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I am going trough a really bad spell right now. Not helped by chantix/quitting smoking.
You can read about it here(warning, long and depressing story): http://fishie-flop-oog.livejournal.com/94665.html
Anyone here who is going/went trough the same shit?
If so, lets comiserate.
I did in 2008-2010. 2011 changed that. Cure? Move, discover local art, and fuck mad bitches, basically just accept change.
"That's all of life, right? It's just... It is growth, then decay, then transformation." - Walter White
Edit: people still has live journal?
Probably shouldn't have devoted your life to video games, huh?
I'm sort of going through that now. On paper, I know there's a lot I can do to change my situation, but a mix of fear and laziness keeps me from going through with anything. I try to keep it to myself though. You look pathetic crying about your problems when they all stem from you (this is in general and pointed at me, not Almaci).
If you can't change your situation, change your perception.
There are many fun and interesting ways to do that.
TNL...
TNL has changed.
I felt like that once. I killed myself and felt much better.
We done grown.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chux
Edit: Tangent: I've internet known you guys for 11 years. That's a lot of shit happening and a lot time that has passed while posting on a video game board...
You know what it is like to start from nothing and build yourself up, Almaci. It is a scary thought that we can spend so much time slowly gaining momentum, and think we're going to finally reach the point we've been dreaming of, only to realize that we have to start from the very bottom again. This feeling happens after breakups, divorce, losing jobs, losing houses, death, tons of things. One day you're sitting pretty, the next you're cleaning out piss pots or finding out you have cancer. I've seen it.
It'll be more difficult for you because of the role video games played in your life, and because that appears to be your soul passion. But, you can have your own renaissance again, it's just a different time. A few years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, it is possible to recover everything you lost in the same amount of time if you never quit. Yeah, I'm an optimist.
Hope you feel better.
It's easy to be optimistic when you have boobs.
If you ever feel down...just look down, and poof! Happiness!
You (fucking w33man) are the worst poster on TNL, without question. I actually made an account after lurking here for FIVE YEARS just to say that.Quote:
Originally Posted by jyoung
Okay, I got it out of my system. Carry on.
Best first post I've ever seen. Ever.Quote:
Originally Posted by No One
I repped him/her.
Chux did too.
Normally, I'd say STFU N00B!! But, today I say, Let it out.
http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/picture....ictureid=28121Quote:
Originally Posted by No One
No One can sit at the cool kids' table forever. If he's not a joke account he needs to post more.
He's not, and he might.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mzo
Honestly, my aim wasn't to make an amazing first impression; it was just an outburst that had been building for months.
Hey! Don't be so quick.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mzo
How you feel about Total Recall, Weezer, and Mortal Kombat??
Well, there is an interesting way of getting new members. I'm surprised more lurkers haven't been spurred into joining this way.
I've always found forum lurkers to be kind of strange. I'm here for the community and discussion. Reading other peoples discussions (outside very specific topics of interest where I may have a question that needs to be answered) and staying out is strange to me. I hope you stick around No One.
Edit: While I cannot directly relate to you Ali, I do feel your pain (even though to some it may seem stupid and not that serious). I don't know much about getting a job and living spaces in Europe. Have you ever thought of trying to get legal status in the United States? Surely with all of your internet contacts, you could probably find a roommate and a job. If I didn't have the commitments that I do to my wife, etc...I'd have plenty of money to spend on games and live a fairly simple but comfortable life.
One of the greatest movies ever, Blue Album and Pinkerton are fantastic (not so interested in the post-Matt Sharp material), and awesome when played at "Black" Tournament-level.Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Holliday
TNL is a very entertaining place to lurk. I've been tempted to contribute before, but I hardly need to tell you this place is rough on new blood. Granted, most new posters just jump in having absolutely no clue how things here work and totally deserve the beating they get. Perhaps I was just too lazy to deal with the hazing process?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohron
Thanks for the kind words.
http://www.the-nextlevel.com/tnl/att...6&d=1326862151Quote:
Originally Posted by No One
Attachment 64276
I lurked TNL a lot before joining, and I read the wiki. I admit to being really creepy, and I knew everyone's "place" in the forum. I remember wanting to be Finch's friend. =/Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohron
You can do better.
We all want to be Finch's friend. He's pretty cool.
I guess that makes you Bizzaro Finch?
I used to read satsuki's posts and I was all like "she is so cool I want to be her friend!" Then I read her LiveJournal and did other creepy things like that, but then I actually talked to her and now we're BFFs! So basically it's ok to be a little creepy if you're cool.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rated E
Fuck, this is like ten years of candid camera. All on us.
