Stuff White People Like

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Some white people decide to pull the ultimate move. Prius, Apple Sticker on the back, iPod rocking, and Democratic Candidate bumper sticker. Unstoppable!

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Awesome

LOL, good find.

#58 Japan

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If you find yourself in an awkward silence with white people, just mention how you want to go to Japan. They will immediately begin talking about how their trip to Japan, or their favorite stuff from Japan, but it will be entirely about them. This is useful as you no longer have to talk, and they will like you for letting them talk about themselves.

But like with anime, you have to be careful about how much you like Japan. If you know how to speak Japanese, you kind of ruin it for everyone else.

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#41 Indie Music

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January 30, 2008 by clander

If you want to understand white people, you need to understand indie music. As mentioned before, white people hate anything that’s “mainstream” and are desperate to find things that are more genuine, unique, and reflective of their experiences.

Fortunately, they have independent music.

A white person’s iPod (formerly CD collection) is not merely an assemblage of music that they enjoy. It is what defines them as a person. They are always on the look out for the latest hot band that no one has heard of so that one day, they can hit it just right and be into a band BEFORE they are featured in an Apple commercial. To a white person, being a fan of a band before they get popular is one of the most important things they can do with their life. They can hold it over their friends forever!

Indie music also produces a lot of concerts, for which white people can attend and meet other white people. It’s especially useful, since they are attending the same concert, they both like the artist and can easily strike up a conversation that will flow from band at the show->other bands they like->where they went to/go to school->where to get the best vegan food in town->agreement to meet at said restaurant for awkward date.

It is worth noting that white people are expected to stay current with music and go to concerts well into their 40s. Unlike at dance or hip hop clubs, there are few stigmas attached to being the “old guy at the club.”

But BE WARNED, talking about Indie Music with white people is perhaps the most dangerous subject you touch upon. One false move and you will lose their respect and admiration forever. Here are some general rules

Bands that have had their songs in an Apple ad are still marginally acceptable
Bands that have had their songs in ads for other companies are not acceptable
If you mention a band you like and the other person has heard of them, you lose. They own you. It is essential that you like the most obscure music possible.
Remember, popular artists can turn unpopular in a heartbeat (Ryan Adams, Bright Eyes, The Strokes), so you would be best to stick to the following statements: “I love the Arcade Fire,” “I still think the Montreal scene is the best in the world,” “I would die without Stereogum or Fluxblog“* and “Joanna Newsom is maybe the most original artist today.”

*-do not substitute Stereogum for Pitchfork, as this is one of those things that used to be cool, but is now not cool.

Image: Spaceland in Silverlake.

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Also note: white people will wait up to 40 minutes for a good sandwich.

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lol

This guy is fucking awesome.

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Note: it’s weird that there are some white people who won’t take aspirin, but will take Ecstasy, Cocaine, Xanax and Vicodin.

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Good find Icarus... I needed a laugh.

Edit. This also made me laugh.

Yeah this guy is pretty funny.

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Art's Degrees:
But the real reason white people need these degrees is so that they can sound smart at parties. Of course it trickles down to making connections, getting hired, knowing rich people, and so forth. But ultimately it all begins by saying “reading Henry James was the most rewarding part of undergrad.”

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I've been... I... I've been disassembled :(

Seriously. I love expensive sandwiches.

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The white person will then tell you about the great sandwich shop in the town where they went to college and how they had a crush on a waiter, or that there was some special sandwich that they always ordered.

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Seriously, if you're ever in Charlottesville, Pacino's has this sandwich called The Godfather which will melt your face with delicious. I would drive an hour for it... oh... oh god.

Oh God, I can't stop myself.

lols, Wes Anderson movies.

This isn't so much as white people as people who love NPR. I mean, David Sedaris, Wrigley Field, NPOs, fair trade coffee.

David Sedaris makes me lol and Wrigley Field was really super pleasant :(

Only ass backwards white people would ever listen to public radio or do anything Icarus quoted in the first post.

What's NPR? I must have missed it.

Wow, you are not good at this.

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Originally Posted by Mr-K

I've been... I... I've been disassembled :(

Seriously. I love expensive sandwiches.


Seriously, if you're ever in Charlottesville, Pacino's has this sandwich called The Godfather which will melt your face with delicious. I would drive an hour for it... oh... oh god.

Oh God, I can't stop myself.

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Really?

It was a pretty good sandwich, yeah.

Please describe

Don't remember exactly.

