A great joke I heard a few days ago...
Okay, so there's this evil dude. We'll call him Bob. He dies, and goes to Hell.
At the entrance, this guy in a red business suit meets him. He's really handsome and charismatic. Bob asks who he is.
"Well, most people from your world know me by Satan, Beelzebub, Mephisto, 'The Devil', or similar drivel, but I prefer Stan, it's much less ominous. Anyways, welcome to Hell, I like to give the new arrivals a guided tour, let's go."
As they walk down Hell's Main Street, Bob sees that it is lined with bars, brothels, strip clubs, casinos, and every other concievable den of iniquity. Looking through a few open doors, he notices that the amenities within are first rate. "This isn't at all what I was expecting," he comments to Stan. "Except for the whole 'fire and brimstone' thing with the decor, this place seems pretty nice."
"Yeah," Stan replies, "that's what everybody says. See, as you probably know, I lost the war with God, and the universal truth of all wars is, the winner gets to write the history books. This place is actually a sinner's paradise. Tell me, do you like to drink and fight?"
"Do I?" says Bob. "I was a conniseur of Alcohol, and a champion boxer in college."
"Oh, well then you're gonna love mondays. We have every intoxicant known to man and then some, and a free-for-all brawl with no long-term consequences; since you left your body on earth, any wounds you take will heal very quickly. So how do you like gambling?"
"Oh, I'd play poker with the boys every week, and cheat," Bob answered with a wicked grin.
"Then I think you'll love tuesdays. We gamble the night away, poker, blackjack, you name it, hell we've even got bingo and slot machines for the old folks. Oh by the way, you're not homosexual are you?
"Oh God no, the very thought of fucking another man disgusts me to no end."
"...............oh. Well then, uh... I don't guess you'll be too fond of wednesdays..."
:jest: :jest: :jest: :evil:
