GI Joe Movie

[Despair]

Just assume Dennis Quaid is Admiral Ackbar

[Nirvana]

They never ever explained how and why GI Joe was formed. All they said were they are the Alpha Dogs (the best of the best)from all over the world.

Yet they go on for like 30 minutes explaining the nanomites, 5 minutes about the Night Raven, 10 minutes about Scarlett, 5 minutes combined about Heavy Duty and Breaker, but never never did they explain the basis of GI Joe.


whoooo hooooo!

edit: Oh yeah and almost an hour and a half about The Doctor/CC, Destro, and Baronness.

Towards the end of the movie I was wondering if the audience would be getting a dose of the nanomites so we say good things about it. That was god awful. Street Fighter god awful, but not campy enough to make it something to watch and laugh at... just really, really bad. It's like the writer cobbled together different movie sequences and changed the names hoping you wouldn't notice that he has no clue what he's doing for plot and even less for dialogue.

Fred Topel: "Did you know this from your own childhood or from your kids?"

Stuart Beattie (GI Joe:RoC writer): "No, because I grew up in Australia so I knew of G.I. Joe but I never played with any of the G.I. Joe action figures. My knowledge of the property came in 2000, nine years ago when I was originally approached by another set of producers, another whole incarnation to write the movie of G.I. Joe. They sent me the whole bible and all the comics and all that kind of stuff. I just really got into it then. That thing, that iteration of the project obviously never came to fruition and I never really did anything with it but, the material I kept because I knew it was fun and interesting. So I had all that stuff on my shelf when I got the call from Lorenzo [di Bonaventura - Producer] in mid-September saying, "We need you to write a movie." So I pulled all that stuff off the shelf and I was right back into it."

Fred Topel: "Is it true you worked lines like "Kung Fu Grip" and "Sold Separately" into the script?"

Stuart Beattie: "I didn't get "sold separately" in although I should've. I did get "kung fu grip." "Lifelike hair" was the other one. "Lifelike hair" and "Kung fu grip," they're the famous taglines on the G.I. Joe products. You have to get them in. You have to get in "Knowing's half the battle" and there were certain things, like I say, to make it a G.I. Joe movie you've got to get them in. You've got to get certain characters in. you've got to get certain relationships in. You've got to get certain vehicles in. They're the kind of basic elements you need to really make it a G.I. Joe movie."

I seriously doubt he actually looked at any of the material he was sent.

[Advocate]

LOL get certain relationships in.

Really?

Scarlett and Ripcord were a couple? Destro and Baroness were a couple via nanomites and mind control? Really? Really.

[DacaZ]

Yeah, everyone was conveniently related by way of awkward ham-fisted flashbacks. Baroness was engaged to Duke, Duke and CC were best friends, Baroness was CC's sister, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were noodle-brothers, blah blah blah.

And yeah, thank god they worked in the phrases "Kung Fu Grip" and "Knowing is half the battle," otherwise it wouldn't have felt like a GI JOE movie at all.

[Advocate]

LOL.

[Bojack]

So essentially one is better off watching the GI Joe parodies some one did a few years back rather than the movie eh?

[FirstBlood]

I'd go see this if Marlon Wayans made a Body Massage joke.

[Bojack]

I want to eat Sienna Miller's pork chop sandwhich.

[arjue]

If this movie gets a sequel, its Advocates fault.

[Fe 26]

You need a young Arnold and that Cameron dude for that.

And even then the old Terminator movies were still nonsense stories stringing together action scenes (and occasional comedy bits). The formula for "bad" blockbuster movies hasn't changed too much since Arnold assaulted bad guys with one-liners and Bruce Willis fucked shit up. It's just that Arnold went away and Bruce got old.

you should be banned.