This just in: State of emergency declared in Manzoni after video game ban riots erupt
State of emergency declared in Manzoni after video game ban riots erupt
LIBERTY CITY, MANZONI – Violent riots have erupted and the death toll continues to rise into the thousands as a result of a complete video game prohibition law that was implemented earlier this month in the country of Manzoni, which lies on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea.
“We absolutely will not raise the ban,” said President of Manzoni, Don Rodrigo, from his office three stories above the death and destruction outside, “In a loose sense, video games are a form of gambling, and if that means tying people in our dungeons or taking away their first born or impaling them on sticks next to vultures and crows as punishment to stop it, then so be it.”
After non-violent protests proved fruitless, gamers across the country took to more extreme measures. First were online petitions, then angry e-mails, and then the next step of looting, robbing, murdering, grand theft auto, and wanton destruction of property.
“What kind of country do we live in?” asked Krzysztof Cristoforo, “How could they pass the law so quickly and without thought? Have they no shame or integrity?”
Cristoforo proceeded to cross the street, avoiding mobs that were chasing a secretary for the Manzoni government, and started to push a Coca-Cola vending machine, intending to steal its sweet and caffeinated insides. The machine then fell over and crushed Cristoforo.
“Whenever I’m taking down people, I like to choke them with the wire of a Dual Shock controller,” said Vittoro Renzo, “And I break windows with a Model 1 Saturn. How’s that for irony?”
After government officials realized the lethal potential in video peripherals, they were immediately and promptly banned. Those found to be carrying concealed guns, such as the Menacer, Super Scope, or Justifier, will be shot on site by the police.
“I was playing State of Emergency a few months ago so I’m very knowledgeable in situations like these,” said Lucia Quibbler, “A shotgun I stole was effective, but my neighbor’s severed head didn’t do as much damage as I thought it would.”
Several pornography stores in Liberty City quickly changed their business plan to suit the needs of new customers. Though they still sold pornographic movies (such as Déjŕ Booty) and the occasional hentai (such as Donkey Cock Country), the personal viewing booths in the back of the stores now show E3 footage and high-score replays from shooters, among other forms of video game movies. Some are very grainy and the videos where the characters lose all their HP or fall down a bottomless pit are known as “snuff”.
“I don’t belong in here,” said Griso Aboddonio, who was arrested after playing a game on his mobile phone where the player moves a pixel from one space to another, gaining a point each time he moves. There are no enemies, no limit of moves, and no ending to the game.
Added Aboddonio, “Don’t I have any rights?” before being killed by a firing squad.
Game smuggling rose a startling 4000% since the ratification of the law and is nearly impossible to stop since police dogs have not been trained to sniff out plastic cartridges or distinguish the difference between video game compact discs and music compact discs. Often the criminals will smuggle the games into the country in enormous spindles, VCRs, or bags of cocaine.
These incidents are also having an effect on a world-wide scale. In the United States, the movie, My Big Fat Manzoni Wedding, was a smash hit until news of the ban reached our country, forcing attendance and receipts to plummet by 95% in an obvious protest of the Manzoni law. The movie stars N*Sync member Lance Bass as a stereotypical Manzonian working as a temp in a jewelry store on vacation from his real job as a jewelry manufacturer.
http://sfkosmo.gamersgraveyard.com/riot.jpg
The Manzonian Riot Control Police beat and drag in a citizen who was found playing Pinobee in his bathroom.
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