-Razor RamonQuote:
Shut the fuck up.
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-Razor RamonQuote:
Shut the fuck up.
Fuck my keyboard, the]se Ein]steiner]]sare the be]st "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
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Originally Posted by Dr. James Norton
George Carlin Quotes:
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Religion is just mind control.
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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
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When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
I took the 95 post to wax some W.C. Fields? Come on!
Humphrey BogartQuote:
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Ernest HemingwayQuote:
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
W.C. FieldsQuote:
Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
W.C. FieldsQuote:
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W.C. FieldsQuote:
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snake bite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.
W.C. FieldsQuote:
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W.C. FieldsQuote:
More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
Mark TwainQuote:
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
F. Scott FitzgeraldQuote:
Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.
F. Scott FitzgeraldQuote:
It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did.
W.C. FieldsQuote:
Everybody has to believe in something... I believe I'll have another drink.
Frank Moore Colby
Lord George ByronQuote:
Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humour?
Mark TwainQuote:
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
Sermons and soda water the day after.
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Haven't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
Good stuff, Mark Twain had some great quotes, pardon the excessive amount... there are just too many that I enjoyed:
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
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The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
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The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Awsome. Mark Twain deserves more credit than just being a children's author.Quote:
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Pliny the ElderQuote:
Nothing which we can imagine about Nature is incredible.
(I get quotes on my Planet Earth day calendar)
"If I was gay I would be good at a sucking dick"
LookItsPineapple ~ Internet Star
I checked out one of the houses he lived in (and wrote in), a few years ago. I didn't know much about him (as a person) up until then, he really was a genius.Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Holliday
I don't know who coined this one, but I like it:
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No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood