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i mean little things you've taken from a restaurant or elsewhere strictly because it was funny, while at work i discovered there was a singer named Sarah Connor and being the Terminator fan that i am i had to take the artist tag that separates the singers
I stole a toy car from someone at show and tell when I was younger. My parents found it and made me give it back.
I stole the keys to a cops car at a party in college then attempted to flush them down the toilet, which flooded our entire upstairs. We then blamed it on a freshman and the cop gave us props for being honest college students.
what do I win?
My ex's virginity. It is funny because her family is devout Catholic.
D'uh, catholic girls are whores
True dat
When I was five I stole one of those plastic army men with a parachute attached from a Kay Bee. My dad noticed me playing with it in the car when we were leaving the mall. He turned around and made me take it back to the store and tell the clerk what I had done.
Since then I've not really stolen anything.
When I was a kid I used to go to my local comic book store, shove stacks of comics up my pants legs, tuck them into my socks, and walk out. I used to do it constantly until I got caught. The store owner just called my mom to pick me up.
Man, there's no worse feeling as a kid than the very moment you're busted for shoplifting.
Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny when I found out about that Sarah Connor chick too.Quote:
Originally Posted by everlast88
When I was a horny teenager, I used to go into the convenience store near my parents place, pick up a newspaper, slip a porn mag inside, and then pay for the newspaper and leave.
I have a nice collection of Whataburger numbers and a Pancho's flag.
I used to have 20+ random salt n pepper shakers, a coulpe of the litte things that hold sugar packets(with sugar) and random silverware.
Went on a spree in the early 90's, shoplifting action figures and comic cards, 'til Wal-Mart busted us, which makes this:
the motherfuckin' truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
Funny side note. That Wal-Mart banned me from the store, but once they moved across the highway I got a job there. Joke was on them!
One night a bunch of buddies and I went to an Outback Steakhouse and the waiter was flirting hardcore with one of the taken women. Her guy was so mad about it that we stole every bottle of Yardley English Lavendar hand soap from both bathrooms.
Now, every time a group of us end up at an Outback, we take the soap. Good stuff, too.
When I was really young I shoplifted a G.I. Joe Snake Eyes action figure. This was right when they first came out, and my mom knew it. I had to lay out this bullshit story that I had found it.
I also lifted some kind of Hustler letters mag while staying at my grandparent's house one summer. I had no fucking idea what I was reading, but it was hot.
We just stole our porn mags from the Clement brothers dad, he had like 20,000 in his garage. Constant supply of porn confirmed.
man, yall really showed that one guy. he'll like, totally have to go to the back room and get more soap to wash his hands if he wants to use the public stall for some odd reason.Quote:
Originally Posted by Calliander
I take compressed air cans from the supply closet...my bedroom gets hella dusty and I'll be fucked if I'm gonna pay 4 dollars for a can of air.
Your friend is a complete pussy. I hope his girl fucked that waiter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Calliander
Protip: She did
I hope that waiter used Yardley English Lavendar hand soap to lube her asshole before plunging in.
My friend and I one day after high school were going to drop something off at this girls house. He missed her street, tried to take a sharp turn, spun out and hit a stop sign with his truck. We went and dropped the stuff off at her house and the way back up the street I made him stop so I could throw the stop sign in the back of his truck.
It was at that point I realized stop signs are a lot bigger than you realize when you're driving by.
I have trouble going to an amusement park and not leaving without a locker key. Is it still stealing if you have to pay some money to get to it in the first place?
I got a lot of cool stuff in my idiot teenage shoplifting days, but yeah, all it took was getting caught once to make me stop altogether. That was a terrible feeling at the time, but considering I hadn't even had a real run-in with the police yet back then, I didn't even know what terrible felt like. :p
Funniest thing that I ever stole (at least, that I can remember right now) would have to be the keys for one of the vans we used to go to athletic events in high school. In the early AM of senior prank day, a friend and I parked it sideways in front of the only entrance to the student parking lot.
We didn't try to break the key off in the ignition as originally planned, and the situation was resolved pretty quickly. :(
No, I think the joke's on you.Quote:
Originally Posted by BerringerX
I hope, for his sake, that she didn't. She became hella fat in a really short time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
One time Hubbitron, Josh, myself, and our friend Annie went to some bar that had some sort of nautical theme...perhaps? Anyway, Hub told me to steal the wooden boat that held the menus and salt shakers and the such. Needless to say, I stole that shit. On the car ride back from the bar we took turns breaking it over our foreheads. Most of it shattered away instantaneously on the first blow, expelling shards of wood about the vehicle cabin, but the bottom piece was rather thick and took many whacks to break in half.
Is it wrong that I can't remember how many or which girl's virginities I've taken?
I can't say something particularly funny I stole, but I am kind of a valueless kleptomaniac. Stealing store signs, posters and other things that don't have a price tag. And I would usually jam them down my shorts for no particular reason.