Toasted sub roll, prosciutto, ham, salami, onion, banana peppers, jalapeno, lettuce, tomato, onion, store made italian dressing. Basically just your standard italian sandwich, except... really really good for some reason.

[/white person]

So Josh is not a unique snowflake?

I am a fan of the Panini sandwich in this area.

http://www.ohiosportsclub.com/images...ogo_132_92.gif
Two large sourdough rolls.
Steak and cheese, with french fries and cole slaw all on the rolls. The thing is about 6 inches thick and you can't finish it..

The best part? They are located right downtown across from all the bars.

The catch? There will be 200 people in their at 2:30.

It is the best 8 dollar after bar sammich ever.

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Originally Posted by Some Stupid Japanese Name

So Josh is not a unique snowflake?

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You've been name dropping me a recently. did I break your <3 somehow?

The thing about sammiches, in my honest opinion, is that they are to easily replicated at home for me to go out of my way to get them.

And I love sammiches, probably one of my favorite foods... but I'd rather buy some nice bread, toppings, fresh veggies, etc. and eat a bunch of them at home, then go out.

But that's just me!

Yeah, but you have to watch out, with that hair trigger of yours if some Quiznos goon asked you for $12 bucks for a sandwich you'd turn him into a pretzel then fight everyone else in the restaurant.

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White people love to laugh, so it’s no surprise that some of the funniest people in the world are white! But do not believe that white people find all types of humor funny. BET Comicview for example is not considered funny, and white people generally get little to no enjoyment out of the program.

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Originally Posted by Kidnemo

The thing about sammiches, in my honest opinion, is that they are to easily replicated at home for me to go out of my way to get them.

And I love sammiches, probably one of my favorite foods... but I'd rather buy some nice bread, toppings, fresh veggies, etc. and eat a bunch of them at home, then go out.

But that's just me!

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There's a liquor store here that makes sandwiches for $6 that are filled with probably $15 in ingredients. No idea how they do it but their sandwiches are awesome.

lies

charlottesville has no edible food

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Originally Posted by Josh

You've been name dropping me a recently. did I break your <3 somehow?

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Did you get me a Valentine?

I like this site and I like Icarusfall for posting it.

it's- it's true! I like a lot of that stuff!

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Most white people prefer to say that they don’t watch television, one thing they agree on is that Arrested Development was the best show on TV. They love it so much!

The love it for a number of reasons. Firstly, since the show was cancelled before it jumped the shark, it’s effectively like a rocker that dies at 27. Also, the show got terrible ratings, meaning that it wasn’t ‘mainstream,’ which makes white people love it unilaterally. Other examples of shows like this are Twin Peaks and The Ben Stiller Show.

They also love it because there are a few references to white popular culture, and if there is one thing that white people love, it’s cultural references that they understand (see Garden State, The Onion, and Juno for examples).

If you are ever a white person’s house, and you see an orange box in their DVD collection, you should say “oh, you have Arrested Development, I love that show!” To which you will be offered a glass of wine, and perhaps an invitation to 80s night.

Also of note: the hip hop group Arrested Development is also loved by white people.

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The very white folks in my office seem to LOVE Arrested Development which makes that claim all too funny.

The indie rock one Biff quoted is amazing.

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Image: Spaceland in Silverlake.

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I've seen so many great shows at Spaceland.

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Originally Posted by burgundy!!!!

lies

charlottesville has no edible food

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I didn't even go to school there and I know that there are like 8 million restaurants there.

Although, thinking back on it, I just kept getting that sandwich--so yeah, you may be right.

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When you say the word “assist,” first thing you think about is Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky. White people love to pass, it’s no secret.

In basketball, it’s kind of a must so that white guys can carve out a niche and guarantee acceptance on a team. Trying to be a white guy who dunks and stuff is like trying to be a white rapper - yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results.

One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades so passing is a way to make up for it. But more importantly, it makes them feel good to help others.

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Fuckin' lol.

So wait, I am confused. I don't like anything on the site...

So am I Black or Latino now?

I believe the official designation for someone like you is a liar. If you are white that site has your number.

I hate the Prius, Apple, I only recycle because my town fines you if the find any recyclables in your regular trash, don't ride a bike, think alternative medicine is for hippes. And Japan and most things from it suck.

I liked Arested Development but didn't think it was second coming of christ on TV, and I do know most of the words to "It Takes Two".

I'm so conflicted. Maybe I'm mulato.

what state do you live in?

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Originally Posted by g0zen

Yeah, but you have to watch out, with that hair trigger of yours if some Quiznos goon asked you for $12 bucks for a sandwich you'd turn him into a pretzel then fight everyone else in the restaurant.

