The 10 Golden Rules of Online Gaming

http://www.destructoid.com/ten-golde...ng-64474.phtml

A few snippets:

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3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:

Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory -- never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob.

7: Everyone is gay:

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay.

10: Team members who score are kill stealers:

Kill stealing is one of the most abhorrent and despicable crimes ever committed, and is even listed in some modern Bibles as the eighth deadly sin. Every opponent is a victim waiting to die by your hand alone, and if anybody dares shoot them before you, they are a kill stealer.

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Excellent find.

That list is pretty much perfect and dead on. Awesome.

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If these pukes were good at the game like you, they wouldn't need to rely on such cheap tactics, would they? They'd be like you, running around with the shotgun, not having fun and despising everything everyone else is doing. The fact that they have killed you so many times is proof of how bad they are at playing.

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This was basically my experience with Halo 2, in a nut shell. I can't even count the number of times a kid doing just that told me I was cheap for using a rifle.

Awesome article.

Good stuff, pretty much all true.

#11 should be: If you can do something at the expense of your team, but with the sole benefit to yourself, it is the right thing to do."

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3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:

Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory -- never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob.

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Play to win, imo.

12) There are at least 1,000,000 people without jobs that spend 15 hours a day playing whatever game you are playing. They will always be better than you, get over it.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

12) There are at least 1,000,000 people without jobs that spend 15 hours a day playing whatever game you are playing. They will always be better than you, get over it.

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Takahashi Meijin only played one hour per day and he became the best gamer ever. No excuses.

i bet i can out-mash that dude

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One of the most original and beloved songs to sing is anything done by Rick Astley.

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This is the Eleventh Commandment of Existence Forever.

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Originally Posted by rezo

Takahashi Meijin only played one hour per day and he became the best gamer ever. No excuses.

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I have no fucking clue who this guy is, 0.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

12) There are at least 1,000,000 people without jobs that spend 15 hours a day playing whatever game you are playing. They will always be better than you, get over it.

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That couldn't be the further from the truth. There will be the occasional person who is really fucking good and plays that much, but a good portion of people who play online just aren't very good regardless of how many hours a day they play.

The only person I know who has improved from being trash at a game to being damn good by playing a lot is Nomi at Halo.

Well then, everybody is better than me, fine, I'm going to cry now :(

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Originally Posted by Brand X

That couldn't be the further from the truth. There will be the occasional person who is really fucking good and plays that much, but a good portion of people who play online just aren't very good regardless of how many hours a day they play.

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Believe this man.

I could get back on Halo and wipe the floor with the kids who have been playing these last few months I haven't. It has nothing to do with hours played.

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Originally Posted by rezo

Takahashi Meijin only played one hour per day and he became the best gamer ever. No excuses.

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Yes, but does he have a line of vanity mice and keyboards named after his online handle?

Or the worst, but somehow most expensive, case?

This is why I hardly ever play online.

Here is an example. I get on COD4, two minutes after I start I get killed 15 times in a row. Rinse repeat, I just don't have the time to learn what is best for what situation.

Oh, and fuck snipers.

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Originally Posted by Opaque

I could get back on Halo and wipe the floor with the kids who have been playing these last few months I haven't. It has nothing to do with hours played.

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Going from playing CoD4 to playing Halo is some weird ass shit. I thought that too, played a game of Shotty/Sniper's on Last Resort, did TERRIBLE. I kept hitting B to reload, and clicking the stick in to run behind cover. It was lawltastic. Then I think I went 19-8 on The Pit the next round, but even still, that first round was hell.

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Originally Posted by Biff

I get on COD4, two minutes after I start I get killed 15 times in a row.

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To give you some credit CoD4 isn't instantly accessible. It takes an hour or 2 to get the hang of it. Especially when you are playing against people who have already gotten used to playing.

They're cheap.

So are explosives, turrets and air strikes.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

Here is an example. I get on COD4, two minutes after I start I get killed 15 times in a row. Rinse repeat, I just don't have the time to learn what is best for what situation.

Oh, and fuck snipers.

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Don't stick your fucking head out and get it shot off 10x, maybe? Worked in COD2.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

This is why I hardly ever play online.

Here is an example. I get on COD4, two minutes after I start I get killed 15 times in a row. Rinse repeat, I just don't have the time to learn what is best for what situation.

Oh, and fuck snipers.

