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Thread: Videogame Illogic

  1. Videogame Illogic

    Videogames aren't meant to be a perfect imitation of real life, so when developers take some leaps of logic I can pass them off as 'it's just a videogame.' But some are too damn stupid to ignore and ruin my enjoyment of the game.

    The latest example of this is Indiana Jones for Xbox. It features:
    -Taking damage from a fall that would not injure a 3 year old.
    -Other falls that either kill you instantly or do zero damage.
    -Nazis who went to the Wonder Woman school of bullet deflecting.
    -Nazis who must be able to fly since that's the only way they could be in certain areas.
    -Bullets that only randomly hit their targets.
    -Shiny chains hanging outside an ancient castle for no reason.
    -And so much more... ugh.
    "I've watched while the maggots have defiled the earth. They have
    built their castles and had their wars. I cannot stand by idly any longer." - Otogi 2

  2. one thing I never understood, and is often brought up in Australias biggest multi-platform mag hyper...

    What the fuck are the bad guys doing with all of those crates? almost every single FPS is packed with them, and often in really stupid areas (in a passanger hallway on a train?). Whats the fuckin dillio yo?

  3. Recently got done with a round or 2 of Shinobi (PS2) - And for the life of me (Stage 5) cannot figure out how a bad-ass ninja cant swim BUT can jump out of a helicopter fall 20 + story's to the ground after having a sword slice through a building slow his fall, can literally run like the wind, and can run along walls. BUT he cant fucking swim.He gets in water to his knee caps and BAM - dead -

  4. Maybe it's not regular water?

  5. Shinobi doesn't have the bamboo reed he can snap and use as a snorkel, hence death.

  6. I love video game nonsense. I'll just copy and paste what I wrote from the last thread like this (I think this dates back to the last board).

    Things I have learned from video games:

    From light gun games:
    *The fastest way to re-load is to shoot your own foot.
    *A good way to cure a gunshot wound is to shoot a white box in the distance.
    *Shooting civilians hurts you more than the civilian, apparently.
    *Gun toating gangs spend countless hours training their men (the knife weilding ones) to crawl on the ground undetected so they can jump up 1 foot in front of you.

    From fighting games:
    *If you are going to punch/stab someone, do it in America or Europe where they will only lose a few pints of milk.

    From side scrolling beat 'em ups:
    *A whole cooked chicken is an exelent cure for knife wounds.
    *A straight jab is perfectly capable of hitting 6 people at once.
    *It's OK to beat up somebody who is just sitting on a park bench if they are dressed exactly like someone else who attacked you.
    *Gun shots aren't so bad.
    *Phone booths yield lead pipes and swords (if you break them).

    From shoot 'em ups:
    *Any civilization that is able to combine Earth's weapon technology with the alien invader's armor technology will rule the universe.
    *When dealing with prototype technology, it is way to dangerous to send any more than 2 pilots out at once.
    *There doesn't seem to be any way to put the pilot in one of those invulnerable Force Orbs and ditch the ship altogether.
    *Spaceship engineers universally know how to builid ships that upgrade themselves after collecting the remains of red-colored enemy ships.

    From 8 bit football:
    *Footballs weigh at least 60 lbs judging from the running speed of offensive players in the open field.
    *The best way to stop the above slow offensive player is to form a train of defenders behind him.
    *Even with the mighty defense train, no one can tackle a man running in zig-zags.

    From RPG's:
    *Slimes and Wolves carry more gold than you might think. I guess they need to buy TV's like the rest of us.
    *Leafy plants can cure any poison you might think of.
    *Gunshots REALLY aren't so bad.
    *A big bad guy fought about 20 hours into the game is obviously only playing with you. Better not kill him after you batter him into submission. Just let him run away. He'll be back in another 20 hours.
    *1 in 4 people can heal you, but suck at fighting.
    *Don't worry about eating the food you found in a wooden chest in the darkest deepest corner of a dungeon that has been sealed for centruies. It will make you healthier.
    *The world only has one locksmith. He only knows how to make one key/lock pattern, thus any key you find will open any door, chest, vault, padlock, etc... Oh, and each key is useless after opening one thing. I guess the locksmith only has access to very brittle metal.

    From racing games:
    *If you crash your convertable at 190 MPH, something really bad could happen, like loosing a few seconds in the race or having your girlfriend hit you.

    *Wooden barricades blocking an on-ramp will stop a speeding car dead in its tracks. They are immovable objects. The only way to remove them (obviously) is by defeating a really fast rival car.

    *The only thing in the world more indestructable than a wooden barricade is the car's paint.

    From overhead adventure games:
    *It is impossible to try and pass two trees in your path. Don't even think about trying to squeeze between them.

    *Same goes for a river. One body length wide and you're screwed.

    *A hero can kill hordes of enemies single handedly. He can travel for miles each day fighting every step. He is a physical marvel. He cannot climb a 3 foot ledge.

    From platformers:
    *Beetles share many of the same physical properties as turtles including size, mass, the ability to retract head/feet, coefficient of friction (apparently 0), wind resistance (also apparently 0), and walking speed. The one major difference being that you can never knock a beetle over with fire.

    *an animal's color determines if it knows how to turn around before walking off a cliff.

    From side scrolling beat em ups:
    *Identical 50-tuplit births are actually pretty common.

    *One way to become stronger and tougher than your 49 identical brothers is to get a tan, dye your hair, and change the color of your shirt.

    *You will always meet stronger people later in the day.

    From shootem ups:
    *Scientists have found a way to make the bullets from good guy 1 ignore good guy 2.

  7. In 2D fighting games, a fighter can suffer utterly brutal 'super' attacks (anything from superhuman wrestling grapples that soar from the sky to the ground, to a series of eviscerating gores and slashes, or even thermonuclear laser blasts), yet is able to get his bearings together and continue fighting without breaking a sweat.

    Yet when a fighter's energy is low, a tap on the face from a Weak jab sends the character flying into the air, squealing in pain all the way to the ground. A tad inconsistent.

    (paraphrased from a thread simiar to this, over at

  8. Among my favorites has always been Tekken's breaking limbs throws, whereupon everyone gets up and is perfectly fine.

    Also, invisible walls, prevalant in everything from whimsical platformers to snowboarding games. I hate those. Where do they come from? Who put them there? What powers them? *insert screenshot from SC5p2 final level*

  9. The answer is simple: Wizards. You know, the magical kind.
    Quote Originally Posted by rezo
    Once, a gang of fat girls threatened to beat me up for not cottoning to their advances. As they explained it to me: "guys can usually beat up girls, but we are all fat, and there are a lot of us."

  10. One of my major pet peeves is in RPGs, where one stubborn little old lady or devout gate guard can stop your whole party if you don't have the item they want, or you haven't done whatever task pleases them. This is, of course, despite the fact that you've defeated gods and demons and hit for roughly 6000 points of damage.


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