Something to consider: even if you keep it to yourself, you're still pathetic. You are what you are, regardless of other people knowing about it. It is kind of childish to think you are not something just because you hide the defects away so people can't identify you as whatever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Some Stupid Japanese Name
(this is in general and not directed at you).
You're a girl (and an attractive one if I remember correctly). There's not many creepy things you can do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rated E
I stalked Mzo for 12 years before I made 'first contact'. It was worth it.
It's only creepy if you're unattractive, that is 100% true.
Dave and I creep all day online. ALL DAY.
Depression is almost always a result of not being willing to change your station in life and adapt to new situations.
I have much experience in these matters.
this is true, though I don't think "willing" is the correct term.Quote:
Originally Posted by icarusfall
Sometimes we are willing, but we are caught between things we want that appear to be mutually exclusive. We want A, B, and C, but by getting C we will probably have to give up A and maybe even B.
And often the things we want can not be objectively quantified, so it is really hard to pick between them.
Much adult unhappiness comes from this fear of loss and the dissonance between desires.
I didnt, games chose me. It was my escape.Quote:
Originally Posted by jyoung
I do, thanks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rated E
Homeland Security dont like me, during my last visit to the US a couple of weeks ago they decided to check up on me online to reverify for the umpteenth time that yes I write about videogames. They saw stuff I wrote on Gamasutra and the man with a straight face says: Listen mister Almaci, you take the job away from an American, I will put in your file that you will need a journalist Visa if you want to come here and visit game companies again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohron
But yeah, I wouldnt mind moving for a job and I will try my hardest to remain part of the games industry.
I'm so tired of 911. Can we go back to being adults again?
welcome brother.Quote:
Originally Posted by No One
I wonder what Biff would have said about depression.
Much appreciated.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
There's some truth in this, but I think what icarusfall was getting at hits a bit closer to the mark in this particular instance. I was also able to turn a passion of mine into a career, and have devoted nearly half my life to it. I honestly cannot imagine doing anything else. If my line of work was to suddenly become unneeded or unprofitable (especially for reasons beyond my control) and I was placed in a position where I had to make a major life change at my age and more or less start over, I'd be pretty fucking depressed too. Mustering the willingness to take that first step is exhausting, but it's really the only way to keep from getting too bogged down in feeling sorry for yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fe 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by No One
Yeah reading this hits so close to home and to whats going on with me right now it defies belief/
I know this is pretty shitty in terms of consolation, but you've gotta figure that when things are at their absolute worst, your situation can only improve. Do whatever you've gotta do to make ends meet, and then figure out a long-term plan. I think once you get the ball rolling again, you'll start to feel a little better.
I've thought about this off/on. Like just trying to comprehend my career path if I lost my hands or eyes. I don't know if I would be able to be an Engineer without those two things, or just one of them. It would definitely be like starting over in some or all ways.Quote:
Originally Posted by No One
There is also the dark tail of Jack Sondermeyer. He invented the Power Amp as we know it and did a lot to pioneer solid state audio. Well, he had a stroke that made him forget everything he learned after his 20s. *poof* all of his college education and achievements, just gone. He even forgot half of his marriage to his wife.
It is depressing to think about just how much can be taken from us just out of happenstance.
I didn't know you could make a career out of blowing dudes.
What are you talking about Mzo? I could do that without my hands or eyes.
Just follow your nose! It always knows!
Live the dream.
I don't know. I've been pretty depressed since the passing of my mother in August. It really hit hard during Thanksgiving and Christmas, when I knew a call home would not have my mother on the other side of the line.Quote:
Originally Posted by icarusfall
The economy hasn't helped matters (my wife isn't working), but I've tried to make the best of it. Still, it's almost defeating, knowing that going to work 5 days a week means I can pay the bills, but not have much money left to spend on things I enjoy.
That's a very different thing than situational depression - that's existential despair.
I don't have much solace to offer in regard to that other than the same things you've heard from friends and family. I won't patronize you with them now other than saying it gets better.
I've found there are ways to help alleviate the symptoms of depression but I've also found that "real" medical depression comes on for no reason and with no triggers. It can come from triggers as well, but in my case I don't think it's been that way. In my darkest times (which I think have passed), my ok situation would end up seeming like it was the worst my life could possibly get simply because I'd lose the ability to get joy and pleasure from things I normally loved.Quote:
Originally Posted by icarusfall
I get "depressed" about stuff, but that's entirely different.
I'd agree with you, but I still maintain that clinical depression can often be cured by changing things about your surroundings.
I mean, I've been on meds for a whole constellation of problems since I was 9. I know they have a place in this. I wouldn't be alive without them.
But I think we over-rely on them instead of cognitive skills.
