GI Joe Movie

[Dolemite]

Baroness is more attractive than I thought. She actually wears her cool regular glasses when not in combat.

The flashbacks are gay. I just saw the one where Duke proposes to The Baroness. Ugh.

Cobra is okay so far.

[Dolemite]

I like how badass the Cobra troopers are.

The invasion of The Pit is a pretty cool scene. Lots more death than I expected.

Storm Shadow vs. Snake-Eyes round 1 was pretty decent. Both Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow are pretty cool in this.

Snake-Eyes' lips look REALLY stupid, however.

So far, it's a live-action cartoon. About what I expected. Not great cinema, but it's not anally raping me, either.

[Dolemite]

Duke knowing both Cobra Commander and the Baroness is fucking stupid.

There's some really horrible CG in this. Whoever said PS1-quality wasn't kidding.

[Dolemite]

I'm watching the Paris chase scene now. Wow, CG Scarlett on the motorcycle and the 2 CG guys chasing in the Halo suits look SOOOOOO bad.

At least there's lots of neat Joe-style tech on display (aside from the stupid Halo suits).

How the fuck did Baroness and Storm Shadow survive the Humvee explosion? Shit.

[Dolemite]

Okay, Breaker just stuck needles into a Cobra's head and extracted his memories. wtf.

[Dolemite]

Baroness being mind-controlled is stupid.

Underwater battle scene now. Solid battle.

The Night Raven catching both missles IS pretty silly. Aside from catching and destroying both ala Moonraker, Scarlett figures out that the plane's weapons are voice activated AND respond only to Celtic. wtf. Way to rip off Firefox, dicks.

[DacaZ]

Yeah, unless that Night Raven was supposed to be Destro's personal limo, the Celtic voice recognition was stupid.

And that final underwater battle looked like a fanvid of someone mixing the assault on the first Death Star underwater in Naboo.

[FirstBlood]

I'm in the movie right now and some asshole keeps firing up his iPhone in order to tell his message board friends about every stupid detail he likes or dislikes.

God it's so distracting. I think I'm gonna go up to him and dump my Xtra Large Cola on his lap.

[Dolemite]

Okay, it's over.

Overall, it was okay. Just your typical summer mindless blockbuster- instantly forgettable, devoid of any story, personality, or charisma, and chock full of bad CG (that aircraft carrier at the end...ouch), non-stop action, and things that go boom. Vapid and soulless, but certainly not horrible.

Still, it's a waste. I'm bummed thinking of the awesome movie they could have made if they had just stuck with the look and storyline of the comics. But it's nothing that can't be fixed in a sequel by a different director and production design team.

BTW, Cobra Commander was fairly cool, but the Darth Vader scuba mask and monicle he wore for most of the movie was super-gay. The new mask near the end was an improvement, but there's no reason he can't invent an improved mask in the sequel with a mirrored faceplate...

Also, Dacaz makes an excellent point. Why recap Destro's family history with the mask if his face turns metal from the nanobots instead? That shit was stupid.

[Dolemite]

Firstblood- I'm not posting from an iPhone, I'm posting from an LG Voyager.

And trust me, the closest you'd come to dumping anything in anyone's lap is whispering very quietly "boy, that guy's so rude...I wish I was man enough to give him what for!" to your friend or mother or whoever you go to the movies with.