Last night, I found out that my father died...

[Shin Johnpv]

...and despite never getting to meet him, and basically despising him much of my life because of how he treated my mother, I still feel some grief over the loss. In Josh's thread, I said that using positive memories of the past can help overcome this, but I have none of those, so has anyone else here been in a similar situation, where they've lost either an estranged loved one, or a relative they've never met, and still felt grief? And if so, what did you do to overcome it? I'm also a bit sobered by this experience because he died four days before my 23rd birthday, and was buried on that date.

Sorry, Jeremy. My brother died last Saturday. This week has indeed sucked.

My grandfather passed away earlier today.

WTF is going on?

My condolences and prayers to all of you guys and your families

damn that sucks

[Fe 26]

Man, this week just blows. Sorry guys.

[Melf]

Yeah, this week has been brutal for TNL.

My condolences fellas, to every one of ya.

[Jeremy]

I'm sorry about that Jeremy, that's awful.

My mum had breast cancer operation yesterday and just came out of hospital. The chances are she's going to be ok now (90%) so I suppose that's one kind of good thing happened this week, though it sucks she got it in the first place.
We found out around 2-3 weeks ago.

I'm glad your mother is okay after that operation. My mother had a couple of breast cancer surgeries two years ago, and she ended up okay (so far). Thanks for the condolences guys, I hope everyone else who has lost someone ends up all right. James, part of me wants to stick with hating the guy, but I don't think hating someone is all that helpful in life - especially when he's dead. I'll definitely never like the guy, and going by an obit I found online, it seems like he wasted much of his life. The best thing said about him was that he could throw a good barbeqcue.

One fantastic thing that came out of his death is that I'm now in contact with my half-brother and will probably talk with my half-sister soon. It felt great to finally speak to him, since he'd just existed as a name before, and now I could put a voice to it. We spent about an hour talking about our lives. It's ironic that a criminal deadbeat who rarely paid child support would end up with one son being a cop, while his daughter works in a bank. It feels weird to know that I'll never have a chance to meet my father in this lifetime, but the more I read and think about, the more I think that it's his loss. I've always used him as a reverse role model, which has worked well, so continuing that will probably continue to help.

Edit - I just spent around 40 minutes talking to my half sister, and she also used him as a reverse role model to get through life. So there's a precedent set for that mentality to work in my family, which gives me great hope. She gave me a site with his memorial up, and it was amazing to see dozens of photos of my dad that I'd never seen before (I've seen one photo of him before today), along with a few of my half brother and sister. It was also interesting to see how old he looked at just 49 - he looked to be at least in his '60s in the later photos. The site is www.mem.com , and appears to be a great resource to keep the memory of fallen family members alive.

[Nomi]

This is seriously the most depressing week I've ever seen around here. I just got news that my great-grandmother is in the hospital again, but she's 94/95 and has been doing poorly for a while, so I'm not all that shocked about it. She still thinks her husband is alive and is mad that he isn't at the hospital with her, so my great-uncle said. He died 11 years ago. :/

Serious condolences to all of you guys, I can't imagine some of those situations. You guys are pretty damn touch to take it all like that.

[Master of 7s]

July has just been a shitty month for TNL.

[dakidski]

face it, tnl is cursed.

condolences to all who lost someone.

[Glass Joe]

I think the only thing you can really do is speak with your mother about the good qualities your father had. Bastard or not, she saw something in him long enough to have a child with him. That way you can remember the good things about him and it will make it easier to let go of all the anger and hate. The only thing anger or hate have ever done is eat people alive from the inside and fill them with bitter regret. Keep your head up bro, and let the good things about him shine through.

My condolences to all that have had recent losses.

[Vasteel]

All of you guys, my heart goes out to you all. I just found out my grandfather (well, stepgrandfather, but whatever) is in the hospital and is probably not going to make it.

Jeremy, I can't imagine what you've been through is like, but at least in losing a father you never knew you've been able to meet a brother and sister. I'd think there's some good in that.

As for my case, I actually hope that my grandfather passes peacefully soon. I've watched this great and proud man struggle against the Alzheimer's that has wasted who he is away for over a decade, and what remains of him continue to live in a nightmarish half life. I want his struggle to finally end, and have some hope that he will be whole again in whatever comes next.

[Rumpy]

As for my case, I actually hope that my grandfather passes peacefully soon. I've watched this great and proud man struggle against the Alzheimer's that has wasted who he is away for over a decade, and what remains of him continue to live in a nightmarish half life. I want his struggle to finally end, and have some hope that he will be whole again in whatever comes next.

My heart goes out to you and your grandfather. I've seen the effects of Alzheimers and Parkinsons on people and there are no words that describe how awful it is.