Death

My cousin died this morning around seven. Had a massive heart-attack. He was a chubby guy, and I don't feel like it's in bad taste to say that if you knew him, this was no surprise. He wasn't the poster child for health. But still...Twenty-four years old?

The past few years we had grown apart, but we were like brothers when we were younger. As soon as I got to work my manager told me that I had missed an important call and after an hour or so I was able to get in touch with my parents.

Death is always weird for me, because I don't believe in God like most people. I spent several hours at his parent's house listening to family members try to comfort his mom. I can't even begin to say how completely helpless I felt. I mean you want to make them feel better by saying something, just being there, and offering to do whatever you can. But of course, it didn't feel like enough.

I kept hearing 'this is God's plan' and that usual spin, and to be honest it made me kind of angry. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to these two people. He was their world. Just seems a little wrong to try to paint the event with a pretty picture like 'he's in a better place now than any of us'...and I think I'd feel that way even if I believed. It's a tragedy. And it shouldn't for a second be imagined otherwise. But at the same time, whatever gives people peace of mind...

Going to go back up there tonight, just to be around them. If I have a second set of parents, it's them, and even though I can't even imagine what they're going through, I just want to be there. Probably won't even be able to do anything to help them...because well...who could?

Death is so surreal. Part of me expects this to all be over in the morning. I can't seem to get a grip on the fact that this is really happening.

It's the hardest part of life. It's hardest thing to come to grips with. Faith is how a lot of people cope with the loss, if it works for them, then it's good for them despite your own beliefs (I don't mean yours specifically, I'm talking in general).

Look at George Carlin, he made his peace with his beliefs a long time ago and wasn't afraid to die even when he knew his time was close.

I think time heals most wounds. You mourn and then move on. I've had few people die in my immediate family so far and it was a different (but still shitty) kind of mourning for each one.

My ex-girlfriend died a number of years ago and I still haven't gotten over it. I wish you luck.

I'm normally fine with death, but my cousin (a year younger than I) died three years ago. I still haven't adjusted.

My cousin died a year ago this month. Well, we weren't related in any blood or official sense. The official string of relation is: son of my dad's fiancee's sister in law. His mother, Kim, married my stepmom's brother, bringing her son Joshua into the family.

We were both the outsiders. I was sort of almost related to Christy, and he was related to her family because his mom remarried. We were both total nerds and would hole up in the corner at family functions, since we felt hugely out of place with everyone else, and just talk about books and computers and such.

They found him dead in his car last year, outside of work. He went to take a nap after work before his next shift started and died there. He was 19, and perfectly healthy. I guess he died from sleeping pills and other shit he was taking, trying to keep himself awake to work insane hours to pay for school. The funeral was a complete mess... His mom personally asked me to come since she knew me being around really helped Josh get comfortable with other family members. His stepdad was a wreck. He'd never had a son, and he and Josh were incredibly close even though they only knew each other for three years. His little sister, who I barely ever spoke to, broke down crying and said how much she'll miss us talking like geeks.

I cried a lot. Can't handle seeing other people cry to begin with, let alone someone I actually liked being gone. I still get hung up when I'm around my stepmom's family for dinners and such, since my instinct is to find Josh and go talk in the corner. They're a religious family, for the record, and I don't think anyone dared try to say that he was in a better place. Bullshit. It wouldn't have done a damn thing to comfort the family.

I had a friend die when I was 12 or 13, from my horseback riding stable. She died in a fall there. Nobody bothered to tell me. I went in, asking where she was all friendly like, and the other girls broke down crying and accusing me of being horrible. I was sort of a misfit there so none of the parents thought to tell me that she had died. We weren't very close, but it hit me pretty hard.

I don't think you should get over it. I think if you "got over it" it would be super unhealthy. All you can do now is remember him and let that memory affect you.

Sorry to hear of your loss, GP. My heart goes out to you and the families.

My mom died suddenly in 1999 - one second she was doing yoga, the next she was dead of a brain aneurysm - and I haven't (and will never) get over it. At the risk of sounding completely stereotypical, my mom was a complete and total saint who kept my family together. At the very least, she went quickly, while doing something she loved, and that's the best anyone can hope for.

As tragic as it is, her death taught me first-hand that anyone can die at any minute, and every second is a gift, so make sure you're a) ready and b) having a good time as often as possible. Even with her death, my mom continued to do what she always did while alive: showed me the right way to live. Preserving her memory is one of the most important things I can do.

I'm sorry to hear that Giga. I basically believe what Cow said, don't feel bad about feeling bad, but then think about the good times you had together.

Hang in there Giga Power. Maybe this is a good reminder that we should take care of our body and not take it for granted....

Sorry to hear about your cousin man, that shits rough.

I think as a society we're all far too disconnected from death, which makes it cut particularly deep. Most people in western societies will go their whole lives without even seeing a dead body, what hope do we have of understanding death when it arrives then? Other cultures celebrate death like its a huge going away party, but we just shut it out and dare not even think about our relatives dying (of which they all will). I think its unhealthy to ignore such a huge part of life until we're knee deep in it.