Acts of Gord Finally Updated!!!

Well better late than never as I always say but Gord has finally added some new stories to his stable and suffice to say some of them are as funny and sad as I findly remember there.

Perfect example being this story.

Contesting Conflict

Father and son enter the store. They look at many of the titles, with the father using his executive veto on every game the son wants. The son being about 14.

Finally they come up to the counter.

"Yes, we're looking for a game that doesn't have any violence."

"Easy enough. I've got lots of games without violence. Anything in particular you want?"

"The game can't have any violence at all."

"Ok."

"I mean nothing."

"Well, Crash Team racing doesn't have any violence in it."

"Yes it does. You can hit each other's cars."

"Uhm... ok... So no conflict at all you mean?"

"Yes."

"Hmm... Here, try Bust A Move. It's a very good game with no conflict."

"We're tried it before. It's too violent."

"... too violent? There isn't any violence in the game at all."

"You shoot things and monsters fall out."

"Ok... here, try Intelligent Cube. Great game, no monsters and no shooting."

"You can fall off the edge and the moving blocks can kill the character. Too violent."

"uh... ok... uhm.... well, there are a lot of racing games without violence."

"Racing games have competition. The game can't have any competition."

"..."

"..."

"... no competition? Perhaps we're a little shaky on just what a video game is. As a rule, games are exercises in competition. Violence isn't required, though popular, but competition is a founding requirement. It's like saying you want a video game that you can play with a pencil and paper. It just can't happen."

"Are you saying that with all your games you can't give me what I want?"

"I'm saying the only game that can possibly maybe qualify on your list is Tetris, and even then you would be restricted to a one player game. Though that might not fit under your restrictions."

Song speaks up "I'm sick and tired of playing nothing but Tetris! Dad! Everyone else plays these games, and you won't even get cable TV! All you ever rent is Tetris! Can't we get anything else besides Tetris?"

Father rents Tetris anyway.

So sad and yet I know of people this anal.:confused:

www.actsofgord.com/ :evil:

Gord's stories are funny, but I always wonder if he bends the truth a bit to make himself seem cooler than he actually is. :p

WOO!

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Originally posted by Ashod
Gord's stories are funny, but I always wonder if he bends the truth a bit to make himself seem cooler than he actually is. :p

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You think? :rolleyes:

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Originally posted by Ashod
Gord's stories are funny, but I always wonder if he bends the truth a bit to make himself seem cooler than he actually is. :p

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Nah, nobody ever lies on the internet. :rolleyes:

I'm a millionaire, by the way.

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Originally posted by Ashod
I'm a millionaire, by the way.

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Really? Wow, well I guess if we're admitting things, it's time I came out and admitted it....

I'm Batman.

Can I have your autograph, Batman? :D

>>Sega, on the other hand, hates second hand game sales, game rentals, and consumer rights in general. So they produced their copy protection on the outside track of a Sega Saturn game that encompasses the entire ring. To what purpose? Mathematically and statistically, this is the most damaged part of a CD. It increases the surface area that may be damaged (the outer rim is most likely to be bent or broken) and it's the best place to put copy protection that will fail the fastest.<<

far be it from me to take factualy information from a sight that calls it self "Acts of Gord" But is this a well known position of Sega's? (that and the Copy Protection thing...)

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Originally posted by Ashod
Gord's stories are funny, but I always wonder if he bends the truth a bit to make himself seem cooler than he actually is. :p

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no not gord never gord hed never lie

never make things up never lie about facts never not him

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

For people who have worked in retail sales or game rental stores before, Acts of Gord is the bestest thing since Ninja Rap.

I actually ordered the Dreamcast "Why didn't you love me?" shirt from the site. I got it TWO months after I ordered it, and they didn't bother to include the teardrop on the DC logo like I asked. At that point, I didn't care because I was surprised that I actually got the shirt (forgot about ordering it when it came in my mailbox). At least I have something to show off at E3 2003.

Heh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed Gord's stories read alot like "what I would have done, if only".

They always seem to end with him winning verbal battles with his witty reparte, chasing down teenage thieves, and triumphing in unarmed combat against gangs of thugs. As soon as I read the story about how he entered a high school and roughed some kid up, I filed everything he's written under 'fiction'.

And bbobb, as if you're Batman. He'd never give his secret idewntity away like that. Liar.

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Originally posted by StriderKyo
And bbobb, as if you're Batman. He'd never give his secret idewntity away like that. Liar.

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Trust me.

bbobb IS Batman, I mean I would know: after all I AM Ro....

err :confused:

*runs out*

I love Gord's page. Even thought I'm sure it's 30% fiction, and even though he HATES Sega with some unnatural passion, the page is still funny as hell. :)

I just read his store's located in Canada - anybody have any idea where it is? (I'd love to go in there and steal a playstation game or something, wave it in front of his face and see if the situation really does turn into Mortal Kombat).

Quote:

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Originally posted by StriderKyo
They always seem to end with him winning verbal battles with his witty reparte, chasing down teenage thieves, and triumphing in unarmed combat against gangs of thugs. As soon as I read the story about how he entered a high school and roughed some kid up, I filed everything he's written under 'fiction'.

