I just finished Metal Gear Solid 2

Please help me see if I understood what I just played:

- The Illuminati all died 100 years ago, rule America with a shadowy fist and are on a mission to control the internet with giant robots and Russian cowboys.

- Bill Clinton is secretly Dr. Octopus, and knows how to use katanas. And when he was young, Dr. Clintoctopus forced white kids to fight in African civil wars by putting gunpowder in their food and showing them Die Hard. Also, he is a clone of Solid Snake.

-The Tanker Incident was just a setup to create the Big Shell Incident which was just a setup to recreate the Shadow Moses Incident which was just a setup to make Solid Snake "ready for anything," even though he'd already defeated like two whole countries with only a rocket launcher and a cardboard box. Also, the whole multi-billion dollar plan was all to train Raiden to make him like Snake, but then he's allowed to just walk away and now everybody knows the Patriots' evil plot.

-Dr. Clintoctopus' plan is to take over the Metal Gears to launch nuclear weapons above Manhattan to create an emc pulse that will wipe out every electronic device in New York as a diversion so that he can get the names of the Patriots out of the computer he's been standing next to for like two days. He kidnaps the President so that he can get the launch codes for the nukes. But wait! His plan is actually a TRIPLE CROSS against his own army, because he doesn't really want the nukes, only the information from the computer that he doesn't at any point try to get. He only hired an army of fat people on roller skates and Russian mercenaries and kidnapped the president because it was the only distraction he could think of while he went after the Patriots.

- Fortune wasn't immune to bullets, but she really was, except sometimes.

- Otacon left his kid sister to drown in the pool when she was 6 because he was screwing his stepmom, which made his father kill himself. His 16 year old sister then decided to create an artificial intelligence capable of controlling every information system in the world to get back at him. But she wears glasses to be more like him even though her vision is fine.

- Raiden's girlfriend is a spy who is also digital plankton from the Whitehouse from 200 years ago. And even though she controls the minds of every feeble minded American and Raiden doesn't know who she is or what she actually really looks like, he still loves her and wants to marry her. Baby on the way!

That game was fucking awesome. I have to play part 3 now.

That sums it up pretty well I think.

Yeah, that all sounds about right.

Perfect. Bring On Cyber Arabs and War Monkeys and Gears with Chicken Legs.

The premise of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is almost as ridiculous as the story in Metal Gear Solid 2.

don't forget about the posessed hand.

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Originally Posted by StriderKyo

-The Tanker Incident was just a setup to create the Big Shell Incident which was just a setup to recreate the Shadow Moses Incident which was just a setup to make Solid Snake "ready for anything," even though he'd already defeated like two whole countries with only a rocket launcher and a cardboard box. Also, the whole multi-billion dollar plan was all to train Raiden to make him like Snake, but then he's allowed to just walk away and now everybody knows the Patriots' evil plot.

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YES!!! POTY

Unfortunately nothing in MGS3 can match the absurdity present in your post, except the explanation on why anyone should fear the Shagohod.

YOU CAN LAUNCH A NUKE ANYWHERE PROVIDED YOU HAD A 2 MILE LONG RUNWAY AND A CATAPAULT ON THE SHAGOHOD TO LAUNCH IT IN THE AIR AND THEN REMOTELY TRIGGER THE MISSLE TO FLY ON ITS OWN AFTER. OH AND ALSO IT HAS DRILLS ON THE FRONT FOR SOME REASON AND IT CAN'T GO FASTER THAN A MOTORCYCLE LOADED DOWN WITH A CHINESE CHARM SCHOOL DROPOUT AND A 30 YEAR OLD DUDE WHO'S IN LOVE WITH HIS TRIPLE CROSSING DEN MOTHER

Shagohad would make an excellent name for a metal band.

I thought we were supposed to be afraid of it because it had camouflage-y paint on it.

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Originally Posted by StriderKyo

- Bill Clinton is secretly Dr. Octopus, and knows how to use katanas. And when he was young, Dr. Clintoctopus forced white kids to fight in African civil wars by putting gunpowder in their food and showing them Die Hard. Also, he is a clone of Big Boss.

