That reminds me, time to check the ole' credit report.

Damn Biff, that really sucks. But your sharp guy, I have no doubt you handled this better than most people here would. :tu:

I do laugh at the fact that Solon police had nothing better to do than find you at a gas station and get you out of your car with guns drawn. You have to love the complete lack of important things police in Cleveland suburbs have to do.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

I have decided that I no longer desire to be a douchebag, and If I offended any of you, I'm sorry.

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So you are saying, you feel this is some kind of divine intervention, for all the evils you have committed online? Like nemesis or karma? Stories like this really make me reconsider the trolling lifestyle... Glad you got out alright, and best of luck to ya.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

I had time to think about myself and my life, and I have decided that I no longer desire to be a douchebag, and If I offended any of you, I'm sorry.

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Looks like the thief got into TNL, too.

(too soon?)

Not sure I follow that Burg.


Well, I just got home from downtown, I have an angry mob of Jones Day lawyers chomping at the bit to fuck this guy over. The only hinge is that the kid lives with his dad and uses his dads equipment to make these deals so they are asking me to consider going after the dad as well, I don't think I can do that. Now the fact that he stole my info from a corporate account, you bet your ass I'm hurting that fucking company.

Jones Day? I assume you work with them on a business level.

(Just fucking with you. Sounds like a shitty experience but I think you're through the worst of it.)

Don't fuck over the dad. It's not his fault. You remember when you were living at home - there's nothing your parents could have done to stop you from doing things they didn't want you to do.

I think he should at least start going after the dad to indirectly make the kid's life hell, even if he doesn't follow through. But if you sic the lawyers on the guy they will eat him alive.

In any event, Biff, you haven't lost anything but a night of your life. It's far more important that you sniff out the security breach and ensure your accounts are safe than it is to pursue vengeance. Make sure this guy doesn't have a driver's license with your name on it. Make sure this company doesn't have your SS#.

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Originally Posted by burgundy

Jones Day? I assume you work with them on a business level.

(Just fucking with you. Sounds like a shitty experience but I think you're through the worst of it.)

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Yes, I work with jones day nationally, they do have a criminal/civil department here in cleveland for partners of the company to pay a shitload for. This case will cost me at least 30k out of pocket, but I'm sure we'll ask for 250k to settle expenses etc.

Why is it costing you anything out of pocket? You're suing the company the DB works (I assume "worked") for, right? Why aren't they just working on commission?

30K is a shitload to lay out if you're not guaranteed a judgment in your favor. Even if you get it, you still have to collect. If you were exposed to this company in the course of business, your company should be picking that up.

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Originally Posted by burgundy

Why is it costing you anything out of pocket? You're suing the company the DB works (I assume "worked") for, right? Why aren't they just working on commission?

30K is a shitload to lay out if you're not guaranteed a judgment in your favor. Even if you get it, you still have to collect.

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I just put it down upfront, I don't like haggeling over expenses. I told them to cut the bullshit and they gave me a quote, i agreed. It will end up in my favor.

hey biff. clear your pm box so I can tell you I don't own a long sleeve collared shirt but I'll buy one from Goodwill.

u see what i did there?

I c what u did thar!

Anyway, PM box cleared, pls remember to stop spamming me with links for the Hot Winter Night Cruise to Thaiwan by NAMBLA.

I was just trying to help you plan your holidays.

No you weren't, you wanted me to go so we could get the couples rebate.

Keep that shit under your hat. I don't need my reputation sullied.

It was sullied when you nearly killed youself with a stomach ailment, rockstars die they don't pussy out.

I'm not a rockstar anymore because I don't do drugs.

edit: marijuana is not a drug.

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Originally Posted by Josh

I'm not a rockstar anymore because I don't do drugs.

edit: marijuana is not a drug. Neither is an occaisonal 8 ball or crack

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Fixed.

I don't fuck with that shit. I know my limits.

also:

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Originally Posted by joe queer

I guess I'm not a punk because I stopped getting drunk and puking all over my shoes.

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I'm just keeping your options open for a later date.

It's times like these I wish you were both in jail.

Never something you want to hear your lawyer say.

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Originally Posted by g0zen

Never something you want to hear your lawyer saw.

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I'm saving this one! :)

Next up on the karma list....Opaque and Brand X.

I know your a Republican and hate the thought of this, but you should really have your laywer look into pressing charges for damages.

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Originally Posted by burgundy

In any event, Biff, you haven't lost anything but a night of your life. It's far more important that you sniff out the security breach and ensure your accounts are safe than it is to pursue vengeance. Make sure this guy doesn't have a driver's license with your name on it. Make sure this company doesn't have your SS#.

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Burg is right and not surprisingly provided you with Tom Hagen level counseling. Settle everything first, let things quiet down, and if it's vengeance you still desire, it's always better to let it occur when it's least expected. I'm not a killer but don't push me. Revenge is the sweetest joy next to getting pussy. RF4L

Jail will change a motherfucker for better or worse. To be honest, one night ain't shit to write about, but if it effectuates any positive change in your life, it's well worth it. Good to hear you're otherwise ok, though.

I'm in the middle of a lesser instance of this now. Someone got my debit card number yesterday morning and rang up $2K of women's clothing and electronics Compass? within about an hour's worth of time. Thankfully, I caught it almost immediately.

I've blocked access to my credit and requested a report to see if the theft went any farther than just the single card.

I'm really scared of identity theft, so I check my accounts and get my credit report every year. I've got to remember to purchase another shredder soon.

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Originally Posted by nocturne

Next up on the karma list....Opaque and Brand X.

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Now that you mention it, I should have plenty of good karma coming my way. Thanks for the reminder.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

Picture if you will, a small cell and a small community area you share with someone else. No TV, No Books, No computer, No music, just the sounds of jail. Now add camera's everywhere in the cell, a crapper in the middle that everyone can see, and the feeling of complete being helpless to do anything like use the phone, etc. Now picture being there for 15 hours, it will drive you INSANE..

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I can confirm this.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

This case will cost me at least 30k out of pocket, but I'm sure we'll ask for 250k to settle expenses etc.

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Maybe if you win this money you can start buying shit loads of video games you'll probably never all play, and multiple TV's. Than you can start posting only in the haul thread.

You can go to jail for running up your own credit card? wtf?

This has confused me since the first post.

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Originally Posted by Biff-chan

I am told that I have accumulated over 35,000 dollars in charges on somebody else's card and he's pressing charges.

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That makes less sense. If they figured out someone else was using this guy's card, why wouldn't they find Biff's doppelganger?

durrrr.

Thanks asshole. I'm saying I can't believe the cops would go after him right away without checking it out a little more.

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Originally Posted by icarusfall

Don't fuck over the dad. It's not his fault. You remember when you were living at home - there's nothing your parents could have done to stop you from doing things they didn't want you to do.

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Give the dad a phone call and explain the situation. There's no way to know if the dad knows anything about it, but there's a chance he does and doesn't care. Phone him up, gauge his reaction to the news, and then pursue a plan from that point. If he's a douchebag then go after him. If he's not a douchebag and seems genuinely apologetic then leave him with a warning.

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Originally Posted by Hubbitron

Thanks asshole. I'm saying I can't believe the cops would go after him right away without checking it out a little more.

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Empathizing with the sheriff's department it's easier to get someone in custody and sort shit out later than it is to give someone a head's up and let them run free. Physically catching the guy responsible is half the battle.

I have a lot of trouble empathizing with the police.

me too

fuck the police