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Thread: Pancakes II: The Fiction and Poetry Thread

  1. I can't recall how many of you folks are part of my Facebook group of friends so I figured I'd post this here.

    After multiple phony/scam agency responses and such I'm a little burned out on going the traditional way for publishing. What I'm pondering doing is "serializing" the stories and releasing them on some sort of regular basis (weekly/bi-weekly/etc), and then getting some marketing and such going. I've got most of the money to do it so I'd probably just have a "donate" button rather than a subscription or Kickstarter-type crowd-fund. I'm just trying to decide if putting that work in is going to be worth it so I'm looking to get feedback. I've posted the first chapter:

    If anyone wants to read it and either give some constructive feedback or even something along the lines of, "Yeah, I would definitely want to read more," that would be great. (Don't clutter up thread with that stuff, though, send as private message.) After sharing it on Facebook, a couple people have given me some cool info. Some of it relates to things that are answered by reading more but some pointed out that adjusting the speed/timeline of events might be worthwhile. Here's the "introduction" that, were I publishing it, would precede the chapters:

    Quote Originally Posted by Calliander
    Of all the curious tales that our archivists and investigators were able to extract from the planet of Maxar, perhaps none are more interesting than the Child of Time Prophecy. This is not only due to the scope of time involved in the prophecy, but also in its direct relation to our own history. We did not realize the full breadth of the situation, of course, until The Traitor's heinous acts and the release of his controversial memoirs. What follows is a dramatic representation of facts collected from Private Leift Kincaid, from The Traitor himself and from historical documents collected by Inspector Vetoarian. Inspector Gand Vetoarian's notes, while of great importance concerning the planet Maxar, made little or no mention of the Child of Time portion of the prophecy. For more information on events after this collection, please reference the Guild Archives' section on Maxar's Second Age, the Painted Rule.
    For further clarification, the story is fantasy fiction minus the fantastic creatures and such. After a while, it will be shown that there's a planetary energy the people can tap into. After that, however, a spaceship will crash on the planet carrying a humanoid alien. So "magic" of a sort will become more prevalent and sci-fi elements will pop up, too.
    Last edited by Calliander; 16 Sep 2014 at 02:08 PM.
    - calianaderderajhfjdjjdskk
    Check out my stories: guildlibrary.net

  2. What's a fifth grade reading level? How do I write for 10-11 year olds?
    "Question the world man... I know the meaning of everything right now... it's like I can touch god." - bbobb the ggreatt

  3. Can't tell if serious since Doc, but some good examples would be the Percy Jackson stories, Terabithia, the Unfortunate Events books… I think probably the best example would be "From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler," though. Amazon should have some pages up as a reference but in all of the good books the author seems to be coming from a sort of conspiratorial point of view - conspiratorial in the sense that they are in on a secret with the child. I recall having read even The Hobbit and being like, "This guy knows what's up," because it was as if he understood that those adults just don't get it.

    I don't know if that helps.
    - calianaderderajhfjdjjdskk
    Check out my stories: guildlibrary.net

  4. Thanks. I have the kids from the Shakedown video in my next short and realize I need to write their part of the script for them.
    "Question the world man... I know the meaning of everything right now... it's like I can touch god." - bbobb the ggreatt

  5. Yo homies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Calliander View Post
    If anyone wants to read it and either give some constructive feedback or even something along the lines of, "Yeah, I would definitely want to read more," that would be great. (Don't clutter up thread with that stuff, though, send as private message.)

    ...

    For further clarification, the story is fantasy fiction minus the fantastic creatures and such. After a while, it will be shown that there's a planetary energy the people can tap into. After that, however, a spaceship will crash on the planet carrying a humanoid alien. So "magic" of a sort will become more prevalent and sci-fi elements will pop up, too.
    In another thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by Josh View Post
    I'll buy it if you do. We support our own.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calliander View Post
    Well I wouldn't charge you guys, real talk.
    Quote Originally Posted by MechDeus View Post
    I will shit on your free link and buy it anyway.
    There's no link to buy it. Right now I need readers who will be like, "This part sucks," or, "What the hell is this supposed to mean," or, "INCONSISTENCY." (Or just, "Hey, not bad," if applicable.) That is how you pay.
    Last edited by Calliander; 16 Sep 2014 at 02:08 PM.
    - calianaderderajhfjdjjdskk
    Check out my stories: guildlibrary.net

  6. OK, so a couple of friends let me know that a PDF or ePub might work better for some people.

    Thus I discovered that making it an ePub makes editing a billion times easier because on my iPhone or the iBooks application I can make notes in the exact parts that I want to fix/alter/edit. Score.

    Anyway, links to PDF and ePub (the versions are in each folder):

    http://vincent-green.net/child-of-ti...of-the-spirit/

    Mega love in advance for anyone here who reads and offers *any* feedback. Even one sentence!
    Last edited by Calliander; 16 Sep 2014 at 02:09 PM.
    - calianaderderajhfjdjjdskk
    Check out my stories: guildlibrary.net

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