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you mean like when he beat down 2 thugs who both had lead pipes and he was un armed cause i mean that just happens every day

:confused: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

the guy also doesnt know shit about 3d art and makes giant claims to know it

ask anyone who was on lucas's old board he made alot of claims threw around some terms i asked him if he even knew what those terms meant of and some other things ofcourse he ignored all that also got some email from him proved him wrong and he told me he was going to email me back with proof or make a post with proof he was right and he never did do that

the guy talks out his ass and is a liar id like to go to his store one day just to spit in his face but thats me

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Originally posted by Shin Johnpv

the guy talks out his ass and is a liar id like to go to his store one day just to spit in his face but thats me

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Good luck doing that. He has sold the store to someone else a while back and moved to Thailand some months ago. The site said he moved again, but it wasn't clear if he's still in Thailand.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Ashod
Gord's stories are funny, but I always wonder if he bends the truth a bit to make himself seem cooler than he actually is. :p

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Oh, I'm more than certain that he bends the truth until it just about breaks in two. What about the one story where he beats down two big guys with his "kung-fu skills"?

The Gord hopped over the counter and exited the store. He quickly caught up to the two would be thieves across the street from the staircase exit to a lower level nightclub.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" queried the Gord in a most unpleasant fashion.

"We're just walking" was the response.

"Trying to kick down doors is a part of your walk!?" questioned the Gord.

"You want trouble? You got trouble!" spoke one of the two individuals that Gord had stopped. The individual pulled out a metal pipe from his jacket.

The Gord was curious why he hadn't used that to try and take the door down.

Anyway, the vandal wasn't very proficient in using a weapon and levelled it above his head in a threatening fashion. Fortunately the Gord was trained for just this scenario. He stepped in, ensured the arm could not swing the pipe at the Gord while the Gord's other hand came up and proceeded to send the vandals nose into his cranium. The stories are true. When you do that to a person there truly is blood everywhere.

While the vandal was dropping back and screaming in pain as his blood went everywhere, the second vandal stood in surprise. Before the first person even hits the ground the Gord side kicked the second person in the chest and send him careening down a cement staircase.

The conflict was resolved in two hits. The Gord was 2 and 0.

The Gord picked up the pipe and returned to the store. Shortly there after the police and paramedics arrived. According to one of the officers on the scene a group of four guys gang beat up the two guys. Or at least, that was their story.

For if you cross the Gord, the Gord shall strike you down!

Uh-huh. Suuuure. You go, Jet Li. :rolleyes:

I think the real story goes something like this:

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" queried the Gord in a most unpleasant fashion.

"We're just walking" was the response.

"Trying to kick down doors is a part of your walk!?" questioned the Gord.

"You want trouble? You got trouble!" spoke one of the two individuals that Gord had stopped. The individual pulled out a metal pipe from his jacket.

The Gord promptly urinated in his pants, and then ran his fat virgin ass back into his little game store to comfort himself with many, many Twinkies.

Yup. Sounds about right. :)

:lol: Dude's played a bit too much Combatribes.

http://www.msu.edu/~vanstee6/images/comic_store_guy.jpg

Gord = Worst.Liar.Ever.

Whether or not it's true, the dad in this story shouldn't be allowed to have sex with his wife either based on his guidlines. Either way, people like him just need a good beating, that's all.

http://www.actsofgord.com/Propaganda/chapter03.html

God, what a jackass.

yes he is a jack ass

i heard he went to korea to help launch the Xbox there

well thats what his website and he said

i would bet he had to move cause to many people read his website went to his store and thus beat his ass down *LOL*

I think the "rolling eyes" smiley was used more in this thread than in any other thread in the history of the internet. And as a result, you have all paid tribute to Gord, as I imagine the man doing nothing but rolling his eyes all day and kicking kids out of his store.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Shin Johnpv
i would bet he had to move cause to many people read his website went to his store and thus beat his ass down *LOL*

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:lol:

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Originally posted by Cowdisease
I actually ordered the Dreamcast "Why didn't you love me?" shirt from the site. I got it TWO months after I ordered it, and they didn't bother to include the teardrop on the DC logo like I asked. At that point, I didn't care because I was surprised that I actually got the shirt (forgot about ordering it when it came in my mailbox). At least I have something to show off at E3 2003.

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Ugh. After all the shit Gord talked about the DC and SEGA in general I hope they sue the fuck out of him for making that shirt.

Oh, and the story Bonus posted is obviously made up. He's not even trying anymore.

owned :

a term created by Gord, to say to himself, while reading his website, and giving himself a high five.

Maybe Gord is lying 100% of the time on the stories, but the reason that I don't immediately disregard all of them is because I would have easily won that many verbal arguements (the physical ones, not even close) at any of my jobs had I not been scared of losing of my job (I'm come close to starting fights a few times at the restaurant I work at now, and helped begin a number of them when I worked at a bar). If I ever actually own a store (doubtful, but possible) we'll see how things go.

If he was an employee, it'd be complete BS all the way guarenteed.

I agree that his shit is as fake as Britney Spear's breasts but its funny as hell.

His witty retort reminds me of the Simpsons comic book store owner who should have his own show imo. :)

It's not his stories that bother me, but his arguments, which aren't fictious, but "fact" cause, you know, he's like the Gord, and shit.