One particular thing I am proud of, when my boss and I were let go from my job is 2006, we were allowed back in to gather our personal files and books (my boss had a entire 4x4 bookcase of his own books) from our lab. Well, my boss, in an uncharacteristic move, told me to take everything not nailed down that I could carry out.
Not including the two laser printers, I probably walked out with over $500 in groceries, kitchen supplies (tin foil, plastic wrap, tubberware, etc), office supplies and other odds and ends.
This isn't exactly stealing but it felt like it. Back in 2005, a local chain of supermarkets by the name of Stop N Shop had a Crazy Eight sale. Meaning, you buy 8 things from their crazy list of crazy groceries and the register will print you out a $8 off coupon for your next visit.
Well, they neglected to notice (or did they?) that there were some $1 items on that list. So you buy 8 of those, get a coupon, buy another 8 $1 items, get the coupon again, rinse and repeat.
So 150 cans of soup, 16 jars of applesauce, 10 jugs of Hawaiian punch, 40 celeste pizzas, other random things on the list and a 12 pack of paper towels (for the final coupon), I had spent only $20 (tax and leftover for some of the more than $1 items).
No, we didn't go through all that so when Thanksgiving rolled around, we donated the remainder. But the several foot tall and wide cube of soup cans was pretty amusing.
is this like the partially unrelated sex thread where we all try and one up each other by telling make believe stories!!!???
I once stole a handful of obscure mexican dried out chili-peppers from a supermarket, and bit into one on the way out the door.
Hilarity ensued.
Nah, everybody seems pretty legit right now, there is no "I stole Angelina Jolies used tampons" or such.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dyne
Back in my days as a ute, me and a buddy used to steal the shit out of baseball cards and then scalp them at a card shop or a card show. We'd take all the good shit, too, like 1990 Leaf, 1991 Stadium Club, Upper Deck with the Jordan White Sox card, Action Packed, etc. One day I cleaned out an entire Walgreens of their Action Packed football cards and upon my final return trip that day, I asked the store manager if I could have all the empty Action Packed 36-pack (or 48 or whatever) boxes since they were all empty. He happily obliged, giving me three boxes, the same three boxes I had emptied out that day.
Not a gangsterland heist but for a young kid whose getaway ride was a Huffy bike, it was a pretty good score.
I stole a postcard from my english teacher from his ex-girlfriend. It talked about how she was invited to Anne Rice's house, but she didnt feel like going.
Not sure about funny, but I've seen a pattern developing in later years: BJ's Grill porcelain sugar dispenser, Sprinkbok shot glass, Baja Cantina pint glass, Outback bottle of Yardley's Lavendar Hand Soap, Dave and Buster's rocks glass, etc.
I stole some nachos from a homeless blind guy on the J train. He was sleeping so i thought it'd be alright.
I did the same exact thing when i was a kid, but i didn't limit it to just comics, i stole x-men, dc, trading cards, those plastic card holders for rare cards. Also, as a kid, i walked into the pet store and stole fish food for my pet gold fish. Thinking back on it now; what the hell was i thinking back then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
Lol, a friend and I used to do this too. The day he got caught, the store owner noticed the bulge in his leg and stopped him. When he lifted his pants leg up, about 30 comics just poured onto the floor. It was the funniest thing, because I hadn't taken anything on that particular day! I just stood there and feigned surprise at what a no good thief my friend was! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
I haven't stolen anything from a store ever, you no good mexican thieves.
Which is ironic considering my nick.
A joke book.
I hate you so much right now for that.
I used to steal a single yogurt covered raisin from the super market when I was a kid. I always felt really bad afterwards but tried to justify it as it was a single raisin.
One of the local convenience stores in Illinois used to throw all the unsold magazines away in a big trash bag. We used to rip into the bag and take all the dirty mags.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolemite
I stole a WoW paladin pin from an EB games once, just put it in my pocket and forgot it was there. I felt kind of ashamed of stealing something so shitty, so I wound up wearing it.
Stole Call of Duty 2 once, but unintentionally. The cashier forgot to ring it, and when I noticed as I was inspecting my receipt while walking out, I didn't correct it. I stacked the two games (the one I had paid for and Call of Duty 2) in the bag and flashed the security drone that was standing by the Best Buy exit, and he waved me along. The alarms went off, so I turned around, ready to give it up, but the drone just told me it was okay, and to beat it. So I did.
Whenever I steal something I also buy something too.
I stole a foot-tall Tekken 2 cardboard standee of Heihachi from EB once.
Years ago, around when the PS1 first came out, Blockbuster used to keep all their games in plastic cases out on the shelves instead of behind the counter. I used to walk into various Blockbusters, use a pocketknife to slit seams of the spines of the boxes open (if you did it the right way, they cut open like butter), and walk out with a bunch of games. Never got caught. Some classics I aquired in this manner were Twisted Metal 2 and Vandal Hearts.
