The 1st TNL Epic: The Search for TeamGO Part 2: Roadtrippin

**Ragnarok the Red** · 17 Apr 2002, 04:28 AM

OK, here is my oft-delayed part two of the epic and boy is it a doozy in terms of length. I was actually only going to have Roadtrippin be one part but I've had to break it up into two due to the sheer volume of people who want cameos in the epic. Its still not too late to get in on the action! Just post here and I can (almost) guarantee you a spot in the epic:

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/s...0&pagenumber=1

Also, for anyone who's missed out on part 1. You can find it here:

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/s...=&threadid=942

Now, on to Part 2 of the Epic. Enjoy everyone

(As we last left you, Master had just gotten wind of the nefarious plot to kidnap all of TeamGO via a phone call from the one member who had just barely managed to escape, Wildcat. Afterwards, EThugg continued to prostrate himself and make himself, err, prostrate before the Master for a chance to sneak into the X-Box software development labs....)

EThugg: *zip*

Master: EThugg, I appreciate your love and dedication to all things MS but if you don't ZIP MY FLY BACK UP AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CROTCH THIS INSTANT I WILL TEAR OFF YOUR FLAMING HEAD AND STICK IT UP YOUR BRITTLE, BONY ASS!!!

EThugg: .....fine. *zip*

Master: That's better. Besides, we have more important things to attend to presently...

EThugg: More important that X-Box?

Master: Shaddup. Some nefarious evildoer has kidnapped all of TeamGO with the exception of Wildcat, who managed to escape, and of course myself, who's had to fend off your repeated sexual advances here in Seattle.

EThugg: Bring a little joy into my life and I'll bring a little into yours...

Silent Master: .....

EThugg: Oh, fuck it, fine, I guess Bill and the Box can wait for now. *sigh*

Master: Thank you. Now, we must take to the open road and venture criss-crossing across the United States to bring together...

Chorus: TEAM TNL!!! *break into poor Duel of the Fates rendition*

EThugg: To the Thugg Mobile!!!

Master: You mean your '73 pea-green Pinto?

EThugg: ....yes. Now stop mocking me or I'll take your soul, Ghostrider-style!

Master: *salutes* Yes sir!

EThugg: ....I mean it. I'll do it, I will.

Master: Sure, now lets get this roadtrip going!

(Map of continental US pops up, red line from Seattle, Washington breaks south into California)

Sl1p: Heyguyswassup!?!?

Master: Uhhh...hi, Sl. How's it going?

Sl1p: OhI'mdoingjustfinehowboutyou?!

Master: Err...great. Get in.

(Now passing through the Bay area...)

Nash: Hey, guys, how's it going? Brought you guys some sourdough rounds and sliced roast beef.

Sl1p: Greatwe'restarving!

BooMsta: *in distance* Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Wait up you fuckers! How could you leave me?

Master: Boo? WTF? Have you been chasing us since we left Seatlle?!

BooMsta: *pant* What... *gasp* do you.... *wheeze* think...you fuckers...

Master: I think thank God your 6"7 and take some huge-ass strides. I also think you might've gotten here faster if you'd left that 5 foot long axe your carrying back home.

BooMsta: I... *wheeze* never go anywhere... *cough* without my axe...

Master: Right...anyway, get in, your just in time, Nash's making some sammiches.

BooMsta: Thank God, I'm hungry! *grabs the half-dozen sourdough roast beefs and downs them in one bite, Shaggy & Scooby-style*

Nash: Sweet zombie Jebus!

Sl1p: Somethingtodrinkwiththat?!

BooMsta: *burp* Sorry, but running marathon-style for a few hundred miles tends to work up an appetite.

EThugg: That's ok, I'm willing to try out the whole cannibalism thing if I'm hungry enough. And all those sandwiches you just downed should give you good flavor. Ooooh, and those big muscles, such tender, juicy meat they'll make....mmmmm....

Nash: Uhhh...

BooMsta: *gulp*

Master: Down boy! Don't worry, I'll phone ahead to andyrose in AZ and have some good southwestern cuisine ready when we pick him up.

(And so the intrepid group heads east with stop in Pine Bluff, Arizona to pick up the food...oh, and andyrose of course. And BooMsta only manages to eat half-a-dozen of the beef tamales before Nash threatens to blow his privates off with his barettas should he consume even one more morsel of food. The group then makes its way to the great state of Texas, where we find a phone ringing in a small apartment in Houston...)

