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Thread: Coffee

  1. Coffee

    Disclaimer: I have never drank a cup of coffee past the first two sips in my entire life.


    Soooo... What's the deal? Why is this drink the life-blood of the entire world? I understand the need for caffeine. I'm addicted to the stuff myself. But to get your caffeine through coffee... The drink tastes like hot water filtered through a dead hamster and a handfull of the cedar chips from the corner of his cage.

    There's so many ways to get caffeine that don't taste like ass. Coke/Pepsi for one. If you need your caffeine hot in the winter there's stuff like tea. If you need varying degrees of caffeine you can put down that esspresso and get a Red Bull. Or a Rock Star.

    People ask me to try stuff like steamed/frothy chocolatey/marshmellowy mocha whatevers saying "it tastes just like hot chocolate. You'll like it". Yeah, hot chocolate with a hint of ass lingering amongst the sugar. If I want a hot chocolate, why would I want it poluted with a shot of coffee?

    And that's another thing: I know coffee must taste bad to people who drink it all the time because so many people dump in cream and sugar to their regular morning cup. If you have to mask the taste, why are you drinking it? The base-product has to be pleasing. I don't put cream in my beer, I don't put chocolate syrup in my scotch, and I don't sprinkle cinnamon on the end of my cigarettes.

    And yet coffee is so damn popluar that people buy friggin' coffee makers for their home. People who are too lazy to boil spaghetti for themselves. Yet something drives them to make this foul drink every morning.

    Coffee is so damn popular that the people selling it feel the right to make up new names for themselves and what they are selling. Why the hell does a coffee get to be "tall" when everything else in the world is "large"? Why does the cashier monkey behind the counter get to be a "barista" when every other cashier monkey is just a cashier monkey?

    Coffee is so damn popluar that decafinated is a socially acceptable option. The hell? Alcohol-free beer gets pushed to the back corner of the liquor store. Nobody wants the stuff because it doesn't make any sense... Well, decafinated coffee makes the exact same amount of non-sense and yet it gets to see the retail light-of-day instead of being banished to the land of cave trolls like it should be.

    So... I ask again. What gives? Why does bitter dirty water have such a strangle-hold on human-kind when 10,000 other caffeine delivery alternatives exist that don't harm your taste buds?

  2. We've had coffee threads here before. If you don't understand use the Search.

    But if I must. Most store brands and Starbucks ijn general suck. If you need to add sugar and milk ... your right its masking the foul taste. Real coffee doesn't need that shit. I can boil water for pasta and I have a coffee maker. I am in the process of getting a hand grinder. I hate electric, it burns the grinds thus making the taste piss poor. And French Press FTW, Mr Coffeee maker FTL.
    MechDeus - Nick is the Bruce Wayne to Yoshi's Jean-Paul Valley.
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    You just don't comprehend how well he's (FE26/Buttcheeks) comprehending. He's understanding you saying things you never said, that's how good he is.

  3. If you seriously hate coffee yet can tolerate Red Bull I'm banning you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshi View Post
    burgundy is the only conceivable choice.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drewbacca View Post
    I have an Alcatraz-style all-star butthole.

  4. Quote Originally Posted by Cheebs
    Coffee is so damn popluar that decafinated is a socially acceptable option.
    Lies. Only pussies and faggots drink decaf.

  5. Quote Originally Posted by Cheebs View Post
    Disclaimer: I have never drank a cup of coffee past the first two sips in my entire life.


    Soooo... What's the deal? Why is this drink the life-blood of the entire world? I understand the need for caffeine. I'm addicted to the stuff myself. But to get your caffeine through coffee... The drink tastes like hot water filtered through a dead hamster and a handfull of the cedar chips from the corner of his cage.

    There's so many ways to get caffeine that don't taste like ass. Coke/Pepsi for one. If you need your caffeine hot in the winter there's stuff like tea. If you need varying degrees of caffeine you can put down that esspresso and get a Red Bull. Or a Rock Star.

    People ask me to try stuff like steamed/frothy chocolatey/marshmellowy mocha whatevers saying "it tastes just like hot chocolate. You'll like it". Yeah, hot chocolate with a hint of ass lingering amongst the sugar. If I want a hot chocolate, why would I want it poluted with a shot of coffee?

    And that's another thing: I know coffee must taste bad to people who drink it all the time because so many people dump in cream and sugar to their regular morning cup. If you have to mask the taste, why are you drinking it? The base-product has to be pleasing. I don't put cream in my beer, I don't put chocolate syrup in my scotch, and I don't sprinkle cinnamon on the end of my cigarettes.

    And yet coffee is so damn popluar that people buy friggin' coffee makers for their home. People who are too lazy to boil spaghetti for themselves. Yet something drives them to make this foul drink every morning.

    Coffee is so damn popular that the people selling it feel the right to make up new names for themselves and what they are selling. Why the hell does a coffee get to be "tall" when everything else in the world is "large"? Why does the cashier monkey behind the counter get to be a "barista" when every other cashier monkey is just a cashier monkey?