Also, there was this Blockbuster near my house that had a demo PS1 you could play, and they never locked the case it was in. I was tempted to steal the PS1 itself, but I never had the balls. I used to take the games out of it sometimes, however.
Ah, to be young and stupid...
I, for one, can't wait until someone accidentally confesses to a very specific bank heist of some sort in this very thread.
"And we had paper bags from Costco with little smiley faces drawn on 'em! It was hilar- wait a second, someone's knocking at the door."
Where is Aren at?
He's probably hanging out with nocturne. getting surprise sex.
With granderojo video taping.
I stole Shin John's heart.
Used to work at a bodunk tv repair store that was in the same plaza as a bodunk porn store. Since I was the only employee bedsides the boss and he did all the repairs (and never came in to work) I was alone a lot. I would go down to the porntuary and make like I was looking around for a minute, then grab a BBW mag and stuff it in my shirt and buy a $3.99 VHS tape of some sort. The dude was about 79-85, with no cameras in his store, so he never noticed. He actually talked to me a lot, which made me feel bad.
That job was also DIRECTLY next door to a liquor store, and consequently I ended up drinking on the job almost every day I worked.
That place got closed down when my boss (38, married, 2 kids, scumbag) got caught fucking a 14 yr old while he was supposed to be at work. Sad thing was I knew because he BRAGGED about it and I never said anything.
He is currently in jail, and I still whack off to said magazines.
True story.
but the mags were about black chicks.
Podunk. The word is podunk.
So before Valentine's Day we had these in the window of the store (this pic isn't from my store).
Somebody stole the girl on the left one day and nobody noticed. LOL.
no, that my good sir, is rock n rollQuote:
Originally Posted by Mykozo
anyways, the glove box of my car is filled with knives I've stolen from restaurants
At a mall toy store, I was holding some little plastic radio that I wanted to show my dad and ask if I could buy (with the $5 I had, which probably wasn't enough, but I had no concept of money). He wasn't paying attention and was leaving the store. I was still carrying the radio, trying to show him, and walked out with it. A few stores later he finally asked what I was whining about and I showed him the radio. He went crazy about me stealing and made me go back to the toy store, and at this point I was bawling, and he made me confess to stealing. I still wanted to buy it at that point, haha.
I honestly don't remember stealing anything intentionally.
Every single knife, spoon and fork I own I've stolen from somewhere that I got shitty service.
Shit, my house would have a thousand knives then. Good plan.
My cutlery doesn't match... so no fancy dinner parties.
Some friends of mine did that when they were going to get a place together so they wouldn't have to spend money on silverware, though they were just taking them from every place they ate at, not just the ones with bad service.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
I haven't stolen anything in a long time, when I was younger I would take candy and stuff from grocery stores, but that was about it. I was tempted to take the Darth Vader display from Burger King when Ep III came out, the one that would make the breathing noises when you walked by it, but never got around to it.
I remember when I was 5, maybe 6 I stole a pair of what, in hindsight, I know to be the faggiest sunglasses I've ever seen. This is the closest approximation I can find on the web:
http://www2.girlprops.com/RetailScie...88/ProductShot
For some reason my kindergarten brain thought they were really cool.
That reminds me of the time my buddy and I stole the gigantic fucking Star Wars banner from the side of the Toys R Us and gave it to my buddy for his birthday. I think it was around Episode I, if my memory serves me correctly. He said to pull up on the curb, then he got out, jumped onto a swing set, grabbed the thing and it actually came down. I was so surprised that I didn't notice he somehow jammed it into the back seat of my car until he was back in the passenger seat screaming, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW"Quote:
Originally Posted by nixhex311
This was in broad daylight, and the Toys R Us was right along Route 1/I-95 in East Haven, CT so tons of people could see it. I have no idea how we didn't get caught.
I don't own any spoons or forks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
And only a few knives.
I'll never trust a country that doesn't eat oatmeal.
They have it, they eat it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
But I don't since I don't eat anything more than fruit for breakfast, so no need for spoons.
Chug imo.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Quote:
Originally Posted by Opaque
But it goes great with paper plates and faygo!Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
posters from concert venue bathrooms
This is the greatest fucking thing I have ever seen. Why do I not remember this airing?Quote:
Originally Posted by Mykozo
Speaking of UCB:
I loved UCB.
Whoever did that won this thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by Calliander
Yeah. I've been checking Craig's List and stuff to see if whoever stole it put it up for sale. LOL.
A few years ago some roommates and I stole a stop sign that had its pole broken and was laying on the ground. Problem was that the pole was broken at the very bottom, so we had to have our arms out the window holding it against the car while we drove back. I'm pretty amazed we weren't caught doing that considering we also lived across the street from police officers at the time. Granted, they were cool people and we used to give their cars fake parking tickets, so we might've gotten off the hook anyway.
I rifled through some panty drawers of some hotties but
I never actually took any.