Aurora: Helloooooooooooooooo?

Ragnarok: Aurora? We've got trouble, and we need your help...

Aurora: Oh, did Farfus throw out his back again trying to bend over and lick the tip of his penis again? I swear, what will I do with that boy, this is the third time this mo...

Ragnarok: This isn't about that!

Aurora: Oh, it isn't? Well then, Ragamuffin dear, is this for a house call of some sort...?

Ragnarok: Ragamuffin?

Aurora: Tee-hee! Oh don't be so coy, you remember that night down at the Majestic in downtown Dallas where we got drunk and...

Ragnarok: AURORA! Ixnay on the Majestic-ay. This isn't about that either. TeamGO's been kidnapped by someone, and we're...

Aurora: *gasp* OH NO!!! Is Spiffy-poo ok?

Ragnarok: Spiffy-poo?

Aurora: Spaceman Spiffy-poo. Though he really should call himself Fireman Spiff with how well he's hung...

Silent Ragnarok: ....

Aurora: Awww...don't me jealous Ragamuffin, you have a specialy place in my heart too. And my...

Ragnarok: ANYway, I'm calling to to tell you and statio82o to fly up to Dallas to meet Farfus and I. The boys will be coming through here later today and we're gonna head out east.

Aurora: OK, Raggy-poo. I'll call up statio and we'll meet you up there....*hangs up and punches up statio82o on speed dial* statio? You there?

statio82o: Mmmmph.

Aurora: Are you wearing that gimp outfit again? Unzip your mouth before you speak.

statio82o: Mph. *zip* Ahhh...what can I do for ya Aurora?

Aurora: Lots of things...but most importantly, I'm going to need to you meet me at my place so we can drive up to Big D.

statio82o: Did Farfus throw out his fucking back again?

Aurora: Sadly, no. This is of a much more important matter. Get dressed in more...proper attire and meet me here, mmmkay?

(And so the two meet up and drive up to Dallas where they meet up with Ragnarok and Farfus. There the ever-increasing Team TNL group merges and continues to head out east, crossing into Alabama....)

Finch: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww!!! Lets git this show on the road y'all! *jumps in Ragnarok's Altima and onto Aurora's lap*

Aurora: Oh my...

(and they continue to make their way east, crossing into top of Florida where they are joined by...)

Phoenix Angel Wing: Bout damn time. You haven any idea how hot and humid it is standing out in the Florida sun?

Ragnarok: Wait a minute...Phoenix, aren't you icarus?

Phoenix Angel Wing: Err...

Ragnarok: Oh good Lord, man, you were one of the TeamGO members kidnapped in the last part of the epic!!! Get the fuck out of here before your presence causes a major temporal disturbance and destroys time and space as we know it!

Phoenix Angel Wing: Curse you Ragnarok the Red, you'll pay for this before this epic is over, I swear it... *POOF* (And, he's gone...)

Farfus: What the hell was that Rags?

Ragnarok: Someone that was pissed off he didn't have a speaking part in the last part of the epic. Seemed to forget that was only part one of a really long saga and I had plans for him down the road. Not anymore, however...

EThugg: But didn't he just say "you'll pay for this before this epic is over"? And isn't what you just did kinda cruel, man?

Ragnarok: Thugg, you wanna be *POOF*-ed outta here too buddy?

EThugg: ....no, sir.

Ragnarok: Thats what I thought.

Master: Hey, look, isn't that Brotherman?

Brotherman: Hey, guys, I phoned up Phoenix and the two of us decided to meet you here at the top of Florida to save some time.

Ragnarok: Wait a minute, that was YOU who brought him here?

Brotherman: Hey, Rags, what's up? Yeah, that was me, I thought I'd save us some time by meeting you here and saving you a side trip to South Carolina. Where is Phoenix anyway? He was telling me over the phone he had a new Mossberg Shotgun he was VERY eager to show to you...

Ragnarok: ...He...uhh...he...

Sl1p: RagnaroksaidthatifPhoenixAngelWingremainedinthisrealityitwouldthreatentheveryexistenc eofthespacetimecontinuumsohe*POOF*edhimoutofexistenceandbackwhereheshouldbeinthehands oftheenemy!