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Correction.

Also i loved 3, besides the story being pretty ludicrous as well

3 was way more down to earth in comparison.

I always gathered the story was somewhere between the 4 options given.

The story was really out there, so even posting about it is failure, but whatever.

-The ai program was just to see how well they could predict/control human reactions.

-The tanker incident was part to ruin snakes good reputation which was out of their control, and to create a diversion to make a huge base/gear/thing near the coastline, and ruin the marines plan for reduction of gears.

-The controlling information thing seemed like a comparatively reasonable story arc thing.

-Ocelot's shit made no sense, so I ignore it. Maybe he was just an idiot.

-None of the bosses made any sense, except for fat man. Who was awesome.

Wait till you see the bosses in 3.

I can control wasps, too.

Look, its solid snake. Absurd plots are only to distract the lesser minds from the game play. Think of as a zen mantra
I am the president's clone of the illumanti's secret plan to control the small minds of americans in new york through ai and nuclear missiles.

/mgs2 made more sense that the above. But it reads like a peter jackson game without beetles references.

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Originally Posted by kingoffighters

POTY

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:lol:



Another thing, I thought Vamp would be invincible to fight against based on what I saw in the cutscenes, yet I beat him with..... the handgun...:wtf:

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Originally Posted by Jetman

:lol:



Another thing, I thought Vamp would be invincible to fight against based on what I saw in the cutscenes, yet I beat him with..... the handgun...:wtf:

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I just kept leaving C4 in the spot he got out of the water every single time. Blew him back into the water without him even trying to attack.

Oh yeah - what was the parrot supposed to be telling me the first time you go into the computer room? "Top of the locker", "baboom!"

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Hedio Kojima ruined what could have been the greatest game series ever with his insanely shitty writing and storytelling "abilities."

I mean, the gameplay and visual design are awesome. But it's broken up into what feels like a series of mini-games instead of a whole, cohesive game so we can suffer through Kojima's third grade level drivel. He's either retarded or on a fuckload of drugs. Probably both.

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Originally Posted by StriderKyo

Please help me see if I understood what I just played:

- The Illuminati all died 100 years ago, rule America with a shadowy fist and are on a mission to control the internet with giant robots and Russian cowboys.

- Bill Clinton is secretly Dr. Octopus, and knows how to use katanas. And when he was young, Dr. Clintoctopus forced white kids to fight in African civil wars by putting gunpowder in their food and showing them Die Hard. Also, he is a clone of Solid Snake.

-The Tanker Incident was just a setup to create the Big Shell Incident which was just a setup to recreate the Shadow Moses Incident which was just a setup to make Solid Snake "ready for anything," even though he'd already defeated like two whole countries with only a rocket launcher and a cardboard box. Also, the whole multi-billion dollar plan was all to train Raiden to make him like Snake, but then he's allowed to just walk away and now everybody knows the Patriots' evil plot.

-Dr. Clintoctopus' plan is to take over the Metal Gears to launch nuclear weapons above Manhattan to create an emc pulse that will wipe out every electronic device in New York as a diversion so that he can get the names of the Patriots out of the computer he's been standing next to for like two days. He kidnaps the President so that he can get the launch codes for the nukes. But wait! His plan is actually a TRIPLE CROSS against his own army, because he doesn't really want the nukes, only the information from the computer that he doesn't at any point try to get. He only hired an army of fat people on roller skates and Russian mercenaries and kidnapped the president because it was the only distraction he could think of while he went after the Patriots.

- Fortune wasn't immune to bullets, but she really was, except sometimes.

- Otacon left his kid sister to drown in the pool when she was 6 because he was screwing his stepmom, which made his father kill himself. His 16 year old sister then decided to create an artificial intelligence capable of controlling every information system in the world to get back at him. But she wears glasses to be more like him even though her vision is fine.