    Coffee is so damn popluar that decafinated is a socially acceptable option. The hell? Alcohol-free beer gets pushed to the back corner of the liquor store. Nobody wants the stuff because it doesn't make any sense... Well, decafinated coffee makes the exact same amount of non-sense and yet it gets to see the retail light-of-day instead of being banished to the land of cave trolls like it should be.

    So... I ask again. What gives? Why does bitter dirty water have such a strangle-hold on human-kind when 10,000 other caffeine delivery alternatives exist that don't harm your taste buds?
    Cheebs doesn't understand something? No way.

  6. Quote Originally Posted by Cheebs View Post
    Disclaimer: I have never drank a cup of coffee past the first two sips in my entire life.


    Soooo... What's the deal? Why is this drink the life-blood of the entire world? I understand the need for caffeine. I'm addicted to the stuff myself. But to get your caffeine through coffee... The drink tastes like hot water filtered through a dead hamster and a handfull of the cedar chips from the corner of his cage.

    There's so many ways to get caffeine that don't taste like ass. Coke/Pepsi for one. If you need your caffeine hot in the winter there's stuff like tea. If you need varying degrees of caffeine you can put down that esspresso and get a Red Bull. Or a Rock Star.

    People ask me to try stuff like steamed/frothy chocolatey/marshmellowy mocha whatevers saying "it tastes just like hot chocolate. You'll like it". Yeah, hot chocolate with a hint of ass lingering amongst the sugar. If I want a hot chocolate, why would I want it poluted with a shot of coffee?

    And that's another thing: I know coffee must taste bad to people who drink it all the time because so many people dump in cream and sugar to their regular morning cup. If you have to mask the taste, why are you drinking it? The base-product has to be pleasing. I don't put cream in my beer, I don't put chocolate syrup in my scotch, and I don't sprinkle cinnamon on the end of my cigarettes.

    And yet coffee is so damn popluar that people buy friggin' coffee makers for their home. People who are too lazy to boil spaghetti for themselves. Yet something drives them to make this foul drink every morning.

    Coffee is so damn popular that the people selling it feel the right to make up new names for themselves and what they are selling. Why the hell does a coffee get to be "tall" when everything else in the world is "large"? Why does the cashier monkey behind the counter get to be a "barista" when every other cashier monkey is just a cashier monkey?

    Coffee is so damn popluar that decafinated is a socially acceptable option. The hell? Alcohol-free beer gets pushed to the back corner of the liquor store. Nobody wants the stuff because it doesn't make any sense... Well, decafinated coffee makes the exact same amount of non-sense and yet it gets to see the retail light-of-day instead of being banished to the land of cave trolls like it should be.

    So... I ask again. What gives? Why does bitter dirty water have such a strangle-hold on human-kind when 10,000 other caffeine delivery alternatives exist that don't harm your taste buds?
    Someone is stuck in the yummy phase.

    also, TLDR

  7. Quote Originally Posted by Cheebs View Post
    Disclaimer: I have never drank a cup of coffee past the first two sips in my entire life.
    And yet you feel qualified to write a long post trashing it? Coffee doesn't taste like ass if you make it properly. Do all hamburgers suck because McDonalds tastes bad?

    Quote Originally Posted by Advocate View Post
    I hate electric, it burns the grinds thus making the taste piss poor. And French Press FTW, Mr Coffeee maker FTL.
    Not necessarily. At least, I don't think this is as much of a problem as having old beans that were sitting around in open containers for months after being roasted. Not all blade grinders are pieces of shit, but you don't want to grind anything for a long period of time in them, anyway. They tend not to grind evenly anyway. Since I can't afford a super high end burr grinder, I'll stick with the one I have, though it's not perfect. I don't think there's anything wrong with drip brewing, either. Percolators can fuck off, though.

  8. Quote Originally Posted by Advocate View Post
    But if I must. Most store brands and Starbucks ijn general suck. If you need to add sugar and milk ... your right its masking the foul taste. Real coffee doesn't need that shit. I can boil water for pasta and I have a coffee maker. I am in the process of getting a hand grinder. I hate electric, it burns the grinds thus making the taste piss poor. And French Press FTW, Mr Coffeee maker FTL.
    I'll take your word that the "real stuff" is actually good. Steak is the same way. The best of the best cuts of cow meat served essentially raw is a whole different food than a steak at TGI Fridays.

    But people don't drink that stuff. Only a few enthusiasts. People drink pre-ground stuff bought from the grocery store brewed in their Mr Coffee at home. People drink McDonalds, Duncan Donuts, and Starbucks. People drink the mystery pot in the office break room. All when Coke and Tea is sitting right there as an alternative.

    So.... Why?

  9. I've never really cared for coffee myself, I always found it too bitter and strong, and it leaves a funky after-taste.

    Iced coffee is ok though, thats really the only way I can drink it.

  10. Quote Originally Posted by burgundy View Post
    If you seriously hate coffee yet can tolerate Red Bull I'm banning you.
    Red Bull tastes like crap in the same way cheap tequilla tastes like crap. Yeah, it's bad. But it's the kind of bad that gives you a kick and at the end of the day isn't all that offensive. Kind of like watching House of the Dead on DVD. It's a "fun" bad.

    Coffee tastes like crap in the way acid-refulx bile in your throat tastes like crap. Nothing redeeming about it.

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