Weasels Are Awesome Pets

We have two ferrets. In the past couple of months I have decided that not only are ferrets awesome pets, but they are indisputable proof of "intelligent design" in the whole "where did all these critters come from?" argument.

The only way I can possibly see this animal existing is the following scenario:

Some redneck being from a highly-intelligent advanced race struck it rich when he discovered a large deposit of xyfthum on his property. And coincidentally also on the nine vacation planets he bought with the cash from the initial discovery.

So he contacts The Life Builder Corporation.

The Life Builder Corporation has all sorts of off-the-shelf animals like cats and chickens and owls and buffalo and humans. They also do modifications for those wealthy enough to afford it. Like say someone wants a human, but just barely too stupid to grasp things like language and civilization so it doesn't take over the planet. But then to make it extra-rad it's also amazingly strong. The Life Builder Corporation engineers go to work and make a gorilla off of the standard human base, and the customer gets his special order.

But in this case our nouveaux riche redneck super being isn't satisfied with anything off-the-shelf, or anything that could be custom made from the stock components. Since he's so mega-rich, the redneck is able to afford a total scratch-build.

He's all like:

Quote:

Originally Posted by rich alien redneck

Can y'all make me sumthin' with pointy teeth and purdy hair? An' make it about this big? Y' know, like big enough t' grab by the tail but it kin still fit inta' the tailpipe of a '987 Ksord so's it's hard t' find? Oh yeah, an' make it put all mah shiny things in the tailpipe an' in the back'a mah speaker cabinets too! Shoot, ferget about jest the shiny things... If it ain't nailed down an' it's smaller'n a cyote this critter should be haulin' it off to parts unknown! An' I'd be a might pleased if y'all could make it outta rubber. All springy-like with an arch in the back! OOOWW WEEE! That'd be hot!

Ah! I almost fergot... Can y'all give it, like, ninja abilities? Like, a cat or a squirrel or somethin', but even more like it went through one a' them there Chinese gymnastics programs? An' then, jest fer the hell'a it, make it clumsier n' a drunk two-year-old! YEEEEEHAWWWW!

An' then make it stink to high Heaven.

Really, that's the only way I see this animal existing.

Too much musk for me.

Fucking hell I hate ferrets. Don't get me started.

Quote:

Originally Posted by YellerDog

Fucking hell I hate ferrets. Don't get me started.

*pokes YellerDog with a stick to see if he starts*

They smell nasty, but otherwise I think they're really nice. I'd never want to own one though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomi

They smell nasty, but otherwise I think they're really nice. I'd never want to own one though.

Exactly. They're fun to play with when someone else owns one.
Curiosity is cute in small mammals.

This is why cats are so great. Small amounts of curiosity + small amounts of wreckage = awesome.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheebs

*pokes YellerDog with a stick to see if he starts*

I'm not starting!

Quote:

Originally Posted by YellerDog

I'm not starting!

*ties carrot to end of poking stick. Dangles in front of YellerDog*

*continues to poke with the non-carroted end of stick*

Quote:

Originally Posted by OGcritic

This is why cats are so great. I am a woman.

You probably like birds too.