So Josh, Mr B and I all poop around 11:30am each day. It is 11:30am now and I gotta go. Who else want to join in the fun?
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So Josh, Mr B and I all poop around 11:30am each day. It is 11:30am now and I gotta go. Who else want to join in the fun?
I shat out about 2 pounds of liquid heat this morning thanks to Chipotle + hot sauce.
To quote Scotty from ST "We can't take much more of this captain"
Sorry it's 8:30 over here.
And I gotta take a shit...
Post results in S&B. Some cool guy started a poop thread a while bck.
Mine was all weird this morning. It actually floated on top of the toilet paper and was of gravy type consistancy. I left it for the girl to admire.
Results are in this morning. Little nuggets, not unlike those chicken McNuggets.
Was it a machine gun shit with chunks? Or the slow get through the Maxim magazine type shit.
Mine was a nice, long turd that poked up over the water, like a feces crocodile.
Maxim confirmed. But not as pretty. Close tho, I give it a 7/10.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey
PICS PLZQuote:
Originally Posted by Grey's Anatomy
I weigh myself before and after my morning shit. Today's was a 2.4 pound rocket of doom. No splashback though. My technique is flawless. Single wiper too.
My shits have been AWESOME since dropping meat, and processed foods out of my diet.
Wins thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
I never trust myself for single wipe. NEVER.
I'm going to go right now!
Single wipes are possible, but not after a heavy drinking night.
The more you know!!!
I am still waiting for Opaque's report.
You guys should wear official shirts that say "Poop Pals" on the back and "11:30 AM" on the front.
I will if I am auditioning American Idol and make it to top 24.Quote:
Originally Posted by Revoltor
So I had like a killer horrible headache this afternoon. Couldn't get any work done, then I went and took a shit and afterwards my headache was gone. I don't know exactly how your ass connects to your brain in that way but damn if it didn't make me feel better.
TNL new york meet up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Revoltor
I only take about 1/4 of my shits at home. Thankfully I got over the "home-base" theory long ago.
I usually take my poops at 3:30pm, but I will do what I can to move that timetable up accordingly.
As you can see here, I started this. This thread ha inspired me to revive it.
http://www.portsloglog.com/
Awesome, that's a nice loglog.
I took "clean shit" this morning. I wiped, looked, and nothing was there. I did a second and third wipe for good measure, still nothing. I love it when shit like that happens.
i joined in today. nothing major, usually the local runs in the morning and the express rolls through after lunch.
Mines was green colored with vegetables mixed in with it. I swear my body can never process green veggies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tones
I've gotta man up and get over the "home base" theory too...it's so hard tho.
I SEE WHAT U DID!Quote:
Originally Posted by Type Ryan
My stomach was in pain this morning because I ate too many little hot green peppers. Needless to say, my poop was quite explosive.
I pooped twice before leaving the house. I usually have to take a crap 30 min to 1 hour after eating.
My dogs do the same thing. Poop after meal (or during).Quote:
Originally Posted by Hubbitron
Yesterday's was epic.Quote:
Originally Posted by kingoffighters
The one I took right now? Also epic.
I'm awaiting a case of mild- to strong booze shits any hour now. God I hope this comes before I have to go to work. I can very rarely drop a duece at work because the stalls are always messed up.
Seriously, who shits on the floor of a stall in a store bathroom? I dont fucking get it.
We have stupid customers.
How are you surprised?
I don't understand it but here it's always the ladies room. The other night there was shit sprayed on the wall behind the toilet. Someone had to seriously get in position and spray shit on the wall.
I've actually heard things to that effect as well.
The guys room gets shit on the ground, sure; but the girls bathroom gets it on the fucking ceiling in a perfect recreation of The Boating Party by Mary Cassatt.
I double and triple poop in the morning, it sucks after I spend 20 minutes adjusting my suit and shirt (I am anal about how it has to be perfectly tucked in and aligned) then have to shit again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hubbitron
I had no idea you were into late 1800s American post-impressionism. Learn something new everyday. Huh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Opaque
I have also seen this first hand. It kicker? The old man that did it took off his pants, tried to wipe it up, and then put the soiled pants back on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hubbitron
I was confused.
This just in: There are strong disturbances in the force as I type this.... I expect my mighty discharge of fluid to make plenty of room for the Chili I am about to consume. Mixed with Fiesta Nacho Cheese, of course.
Update coming within the hour.
Mix with beer and get wet shits, those are awesome if you're visiting a friends house
Stink+Sticking on sides=Thanks buddy you're the best, here is a gift.