Brotherman: ....huh?

Ragnarok: *cough* It was, ahh, nothing, Sl1p just has something caught in his throat, hold on. *POOF* (there goes Sl1p's voice box...)

Silent Sl1p: ......

Nash: My God I thought he'd never shut up. Thanks Rags.

Ragnarok: Apparently, my powers can be used for good too...anyway, lets get going.

(And so the adventurers continue north up the eastern coastline through Virginia...)

innova: Helllllllllooooooooooo nurse! *jumps into Rags Altima and onto Aurora's lap*

Aurora: Tee-hee!

Farfus: Aurora, why the hell are you dressed in a nurse outfit? You know the kind of obsession innova has with Animaniacs...

Aurora: I'm an Angel of Mercy! Hee-hee!

Farfus: God give me strength...

Mr-K: innova, get off that...whatever the hell that is...

Aurora: Heeeyyyyyyyy....

Mr-K: Sorry, sir, uhh, ma'am, umm...you. But innova hasn't been well ever since his parents took away his driving privelages and he's been forced to watch reruns of Tiny Toon Adventures, Pinky and the Brain, and Animaniacs on Cartoon Network all day...

innova: We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little loony...

Mr-K: See?

Farfus: Aurora, you can play later. We need to get this caravan moving.

Aurora: Sigh...ok. Here, innova, fetch the stuffed Buster Wabbit! *tosses stuffed toy in back seat*

innova: ARF!! *dives in back seat, grabs stuffed toy in mouth, sits on all fours and wags his ass*

Aurora: Oh, that is SO ADORABLE!!!

Mr-K: Not after the 50th time it isn't. *sighs, covers eyes and shakes head* Well, lets get moving.

Ragnarok: Next stop: DELAWARE!

(And so, midway throug the roud trip, the group finally makes its way to Delaware, the place where all the troubles had begun. There, in the apartment of Rick and Chibi-Nappa, they find a shaken, and quite stirred, Wildcat...)

Wildcat: NOOOOOOOO!!! Stay away! I'll be a good little Wildcat I promise! *whimpers*

Master: How long has he been like this?

Rick: Ever since we found him in that phone booth several days ago. He's going through massive psychological trauma. Can't blame him. Poor kid.

EThugg: Kid? Your 2 years younger than him and HE'S the kid?

Rick: Hey! I haven't been reduced to a shuddering, shivering mass who cradles himself in his arms and defecates and urinates in his pants all day!

Master: RICK! That's no way to talk about Wildcat after what he's been through!

Rick: What? No, I'm not talking about Wildcat, he still has enough mental faculties about him to be able to use the restroom at least. I'm talking about my Great-Grandpa. God bless his crippled, senile old ass...

Silent others: .....

Master: *cough* Anyway, have either of you tried talking to him?

Nappa: We've tried, but either he keeps silent with a fearful look in his eye, or mutters nonsense about a man in a black cloak...

Master: Man in a black cloak...

andyrose: OH MY GOD!!! I've got it, I know who kidnapped TeamGO!

EThugg: Who?

andyrose: The Prince of Darkness himself, Dracula, das vampyr! Think about it, yes he came out and did it in the day, but he was wearing a black cloak and it could shield him from the sunlight, plus it might have been cloudy out. We know he has superhuman strength and he could have used that to overpower everyone, plus that he's immortal and lived like a thousand years means he probably knows all kinds of martial arts and...stuff. See, it all makes perfect sense!

Silent others: ........

Master: Hey, Rags, can you make it so that andy's rant just didn't happen at all and make us forget? I don't think I want that hare-brained conspiracy theory floating in the back of my fragile little mind...

Ragnarok: As you wish, Master. *POOF* (And everyone forgot about andyrose's methane-induced rant)

andyrose: Wait a minute, so does this mean I technically still don't have a spoken part in this part of the epic?

Ragnarok: Aside from that question and the expletive your about to yell, no.

andyrose: DAMMIT!

(Master kneels quietly in front of Wildcat and looks him in the eyes with a piercing gaze...)

Master: Wildcat, I'm going to put you into a trance now...

Rick: Technically, hasn't he already BEEN in one these the past several days?

