OK... so we finished recording a song.

[Mzo]

With that one song, your band's already better than 90% of the dogshit I'm forced to listen to on the way to and from work.

Down here in Miami, we have A, as in 1, rock station, and all they play is gay ass "new" rock.

I'm gonna stick it in my car music rotation, and I doubt anyone'll think it out of place. Good work.

I think you even rhymed words with themselves ('room' and 'me')...the line "walked down the hallway to your room, now I'm in your room" made me cringe

Hmmm, very valid criticism... hearing that also brought me out of the song for a second. Happens to everyone, though:

Bush's glycerine (which I still like): So am I/so's the future/so are you/be a creature

I was like 'be a creature'?? WTF? Stupid Bush.

[Josh]

I haven't written a song by myself for over four years... this was the first one. I'll get back into the swing of things eventually.

I did the room and room thing on purpose, kinda borrowed it from the "I'm on the first step. I'm on the second step" ghost story.

I hate the fact that I closed two verses with "breathe" but nothing else was coming to mind.

By the way, that "window-uh" is "window. I".

P.S. Saying a punk band says "yeah" too much? Come on now....

[OGcritic]

My main beef was the lyrics themselves, though. Everything else would sort of gel together (breathy voice, nice guitars) if the lyrics weren't so seriously weak. I'm pretty partial to the actual words in lyrics, and not just the way they sound, and in that regard the song didn't resonate with me at all. I think you even rhymed words with themselves ('room' and 'me')...the line "walked down the hallway to your room, now I'm in your room" made me cringe, and you used "Yeeeaaahhhh" as filler a couple times. Added another syllable to "window" (window-uh). Other times words didn't rhyme together even where it should have been easy too (car -> breathe).

I'm probably being too picky since you just threw it together in one afternoon, but, those are the area's I'd try to improve it.

I'd agree with that 98%. And yes, "walked down the hallway to your room, now I'm in your room" definitely brought me out of the song for a few seconds. Other then a few other similar lyrical "problems". It was great. My kind of music. Though I wasn't the bigest fan of your voice. But compared to some of the [semi] mainstream shit out there (Lead singer "From Autumn To Ashes" lead singer for instance...ugh) it was perfectly fine. Nice job. I'd love to download anything else you might happen to upload. So keep it up.

[Razor Ramon]

The song was all right. I'd listen to it more than once.

[SmoothCriminal]

Fuck yeah 88, that kicked ass. Make some more, posthaste.

[Tracer]

"walked down the hallway to your room, now I'm in your room" made me cringe, and you used "Yeeeaaahhhh" as filler a couple times.

I'm going to agree with this here, the use of room twice is poor, perhaps this could be reworked?

[Rhydant]

i like the tune, but your voice sounds like shit. been gargling with silica sand?

if you need a temp file mirror, hit me up.

[Shin Johnpv]

fuck man thats actually pretty damn fucking cool

i have to say i like it i actually like it alot
you totally dont sound anything like i expected you too

very cool man

[Josh]

i like the tune, but your voice sounds like shit. been gargling with silica sand?

Been singing in punk rock bands for about ten years... it happens.

[Rick]

My thoughts...