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That's funny you said quiznos, because I've only been there twice and both times I thought "man, these sandwiches are way overpriced...I could make the same thing at home".

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Originally Posted by MarkRyan

There's a liquor store here that makes sandwiches for $6 that are filled with probably $15 in ingredients. No idea how they do it but their sandwiches are awesome.

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Where is this :o

So far the best sammiches I've had are in North Beach, but that's pretty annoying to get to.

They forgot that white people like ridiculous office sayings like:
Shoot me an email
Let's touch base
CYA
Step up to the plate
FYI
etc.

If you're white and you say these things more than anyone else, you'll be promoted every month.

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Originally Posted by Schlep

They forgot that white people like ridiculous office sayings like:
Shoot me an email
Let's touch base
CYA
Step up to the plate
FYI
let's table this issue
Get me a confirmation on that
Leverage your strengths
Let's have a meeting on this (and then realize you have 5 meetings that day)
Run with this

If you're white and you say these things more than anyone else, you'll be promoted every month.

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Added a couple more for support

Also, they need to add Googling and wikipedia, we white folks love that shit.

Let's run this up the flagpole and see who salutes.

LOL

Oh forgot, the following

we have to push this up the chain.
teamwork first
Dale Carnegie says...

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Originally Posted by Schlep

They forgot that white people like ridiculous office sayings like:
Shoot me an email
Let's touch base
CYA
Step up to the plate
FYI
etc.

If you're white and you say these things more than anyone else, you'll be promoted every month.

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That's not white people. It's corporate America. I know lots of non-white people who use all of those.

Don't be ashamed, Yoshi. It's o-kay.

More white office-speak:

"The message point here is..."
and
"Be a team player."

I want to hear black office speak. Asian office speak?

Nobody says that shit very much in my office. Though I work in a studio environment so the rules might be different.

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Originally Posted by Tones

I want to hear black office speak. Asian office speak?

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http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...oID=2024239745

I read through all of them, and I think I know of someone who 100% fits the criteria of whiteness. He's a douche.

I was grilling for people the other day at someone else's party, and the vegans/vegetarians didn't want meat juice on their vegetables? Fine. Your stuff goes on the top rack, where it takes twice as long to cook.

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Originally Posted by Tones

I was grilling for people the other day at someone else's party, and the vegans/vegetarians didn't want meat juice on their vegetables? Fine. Your stuff goes on the top rack, where it takes twice as long to cook.

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You sure showed those assholes. fucking vegetarian douchebags.

Yeah I'm pretty much a badass.

I don't do like any of this shit except have a three-generations-old ipod and eat sushi sometimes.

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Originally Posted by burgundy!!!!

I don't do like any of this shit except have a three-generations-old ipod and eat sushi sometimes.

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Aren't you a lawyer?

These are the few that jumped out at me:

#69 I DO like Mos Def!

#68 Michel Gondry, yes I like him, for a french dude

#59 I am a holistic remedies freak, thanks to my freak natural medicine white parents

#52 I ADORE Sarah Silverman

#44 NPR, I love it

#10 I do love me some Wes Anderson

#5 Farmer's Market Tuesday, love it!

I guess I'm white.

Everything you just singled out sucks.

But... but... who doesn't like fresh produce?!

So many of these can be summed up as "White people love "authentic" experiences!"

I like going apple picking myself.

this whole list boils down to "lol, white peoples got money and are boring"

#100 Barack Obama

Wait for it.

Lets just see, things listed that I like:

68 - Michel Gondry
63 - Overpriced Sandwiches
58 - Japan (SURPRISE!!!)
57 - Juno
52 - Sarah Silverman
51 - Living by Water
50 - Irony
47 - Arts Degree
43 - Plays
42 - Sushi
41 - Indie Music
40 - Apple Products
38 - Arrested Development (It should be criminal to not like this show)
35 - Daily Show
33 - Marijuana
29 - 80s Night
26 - Manhattan
25 - David Sedaris
24 - Wine
23 - Microbrews
19 - Traveling
13 - Tea
11 - Asian Girls (ANOTHER BIG SURPRISE)
10 - Wes Anderson Movies
1 - Coffee.


So does that make me about 1/3 white?

