Pancakes II: The Fiction and Poetry Thread

[station82o]

i m thinking of entering it for publication in a literary journal

[Papa Smurf]

Wasn't quite sure where this belonged on the forum, but figured this thread could use a bump, and I just finished writing this quasi-essay about why the Davanci Code was getting crappy reviews. Have it, be gentle though...I've lurked for sometime and don't want to be chased back into the shadows, we all know how it can be here.



Unless of course it's terrible, then by all means...sharpen your nails girls and get out those red pens.



I feel reason this film is getting negative views is b/c of the reaction at the Cannes Festival in France, but surely we are motivated by what we simply see on E!...or the Yahoo! Home Page in my case. It's good to know that this is where our opinions now come from, rich, arrogant, moviestars...if they don't like it, than public America can't possibly like it, good job my fellow citizens, we've created a fine social utopia to exist in.

So I have a few theories as to why this movie is getting negative reviews aside from our craving for a tall glass of MEDIA. First there's the We Are To Intellgent For This Crap (which if I would have to guess, would be the answer for the blue states) This Crap Makes Me Question What I Learned Growing Up...I Hate It (for y'all red states) or I Hate This Because It's Not How I Pictured It (for those of us who actually understand why we don't like something and can actually express it, and don't really give a crap about Poly Sci or Poly Soc.)

If you're in the WEATIFTC Committe, than your far to pretentious, and your synapses would have short-circuited your T-3 connection, leaving you unable to read this particular post...or your simply laughing at me...because you know..and I know who you are.

If you're in the TCMMQWILGUP...than you can turn down the episode of Cops...and I can break out my Foxworthy..jokes for y'all. (For those folks in the WEATIFTC group substitute...oh yeah no witty sense of humor...)

For those in the IHTBINHIPI...congratulations...That's probably the reason why this movie is not doing well. Everyone's read it...(see, I don't mind leading you either.)

But for those in the IHTBINHIPI group, don't forget this is the shit you grew up on. This is the summer movie that America would have embraced and loved...had it been made in the early 90's late 80's. It's a Summer Movie, it distracts you from the outside world, keeps you entertained, politely leads you down the path, guiding your hand the whole-time. The acting is not excellent (save Magneto) . The directing as far as an art form is far from superb. But it entertains. It has action, a little bit of sugar coated philosophy, a eccentric, exotic group of bad guys, and an ending that gives you all the answeres in shocking scenes (in case you can't follow storylines that well.) Hmmm...this sounds a lot like...Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Romancing the Stone, Scarface, I can go on...but first look up reviews of those movies.

So go see this, kinda as a homage. Forget that you read the book and your watching a brand new idea. Forget that you've scowered the interent from Ask.com, to Rottentomatoes.com, to tnl.com, straight Go see it with a couple of friends and pretend your'e 12 again, re-live your childhood(it's good for you) unless you've always been a pretensious fuck...in that case turn NPR back up.

[Mman]

Wow, you suck.

ps, npr rocks.

[Scourge]

We Are To Intellgent For This Crap

Striking irony!!

[Papa Smurf]

So this is what happens when I smoke way too much weed and than have nothing to do. I probably deserve those two insults...and after re-reading that I realize that I completely missed the central theme I was trying to convey...pass the bowl.

I apologize and will post this poem in hopes that it can at least prove that I actually can write coherantly when I am not high.

OAK ST.
a wise man once said "you're alone in this world
and when you die, you're alone in the next"
so i'm saving my favors for those cold rainy days
when the blue's washed away from the rest
these streets are all empty, just sad and confused
filled with ghosts who are filled with regrets

and there's a man on the corner looking for change
he says "son can you spare me a dime?"
i dip into my pockets and look into his eyes
and say "sir can you spare me some time?"
cus' I've been feeling quite lonely, like I don't really exist
just a shadow of what I once was

and i walk downtown on main, crossing oak and birch roads
much more beautiful than we'll ever know
now my footsteps skip beat, on the tired black tar
and my heart in my tired bruised chest
when all these voices have ceased, only trees whisper prayer
and this silence is golden, but only in death is it pure

and now i lay down on the sidewalk, my frame outlined in chalk
that I drew when I was just six years old
but the colors have faded, into vague hues
and the sounds of my laughter have all been washed out
by rain and by memories, I've since long forgot.