2girls1cup imo.... fucking messy bitches.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hubbitron
Update: Took a whole 3 minutes to decimate the toilet, however, as a whole "poo experience" it was a bit disappointing as I did not feel that great afterwards, almost as if I didn't accomplish anything substantial from my trip.
The other day I did happen to make a smiley face poo after work, and was quite pleased with myself after phone camera picturing it.
I pooped the number 9 last week. It was huge. What a great day that was. I wish I had thought to capture the glory with my cell phone cam.
I shit so much its never anything cool. Just a giant pile of shit.
Shit happens.
this thread appeases my dry sense of humor
My would-be booze shits turned out to be nothing special. Thank god.
I am posting while take a shit. It's a fighter, too.
SHITPOST!
I've done the number 7 before. I've been having a lot of peekaboo shits lately. The fuckers are coming out but are just too timid about meeting the outside world for the first time.
I cheat the system entirely and put 3 sheets of toilet paper in the bowl before I lay the smack down. I've found it reduced splashback really well. It also depends on the density of your shit too. If you've got some heavy hitters shooting out the pipe you're probably fucked either way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
I hate shy shitsters. I mean, it is time to leave my warm intestines, I don't want you no more.Quote:
Originally Posted by Drewbacca
So, I had a mini-epihony today while dropping a deuce at work today. I have found the secret to the single-wipe shit (well most of the time).
It all has to do with "Priming" the shit before it comes out. Now forcing such an act only ends in bad things, wether it be hemmorhoids (sp?) or a not-so-nice poo 'experience' I've found that if I wait till just after my initial "Man, I need to poop" response, your body seems to secrete somewhat of a lube inside your anal cavity.... This is where the magic happens, it makes sure that if you have a hearty poo, it slides right out with mininal effort, splashback and little remnants that make you wipe more than once. Sometimes with NO poop on the paper, its truly amazing.
Also, if a fart happens to come along mid-nugget, your pretty much fucked as it knocks the lubricant out of whack and throws yoru shit off-course in the form of a foul-smelling gust from the depths of your colon.
I am coming closing to the 11:30 hour of pooping power. Yesterday, dropped my load at 12:30. Very clean poop, lot of gas with virtually no aroma. Turds ejected in single order one straight shot after another.
This morning I had one of the Vietnam shits that increase the temperature and humidty of the bathroom.
I haven't gone this morning, I am saving it for a rainy afternoon.
Ah... the Venus Flytrap, a fine technique for beginners.Quote:
Originally Posted by Drewbacca
Yesterday there was a guy on his phone in the next stall over talking to his girlfriend or mother or something. I made sure to shit as loud as possible.
At work, we refer to shitting at work as "breaking Protocol No. 7." It's a protocol that must be adhered to at all times, as the condition of the workplace shitter is less than admirable.
Unfortunately, we do break the protocol quite often. I did it twice last week.
I'm about to solve my onion farts by taking a monster shit.
I'm excited.
I took the most brutal shit just now. It was terribly painful, but the end result was a beautiful combination of poop shapes and textures. I had to yell at a roommate to go get me my phone so I could take a pic. It needed to be documented.
They should have sent a poet.
Went to Cav's game, drank beer. Now I woke up with the infamous middle of the night vinegar shits.
I swear to god I didn't realize MarsKitten made my exact same joke in the Rule 34 thread 12 hours ago.
I only shat once today, and it was relatively small considering how much I ate last night.
I deserve a friggin award for that.
I shit about 8-9 times a day, on average.
You have a problem.
My dog shits less than you.
most living creatures do.
I shit 2-3 times a day, sometimes four if a pull a double banger in the morning.
I shit once a day.
Tops.
You should eat more.
Pepto Bismol ensures I poop less, but I can't think of a single day in the past 2 years that I've gone less than 2 times in a day.
I eat 2-3 meals a day with ample snacking in-between, but generally only dinner is a large meal, and right around dinnertime is when I usually drop the browns off.
In New York it's called dropping the Knicks off at the pool, not the Browns.
You know those shits that have your stomach cramping up and you reeling in pain, praying to god to just get it out and you promise you'll never do whatever you did to bring on such a horrible shit?
Yeah, when I was little I used to call my mom in and she'd hold my hand while I worked it out.
Talk about pooping buddies.