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This is not the man you want with you during a disaster. lol

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Originally Posted by Brand X

Going from playing CoD4 to playing Halo is some weird ass shit. I thought that too, played a game of Shotty/Sniper's on Last Resort, did TERRIBLE. I kept hitting B to reload, and clicking the stick in to run behind cover. It was lawltastic. Then I think I went 19-8 on The Pit the next round, but even still, that first round was hell.

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Speaking of which starting tomorrow I have interweb on my 360 again (did I mention I moved to a fucking bomb ass place, with a LOFT!??) and I can play CoD4 again, all night.

Be there.

Yeah, but I am playing while at the same time trying to read the instructions while at the same time drinking a beer while at the same time beating my dog while at the same time yelling at my girlfriend, shit is hectic sometimes yo.

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Originally Posted by Yoshi

This is not the man you want with you during a disaster. lol

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If a disaster required made elite online player skills, you probably don't. If I disaster requires you to be in good shape and can run, probably do.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

read the instructions

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Wait....what?

My experience shooting guns with a controller means I can fight Zombies with IRL guns.

You should believe that. YSBT?

Yeah I know.

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Originally Posted by Opaque

My experience shooting guns with a controller means I can fight Zombies with IRL guns.

You should believe that. YSBT?

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If that were true TNL would be the bad ass motherfucking pulp fiction type niggas.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

12) There are at least 1,000,000 people without jobs that spend 15 hours a day playing whatever game you are playing. They will always be better than you, get over it.

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so so fucking true

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The only person I know who has improved from being trash at a game to being damn good by playing a lot is Nomi at Halo.

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This doesn't make much sense to me.

I mean, it's one thing to say that there are people who don't improve regardless of time spent playing (which I obviously agree with), but it's pretty freaking weird if you're saying that it's rare for people to get better with more time spent playing.

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So, you finally got your game hooked up and are ready to play. Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that online gaming is about having fun. You are very wrong and you will learn this in due time. Because we gamers are too physically weak to pick random fights in bars, we must assert our alpha male dominance another way -- by twiddling our fingers around on buttons until virtual representations of people we don't know simulate death.

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This shit is the reason I don't even plug the microphone in anymore. I honestly don't even know where it is anymore.

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Originally Posted by Tain

This doesn't make much sense to me.

I mean, it's one thing to say that there are people who don't improve regardless of time spent playing (which I obviously agree with), but it's pretty freaking weird if you're saying that it's rare for people to get better with more time spent playing.

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Talent > Skill setups usually work like that.

I can pretty safely say I will never get better at the piano.

Rem, the thing to do with that microphone is to turn off voice chat in the game you're playing, then go on a Ventrilo server where people you like are, even if they're playing different games! Canceling my WoW account was easy when I realized that talking to old friends on Vent was the most fun the game had to offer.

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Originally Posted by YellerDog

I can pretty safely say I will never get better at the piano.

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YOU'RE A QUITTER.

I don't agree with what you guys are saying about being good at games at all. I mean for me I was instantly good at shooters I guess (my first being Gears since I used to get motion sickness from FPS), but hand-eye coordination, manual dexterity, and reflexes aren't the only qualities that make up a good player. At low levels it does, but once you face decent competition it's all about teamwork, strategy, and experience. I would say that this is especially true in a game like CoD4 where it's just really easy to aim.

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Originally Posted by Opaque

Believe this man.

I could get back on Halo and wipe the floor with the kids who have been playing these last few months I haven't. It has nothing to do with hours played.

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Not true. You can wipe the floor with those kids because of the 600 hours of Halo that you've already played. So it's like riding a bike, in your case, rather than just natural talent.

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Rem, the thing to do with that microphone is to turn off voice chat in the game you're playing, then go on a Ventrilo server where people you like are, even if they're playing different games! Canceling my WoW account was easy when I realized that talking to old friends on Vent was the most fun the game had to offer.

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I'm sure it is, but I would rather just listen to music while I played.

Also as far as natural skill Vs. talent goes, you guys must be talking about only video games. Because most things require a lot of practice to be good, It's rare for anyone to be great off the bat.

That too!

Anyway, common sense would dictate that if you spend a couple hundred hours making the same stupid mistakes and refusing to learn from 1) yourself 2) everyone else you're playing with, no, you're not going to get better. However, if you're willing to think and change your strategies accordingly, the amount of time played will lead to you becoming a better player! At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

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I can pretty safely say I will never get better at the piano

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That depends, have you practiced for years and have hit an emotional and physical wall. Or have you never touched they keys in your life, if It's the latter you really have no idea.