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Originally Posted by #47 Arts Degress

When white people go away to college, they tend to study what are knowns as the Arts. This includes actual Art, English, History, Classics, and Philosophy. These can of course be broken down further into Film, Womyn’s Studies (yes the spelling is correct), Communications, Gender Studies, and so forth. It is important to note that a high percentage of white people also get degrees in Political Science, which is pretty much like arts, and only seems to have the word “science” in it to make white people feel better about themselves.
These degrees enable white people to spend four yeas of their lives reading books, writing papers and feeling great about themselves. It is a known fact that Arts students firmly believe that they are doing you/society a favor by not getting a job and reading Proust. They use this to protest for reduced tuition, more money for the arts, and special reduced student rates on things like bus passes.

But what about the white people who study Science, Engineering or Business? Unless they become doctors, they essentially lose white person status (and can only be regained by working at a non-profit).

So why would white people spend all that time studying and working to get into college if they are just going to read books that they might have read in their free time? Because white people have it made. They can take that degree and easily parlay it into a non profit job, an art gallery job, or work in publishing. If the pay is low, no problem, their parents will happily help out with rent until they magically start making six figures or non-magically turn 40.

White people can also take that degree and go to graduate school (future post) and eventually become a professor or adjunct professor where they will still require parental support.

If they are REALLY ambitious and need to make money, they can take that degree and go to Law School.

But the real reason white people need these degrees is so that they can sound smart at parties. Of course it trickles down to making connections, getting hired, knowing rich people, and so forth. But ultimately it all begins by saying “reading Henry James was the most rewarding part of undergrad.”

Using this to your advantage can be very difficult as attempts to talk about the books they skimmed while hungover can expose you. It is best to say that you were a first generation college student and your parents demanded that you study math, chemistry, economics or computer science. You had to read Joyce on your own.

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Fucking EL O EL.

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Originally Posted by What White Ppl love

Barak #8 - Because white people are afraid that if they don’t like him that they will be called racist.

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I think a few of you are confused about the difference between white people and WHITE people.

Heh:
http://www.esquire.com/features/food-drink/sandwiches

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Originally Posted by Mr-K

Heh:
http://www.esquire.com/features/food-drink/sandwiches

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Chick Fil-A and McDonalds be on there.

Chick-Fil-A is fucking awesome.

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Originally Posted by bbobb

Chick-Fil-A is fucking awesome.

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Those waffle fries are good, but those right wing right to lifers can suck my asshole. So can those fucking cows.

I can get past the whole owned by mormons thing, those chicken sandwiches are just so fucking good.

OLOLOL

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#69 Mos Def
February 17, 2008 by clander

In the olden days of white culture, people used to look up to Kings and Princes. These were the people that they adored, and every night they wished and hoped that somehow they could wake up and be just like them. But with Royal Families crumbling, that role has been filled by one man: Mos Def.

He is everything that white people dream about: authentic (”he’s from Brooklyn!”), funny (”he was on Chapelle show!”), artistic (have you heard “Black on Both Sides?”), an actor (”he’s in the new Gondry film!”) and not white (”I don’t see race”).

He has done an amazing job of being in big budget movies (The Italian Job) and having one of his songs become a white person wedding staple (Ms. Fat Booty) but still retaining authenticity and credibility.

If you find yourself in a social situation where you are asked to list your favorite actor or artist, you should always say Mos Def. This way you can name someone that everyone has heard of and you don’t look like you are trying to one up anybody. The only possible negative consequence is some white people might think “I wish I had said that first.”

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This site is so meta. It's like, the guy is saying white people fall into all these stereotypes like criticizing things that apparently lack personal authenticity and loving irony, and the whole time he's being ironic and criticizing people for apparently lacking personal authenticity.

I'm pretty sure he's the red headed white guy in all of the pictures too.

lol @ redheads

and I go to the farmers market. Fuck you all.

In related news, my white girlfriend has that Gondry DVD but one side is all scratched up. Any of you have a copy (I KNOW YOU DO) and could you make me a copy so I can be all "hey baby, look what i got 4U"

Please?

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Originally Posted by Rich

McDonalds

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is on there. Or at least the McRib is.

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Originally Posted by Kidnemo

That's funny you said quiznos,(...) "man, these sandwiches are way overpriced (...)".

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Not a lotta sandwich for a whole lotta money.

#100 websites that make fun of them.

If there is one thing white people like its pointing and laughing at other white people that are whiter than they are. White people love this because it makes them feel less white, and less guilty about being white. white white white.

I love being white.

I don't have time to bother with that but I bet it says that white people like coffee.

First entry.

He's posting from Seattle ladies and gentlemen.

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Originally Posted by Mr-K

First entry.

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Oh no. Now I might have to look.

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Originally Posted by Cowutopia

I love being white.

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Being white is pretty fucking awesome, I gotta say.