The girls dorm bathroom was nasty last year. It's a code-entry bathroom that serves about 20-30 girls on the floor... On weekends, when all the drunk bitches came around, there would be shit on the floor, the stall walls, by the sink mingled with vomit that didn't make it to the toilet, and other various female nastiness (hint: it was red) all over the place. It was a fucking trail from the bathroom stalls to the shower stalls one time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Opaque
What the fuck. I thought women were supposed to be clean, but no. Constant feces and vomit.
ps this thread is making me laugh too much. Glad to know that I still appreciate poop and fart humor.
I live in New Jersey.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey
Hell in New Jersey it's called improving the countryside.
IBTN
Also: All the gnarliest bathrooms I've ever seen have been girls' bathrooms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nomi
That is horrifying.
Agreed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowutopia
First off they cart in like 90 pounds of fucking junk, leave it everywhere, and then proceed to defile all that is sacred in your throne room. Make up dust on the counter, fucking tissue papers everywhere. 4 fucking bags of fucking foundation and whatever else the fuck they use. Not to mention their shit stinks worse than guys and they tend to splatter the sides of the bowl.
I was a busboy at a fancypants resturaunt and was told to refill the tp and paper towels in the ladies room. I had only seen a couple women in the place at that point (lazy monday afternoon) and just assumed no one would be in there, so I didn't give the customary "Hello? Anyone in here?"
I walked in, toiletries in hand, and from the far left stall heard a fart/poop gurgle that would rival anything I've ever heard from anyone.
I immediately left as I was trying not to burst into laughter, and I sat near the bar watching the door till the person came out.
Wasn't it a tiny little grandma I might peg at 85. My day from that point on was made.
I actually have to mention this one guy's bathroom I was in: The dude had a pedestal sink that was so hairy it looked like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family. We told the owner that he needed to shave it.
This is not even close to an exaggeration: you literally could not see porcelain anywhere on the entirety of the sink. It was just hair.
I once broke up with a girl for the sole reason that the noise that came out from the bathroom when she was pissing was disgusting. I'm serious.
Higher standards imo.
I love shitting at work. I always figure out how much they're paying me to shit while I'm on the pot.
I dont think this has been brought up in the thread yet:
I do some of my best thinking while on the pot. If I'm studying or writting a paper or something, and I have to drop a deuce, I'll take my work with me. I dont know why, but I seem to do better thinking while shitting.
And if I'm ever stuck on something, I'll just go and sit in the bathroom and then BAM I figure it out. This usually happens when I'm trying to write something for a class. It's amazing. It's not a toilet chamber, its a thinking chamber. Goddamn Cerebro.
That reminds me of what I wanted to ask:
What do you usually do on the toilet?
Read magazines
Read books
Play a handheld
Watch TV (Anyone have a tv in the bathroom?)
Listen to music/the radio
Read a Bathroom Reader
Crossword/Sudoku
TEXT MESSAGE PEOPLE
Call your girlfriend
Nothing
I read GI.
That's funny on about 9 different levels.
Yes. I watch espn or I read the sports section.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowutopia
Arby's always gives me the worst shits, luckly I got a few magazines to read.
I do nothing while I shit except shit. It doesn't take me any time at all. I sit down, shitbomb, wipe and I'm on my way. 2 minutes tops. This includes prep work, and wash-up.Not since I stopped eating meat and processed foods. My shits are the best part of my day.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rated RKO
Read magazines, play DS/PSP and read a book. I don't want to talk to anyone while I am in the can. I can be noisy when I am forcing things out of my butt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowutopia
Whoa, Josh is a vegetarian?
TIME PARADOX
I go through a GI in about 4 days, reading every word on every page and oogling every picture. And I only read in the bathroom. And I read slow.Quote:
Originally Posted by Opaque
I shit a lot.
For some reason this does not surprise me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey
I can't imagine the amount of time I'd spend in the bathroom if there was a tv in there.
Recently tried playing the new Advance Wars while shitting, doesn't work so well for me.
Again, one hand to aim, one hand to turn the pages.
How do you shit so much? Do you just eat a lot?
I eat 3 meals a day, don't snack much but when I am on, I can poop up to 5 times a day. Good stuff.
I've shat an average of 5-7 times a day since I was 5. I dunno what it is, but after eating most meals I'm in the shitter quite literally as soon as I'm done eating. Food passes through me like coke through someoneRich's nose.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tones
It's not even a question of eating a lot, it's literally once I eat more than a handful of chips I'm in the bathroom 5 minutes later. Ask my family. They can attest.
lol sorry Rich.
That's a good indicator of food poisoning.
But I've never had your pizza...
I usually puke from food poisoning.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hubbitron
ok brb. anyone coming with me?