Master: Good point. OK, we'll skip that part. Wildcat, I will count to three and when I snap my fingers, you will wake up, regain your conciousness and memory, and tell us all about the events of that day....one...two...three... *snap*

(..........)

EThugg: Uhh, shouldn't something have happened by now? Master, your the hypnotist, what went wrong.

Master: Thugg, at exactly what point in time in this epic did I ever say I was a fucking hypnotist? They just do this shit in the movies and I thought I'd give it a whirl.

EThugg: Oy...

Aurora: I'll snap him out of his comatose state.

(Aurora walks slowly over to where Wildcat it seated, kneels down next to him and makes himself comftorable.)

Aurora: Wildcat...I want you to listen to me very carefully...

statio82o: Err, Aurora, I'm not sure that's such a good...

Aurora: *grabs Wildcat in the crotch*

Wildcat: AYIYIYIYIYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! *jumps up, knocks over Aurora, runs into wall, and falls backwards onto sofa*

statio82o: ...idea.

Master: Wildcat, are you ok?

Wildcat: ....Do I have a concussion?

Master: Probably.

Wildcat: How about an errection?

Master: Nope.

Wildcat: Thank God...

Nappa: Wildcat...you've been in a zombie-like state the past several days ever since we found you disheveled and sleeping in a phone booth.

Master: You must have passed out after you made that call to me in Seattle. Wildcat, tell us, what happened? Who was it that kidnapped TeamGO?

Wildcat: It was....I don't know...I didn't see his face.

Master: What? You watched he and Richter fighting each other and not once during that whole episode did you catch a glimpse of the guy's face?

Wildcat: He was wearing a black robe and hood, it covered his whole face, I couldn't see...I'm sorry...

Master: Don't worry about it. We'll find out who did this...

Finch: Son, with all due respect, I think it better we find who gone and done this to poor old Wildkitty here and string up them varments and drag 'em from one end 'o Alabama to the other tied to the back of my I-su-zu Rodeo. Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww!

Master: ....Well, yeah, we'll find out who, err, gone and done it, then you can do whatever redneck thing you want to with 'em, Finch.

Finch: We 'n the south prefer the term "rebels", son. If'n you Yankees are gonna slander us such, at least slander us right!

Master: OK...anyway, we'd best get moving, gotta assemble the rest of TeamGO. Next stop: Pennsylvania and the Tri-State area!

Others: Hoooray!

(Everyone begins slowly filing out of the room but before he can leave, Ragnarok pulls Master aside to have a word with him.)

Master: What is it Rags?

Ragnarok: Something fishy's going on here Master. Wildcat was lying to us. He DID see that guy's face, his hood was torn off by Richter's knife.

Master: How do you know this?

Ragnarok: I dunno, but I have a hunch its because I WROTE THE LAST MOTHERFUCKING PART OF THE EPIC!

Master: Oh...right. But why would he do such a thing? Can your omnipotent powers tell us that oh-mighty-author?

Ragnarok: Well, if I glimpsed into the future I could, but I won't. I enjoy being suprised, and I'm sure the readers will be too.

Master: Readers? What readers?

Ragnarok: Well...I'd tell you, but if I did, I'd have to *POOF* you outta the epic like Phoenix

Master: Your such a fucking cocktease. Anyway, lets go, gotta catch up with the others.

(So ends part 2 of "The Search for TeamGO". What others will be joining this motley group of gaming misfits in TeamTNL? And for what reason did Wildcat lie about the identity of TeamGO's assailant? And why the fuck won't the author tell anyone, even me, the damn narrator for Pete's sake, what's going to happen? The suspense is killing me I tells ya! Stay tuned...)

**jaysun** · 17 Apr 2002, 04:50 AM

Lemme guess....Brotherman will be the first to die.

Sorry...it's late...

**Despair** · 17 Apr 2002, 09:15 AM

It was pretty good. I liked the Farfus references

where the hell am I though???

**icarusfall** · 17 Apr 2002, 09:52 AM

You do realize I was just messin' with you before...

I'm a time-travelin' crazy thing! I like it.

**Finch** · 17 Apr 2002, 11:44 AM

XD BWA HA HA HA HA! Ah, you poor Northern-folk and your silly perception of the south. Isuzu Rodeo indeed.

:3 Good read. Funny stuff. I'll wait patiently for the third chapter.