I just almost killed my brother

[g0zen]

I say cut through all the sappy shit and boot his ass to the curb, tell your Mom if she really loves him she'll make him act like a goddamn man and not an infant. Then remind her that you're her son to and taking sides like that is bullshit. After he's gone, forget about him. Let him come crawling back to you when / if he gets his shit straightened out and apologize to you like a man and then forgive him. Don't let him become a parasite on you anymore than he already has. Don't let him win by gnawing at your insides over shit he drove you to after you showed infinite patience. Shit, I'd say you should have given him a worse ass-beating.

[Fe 26]

Yeah, I did leave this part out. The dude has some serious manic depression and obsessive-compulsive disorders.

I thought so, and this really fucks shit up for you. A lot of the advice in this thread, mean or not, depends on your brother being a rational normal sane person. It is all fine and good to say "kick him to the curb, he'll snap back and get better" about a sane person, but it doesn't work that way with people who have serioius mental illiness. I don't know the guy, but the fact that he openly lives in his own filth, then gets bitchy over you asking him NICELY to clean it in YOUR house speaks volumes about his priorites, self-esteem, and ability to think logically.

I really hope he isn't as bad as he sounds and he can be talked with about this and will figure out that you only snapped because his life does matter to you. But you haven't made him sound that way.

I really feel for you when it comes to your mother. It sounds like he is the small mentally ill baby of the family and you are the older, smarter, should know better son. It's going to be hard for you do damage control on that shit since they already pitty him and treat him like a baby to make him being a fuck up seem ok in their minds.

IMO things you should do by the end of this

1) if his mental health doesn't improve, don't let him live with you. He is only going to bring you down and you need to do what is right for you and your woman. I don't live at home because of this kind of shit. I have two sisters and a mother (crazy because they were born with vaginas) and all they did was take up my precious time with trival irrational crap. It was always something, and it usely came up when it came time to study.

2) talk to your parents and maybe him about seeing someone for his depression. First with someone to talk about his problems, and if it that doesn't help, later with someone that will give him some meds. He needs to get his head out of his butt and start thinking like a rational man. Otherwise he is just going to keep fucking up like this. Oh and don't pitty him over this. Pitty is just going to contribute to his little depression parade. I'd try to be stern and helpful. Don't be nasty, but also don't baby him.

But getting his head in the game is very important. He needs to do that before any of TNL's tough love tactics will help. Otherwise he will just twist shit around in his head and miss huge obvious things like he's an ass and needs to grow up.

[stormy]

There has been a lot of good advice in here about how to deal with your bro, but it sounds like he's not the only one with a problem. You should really think about your temper, and how it made you react in a way that you are now not comfortable with. It's good that you have recognized and regret it, now do something so it doesn't happen in the future. You probably do have to be mean to your brother, and there will be more harsh words in the future, but you can't allow yourself to flip out like that. You both end up looking bad. As the older, more responsible brother, you need to be firm and level headed.

[Calliander]

I'm really surprised Kidnemo hasn't come in here and challenged Vasteel to a fight.

Anyway, make your Mom pay for everything that came about as a result of your brother. The vet bill, etc.

[Vasteel]

I'm really surprised Kidnemo hasn't come in here and challenged Vasteel to a fight.

The thing is, is that I've been in a lot more fights then most people, and I'm pretty good at it sadly. I've worked as a bouncer for while and I've fucked a few people up really bad, but even though I didn't hurt him physically at all really, there's just something about it that sticks in my craw in a way that nothing else ever has..

I thought so, and this really fucks shit up for you. A lot of the advice in this thread, mean or not, depends on your brother being a rational normal sane person. It is all fine and good to say "kick him to the curb, he'll snap back and get better" about a sane person, but it doesn't work that way with people who have serioius mental illiness.

Yeah and it does. The problem is that he knows people will aqcuiesce to it, so he milks it for all the miles he can instead of doing something about it.

And I can relate to the problems in dealing with it- I'm clinically mentally ill myself. But I have never asked for nor recieved (or even expected) any type of special treatment for it. I just deal with it- I've learned clean living and getting off your ass is the only way to deal with it.

Don't be upset with yourself about the dog thing. I'd have done the same thing if anyone, family or not, threw a phone at my Beagle. Hurting dogs calls for beatings a lot more severe than the one you gave your brother.

No doubt. and if it had been anyone else who had hit my Beagle (best dogs ever, btw) they would have. Actually, it did happen once and they had a medical bill and I spent the night in county but I had no regrets then. I guess part of it really is that I know in my heart that he would never even consider harming an animal- whatever else he may be, I've never known a person with a more gentle heart. Thats why I feel so bad.

[Burky]

Don't feel bad.
What you've done for him here will probably be much better for him than the sympathy he gets from everyone else. Just make sure your family hears both sides so that he doesn't just milk the situation with them.
If he's your guest in your house, and he tells you to fuck off, and then messes your house up, and assaults your dog, he's got it coming to him.
Like it's been said, he should have had this coming to him a lot sooner.

[ChaoofNee]

I then got a call from my mom asking me what the hell was wrong with me, how dare I attack him, how dare I threaten him with this bounced check all this other shit, etc.

I got the impression that your mother's been sheltering your brother from this statement.
If true, this could be worse than you think.

tell your Mom if she really loves him she'll make him act like a goddamn man and not an infant.

For serious. Too many parents shelter their children to the degree where they can't survive in society. My family does this quite often, and I'm only coming out of it now, myself.
I don't know how your mother raised yourself and your brother, Vasteel, but if she's as bad as this whole situation makes this sound, you mighty want to start fixing this yourself. Therapy works wonders and can be a good kick in the crotch to people who sloth themselves through life.

[kedawa]

There's nothing wrong with being lazy and unmotivated as long as you don't make it someone else's problem, which your brother clearly has.

The problem is that he knows people will aqcuiesce to it, so he milks it for all the miles he can instead of doing something about it.

That's his problem right there. He has no incentive to change if what he's doing works. This is something that can only change if everyone he's dependant upon stops coddling him.

[M]

As some one who has anger problems (just a tad) I hear where you coming from. every now and then I flip out at my sister and my whole family goes "wtf." lots of repressed anger. family shit.. sucks.. you have my sympathies. I try to do the breathing thing.

as for the what do i do now question.. talk to you mom. be like "yah, that was fucked up, but you know what? this and this and this is what he did. I was just trying to help him out and he does all that. what would you have done in my place?" and if she was like "blah blah let him get away with it blah blah" call her on her bullshit, and ask her how your going to make rent now. if she's sympathic and understanding regarding your situation, ask her what she thinks you should do now, about rent and how to deal with .. that shit.

Personally, if it were me, I'd sit him down and say "You said you'd pay rent. You need pay rent. You need to keep your word. Then you can move out. I was not threatening you; I was telling the truth. I have responsiblilties to my landlord, to pay my bills etc, and you told me that you'd do all this stuff and you havent. pay the rent, be a man. " Of course, i'd probably end up smacking him around again.

[Finch]

Brothers need to fight sometimes. I'm glad i have a brother to yell at me when i mess up. That's much better than when it's someone you don't know. I don't know what to say about the rest.