Most of the time after I pull out of a depression spell I'm able to look back and be all "Oh, I just had to stop being a sad bastard? Well. Let's try to remember that for next time."
But it's a process.
I see where you're coming from. I haven't taken anti-depressants for a long time until recently (when Wellbutrin was prescribed to help deal with "ADD" symptoms and it's really not working). I just learned to live with it and to maintain certain emotional/mental tools needed to make it through such times.Quote:
Originally Posted by icarusfall
I believe (with no actual research done on my part) that ADD (or ADHD) was invented to sell drugs. (just like Female Sexual Dysfunction)
In most instances ADD is just a way of thinking that differs from the norm. And like any way of thinking it can be destructive when done in certain ways.
I'm sure for some people it is destructive. But I doubt that every kid that is on ADD meds needs them. There is probably a pretty big gap between kids that actually have it to a destructive level and kids that have parents that don't want to teach them how to deal with thinking differently than other kids.
ADD also begs a certain question. Is it that the children have a disorder or that the one size fits all school system we have is not designed to meet the learning needs of all children? I wonder how many children with ADD would actually end up being smarter than most other kids after 12 years of education, if they received an education that was actually geared to how they think.
I think those kids just lack discipline.
It's not like education is all that good at teaching 'normal' kids to begin with.
You don't remember? He and Dumptruck said if you go see a therapist you're not a man.Quote:
Originally Posted by kingoffighters
Also I'm confident I have something of ADHD, whether or not it was the medicine that I was put on as a child that built up some form of dependency I dunno. Seriously though; if someone tried to hitch onto my mind and follow my train of thought, you would die. It's taken a lot of practice to be able to control it, and it's still not that good, but I'm not on medicine for it. I think about trying to see if it helps, to test if it can actually improve my focus yet I haven't.
I was diagnosed with it. IMO the meds just make you internalize a lot of it. Because you'd never know I had it IRL. I'm a quiet thoughtful guy IRL. But when I start to write out my train of thought, I go all over the place.
Venting on twitter is helping me out: https://twitter.com/#!/FishieFlopOog
I am surprised nobody has blocked me yet.
It's easier and more profitable to sedate the busy kids than tell them to sit down and shut up over and over again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Kick
Punch
It's all in the mind
If you want a lesson from teacher I am sure to beat you.Quote:
Originally Posted by jyoung
I thought this way for awhile but finally decided to check out some of the medical routes that may help. Mostly this was spurred by difficulty with recent schooling (which I've always done terrible at despite being fairly "educated") with advanced mathematics and the like. I've learned that people with ADD/ADHD will show abnormal activity in brain scans (this activity will also show in the brain after/during heavy drinking and the like). Maybe a lot of people are rushed to a diagnosis, I'm not entirely sure. I decided to pursue treatment recently and still haven't gotten anywhere (but have only been on some "possibly" effective meds and haven't done much therapy). Personally (and I'm told these are symptoms), I have problems with active memory (forgetting things I just set aside, making phone calls and forgetting who I was calling before the other person picks up, forgetting the purpose in certain activities slightly after I began them), attentiveness (zoning out during class lectures, movies, books, etc.), etc. I could probably go on for awhile. I don't like playing the "victim" card with anything, but if therapy and eventually being put on something like adderall or ritalin helps to improve my life, I don't really care what anyone else thinks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Better living through chemistry :)
But it's not. It seems like whatever medication you take to fix one thing, you need to take another medication to fix something else that the first medication fucked up, and so on. I remember my grandfather having to take 12 pills a day 2-3 times a day towards the end. Four of them were for his existing condition and the rest were to counter the side effects of the initial four.
The ability to cure a person's failing health should not be impared by a corporation's bottom line. Call me crazy, but I'm positive a lot of shit would be cured by now if not for greed.
There is a bit of a difference between someone taking something to help them focus while in there 20s and someone taking a ton of pills when they are 70-90 to keep their body running.
You're argument is like not drinking coffee now, while you are somewhat young, because it gave your grandfather the shits and made his arms shake. The health of your bodies and how they deal with inputs should be completely different.
I'm pretty sure his argument was that a lot of drugs have side effects, which are often controlled with other drugs. I'm 32 and have to deal with this reality on a daily basis. He's not wrong.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fe 26
I took ADD meds as a kid/teen, and I'm pretty sure I had to take anti-depressants because of them. I'm a lot more stable without Ritalin fucking me up mentally.
I'm with you on that No One.
Fuck drugs.
Drugs are fine.
Fuck pharmaceuticals.
Winners don't take drugs.
