Marriage/Serious Relationships

[Fe 26]

This topic has been touched upon in three or more threads lately.

I've grown increasingly disenfranchised with the whole idea in the past half year. I'd like to make whatever long term relationships I have in the future work by putting effort and time into them, but the more I learn about other people's experience, I wonder if there is anything I can do in the end to make a relationship work for the long term.

From the stories people have told me, you can do everything right, and yet the other person will still change and not look at you the same way. The best scenario that I've heard of is when the significant other just accepts this and stays with you out of duty or a calm family like love.

I wouldn't want to put anyone through the "best" scenario.

I'd like nothing better than to have a happy serious relationship and be dedicated to someone until the day I die. I normally care for people (when I do) deeply and the feelings do not go away unless me or the other person forces them away. And yet I've never met a physically attractive woman that worked the same way emotionally. So I wonder if the whole concept of a happy marriage is nothing but a silly fantasy made up in a time when women had no say in such things.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this matter?

[torgo]

I dunno, I've had enough shit go wrong in relationships to seriously doubt the idea of marriage/long term relationships. But at the same time my parents have been married for 30 years and are as happy as can be.

I guess my general opinion is it can be done with a lot of determination and a lot of luck, but generally speaking humans just weren't designed for this kind of companionship.

[Yoshi]

If you want to kill yourself, there are quicker, less painful ways.

[Melf]

I've been happily married for eight years, and we have two beautiful children together. It was definitely the best decision I ever made, and I hope to be married for many, many years to come.

TNL minority of one!

[Fe 26]

I've been happily married for eight years, and we have two beautiful children together. It was definitely the best decision I ever made, and I hope to be married for many, many years to come.

TNL minority of one!

any advice? What is your story?

[Thief Silver]

I'd say first off figure out what marriage means to you, and how important it is to you. If you marry for the sake of your friends or family wanting you to, or under pressure from outside people, then you're 100% marrying for the wrong reason.

I've discovered that it means nothing to me, therefore if I ever get married for some reason, unless I have a complete change of heart, it would probably be one of the worst decisions of my life.

[Gohron]

I think that long-term relationships/marriage aren't a bad thing, however I think a lot of people just get into them because it's "what you're supposed to do". I'm not getting married unless I'm pretty damn sure it's a person I can spend my life with, which may never happen.

[Yoshi]

any advice? What is your story?

He's been broken like a pony at the carnival. He now wanders around in circles endlessly.

You know why he likes the Genesis so much? Because it reminds him of his single days. His spirit just has been broken so badly that he doesn't realize this.

[haohmaru]

I don't know. I guess if it's "meant to be" (blah blah blah) then a good relationship with someone you can trust is about the best that you can achieve in life. However, given all of the weaknesses that are prevalent in today's society, particularly, my faith in this has deteriorated somewhat. I've been in a relationship for a couple of years with a great girl and all that stuff and I'm not a cheating person by nature. As time has gone by, however, I'm wondering if I did the right thing and didn't just go out and "have fun" with a bunch of chicks instead of laying all of the proverbial eggs in one basket. I might just move on for the sake of experiencing different things with different people which is very similar to what you've outlined above. She's done nothing wrong and I couldn't ask for a better person to be with, but I still don't know that I want to make that commitment, *again*.

I kind of think that the only way that I'll ever get married again is if I truly want to have children again and a family. Unfortunately, or fortunately, that has to involve another person and it would take a lot for me to take that leap of faith again at this point.

[icarusfall]

I'm happily married.

I'll tell you this - it makes you examine your relationship on a whole different level once it's happened. I don't imagine someone can understand until it happens to them. For those of you with tattoos uses this idea: Remember when you got the first one? The next day when you realized this doesn't come off and will be on you for the rest of your life - it freaked you out a little till you got a hold of the idea, right? Magnify that. A lot.