- Raiden's girlfriend is a spy who is also digital plankton from the Whitehouse from 200 years ago. And even though she controls the minds of every feeble minded American and Raiden doesn't know who she is or what she actually really looks like, he still loves her and wants to marry her. Baby on the way!

That game was fucking awesome. I have to play part 3 now.

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POTY

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Originally Posted by Dolemite

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Hedio Kojima ruined what could have been the greatest game series ever with his insanely shitty writing and storytelling "abilities."

I mean, the gameplay and visual design are awesome. But it's broken up into what feels like a series of mini-games instead of a whole, cohesive game so we can suffer through Kojima's third grade level drivel. He's either retarded or on a fuckload of drugs. Probably both.

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Push the start button.

It's one of my favorite games, but I never bothered with the story and skipped all the cutscenes. The gameplay is where it is at. The part where the colonel tries to convince you to quit playing, will go down in gaming history.

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Originally Posted by Josh

Push the start button.

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yeah i found the game far more enjoyable once i started skipping all the cut scenes and codec conversations.

Fission mailed is still pretty great.

Fisson Mailed and TIME PARADOX are my two favorite things in Metal Gear. I love the crazy story, it just gets more insane with each installment. You want a serious boring stealth game play Splinter Cell.

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Originally Posted by animegirl

... boring... Splinter Cell.

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Oh no, you did not just say that!

The MGS series is epic beyond belief. 1 has the best story, 3 had the best gameplay and 2 had the best cut scenes. Haters go away.

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Originally Posted by Nash

Oh no, you did not just say that!

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SC's multi was the only redeeming part of it.

Let's read things Tim Rogers wrote about Metal Gear.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

Metal Gear Solid 2 is a "dream."
Ico is an "empty room."
They are both postmodern masterpieces in their own right.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

This is modern Japanese literature, people.

As Japanese game developers get the power to make games better than movies, you can bet about 25% of them are going to be like this.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

If Jack is a videogame character, who are the "Patriots"? The players? What does this all have to do with Napster?

More importantly, if a videogame character had a bedroom, what would it look like?

What does Mario's bedroom look like?

What does Sonic the Hedgehog's bedroom look like?

For that matter, what does a real person’s bedroom need to look like?

Why have posters on your wall at all?

I found this train of thought especially profound.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

Metal Gear Solid 2 is another level of postmodernity. Metal Gear Solid 2 is Yasuharu Konishi’s seven-minute remix of the one-minute "Son of Godzilla" march. For four minutes, we hear a Brazilian woman narrate a Godzilla movie in Portuguese, with ambient sounds in the background. For three minutes, we hear the Godzilla march, techno beats laid down in the background.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

Do you ever dream that you cry, and run away from Michelle Yeoh when she asks you to have sex with her?

Well, sometimes the postmodern shows us stuff we don’t want -- or aren't ready -- to see.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

I lead a postmodern life. Playing Metal Gear Solid 2, to me, mirrors sleeping -- dreaming -- in an empty room.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

After Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Hideo Kojima vowed to never do another Metal Gear game again. He passed Metal Gear Solid 3 off to a new generation of programmers, leaving them only with the keyword "jungle." That was his only advice -- set the game in a jungle. He chose the setting because the music composer Harry Gregson-Williams said he would only score another Metal Gear title if the story were set in a jungle. Perhaps he said that as a joke. Just as well, maybe he didn't. Maybe he was damned, dead serious -- maybe he had an artistic hunger to write music for a story that took place in a jungle? Can we deny him that? I'm no artist. I've written an unpublished book or two, though hell, even I can understand that a guy who writes music might seriously, honestly feel a pain in his gut when he realizes he hasn't composed music for a military story that takes place in a jungle. To wit: I really, awesomely want to write a Tolkien-style fantasy novel, something with a hundred thousand insignificant throwaway details, a simple good-versus-evil story, windy length, and ultimate moneymaking possibilities.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

When I met Kojima at E3, he was a little out of it. By out of "it," I mean out of everything. He was tired, unshaven, and a little hung-over. He didn't seem to want to be there. He didn't seem to want to be anywhere. At the time, I was disappointed that my appointment time met me with a Kojima that was bored of answering the same questions from lookalike journalists over and over and over again. The reason for his boredom didn't matter -- he was bored. His pre-installed boredom disappointed me. How . . . postmodern -- a "gamer" disappointed that the producer of his favorite game is bored.

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PostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostm odernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodernPostmodern

I'm also in the minority that liked Twin Snakes crazy ass post-modern? cutscenes.

I told you StriderKyo was the funniest poster here.

And he's a bigger man than I, I never finished that garbage.

Stop it. I can't rep you again.

Really, I just want to rep Tim Rogers for making me giggle time and time again.

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Originally Posted by Grave

Stop it. I can't rep you again.

Really, I just want to rep Tim Rogers for making me giggle time and time again.

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You can rep me, and then rep StriderKyo. I don't mind being the sacrificial rep recipient.

No. Because Splinter Cell sucks.

But we're part of the Fags!

We need to come up with cool gang signs.

Strider, you gotta stop. That Tim Rogers quotes are way too hysterical.

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Originally Posted by Tim Rogers

I've written an unpublished book or two

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i really wish there was some way to get a hold of these and have strider review them.

I bet if Nick sent him an official-looking email promising a review on the website, he might be willing to give up a copy of some of his unpublished books for review.

Indigo phophecy(fahrenheit)'s story topped mgs2 in stupidity. The last half of the game is truly wtfish.

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Originally Posted by Douchebag

another level of postmodernity.

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If you have ever uttered this phrase, you are a douchebag.

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Originally Posted by Tigana

Indigo phophecy(fahrenheit)'s story topped mgs2 in stupidity. The last half of the game is truly wtfish.

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At least everyone acknowledges how retarded Indigo Prophecy got unlike MGS2.

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Originally Posted by NeoZeedeater

At least everyone acknowledges how retarded Indigo Prophecy got unlike MGS2.

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What? I thought the point of this post about how retarded MGS2 (and Tim Rogers).

I was speaking in general. MGS2 has a good number of people on the internet defending its story. Indigo doesn't.

I think you can chalk that up to the sheer amount of people who played MGS2 as opposed to Indigo Prophecy being fairly obscure. I'm sure the level of absurdity is proportional.

I thought about that but even still, I have come across a ton of people that have played Indigo Prophecy but not a single one praising the second half of its story.

Both story lines are non-sensical garbage.

I don't have any posters on my walls.

The Colonel going apeshit was one of my favorite things from this.

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Originally Posted by kingoffighters

What? I thought the point of this post about how retarded MGS2 (and Tim Rogers).

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It's ridiculous, but I don't want to come across like I'm purely deriding it.

The first MGS I don't like. A lot of that was because I didn't play it until the MGS Bleem disc came out for Dreamcast; by that point I'd read years of praise for it. I went in thinking it was this Japanese Tom Clancy thing but instead I got the worst issue of X-Men ever. Chris Claremont never wrote dialogue as horrific as "love on the battlefield" on his most hung over day. Years ago I played MGS2 on Xbox up until Fatman and figured it was more of the same.

But Metal Gear Ac!d taught me how to enjoy Metal Gear - that game wasn't done by Kojima, and it comes at you from the first scene and says "this is a weird story about psychotic puppets and everybody's on drugs." If Kojima's Metal Gear games weren't so coy about selling themselves as something else they'd probably have come across better to me. And seeing the MGS gameplay broken down into a series of menu options gave me a new appreciation for it. MGS had just felt like a glorified Atari 2600 maze chase game to me (Telegames presents: Mr. Blue Cone Avoider!), and to some extent it is. But the way the missions in Ac!d are put together showed me a lot of the gameplay's depth and variance.

So, if I look at MGS2's story as just a cacophonous symphony of nonsense which amounts to some kind of giant insanity-bomb dropped on my brain, it's fun in its own way. There's a spark that goes off every time another 150˚ twist in the story occurs, even though the plot completely collapses under their weight.