Unless you have recently lost fingers or suffered brain trauma, I think it's safe to say that you can get better at the piano as long as you have the desire to improve.

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Originally Posted by mannerbot

At low levels it does, but once you face decent competition it's all about teamwork, strategy, and experience. I would say that this is especially true in a game like CoD4 where it's just really easy to aim.

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Which is why I said a good portion of people, and not all people. You know as well as I do, the vast majority of people who play games online just aren't that good. A good portion of the people who play online also do not play at higher levels, which tends to negate the teamwork, strategy, and experience portions of what makes a good player.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that people won't improve at a game if they spend 15 hours a day, because they will. It's that it takes a certain type of person and a certain inherent skill at a type of game to be able to play at higher levels, regardless of the amount of time invested. Which like I stated before, a good portion of the people who play online aren't those people.

*a "good portion" is a rough estimation created by me, and based off of nothing but my personal experience

Agreed, but I contend that those people that won't improve are the same ones that were in 7th grade until they were 16.

I don't dispute that fact.

Unfortunately that makes up 96.8% of the competition online. Which tends to make for shitty competition. :cry:

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9: Calling people naggers is both original and hilarious:

Racism online is bad, which is a shame because deep down everybody knows it's actually awesome. There is, however, a really witty workaround that allows you to say racist words while not actually saying them. Remember that episode of South Park where Randy believed that the missing letter in "n - ggers" was an I? Then he said the full word and everyone was shocked because it was actually naggers and not that word? Well, here's a pro tip -- nobody has EVER thought of calling people naggers online. You are going to be so edgy if you capitalize on this opportunity.

Do it all the time and your popularity will skyrocket.

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Can't believe nobody has touched this one yet.

Nobody says naggers; they just say nigger.

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Originally Posted by wEEman33

Nobody says naggers; they just say nigger.

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What are you talking about? You mean you guys have been thinking this whole time that I've been saying the "N" word? I've been saying naggers this whole time thinking I was a badass.

Naggers? I believe most people boot you for that.

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Originally Posted by Changeling

so so fucking true

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IBTN

Here's me at level 1

Hey, where can I go get some fast EXP?

Here's megadork at level 252

Fuck you noob, I just squashed the demonlord of westerchurch and shit, I'm too busy fucking selling my shit to help you.

Me still at level 1

Thanks fucktard nagger orc.....




It's even more awesome if I accidentally log onto the roleplaying server.

Me

Hey where can I get EXP?

Brisco The Taneth

I can't understand you, I'm an orc and you're a human, idiot. so GEREGEDRRGSSK IEKDIGLEI D

Tanner the NAgger vampire orc demon wyvern

LOL

It's not appropriate to say "naggers" unless it is following you saying "dad gum" immediately beforehand. It's the only way to do it. "Doggone" is entirely unacceptable.

That'll teach you to play RPGs online.

Pretty much

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Originally Posted by YellerDog

That'll teach you to play RPGs online.

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And the sad thing is I'm pretty sure these dudes all look about like this..

http://www.menk.com/blog/wp-content/zune_tat_2.jpg

Some Stupid Japanese Name?

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Originally Posted by YellerDog

Yes, but does he have a line of vanity mice and keyboards named after his online handle?

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How about a TV show?



And apparently he knows Hokuto Shinken, judging by that watermelon.

WTF, not only can he kill my mohawk warrior in one shot, he's also like the japanese chuck norris and shit, now that really ruins my day. Thanks dunlap.

This:

Lag is a process whereby everyone in the game becomes better than you thanks to the Internet helping them become cheap.

is wonderful.

I love the Kill stealers. I got screamed at the other day on Cod4 because I apparently stepped in front of my teamate and killed his target. Its a team deathmatch right? Then what the hell does it matter? As long as we win, why cry?

Because you stole his kill. Noob.

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Originally Posted by mannerbot

Not true. You can wipe the floor with those kids because of the 600 hours of Halo that you've already played. So it's like riding a bike, in your case, rather than just natural talent.

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I don't know, Halo 2 was my first FPS and I was good at it from day one.

I obviously got better, but when TNL was still playing it I was already kicking ass.

Yeah, but if you played good people when you first started you wouldn't have been kicking ass. That's not a slight to you, just saying. It's like being a 6 footer on an elementary school basketball team.

I really can't argue with that logic.