Problems Problems Problems......
I'm gonna go on a little rant, bear with me if you care to but be warned - this is a bit long:
I can deal with responsibility and take care of problems when they come up. And I consider myself to be a somewhat responsible person, although somewhat apathetic and lacking in ambition (but thats another matter entirely) - nearly 99% of the time a problem will come up in my life, and I'll fix it. And I'm not talking about big things persay, mainly just the small things, such as getting something on my car fixed, or mailing off a bill or something of the sort.
However, I'm starting to notice that these problems have been coming into my life at an alarming rate, one on top of the other. They are coming so damn fast that as soon as I take care of one problem, another problem leaps to fill the empty void. Even more so thesedays, another problem will enter my life before I can even manage to fix the previous one, and this goes on and on until I have a stockpile of problems right in front of me.
I remember a Seinfeld episode where George Costanza was trying to move a "Frogger" arcade machine (might as well tie-in games somehow in this thread) in which he held the high score, from an old pizza restuarant to his apartment to preserve his greatest gaming moment. Unfortunatley for George, his glee was tarnished once Jerry asked him, "How are you gonna keep the machine plugged in? Once the machine loses power, the scores are erased!" And George, nearly on the verge of a mental crackup said aloud "WHY MUST THERE ALWAYS BE A PROBLEM!!!!" ...thats what I feel like all the time these days, a hopeless George Costanza. And I know, perhaps I over-dramatized that ridiculous situation too much, but it still fits my point.
I remember that there was a time, long ago it seems now although it was only a couple years back say in 1996-1999, when my life was relatively problem free. Sure I was in high school and did not have as much responsibility, but there could have been problems regardless, but it did not go the extremes that I find it does now.
I know what they say, "Welcome to the real world", or "Life's tough" - yeah, I know that. But goddammit, when you're pounded day after day with all this bullshit it just makes you wanna fucking scream. And the worst part is that in the overview, my life really is not that bad and I know that some ppl would tell me that I have no right to complain about anything. Okay. So I'll just sit here with a fake smile plastered over my face and pretend that life is great and that I should be grateful for everything I have. Fucking hell.
It doesn't work that way, and anyone here who has grown up in a middle class environment knows what I speak of - you're not poor enough to be able to give ppl a guilt trip, or to use the 'ghetto' you live in as an excuse for your actions or whatnot. And you are not rich enough to be able to do what you want, like travel and use your money to take care of problems (or prevent them for that matter). Stuck in the middle - with no right to complain about anything. Okay now I'm rambling.
Anyway, to give an account of all the problems I have to deal with right now is too excruciating, though I am sure that they are very similiar to many of the problems everyone else faces.
Sometimes I really want to stop everything I am doing, college, work fucking credit cards and bills, be rid of all that stuff and just get the hell out of the city and country and go somewhere far away. However I am gutless and remember the lacking of ambition and my apathetic state I mentioned above, well, that comes into play here.
Okay, thanks for listening - (if there is anyone still reading this) - ranting did not make my problems go away but it made me feel a bit better.