And while Tim Rogers doesn't know how to express it, there is a metanarrative about games and the experience of consuming them as media in there that's sort of interesting - it's the kind of thing Warren Ellis always writes except he's a writer and not a game designer so he knows how to do it. Whether the fact that Kojima chose to include that in this game is completely self-indulgent is up to you to decide.

So you're saying that love can't bloom on a battlefield?

Only between an otaku convention and a sniper wolf. After they've kinda met once, briefly.

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Originally Posted by StriderKyo

And while Tim Rogers doesn't know how to express it, there is a metanarrative about games and the experience of consuming them as media in there that's sort of interesting - it's the kind of thing Warren Ellis always writes except he's a writer and not a game designer so he knows how to do it. Whether the fact that Kojima chose to include that in this game is completely self-indulgent is up to you to decide.

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There isn't any metanarrative going on with MGS2 or the entire series.

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Originally Posted by kingoffighters

There isn't any metanarrative going on with MGS2 or the entire series.

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Sure there is. The whole thing between Raiden and the computer colonel has this subtext about him being a digital cypher. His personality being a blank slate, and the talks about layers of control, manipulation and awareness are not so subtly couched in gaming terms.

And at the end of it all, Snake makes his big speech about culture as a means of passing on experience, it's like Kojima is apologizing through Snake for the whole mishmash of philosophizing and didactic storytelling. Like he's saying "look, it's my duty to pass on what I feel and think, and my medium is making games, not books or music, so this is how it's going to happen." That's a paraphrase of what Snake says, but not a huge one, and his speech doesn't really make any sense in any other terms.

I think - okay, I know - that Kojima's just using this spy story as a vehicle to deliver all his ideas about everything, and one thing he clearly thinks about a lot is game design and the way a player interacts with the characters and world he's creating. The whole thing plays out like he's expanding on the 4th wall breaking stuff he introduced in the first MGS with having to switch controller ports etc. by asking what the characters would think about living in a world like that.

Maybe.

THE PAIN!

I'm fighting THE FEAR! right now. He's a dickhead.

Postmodern.

Warren Ellis's book Crooked Little Vein was shit compared to all of his other work.

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Originally Posted by StriderKyo

Sure there is. The whole thing between Raiden and the computer colonel has this subtext about him being a digital cypher. His personality being a blank slate, and the talks about layers of control, manipulation and awareness are not so subtly couched in gaming terms.

And at the end of it all, Snake makes his big speech about culture as a means of passing on experience, it's like Kojima is apologizing through Snake for the whole mishmash of philosophizing and didactic storytelling. Like he's saying "look, it's my duty to pass on what I feel and think, and my medium is making games, not books or music, so this is how it's going to happen." That's a paraphrase of what Snake says, but not a huge one, and his speech doesn't really make any sense in any other terms.

I think - okay, I know - that Kojima's just using this spy story as a vehicle to deliver all his ideas about everything, and one thing he clearly thinks about a lot is game design and the way a player interacts with the characters and world he's creating. The whole thing plays out like he's expanding on the 4th wall breaking stuff he introduced in the first MGS with having to switch controller ports etc. by asking what the characters would think about living in a world like that.

Maybe.

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That was really neat to read. He always wanted to do movies but never could.

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Originally Posted by Cowutopia

Warren Ellis's book Crooked Little Vein was shit compared to all of his other work.

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Never read it; I was thinking about Planetary, where there are all these conspiracies and layers about who's fictional and who's not - the government is working on a rocket that can land inside a book, Godzilla is real, etc. I think that's the kind of thing Kojima wanted MGS to be.

Please don't read it. It's like the literary equivalent of Goatse (seriously his point is pretty much to "shock" you by presenting you with the many forms sexual deviancy, but I don't think anyone who has been to the depths of the internet will shock) and while he can still turn a phrase it just doesn't flow right for a novel.

If you're a prude, it might be a good read.