Arnold Schwarzenegger smoked pot on camera and openly admitted injecting steroids. He ended up the Governor of California and could flush the amount of money you'll make in the rest of your life down his toilet and not even notice it was gone. it. By a lot of people's definition he's a winner.
Those people are mistaken and short sighted.
Don't you dare besmirch the name of the greatest man.
Arnold was cool as shit despite the drugs, not because of them. He could blow a battalion and still be the manliest man around.
Pharmaceuticals can be fun too. But they're not an everyday kinda drug.Quote:
Originally Posted by kedawa
A lot of rich powerful men like ass play too.
Anyone want to step in and talk that shit up?
A lot of people I know are on such medications and don't have many/any side effects related to them as adults. Different strokes for different people I suppose.Quote:
Originally Posted by Thief Silver
Drugs are fine. Trying to build up a culture around their use and pretending that a practice that mundane makes you inherently interesting is for douchebags.
If you look at the history of winners...a lot of them took drugs.
Winners are just losers that kept on losing and some how lucked out and got something right.
But one thing is for sure, no one was ever successful by doing the same shit everyone else did. If things worked that way, everyone would be successful.
That's true, but most of them have small balls, and that's definitely not winning.Quote:
Originally Posted by Revoltor
It's ok Steven, at least you have that kick ass Neo geo collection. Oh wait...
LOL @Dave.
Its weird how high and how low I have felt in the last 24 hours.
Last night I felt REAL BAD, went to the nightstore(had a few drinks already) bought a bottle of jack and nearly downed it entirely. Fell asleep at around 1.30am, woke up around 6am and drank the rest, fell asleep again and felt like shit for most of the day.
A friend came over, we talked and I started improving.
Meanwhile I am at day 7 of my smoke free life and every saturday me and a few friends play poker(low stakes, 10€ buy in) and last week I didnt go becouse smoking does go on there. I went and spend 4 hours playing poker with them and not lighting up.
Tweeted about it: https://twitter.com/#!/FishieFlopOog
Out of curiousity/concern, how much drinking are you doing on a daily basis right now?
Well, look at this pic.
Its just under a weeks worth of booze I had. Not counting wine I had with food or visits to a bar or whatever.
Attachment 64314Attachment 64314
He drinks like a fish.
Drinking all that by yourself terrible.
I say join AA now and get an early start into the worlds largest network of midlife crisis burnouts. It'll do you a lot more good than you think.
Yeah, if you drink a bunch when you're in this mood it's going to make it a lot harder to get out of it. At least that's what I'd think, I'm young so I don't really have a lot of advice for you other than anecdotal stuff. My Uncle hit his mid-life crisis so to speak, and stayed there for 15 years until he became sober. He's a better person now; but it's really rough and I hope you don't end up the same way he did.
But to be safe I think you need to cut back on the drinking and pick up a hobby that engages your mind. That's my 2 cents anyways; and I hope you figure something out.
True story, I harrased Nick Rox, Shidoshi and a few other ex Gamefan peeps while drunk before.
Being a drunk isn't really acceptable past your mid 20s. Nothing romantic, or tragic about it anymore. Now it's just sad.
Even during your early early- to mid-twenties is sad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
A high-school friend of mine has been a functional alcohol since... I don't know... 19? I went to go see him a couple years back. It tore me apart to see this super-talented guy sitting in his basement totally wasted at 9 in the evening, almost passing out. He can no longer drink to just enjoy the drink. He drinks to get black-out drunk. Alone.
Back in university, we went to a friends' parents' house for New Years. He finished a two-four by himself before the countdown, and tried to con someone else into driving drunk to fetch more liquor from his house. Our friends' parents were like "I think you have a drinking problem." These were/are awesome people, the first of my friends' parents to treat me like an adult. So they weren't over-reacting. But he just freaked the fuck out, and went to get more beer.
I have an addictive personality, but I'm so grateful beer has no sway over me.
Well yeah... it's never really "acceptable" but I know you know what I mean.
Definitely. Seeing my buddy getting sloshed on the reg when he's younger is tough, but whatever. Seeing him destroying his life with the drink at the age of 30 is horrifying. Nobody knows what the fuck to do with their lives in their early twenties, so there's nothing to compare it to. But around 30, there's such a contrast between the life of a drunk and the orderly, grown-up lives of his colleagues that you can't help but feel terrible about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Nothing wrong with getting hammered
That's different.
I know, its the next thing I need to quit.
Anyways, I noticed I have become a lot more aggresive since quitting.
I have gotten angry online, snapped at relatives and started shouting at a friend.
Good thing the angryness is a temporary thing that eases away after a while.
Stopping smoking and depression etcetera all at the same time can do real weird things to a person.