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Originally Posted by Tones

Yeah I'm pretty much a badass.

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i would've told them okay and just cooked it on the regular grill with everything else.

Yeah! That'll show those assholes! How dare they eat vegetables!

I don't think that was the point.

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Originally Posted by StriderKyo

This site is so meta. It's like, the guy is saying white people fall into all these stereotypes like criticizing things that apparently lack personal authenticity and loving irony, and the whole time he's being ironic and criticizing people for apparently lacking personal authenticity.

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I want to start a black people like blog.

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Originally Posted by Josh

Yeah! That'll show those assholes! How dare they eat vegetables!

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I don't care if they want to eat only vegetables. They won't know the difference between meat juices being on the veggies or not. There's always cold salad at BBQs also that they can eat. Usually pasta and garden. It wasn't a dig at vegetarians. It was a dig at anal retentives thinking it makes a difference where their zucchini's are placed on the BBQ. I put meat on the top shelf too.

Black people like

1) Not working
2) Lottery
3) Fried food
4) White woman

done

Black people have more intricacies to their social behaviours than that, racist. I have 2 black friends. I'll just go over to their house for dinner and make notes on their living conditions for awhile to get content. Too much work though. I'll let somebody else do it. Besides, I think spanish / latino would be way more interesting to make a blog about than black people.

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Originally Posted by Drewbacca

Black people have more intricacies to their social stigma's than that, racist.

I have 2 black friends. I'll just go over to their house for dinner and make notes on their living conditions for awhile to get content.

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Did you read this list? You just hit #12 or something.


White people with black "friends"

You're making the blogger look like an Einstein.

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Since we are on the verge of electing a black president, it seems important to explain why white people want black friends. Every white person wants a black friend like Barack: good-looking, well-spoken, and non-violent. Obviously, whites want black friends so as not to appear racist (see earlier Obama post). However, if we dig deeper what we notice about white people is not if they have black friends but in fact, how many black friends they have. White people like numbers. They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. The number of black friends white people possess also illustrates their comfort with black culture. Here’s a handy guide to the number system:

1—The white novice. This black friend is the gateway to helping white people understand gang signs and Vietnamese beauty supply stores. This black friend is probably the only black friend for many white people and when they all hang out (because white people hang out) they bring their “mutual” black friend with them.

2—The white black club-goer. Two black friends serve as bodyguards when white people go to black clubs to see how exactly one “pops, drops and locks” it.

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I think he's a genius.

I only read two pages or so before getting bored. Hadn't seen that one.

Seconded

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Originally Posted by Vasteel

Aren't you a lawyer?

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i am a lawyer, but i don't HAVE a lawyer

besides i am so barely a lawyer

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Originally Posted by burgundy!!!!

i am a lawyer, but i don't HAVE a lawyer

besides i am so barely a lawyer

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Always wondered how lawyers "get" lawyers.

I have 2 lawyers that I work with for pretty much anything. One mean Jewish guy, and one technical guy.

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Originally Posted by Bailey

Black people like

1) Not working
2) Lottery
3) Fried food
4) White woman

done

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You forgot about malt liquor and black and milds.

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Originally Posted by bbobb

Lets just see, things listed that I like:

68 - Michel Gondry
63 - Overpriced Sandwiches
58 - Japan (SURPRISE!!!)
57 - Juno
52 - Sarah Silverman
51 - Living by Water
50 - Irony
47 - Arts Degree
43 - Plays
42 - Sushi
41 - Indie Music
40 - Apple Products
38 - Arrested Development (It should be criminal to not like this show)
35 - Daily Show
33 - Marijuana
29 - 80s Night
26 - Manhattan
25 - David Sedaris
24 - Wine
23 - Microbrews
19 - Traveling
13 - Tea
11 - Asian Girls (ANOTHER BIG SURPRISE)
10 - Wes Anderson Movies
1 - Coffee.


So does that make me about 1/3 white?

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I love all this stuff except for asian girls. I also like Mos Def and Arcade Fire. I buy a lot of my clothes from Canada because I love their fashion scene. The more I think about it, a lot of the bands I like come from Canada. I just like their screamo scene, I guess. Does that make me white? I am half white after all. I always thought this stuff was for pretentious people, not really white people per say.

Edit: LOL, I have a pack of Black and Milds in my pocket right now. I am so confused!

There's a Canadian fashion scene?

When i was in Montreal a couple years ago all the dudes wore red shoes and capri pants.

Sounds Canadian.

It sucked. Canada sucks too.

None of this shit means anything, except that you might be a douche.