PS. I wasn't making fun of NPR itself, just labeling the audience. Just because someone labels an audience of a media format doesn't mean they are rating the format itself. It was a personal stereotype, I'm sure not ALL people who listen to NPR are prententious.

[station82o]

NPR pwns your fucking noob face. You have a problem with indepth news reports and accurate and interesting news summaries?

[Scourge]

Pancakes 1 was bumped earlier this year, but I figure I'll bump the appropriate thread instead.

I haven't written anything fiction in years I think. Here's something I'm working on at the moment, but it's a bit of a lark. More an excercise in writing than actually writing maybe?

Just to set it up, what I'm trying to do is several little vignettes. The basic structure is four Japanese female high school classmates get together ten years after graduation and compare notes on what's been going on in their lives during that time. Part one: they get together. Parts 2,3,4,5: each is dedicated to a single one of the girls stories. Part 6: they reminisce about their high school days together. Part 7: they say goodbye.

It's all kind of trite, but I'm trying to deal with why marriage rates are down in Japan, why birth rates are down, why parasaito shinguru (parasite singles) exist...

That's the idea anyway. So far I've got pieces of two of the stories down and the attached is part of one of them. It's written in first person and the entire thing is part of a conversation, so it's, um, conversational. Oh, and "Christmas Cake" is a derogatory term used to describe unwed girls past age 25. Leftover Christmas cake goes unsold, uneaten and becomes stale, blah blah blah... Basically old maids or spinsters.

edit: I didn't realize this was still in Sound Off. Can a moderator move it to The Printed Page please? That's where the other Pancakes thread was moved when that forum was created.

[Salsashark]

Xmas Cake

INDENT PLEASE.

Otherwise I liked it very much. Well written and brisk reading, although I do think the pace could be slowed down just a tad. Not that there is no exposition, but it seemed like you dove into the thick of things very quickly.

[Scourge]

INDENT PLEASE.

Otherwise I liked it very much. Well written and brisk reading, although I do think the pace could be slowed down just a tad. Not that there is no exposition, but it seemed like you dove into the thick of things very quickly.

Thanks! This was more a test run to map some things out and throw some ideas down. This was about a step past being a brainstorm and an outline. There would actually be roundtable conversation among the females interspersed in there too. Right now I want to get the four women's stories established in rough drafts, then I'd rewrite it all to flesh those stories out.

[Cowutopia]

Okay. I have a poem to add, and I'm going to show you guys a couple chapters of some Young Adult books/stories I am working on. All of the names are placeholders, I am terrible with names. (Except for Prea, pronounced Preya. That's fairly intentional.)

I'm still working on this:

Return to Center

A cold snap in late August.
Dew, caught by surprise,
Clings frozen to the grass
Helplessly twinkling in the
Cold light of the sky's pale heart.

I glow in the tiny fire of my cigarette.
I don't even know why I am outside,
Shivering in my underwear,
Sucking the poison down to clear my head.

You've left and I have returned to center,
Like a swing forgotten
After the child has jumped away.

Cool smoke drifts upward, sailing to join the
Confusion of all those caught in the cold with me.
The sky is ribbed and it appears to breathe,
A monster chasing dawn,
A heartbeat frozen like the
Still sound of an early end.

You've left, but everything inside is smeared with your
Scents and sounds, the peace of a foreign
Heartbeat warming the sheets.

I've returned to me and there is no longer a song,
Just a snare keeping time.

How do I get you out when I see your
Face in every shirt and feel your
Skin on the spine of every book?

I breathe the crisp air and it tastes clean;
Like a dagger from its case it is smooth and cold and
Invitingly sharp. I blow a kiss on my own wind
To carry to everyone caught with me.

My soul has drained through to the roots.
It is flawed like a cup with a hole;
No matter how often you fill it to the brim
It empties until I am exposed for my truth:
Dry, thirsty, and gasping for relief, but the
Dew has frozen and I am caught with
My pants down in a cold snap chasing dawn.