Another year come and gone, and here I am once again, acting as if my opinions are somehow superior to everyones. Well guess what! They're based on scientific fact! Ask Mzo's mom, she double checked my equations!
IN MY PANTS!
Game of the Year
No fucking clue!
Just like last year, I make the thread and I still don't have a game of the year. I'll tell you this much. It's a tight race between Halo 2 and World of Warcraft. And at the moment, WoW is winning. Still, Knights of the Old Republic II will be out within the weeks so this could all change.
Contenders: Halo 2 (XBOX), World of Warcraft (PC)
Racing Game of the Year
Burnout 3
The first and pretty much last of the no-brainers, despite the racing genre being filled with amazing games, Burnout 3 stomped everything else pretty well into the ground. And hey, it made that copy of Outrun 3 I told you all not to buy pretty worthless, eh!?
Runners-Up: Rallisport Challenge 2 (XBOX)
First Person Shooter of the Year
Halo 2
Halo 2 is something that became more than a game. It was an alternate reality that had many of us scrambling around the country, picking up payphones and playing mind-games with someone we knew only as The Operator. We chased SPDR's and released Sleeping Princesses. All of which was a maddening event leading up to November 9th that would deliver not only a much improved single player campaign, but some of the most brilliant multiplayer to date. Bungie successfully made art.
Even if there was some texture pop-in somewhere within.
Runners-Up: Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay (XBOX), Unreal Tournament 2004 (PC)
Fighting Game of the Year
Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike
Last year, Mzo and I made a pact. Until something else better comes out, Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike should win fighting game of the year, every year. Well guess what? Nothing else came close, AND SF3 was released again through the Street Fighter Anniversary for Playstation 2. Sure, Dead or Alive: Ultimate was incredible. But is it 3S? Not even.
Runners-Up: Dead or Alive: Ultimate (XBOX), Mortal Kombat Trilogy (PSOne)
Best Sports Game of the Year
EA Sports NCAA Football 2005
Man, look at this. I had to go and find the box art for this game just so you assholes wouldn't go "HUR HUR R U SURE THAT IZNT 2003?????". Anyways, EA improved on their lightning fast game and whacky plays. Plus, this is the year that EA took everything on XBOXLive. I don't know jack about college football, but I do know this. NCAA 2005 rules.
Runners-Up: Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 (XBOX), ESPN NHL 2K5 (XBOX)
Best Action Game of the Year
Ninja Gaiden
Absolutely no contest. Even in all my Itagaki fanboyism, I had my doubts wether Team Ninja could pull this off. Lucky for us who enjoy great games, he did and then some.
Runners-Up: Uhh....Yeah!
Best Adventure Game of the Year
Super Mario 64 DS
Man, them is some ugly screenshots. Anyways, isn't it crazy seeing that there with me being the Nintendo Hater Fan Club member that I am? Nintendo released Mario 64 DS to show us that even though this game is graphically outdated, the character is panned by those who deem themselves to be cool, the fact that nobody likes Nintendo, and Link has a Vagina, Mario 64 still shits on every other adventure (The new word for platformer) game on the market. Especially everything that was released this year.
Oh, that and Tork was delayed, AGAIN. GO TORK!
Runners-Up: Ty and Tak and Jak and Clank and Sly and Ratchet and Daxter 2
And now, the fun stuff!
Best Use of Wesley Snipes
Tekken 5
Wesley Snipes took time out of his busy schedule of being Wesley Snipes to star in the latest installment of TNL's favorite fighting franchise, Tekken. We are truly blessed by his most awesome of presense.
Runners-Up: Dead or Alive: Ultimate
The Beyond Good and Evil Award
Rallisport Challenge 2
Think about this. In it's first month, Project Gotham Racing 2 sold about 32,000 copies. That was considered a flop. Rallisport Challenge 2 sold about 20,000 and then proceeded to drop off the face of the Earth. Not only is it one of the most beautiful racers available, but it played brilliantly and featured flawless XBOXLive play. What a shame.
Runners-Up: Second Sight (XBOX), Dog's Life (PS2)
The Tobias Bruckner Award for Worst New Character
The Skeleton with Rocket Launchers on it's shoulders from Doom 3
This is what happens when you let Mrs Johnsons 2nd Grade Art class design Hellspawn monsters for your video game. It's a SKELETON. With ROCKET LAUNCHERS. On it's SHOULDERS! Jesus christ. That's almost as cool as a fat guy, or a spider that's made out of a skull.
Runners-Up: The dead Captain's daughter from Halo 2. What a worthless bitch!
The PN03 Award for Worst Game Ever
Fight Club
I guess it's somewhat appropriate that a book and movie about psychos and the evil pitfalls of a society based around commercialization and greed is eventually turned into a fighting game. Hey wait! No it isn't! I would rather hear the death rattle of my only child then play Fight Club the video game. The world's foremost example of a digitized abortion.
Runners-Up: Donkey Konga, Dungeon And Dragons: Demon Stone
Mr and Mrs 2004
Tomonobu Itagaki and Cortana
He not only launched his latest game with it's own limited edition XBOX, included a blow up love pillow of the lead character, created the worlds first non-shitty online fighting game, but also won the action game of the year! She got a super sexy new make over, twice as much sasss as before and stared in the closest call in video game tentacle rape history we've seen since D2! Thats SMOKIN! Mr and Ms 2004! Try not to get your dead skin on her Itagaki-San!
The Best WTF of 2004
The Nintendo DS didn't suck
Virtual Boy what? Nintendo strikes back and shuts up assholes like me and delivers with the DS! Sony best not be bringing that sass around this here court!
Runners-Up: Rumble Roses didn't suck either
The Worst WTF of 2004
The Prince gets a make over!
Wh-What the fuck!? What is going on here? I thought you were the Aladdin who could run on walls and jump over spikes and all that other crap. Now you're just another generic, butt-rock action hero with too much gruff in his voice. Christ man, you really let yourself go.
Runners-Up: True Fantasy Live gets cancelled
The Sin and Punishment Award
Katamari Damacy
This is a game where you roll a piece of crap down a road and you pick up other pieces of crap. It's a lot like Monkey Ball, only for people who think they're too good to own Monkey Ball and don't have friends to play Monkey Boxing with. Good game that Monkey Boxing.
Anyways, a bunch of you people bought it and wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. demanding that it warrented the attention of the gods themselves. Yeah? Well thanks to you, the gods made fit to give us Fight Club the game. Thanks a lot, Karma. I mean, Monkey Ball is a players choice game afterall. And it features monkeys. And balls. (
Note: This award was added thanks to Cowutopia and all those other people who simply won't stfu about this game.)
Runners-Up: Outrun2 (XBOX)
Too Cool for Top 10 Lists
Originally Posted by Jeremy
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks